Can't Stop the World
by PyroQueenOfFire
Summary: Lillian McCoy is the younger half sister of Dr. McCoy, and proud to be the new Counselor on the U.S.S Enterprise. What starts off as intrigue and lust for Spock though, is turning into an illogical love that affects both of them in unexpected ways...
1. Welcome to the Enterprise

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So I'm a trekky.**

**I have been all of my life, and always will be one because I love Star Trek and I'm proud to admit that I do.**

**I have seen the new Star Trek movie already twice, and plan to see it a third and fourth time.**

**Why?**

**Because I liked this AU universe soooooo much, and Zachary Quinto is one of my FAVORITE actors (I would love to be his lover) and Spock has always been, and always will be, my FAVORITE Star Trek character.**

**And though I hate Kirk with a passion…AU Kirk played by Chris Pine was pretty cool.**

**Anyways…since I always loved Spock, McCoy, Scotty and Sulu, I wanted to write a Star Trek fic that probably no one will read.**

**But oh well, I'm posting it anyways.**

**And you guessed it—its set in the AU world of the movie, and it's about my first love…a nerdy/beautiful/sometimes obnoxious/logical/sexy Vulcan by the name of Spock.**

**It's because of Spock that men that speak logic and science turn me on.**

**Yeah…I'm biased when it comes to him because he owns my soul.**

**Oh and one more little note: this story is gonna be kind of lusty.**

**I'm exploring the emotions under the Vulcan exterior, but their lust and intrigue for each other are bigger emotions for them than love at first.**

**So expect shameless flirting and some dirty limericks that will result in a strange relationship that I already love creating.**

**ENJOY!!**

****

My first day on the U.S.S. Enterprise was interesting to say the least. First of all, my best friend, my younger sister and I started on the same day, and my older brother was already on board the Enterprise, and awaiting our arrival.

"It's bigger than I thought it would be." Megan (my younger sister) said as she looked out of the shuttle window.

"I can't wait to start getting ordered around." Janet (my best friend) told Megan and I with a shrug.

I smiled out the window. "I'm planning on seeking Leo out first, and then assuming my position on the bridge."

Janet sighed. "I hate that you already get to go onto the bridge. I mean how come you get to be all ambassadory and sciencey?"

Megan rolled her eyes. "Because of her heritage and her mind, Janet. Oh, and before I forget—please keep your flirting with our brother down to a minimum, all right? He's not interested."

"Yeah…his divorce was rough, and frankly…he's a little too old for you." I told her.

"Whatever—I'm 25 so it's totally legal." Janet said. "Besides…you're brother is hot, and his paranoid nature is addictive."

Megan and I laughed and shook our heads, and sat in silence as the shuttle docked. Megan and I smiled as we stepped out of the shuttle, Leonard McCoy (our older brother, whom Megan called Bones like Kirk did but I called him Leo), waiting for us with Spock. I'd heard about him, but never had the pleasure of meeting a Vulcan before. Granted they were kind of endangered now, but as a half Betazoid I was highly intrigued because while Vulcans suppressed their emotions, Betazoids were forced to rely on them due to our telepathic abilities.

"Leo!" I exclaimed, hugging him fiercely after he was done scanning all of the new arrivals to serve on the ship and then sent everyone but Megan and I off to their stations with a man I didn't know just by looking at him. "I should warn you now that Janet's going to be serving under you to help you in the Med Bay."

Leonard sighed. "Figures she'd try to do the medical thing just to stalk me."

I shrugged. "I think she's just super excited that you're divorced now."

"Yeah…frankly it's annoying the way she idolizes you." Megan told him, hugging him too. "So…when do we get to see Jim again?"

"Soon—he'd like to council with Lily first." Leonard said, looking in my direction. "He's kind of excited to have you on the ship, really."

"Great…your friend had better keep his hands to himself." I warned, and as we turned to leave, I smiled at Spock. "You must be Commander Spock."

Spock nodded his arms behind his back. "You are Lillian McCoy. You're skilled in negotiations and you speak several different languages."

I smiled. "That I do, but you already have a linguistics expert—I'm here mostly for negotiating with alien species. Wow…you're fascinating."

"Fascinating?" Spock inquired.

"Fascinating. I've never been this close to a Vulcan before, but your species has such strength…such power. You suppress your emotions, but you have them…and they're strong. It's amazing." I said happily, studying his face hard and then getting up in it just a little bit. "You're intrigued by me."

"Stop flirting, Lily." Leonard told me, and took me by the arm. "Sorry, Spock—she doesn't really understand the meaning of personal space."

Spock nodded but kept his eyes fixed on me. "That's quite all right. Captain Kirk is waiting in his ready room for your arrival, Counselor McCoy."

I bit my lip as I smiled. "So formal."

"I am a professional." Spock reminded me.

I nodded. "I'm quite aware. We'll see each other again, Commander."

Spock nodded at me, and then we parted ways and Leonard shook his head.

"You are such a flirt, Lily." Leonard told me. "He's not big on emotions, and you're ruled by them—it's like oil and water."

"I dunno…he was eyeing her quite a lot, Bonesy." Megan said with a shrug.

"Well opposites attract, Leo." I added, agreeing with Megan. "Now…Jimmy-Jim?"

Leonard rolled his eyes and we went into the ready room after Megan went to go and check in with Lieutenant Commander Scott, and once Kirk saw me again he smirked a little and told my brother that it was fine and he could leave us, my brother sighed and then left Kirk and me alone.

"Alone again, Lil." Kirk said.

I rolled my eyes. "Still not sleeping with you, Jimmy."

Kirk sighed. "It was worth a try. So…you got through Star Fleet with extremely high marks, and you seem genuinely excited to be here."

"Of course I am. My brother's here, Megan's been planning on being in Star Fleet since she was little, and I have telepathic advantages so why not be a counselor? On top of that, space fascinates me, and since you're going to be meeting new aliens, I figured why not?" I told him with a smile. "Have I ever said I was proud of you, by the way, Jimmy?"

Kirk shook his head. "No you haven't, Lil."

I nodded slowly. "Well I am. You deserve this."

"It's really a 'no' on the sleeping together?" Kirk asked.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, Jimmy—it's really a 'no'."

****

After getting settled into my quarters, I smiled a little and looked around. I was in space. I was in space with my family, I had a Vulcan to follow around and pick apart, and I had a friend to call in favors from—which helped since he was the captain of the Starship I was currently on. A little hungry, I got up to go and eat in the Mess Hall, replicating myself some food and then sitting down at a table on my own with a datapad.

"I take it I can concur that you're settled in Counselor McCoy?" Spock asked me.

I smiled as I sipped my coffee, already completely attracted to his voice. He talked in a register that was manly, and the way his voice caressed his words was enchanting. I looked up into his emotionless and yet completely emotion-filled eyes and smiled some more.

"I am settled in, thank you, Commander. Join me?" I offered, motioning to the chair next to me.

Spock sat down slowly, and I giggled a little as I sipped my coffee again. Spock wanted me to tell him about myself—he was just as intrigued by my embrace of my emotions as I was intrigued by his suppression of his.

"Leo and Megan are my half siblings. My mother is a Betazoid, and left me on our father's door step when I was 4…Leo was 9. Needless to say, she didn't really want to be a mother. The only reason that Leo's and Megan's mother didn't leave him, was because she was expecting Megan." I began, watching his face but only feeling the expressions he refused to physically display.

"I find it illogical to stay with a man who committed adultery—especially for a human." Spock told me.

I shrugged. "She's a much bigger woman than I've ever met. She raised me like her own daughter. She's been there for me my entire life, and she might as well be my mother. I may not be hers by blood…but she took me in and accepted me and raised me. I am thankful for her, and I am thankful for my siblings."

Spock nodded. "Do you ever find feeling everything exhausting?"

I looked him in the eye. "Feeling everything is just as exhausting as pretending not to feel anything."

"I do not deny that I have emotions." Spock protested calmly.

"I never said that you denied you have emotions—but you refuse to use them. That's just like pretending you don't feel." I explained. "You're hard…stoic. You're logical, and though that is a very helpful trait, you miss so much by not embracing your feelings."

"There is great satisfaction in being in control." Spock told me. "Satisfaction is a feeling."

I smiled. "Again…fascinating. Tell me, Spock…do Vulcans have urges? Do you experience lust like humans? You are half human, are you not?"

"You and I both share that common bond." Spock answered.

"Then do you?" I asked him. "I know it's a personal query, but we're trying to figure each other out, are we not?"

"You are a very faceted woman." Spock told me and paused a moment. "I believe I have felt that urge before, yes."

I nodded. "Then I suppose you've satisfied it? Or just suppressed it like everything else?"

Spock raised an eyebrow for a moment. "Are you asking purely to figure out more about me, or is there an underlying motive to your question?"

I laughed. "You mistake me for a temptress, Commander. I am merely trying to figure out how Vulcans tick, and you're the closet to one that I am going to find here."

"I do not indulge in such activity. I am a professional, and there is no reason for me to have such with relations with anyone." Spock replied. "Seeing as how we seem to be opposite, I assume you have?"

"Megan jokes that I'm a very sexual being, but I merely flirt…occasionally grope. I have no reason for such relations with anyone either. I love to feel, I do—but there are some things that demand a certain time and place." I admitted, sipping more coffee. "Again personal, but aren't you and Lieutenant Uhura together? Surely you've felt the need to indulge, Commander."

"When Lieutenant Uhura and I became permanently stationed on the Enterprise, we severed our relationship. It is unprofessional to have relations with someone that you work with—it is illogical to put yourself in a position to have feelings cloud duty." Spock replied.

I smiled. "I already feel like I know you, Commander."

Spock nodded. "And I, you, Counselor."

I drank the rest of my coffee. "I hope we can have more conversations like this in the future, Commander. As of right this moment though, I should meet with Janet."

"Cadet Ferris." Spock told me, standing when I stood up.

I nodded. "Cadet Ferris. She's training in the Med Bay, and most likely soliciting my brother for improper and unprofessional relations."

I couldn't help but smile as I felt the emotion in Spock—he was amused. He was aware that I was jokingly making fun of him, but he wasn't smiling or laughing. Part of me wanted to try and peel back enough of his exterior to figure out how to get him to smile, but I knew I had to save _some_ excitement for our next encounter.

"If you'd like to continue this, Commander, we can make a regular meeting for breakfasts. I'm not convinced I understand you, yet…but I'd like to." I told him.

"It would be unprofessional to set up dates, Counselor." Spock replied.

"Oh, Commander…this would be strictly business research." I said.

Spock paused a moment and then nodded. "Breakfast meetings it is then."


	2. Soliciting Illogical Behavior

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So far I have found out I'm wrong and have at least seven readers so, "Hello, Readers!"**

**I'm super excited that people are reading this!**

**As I brought up with Amanda, though, my first reviewer, I hope I don't disappoint because though this story is fun for me to write, it's my first Star Trek attempt that's not Voyager.**

**Thankfully it's an AU world so I have lots of liberty to do what I want.**

**Also, I picked the title of this story because the song by Gavin Rossdale that has the same title makes me think of Spock.**

**Expect a lot of sensuality, by the way, since AU Spock has some serious emotions what with the destruction of Vulcan that I can play with.**

**Thought I'd throw that in there because there's going to be a little bit of sensuality in every chapter from now on pretty much—and yes, Kirk is his man whore self: some things have to stay the same.**

****

"Seriously? For some reason I'm not surprised that you asked him about his sex life right off the bat, Lil, but for him to answer? He's totally trying to peel back your layers like you're trying to do with him." Janet said with a chuckle.

"I honestly don't mind him doing that, Janet. God…I wish you could feel the emotions bottled up inside of him! It's like this warm…hum." I told her, at a loss of how to describe it.

Leonard sighed as he walked past us, a datapad in his hands. "If you're going to gossip, do it while you're working."

Janet grinned. "Yes, sir."

I rolled my eyes. "You're so in love with him."

"More like in lust—like you with Spock. Which I have to say, I don't get. His ears are all pointy, and he's the opposite of you. He's so logical that it would never work between you two." Janet said. "Still…it's something to focus on other than Away Missions and working."

"Speaking of working—_you_ were supposed to be classifying diseases for me, Janet, and Lily should be working too, shouldn't you be, Lily?" Leonard asked me.

"Fine, fine—I know when I'm not wanted." I told Leonard, kissing his cheek swiftly. "I'm going to go look through the stuff that Jimmy gave me over dinner with him anyways."

Leonard looked at me. "Just remind him who your brother is and he'll keep his hands to himself."

I laughed. "Understood, Doctor."

Leonard smiled a little and then I headed off to my quarters, looking in the mirror in there and deciding what to do with my hair. Normally I just pulled it to the side in a ponytail and it curled, my bangs straightened to my personal specifications. So, since I liked the way it was right then, I left it there. I sat and entered some things into my datapad, and then got up when Kirk showed up, the computer signaling me that someone was waiting to be let in.

"Come in." I said, still entering some things into the datapad when Kirk walked into the room.

"I see you're not dressed for bed." Kirk joked.

I smiled a little and set the datapad down. "Do you think you'll be a whore _all_ of your life, Jimmy?"

Kirk grinned as he shrugged. "Only time will tell."

I rolled my eyes and he sat down next to me, handing me a datapad with information about crew members on it. As the ship's acting counselor and not just the negotiator, I was supposed to make sure to keep up with what everyone was going through. It shouldn't be hard since I was good at tapping into people's emotions, and knowing what people were thinking was a big help too.

"I spoke to Spock." Kirk said as I started reading the information he'd set in my hand.

"Really? I wasn't aware that you and Spock were bffs. Do you paint each other's toenails and braid each other's hair? Oh! I bet there are pillow fights!" I exclaimed and then laughed.

"You are one big tease, Lil." Kirk told me, a smile on his face. "He seems quite fascinated by you—I can't say that I blame him either."

I nodded as I read some more. "Stop staring at my chest, Jimmy."

"It's uncanny how you know without looking." Kirk said.

I shrugged. "Not really—I understand that urge you're feeling quite well, actually. I felt it a bit myself…for Spock earlier today."

I'd turned to look at him as I paused before finishing my sentence, and Kirk looked surprised, and pretending to be hurt. It was just his pride that was wounded by my admittance, and I couldn't help but laugh when he sent me a look.

"Again, Lil—you are one big tease." Kirk said. "Spock? Seriously? What exactly do women see in him?"

"He's intelligent, he's attractive—he's fantastic at arguing." I told him and then I shrugged. "I just…I like being able to peel at layers, Jimmy—you know that. I mean come on—we've known each other a good five years now and you're just as easy to read now as you ever were. I know what you're going to do before you do."

As if to test me, Kirk leaned in, but I was already ready, and lifted my hand up to stop his face. He chuckled a little and nodded, and then stood up.

"You have everything that you need there in that datapad, Counselor." Kirk said.

I smiled and stood up. "It's your turn to be formal, is it Captain?"

Kirk shrugged. "You make it easy to respect your brother's wishes when you rebuff me."

****

For the next two days, Spock and I had breakfast together. We'd debated science, and warp speeds, and even time and special fluxuations, but today seemed a little bit less impersonal. We were both excited about uncovering each other's deepest secrets, but only I was showing my need to know more about him. I could feel how badly he wanted it too, but this game we were playing was too much fun for me to crack…and too much fun for me to ruin it by letting him know exactly how much of his feelings I could feel.

"Your feelings can easily contradict your diagnosis." Spock told me.

"Yes and no—my feelings about what my patients are going through are irrelevant and it would be illogical for me to diagnose them based on what I think they should do. However, what _they_ feel is important to their road to recovery." I explained.

"They come to you for your feeling on the subject, and since you in turn trust your instincts to help them based on feeling and not on fact, your diagnoses are biased and therefore illogical in the first place." Spock replied. "You should be weighing the facts and making diagnoses based on what is the most logical and relevant course of action, and not on how they feel about what they should do."

I smiled at him. "You're a beautiful man."

"I do not see how my appearance is relevant to the discussion." Spock said, but he was flattered and intrigued by my response.

"You have bottled up feelings and yet you don't listen to them—at least not often. You are a man of amazing intellect and yet with all of your knowledge, you're completely unaware of the affect that emotions have on your body." I told him in amazement.

"Do you care to explain further?" Spock asked me, oddly curious about how I was going to support my statement.

I nodded. "Yes…but someplace less public, as my explanation warrants illogical and unprofessional displays."

Spock was a little reluctant, but followed me to my quarters discretely. Once inside we sat down next to each other on the couch-like perch near my window I could the beauty of outer space through, and Spock looked at me—studying me.

"I believe I said it was unprofessional to set dates with colleagues." Spock told me.

I smiled. "Again, Commander—strictly business research. Now…where was I?"

"You were suggesting that I was completely unaware of the affect that emotions have on my body—which is wrong." Spock added.

I nodded. "You experience anger…even sadness. Have you ever felt true happiness? Pleasure? We've covered that you think you've experienced lust—I bet Lieutenant Uhura was excited to hear _that_."

Spock raised his eyebrow again, making me bite my lip. "Do you have any proof to your accusation, Counselor?"

I found it pleasing to know that Spock was just as curious as I was about how this "encounter" of ours was going to play out. I took a deep breath and lifted my hand, flexing my fingers before I rested my hand on Spock's face. He sat there, perfectly still, and I stroked his skin. He was surprised, but he wasn't physically showing it—just feeling it. That, and I could faintly detect more than curiosity, but I wasn't sure what it was that was coming from him quite yet.

"You're trying to solicit an emotional response through touch." Spock told me.

I nodded slowly. "Touch is essential to form strong bonds."

"Strong bonds may be formed through the mind—touch does not have to enter the equation at all." Spock replied.

I rolled my eyes and scooted my body closer to his, leaning in. I stopped inches from his face, and felt his heartbeat quicken ever so slightly. He had been expecting me to kiss him, and he and I were both curious as to what would happen if I did. Part of me felt like this was strange and illogical for both of us since we'd been acquainted only _almost_ three days, but the other part of me understood something he hadn't caught onto yet—the _need_ to understand each other.

"So far you're only more curious." I whispered, my face still practically touching his, but not.

I ran my hand down to the nape of his neck, and then slowly down his uniform, stroking his peck through his uniform. He didn't even swallow—the man was harder to crack than I thought he would be. Luckily for me, that meant that the challenge of understanding—and more importantly _cracking_ Commander Spock—was now more fun, and a larger challenge than it had appeared it would be before.

"If you are trying to arouse me, you will not succeed." Spock replied, his voice softer than I'd heard it before, and I bit my lip because the soft register of his voice was pleasing to my ears.

"I did not say anything about arousing you, Commander—you came up with that one all on your own." I told him.

I was just about to kiss him because I felt I needed to and not because of my plans to get him to show emotions, when the computer signaled that someone wanted in my room. Surprisingly, we both just sat there waiting for the other to move, so I stood up first and turned to see Leonard as he entered my quarters.

"After the third signal I figured you were just refusing to answer—Commander." Leonard said.

"We were discussing feelings and logic." I told him, flushed and he knew it.

"It would be logical for me to leave." Spock said out loud, and left my quarters.

Leonard sighed. "You're growing attached, Lilly—what happened to just testing your theories and being done with it? You always do this. You get too close to your subject of experiment and then you get hurt."

I took a deep breath. "I am going to make Spock think with his heart instead of his head if it's the last thing I do, Leo."


	3. Focus is Hard When Spock's on the Brain

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Sweet Mother of Pearl!**

**I was soooooo wrong about no one reading this, it's insane, really.**

**I'm going to try REALLY hard to personally reply to all of the reviews, and thank you SO MUCH for all of the feedback!**

**I'm popping chapters out really fast, and when I get to a lull, (which I prolly will get to eventually) I know I have people to ask for suggestions from.**

**Also, it's really nice to have fellow Spock over Kirk fans.**

**I love Chris Pine, I do—but Zachary Quinto is where it's at for me.**

**I've loved him since he played the crazy director on Lizzie McGuire, and when he was on Charmed.**

**(You may mock me for once watching Lizzie McGuire…I can take it. ;D)**

**I'm also totally in love with Sylar, so I admit as much as I wanted to see the movie for the movie, I wanted to see Zachary play my favorite Star Trek character.**

******

**As for the story, I have realized today that I love Spock more than a sane person would, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest.**

**Expect the sexual tension between Spock and Lillian to grow in the next two chapters.**

**I am focusing a little more on the familiar bonds between the McCoy's, and there will be an away mission next chapter.**

**ENJOY!!**

****

I looked at Ensign Grant intently as he talked to me about what he'd been going through lately. I'd had a few people come to talk to me lately, and I felt relieved to be dealing with other people's problems and not my own. Commander Spock had been driving my feelings a little mad lately, and with an expected alien encounter in the next couple days, I needed to feel like I had my wits about me. For me that meant dealing with other people's dilemmas, and ignoring my own until I was better emotionally equipped to handle them.

"My wife and I were both excited to spend part of our lives out here on the Enterprise, but suddenly it's like neither of us can stand each other. We both have jobs to focus on, and Scotty hits on her anytime he can." Ensign Grant explained.

"If you feel like your wife is straying, Lucas, try taking off a few hours and showing her how much she means to you. Constantly worrying about if she's remaining faithful or not is going to interfere with your work. We need you in astrometrics, and in order to serve us to your full ability, you need to be able to focus on your work when you're working." I explained, a smile on my face. "Besides…men hitting on your wife should assure you that you picked quite the catch."

Ensign Grant sighed loudly and then nodded slowly. "You're right—I need to pay more attention to her instead of moping around about it."

I nodded too. "It's the best way to feel like you're doing all that you can, and to make her feel more appreciated."

"Thank you, Counselor—I suddenly feel like all of my troubles are silly." Ensign Grant said with an embarrassed laugh.

"I'm here to help the crew make the ship run more efficiently, so if you need help with your marriage in order to focus on star charts and special anomalies, I'm here to help you out in whatever way I can." I assured him, shaking his hand as he left with a smile on his face. "If only I could make myself focus."

I sat down in my quarters and then laid down, thinking about the last few breakfasts. Spock had acted as if nothing had happened—as if Leonard hadn't walked in on us. I hadn't solicited anymore moves to my quarters, though both of us were still curious about finding out what could have happened between us. I was trying to focus, he'd said he'd been getting busier as we approached a new planet, and so I'd backed off—which I'll tell you now, wasn't in my nature normally.

"Come in." I said absent-mindedly as the door signaled me.

"Someone looks distraught." Megan told me with a small laugh.

I sat up and looked at my twiddling thumbs. "I'm thinking about Spock."

Megan nodded as she sat down next to me. "When are you not these days? Anymore illogical and/or unprofessional solicitations for touching?"

I had to laugh when she deepened her voice to poke fun. "No…I've back off a little to give him the room to make a move to peel back _my_ layers more. He's curious, and he's happy enough to see me every morning, but he's just not forward in the way that I am. I keep hoping that he'll realize that the touching should go both ways, but he's not catching on."

"Or maybe, Lily, he has caught on and that's why he's refraining. Look at the kind of childhood he went through—he got beaten up by other Vulcans, he was always frowned upon because his mother was human, and now he's part of an endangered species and he's 1st in command aboard a large starship. He's already on friendly terms with the captain and every morning he's seen in the Mess Hall eating breakfast with the new, ship Counselor." Megan told me. "He has a reputation to uphold."

I smiled a little. "Yeah…I just…I want to touch him again so bad!"

I let out a frustrated groan and placed my hands over my face, flopping back down on the seat. Megan laughed again and patted my knee. It was nice that I had a little sister to vent to who understood me, and though she sometimes took the utmost pleasure in my frustration, I cherished her all the same.

"Remember when I joked about you being a sexual being?" Megan asked.

I nodded. "How can I forget when you poke fun at me for it constantly?"

Megan smiled. "You need to get your lust in check—Spock is smart enough to understand that look in your eye."

I looked at her and nodded with a smile on my face. "You're right…maybe I should back off on the breakfasts and see how he reacts to that."

****

I had foolishly thought that avoiding Spock for a week would make him come to me—when I said foolishly…that means I realized I was wrong. I had to remind myself that Spock thought logically, so me telling him I was going to be busy meant he wouldn't assume that anything was wrong. He'd just accept the lack of breakfasts together and go about business. Silly me and my silly emotions.

I blew my bangs out of my face and stared at the mirror in the bathroom. I'd been driving myself crazy thinking about him, and so I was trying to compose myself. I hadn't even been on the ship very long and I was already obsessing. Leonard was right—I was doing it again, and I needed to keep myself in check.

"I assumed you'd be alone." Janet said, poking her head into the bathroom of my quarters.

"I should have assumed you'd eventually let yourself in." I replied with a look shot her direction. "What's up?"

"What's up is Spock implied that he was inquiring about your health." Janet told me. "Mansex had just left to treat a patient and he came in and struck up conversation with me. At first it was about medical stuff that went way over my head since I'm really only here to stalk Mansex, but then he dropped your name, made up an excuse and left."

I stared at her, stunned, and we moved out into the main part of my quarters and sat down. I was beyond excited, but the logical thing to do in this situation would be to figure out what context my name was dropped in. Spock had been rubbing off on me, because the other me would have gone to make another move already, but this was different—Spock was different. I had to play my cards right to advance the game, and to keep Spock playing it with me.

I looked Janet in the eye. "One, please don't call my brother 'Mansex', and two, how exactly did Spock drop my name?"

"I asked him why he found viruses so stimulating, and instead of catching on that I was poking fun at him striking up a medical conversation with me, he replied, 'Lillian is under the impression that viruses can be thought of as beings with feelings'." Janet explained. "When I asked him what made you think that, he said he hadn't been able to discuss it with you yet."

I smiled. "I guess if I hold out a little more, then he'll have to come to me to have that discussion."

Janet laughed a little. "You are taking this experiment to a whole new level…so it's like a hum?"

"I _warm_ hum." I corrected her. "I mean it takes so much power and control for him to suppress his emotions. I feel like we have a common bond too since we're both half human. Think of all of the extra control it takes to suppress his human emotions, Janet."

"If you're not careful…you're going to fall in love with him." Janet told me. "So please be careful—he's a Vulcan. Vulcans tend to focus on what is logical and what is necessary. I don't want you to invest your heart in him and then get it broken."

"I'm not going to get it broken, because I'm not investing my heart in him—I'm strictly trying to figure out a species I'm not familiar with." I protested, and Janet stood up and held her hands up in surrender.

"Fine. Fine…whatever you say, Lily. You are going to have to go on the Away Mission with him when we get to the planet, so keep that in mind, will you?" Janet said, and heading out of my quarters.

I smiled a little because she was looking out for me, and as I tried to convince myself that my feelings for him stemmed only from needing to know more about his race, I heard another beep.

"Come in." I said.

To my utter surprise, Spock came in. His hands were behind his back in Military style, and I couldn't hold back my smile. I folded my hands in my lap and cocked my head to one side, exposing the side with my bare neck to him absent-mindedly.

"May I help you, Commander?" I asked him.

He nodded. "I have come to make an appointment. It seems you have been immersing yourself in your work, so in order to finish our original course of action, it is only logical that I make an appointment to discuss things with you."

I smirked a little. "Isn't it sort of illogical to make false appointments when you could be immersing yourself in your own work?"

"If you would rather me wait until you are free—" He began, motioning his head for himself to leave.

"—No!" I told him, blushing a little at how desperate that had sounded. "I can squeeze you in tomorrow at breakfast, Commander. I should warn you though…I'm a professional, so I never date my clients."

A very slight smirk appeared on Spock's face, and I found butterflies suddenly exploding in my stomach.

"I'll meet you here tomorrow morning." Spock told me, and left my quarters.

I took a deep breath and then closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands as I realized I was thinking about how inviting his lips had looked when he had smirked that ever so faint smirk just moments before. Wait a minute…the Vulcan had faintly smirked?


	4. Roles Reversed

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I really do appreciate all of the time everyone is taking to review.**

**Also, thank you so much to the few people who give me advice on how to make the story better, because I really do love it when people help me to become a stronger writer.**

**It's been a while since I sat down and wrote something that didn't read more like a script than a story, and I love constructive criticism—just please keep it constructive.**

**=D**

**Anyways, here's another chapter.**

**I made up a couple alien races for now, because I want to do the Star Trek races justice, and right now I'm working on character relationships.**

**So…enjoy.**

**You'll get a little of what you want in this chapter.**

**=P**

****

I had changed my outfit a good four times already. Wearing my uniform signaled to Spock that I was playing his little mind game, and I was going to act professional. Dressing in normal clothes would give the illusion of a date, which is what it all technically was as far as I was concerned. In the end, I had decided to go ahead and wear my uniform, wanting to make sure he was still playing.

On top of changing my outfit and fussing with my hair a lot, I'd come up with a list of topics to discuss with him. We'd missed an entire week of breakfasts, and we had so much to catch up on. Also, we had to get things started pretty quickly, since we were supposed to come into orbit of the planet in a few hours. I took a deep breath and paced a little bit in the free area between my bed and the seats, and then smiled when I heard just the sound I'd been so anxiously awaiting.

"Come in." I said pleasantly.

The doors slid open and Spock stepped through. His arms hung at his sides as he crossed the room to me, and I smiled—he wasn't being so formal today. I had already replicated us both some food, and it was sitting at the table, waiting for when we decided to eat instead of discuss—if we got around to that. Spock looked less stoic than normal, and I found myself biting my lip—his bottled up feelings betrayed that he'd missed me. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't missed him too.

"Good morning, Commander." I greeted him, motioning for him to take a seat.

He sat down, his legs both firmly planted on the floor, and I sat down next to him and crossed one of my legs over the over, my foot pointing towards him. He watched me as I leaned into the cushion, making myself relaxed and at home in his presence.

"I was beginning to think that you were avoiding me instead of working." Spock said as I cocked my head a little to one side.

I had been trying to make myself seem open for anything with him lately. My hair was pulled all to one side in a ponytail as usual, and I tried to make the naked part of my neck seem inviting to him by cocking my head to the side to expose the skin to him—great…I was becoming a vixen.

"I figured that by letting each other stew for awhile, we could come back renewed and stronger than before." I told him. "So…what to discuss first?"

"Body language." Spock said, and I could swear that he was daring me to physically flirt with him some more.

"You'd like to discuss body language?" I asked him.

Spock leaned in a little bit. "I have observed humans for long enough to know a few things, Counselor. For instance, every time you cock your head to the side, you flash me your skin to try to obtain a reaction. Your leg is also crossed towards me, which indicates your wish to be closer to me."

I laughed a little. "You really do talk to Jim, don't you?"

Spock leaned in a little more and I couldn't stop myself from holding my breath a little. His eyes were so beautifully chocolate colored, and his lips were slightly moist. He'd been studying for this encounter, and I was impressed by the lengths he was going to, to make me compromise my position and win our little game—if there were winners. At this point, I still didn't know.

"You're eyeing my mouth." Spock whispered.

I stood up to stop myself from making a move. It was suddenly very clear to me what he was doing—he was seeing if I knew him well enough to know when he was turning the tables on me. He was Spock—he didn't act on impulse like I did. If he was going to raise the stakes, then so was I…this little game of ours was fun.

"It's a little unprofessional don't you think to read into body language?" I asked him.

He turned his body to look at me. "Care to elaborate on that?"

I looked at him and the slight smirk was returning. I raised my eyebrow this time a little, and couldn't help but smile. He was baiting me! Commander Spock was baiting me!

"Body language in itself is illogical and unprofessional. If you want someone to do something with you or to you, the logical thing would be to come out and say what it is you want." I told him.

"So logically, a person should come out and explain why they would like to stop corresponding with another person instead of pretending to be buried in work and flirting through discussions?" Spock asked me.

My jaw dropped and a grin spread across my face. "You _are_! You're totally baiting me! Commander Spock is baiting me! That's the most illogical thing you've done so far!"

"Is it?" Spock asked me. "In figuring out what you were doing, I have figured you out a little more. It was only logical that I get you to admit your game, and in the process admit the practical use of logic in an everyday scenario."

I laughed and shook my head as I smiled. He was good—he was _really_ good. He'd figured out the game and now he was explaining to me how he was going to win. Still…I wondered why. Why was he playing the game this way this time? Why was he suddenly turning the tables and exhibiting emotions?

Before I could ask myself anymore questions, though, Spock had taken my hand and pulled me down onto his lap in one hard, fast motion. Our faces came closer together, and I let myself breathe when he stroked my hair ever so softly. His feelings were incredible—he was curious, happy, amazed and oddly enthralled by me.

"You're exhibiting illogical behavior." I told him softly.

Spock brought his face even closer to mine, his breath tickling my face when he said, "There is nothing illogical about testing a hypothesis—you told me I was unaware of the affect of emotions on my body. I am proving you wrong…this isn't the first time the door has stopped us short."

I nodded as the door signaled us—someone wanted to come in, but Spock was egging me on. I took the initiative as his eyes searched mine for a sign, and kissed him. His lips were soft and warm, and though this entire scenario was unprofessional and illogical, some of what Spock had said, had made sense. It was perfectly all right for him to test out a hypothesis. This was either proving my theory right…or proving it wrong.

"Jim needs you…both of you, actually." Megan said, having entered the room on her own.

I pulled away from Spock slowly and felt the tingle in my lips with my fingertips as his eyes betrayed happiness for a moment. I got off of his lap and pushed my bangs back, turning to look at Megan.

"We'll be right there." I told her with a smile.

****

"You were kissing Spock!" Megan exclaimed in a whisper as we walked rapidly down the corridor to the docking bay.

I pushed my bangs out of my face. "We were strictly testing a theory."

Megan laughed. "Yes…yes you were…a theory about illogical touching and unprofessional lip parting."

I coughed a little and then smoothed down my uniform, smiling at Leonard and Ensign Grant, Kirk standing there waiting for Spock and I. Spock had arrived behind Megan and I, and I was trying very hard not to look at him right now. All I wanted was to be right back on that couch, sitting on his lap, tasting him again.

"I have been informed that there are two species on the planet, and they're feuding with each other." Kirk explained when Spock and I had arrived.

"It seems to me, Captain that it would be illogical to go down when the population are at a fragile point in their relationship with each other." Spock spoke up.

"Or maybe we should try to peace-keep while we're down there. Commander Spock is logical, and I was stationed on Enterprise to negotiate with the species that we encountered." I said, counteracting him.

Kirk seemed to sense the slight tension between Spock and me, and though he raised an eyebrow, he nodded a little. I nodded too as Kirk said he'd go with my idea, and split us up into two groups: Spock and Ensign Grant, and then Leonard and me. I had been assigned to the Grokener tribe, while Spock took the Hurshkin tribe, and that was fine with me.

Upon getting onto the shuttle, I realized that Leonard was eyeing me. Instead of paying attention to the panels and the data stream and inoculations, he was looking for body language that would tell him what was going on. I looked away from him and at the shuttle walls, trying to keep my cool even though I knew I was doing a terrible job at it. Everyone was feeling everything so much, and I couldn't seem to grasp a hold of my _own_ feelings…even for a moment.

"Eventually you're going to need to tell me what's going on." Leonard said, sitting next to me.

I turned so the bare part of my neck was facing him, and he sighed and gave me the inoculation he'd come up with just in case something bad happened while we were on the planet's surface. I peered out the window at the stars, and tried hard to remember what I was supposed to be asking about. We were willing to trade and share our history, but mostly I was in it to try and reunite the tribes.

"It was unprofessional to argue with me in front of the captain." Spock said as Leonard got up and he took his spot next to me.

"It was unprofessional of you to solicit illegal touching." I replied.

"Yes, it was unprofessional." Spock agreed. "I apologize."

I took a deep breath and looked at his lips again, biting my own. Spock was quite aware of what was going on with me, and yet confused by my behavior at the same time—Hell, I was confused by my behavior as well. I looked up into his beautiful chocolate eyes again, and smiled a little.

"Don't apologize, Commander…it was _me_ who was _this_ close to shoving _my_ tongue in _your_ mouth." I replied, and stood up and walked over to Ensign Grant before Spock had the time to react internally to what I'd said.

We all sat in mostly silence the rest of the way to the docking center on Huron, Spock and Ensign Grant heading out while Leonard and I spoke with I'mteb, the leader of the Grokener tribe. Each tribe was classified with facial ridges in different places—the Grokeners had a ridge along each side of their jaw, and the Hurshkins had one along each cheekbone. They were both fascinating, with shared history, and now they were fighting, but we didn't know what they were fighting about.

Leonard and I walked along a dirt path with I'mteb, me marveling more at the beauty of the shrubbery around me, than actually listening to him. There were lush trees, many weird, but exotic looking birds, and they had a magnificent waterfall, and caves off in the distance. The land looked well cared for, and I suddenly felt a little homesick. Back on Earth, Mom had a beautiful greenhouse that she taught Megan and I how to keep things alive in—I missed her.

"So as you can see, we have very little to offer in the ways of technology, but plenty of homeopathic remedies." I'mteb explained.

I smiled at him. "That is very generous of you, I'mteb. If you don't mind my asking…why are you and the Hurshkin tribe feuding?"

I'mteb's face grew very solemn. "The Hurshkins have been trying to find a way to use our technology to build powerful weapons. For centuries our planet has been the harbor for many a ship that is hiding from an enemy ship and the Hurshkins wish to no longer be a harbor for warring peoples."

"And in order to stop people from using your planet and its resources for their own selfish wars…they wish to make weapons to fight back—to make your planet seem less hospitable to those who would exploit it for their own selfish gain." I said, and I'mteb nodded. "Is there anyway that we could help you?"

"You're already healing our sick…the least that we can do is send you back to your ship with a small piece of our people's kills." I'mteb told me.

"When did the epidemic break out?" Leonard asked I'mteb.

"A few weeks ago. The disease spreads quickly, and if we don't find the cause and a cure before it's too late, I'm afraid the Hurshkins will be the least of our problems." I'mteb explained.

I nodded and Leonard and I went inside the beautifully carved building that the sick were in, Leonard scanning them to figure out the symptoms. He was imputing things in his datapad while I tried to figure out a way to ask I'mteb if I could serve as their ambassador while we were there, when Spock came running in. He was feeling anxious and a little scared, and even a little saddened.

"What happened?" I asked him, walking up to him and trying to read expressions on his face—there was a hint of fear ever so faint in the lines on his brow, but they disappeared as quick as they'd appeared.

"Where's Luke?" Leonard asked.

"Ensign Grant was killed by the Hurshkin—they're planning an attack on the Grokeners…and on us since we're helping them." Spock replied.


	5. What's a Girl Gotta Do For Action?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Yes, I'm aware I left off on a cliffhanger.**

**And yes, I'm aware my aliens suck…but I had to bring them in.**

**I promise next time I bring in some aliens, they'll really be from Star Trek.**

**=P**

**Still, there's some action in this one, and another cliffhanger at the end.**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

**=)**

****

No sooner had Spock come to warn us that Ensign Grant was dead, had Kirk contacted us and told us that they'd been hailed by Lorter, leader of the Hurshkins. By entering unfriendly territory and helping to aid I'mteb's distress call, we'd become their enemy as well…and Leonard refused to leave until he had found the cause of the outbreak.

"How could Lucas be dead?" I asked out loud. "I mean just yesterday he walked into my quarters, I complimented him on how nice his red outfit looked, and then he started talking to me about his wife. Oh my God! Laura!"

"I think it would be best for _you_ to tell her about it, Lily." Leonard told me, coming over and putting a reassuring arm around my shoulder.

I rested my head against his and then turned into his chest, resting my head on him as he held me tightly. I felt safe there as he ran his hands along my back, and I slid my arms around him and held on. I was a counselor, not a soldier—I didn't want to have to deal with the shooting and the death.

"Spock, you're bleeding." Leonard said suddenly, kissing my head and then letting me go.

I turned to look at Spock and swallowed. My stomach was feeling a little sick as I felt the emotions of everyone in the room. I was scared—we were on a strange planet that was going to war, and people were dying of a disease with an unknown cause, and if Spock was scared, then I sure as Hell should have been scared. I walked up to Spock as he reached up to his arm and looked at the scratch, Leonard getting out the hyrdo spanner.

"Maybe we should go back to the ship." I suggested as I watched Leonard scan Spock for signs of the disease just in case.

"You were the one who protested that we come down and reunite the people." Spock told me, looking me in the eye.

Part of him was daring me to play our game, but the other part of him was wondering why I was flaking. I didn't even know why I was flaking—I just knew that I felt sick and overwhelmed. I closed my eyes and rested my hand on my forehead, frowning because I felt a little clammy.

"Lillian?" Spock asked, and I felt his concern before I felt his arms stopping me from almost falling on the ground.

"Lily?" Leonard asked me softly, and scanned my body with his scanner. "She has contracted the disease."

"Lovely." I said, and smiled up at Spock a little. "Like your eyes."

Spock was flattered, but his face didn't show it. "You should lay down, Counselor."

We were both aware that he'd realized his mistake earlier, but I didn't mind. I was more than happy to have Spock realize his feelings about me—I was more than happy to win the game we were playing.

"How did this happen?" Spock asked Leonard.

I smiled. "You're concerned."

Leonard cracked a smile himself. "Commander Spock is purely concerned for the rest of the crew—and the two of us down here."

I laughed a little as I laid on a cat, fully aware that my brother knew what I knew—Spock was cracking. He _was_ concerned about getting sick, but I could feel the same helplessness from him that Leonard had resting in the pit of his stomach.

"My concern is for Counselor McCoy. We have already lost one crew member to a hostility beyond our control, and it would be in our best interest to find out the source of the illness before infecting the rest of the crew." Spock tried to explain, but Leonard and I saw right through the calm in his voice.

I smiled some more, but soon frowned. I ran my hands down my front, lifting my shirt up a little to scratch at my navel. It felt like my stomach was on fire—my insides itched and I couldn't make the sensation go away. I groaned a little, Leonard hurrying over to me. He scanned me again, and swallowed.

"Oh no…what is it?" I asked as beads of sweat formed on my brow. "I'm dying aren't I?"

Spock came to join Leonard, and they both took a step back as I felt a part of my stomach grow hotter. Fear washed over the three of us, and I found myself panicking—what was wrong with me? Why did they back away?

Leonard's eyes met mine. "It's not a disease, per say."

"Explain, Leo—I'm dying here, so I don't have time for bullshit." I said testily.

"You have a…parasite inside of you. Some of the bodies in here actually do have a small burrow into them come to think of it, but most of them don't so I didn't put it together." Leonard explained. "That's why I didn't know until it moved in you, because you're burrow free."

"I have an alien parasite _inside_ of me?!" I asked loudly. "When I was thinking about what I wanted inside of me, I sure as Hell didn't think of a parasite! Spock maybe, but—"

"—calm down, Lily." Leonard said quickly, trying to cut me off. "If I can get you to the ship, I can cut it out."

I nodded, Spock thinking hard about the situation—and what I'd blurted out just then. He was amused and intrigued by my little rant, and I had to smile at him. We both wondered whether or not we should act on something, and he was leaning towards not…because my safety mattered to him. I reached out and took his hand as he turned slowly to face me, and I stroked his skin softly.

"What's a girl got to do around here to get a half-Vulcan to act out his lust on her before she dies?" I asked flirtatiously.

Spock smirked ever so slightly just for me. "Since Doctor McCoy is going to save you, your 'dying request' is illogical."

"Vulcans." I said, rolling my eyes playfully.

****

Leonard had contacted Kirk to have him quarantine the Med Bay so he could cut me open. We'd become quite aware that the dying patient whose hand I had held, transferred his parasite to me—or his parasite's baby. The patient had stroked my hair, so Leonard's theory was that the baby parasite had gotten into my hair, and then went into my ear. Now it was feeding, and looking to lay some eggs in me.

"The only eggs I want in me are mine." I said with a laugh, wiping sweat off of my forehead.

"Spock will be back to let us know how his negotiation is going—and in about ten minutes we should be back on the Enterprise." Leonard explained.

I smiled at him. "When you cut me open, you better get it out."

Leonard stroked my hair. "It had to be tiny to get in your ear without you knowing, Lily."

I nodded. "Very. What if…what if it laid eggs already?"

"I didn't want to alarm you before, but it probably has." Leonard admitted. "It's also bigger now, since we can see it when it moves near your belly button."

"Great—I'm incubating alien parasite babies." I told him, looking up and smiling when Spock came in. "How'd the negotiations go without the beauty of the operation?"

"_Someone_ thinks highly of themselves." Leonard snorted.

"They are letting us leave with no trouble if we can find the origin of the epidemic. Their problems with each other, however, are far from being solved." Spock informed us.

My smile faded as I felt some pain in my stomach. I groaned again and Leonard came over to me, Spock placing his hand on my stomach where the pain was coming from—almost like he was trying to stop the pain just by being there for me. His thumb was warm, and I smiled as it ran across my skin, pleasant tingling mingling with the pain.

"We have to get you to Sick Bay now, Lily—I think it's eating." Leonard told me.

I cringed and then squeezed Spock's hand as he held mine.

"Is Sick Bay quarantined yet? There's no telling how the creature will react when we beam her up." Spock pointed out to Leonard.

"Anything is better than being eaten from the inside out." I said, feeling a bit faint through the pain.

Leonard sighed. "Janet should come down with Spock and search for the source."

I shook my head. "No!" We can't leave Spock here to get a parasite, we can't bring Janet down here to get one, and we certainly can't send them both out _there_ to get some!"

"Finding the source of the parasites to ensure the survival of our crew is the only logical option." Spock said.

"Agreed." Leonard replied. "Unless of course you'd rather have Janet or Doctor Mars cut into you."

"Janet isn't cutting into me, and Doctor Mars shakes sometimes so I'll have a weird shaped scar." I whined.

Leonard nodded. "Then we're all in agreement."

"Just because I don't want _them_ cutting into me doesn't mean I agree!" I protested, but when Leonard told Kirk to beam us up ready or not, I knew that my opinion meant nothing.

I cringed again as I found myself staring at the familiar four walls of Sick Bay, and soon Leonard had given me a sedative. I woke up feeling fuzzy, but definitely better than I had felt before. I groaned and tried to see around me, smiling when my blurry vision started to clear.

"Do I have any unwanted things inside of me anymore?" I asked.

Megan shook her head as she laughed. "No…no you don't. Janet and Spock found the source, killed lots of parasite and came back here—then we realized that Janet got a parasite too."

"Is she all right?" I asked quickly.

"She's fine—she's resting. Before Bonesy sedated her though, she full on grabbed his ass." Megan said with a laugh. "The look on his face was priceless—you should have been conscious."

I rolled my eyes. "When you're unconscious, there's not much you can do to become conscious, all right?"

Megan kissed my hand. "Spock was worried about you—I swear I saw his eye twitch when Bonesy was talking about the egg sack he had to take out with the parasite."

"Gross!" I told her and we both laughed. "I hope he kept it in a jar for me."

"I _told_ him you'd want to keep a souvenir!" Megan exclaimed. "All right well, when you feel more like walking, you should go sleep in your quarters."

"I will Meg." I told her, and kissed her cheek as she kissed mine.

I watched her leave and then got up a few minutes later, lifting up my shirt to check out my scar—but I didn't have one. Sighing, I grabbed my shoes and pulled them on, looking up when Leonard came through the door.

"Good to see you awake." Leonard told me.

"You full on healed what could have become a scar." I said.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "You're weird—you don't seriously want a souvenir do you?"

I gave him a look. "Um…yes I do."

Leonard left and came back to hand me a jar, muttering about how weird his sisters were before going to check on Janet. I heard him let out a gruff noise as Janet giggled and knew he'd been groped again—good for Janet. I laughed to myself as I went to my quarters, smiling as I entered them at the familiar walls. I set the jar on the table in the corner and went to answer the door when the computer beeped at me.

"Doctor McCoy told me you had headed to your quarters already." Spock told me as soon as the door slid open.

I smiled. "Yeah—I feel a lot better than I did. Come on in."

The moment I'd invited him in, I found his lips colliding with mine. He slid one hand into my hair and the other around my waist, pulling my body close to his as the door slid shut behind him. I slid my arms up his torso, linking them around his neck as I moved my lips against his, parting them so his tongue could slide into my mouth. I smiled a little as he tongue explored my mouth, and then he pulled away and looked at me when I moaned.

"If you apologize or say this is unprofessional, I'm kicking your ass." I breathed, stroking his hair with my fingers.

"Noted." He replied, and pressed his lips to mine again.


	6. Give One Logical Explanation for Desire

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay, so I'm loving the feedback you guys are willing to give me!**

**I really do love it, so keep it up.**

**Reviews are love.**

**And for all of your support…this chapter is the longest one yet.**

**I was going to cliffhang it at the end of the second part, but instead you guys get a whole third part.**

**Also, Pup-of-Power hinted that I should show Spock's POV on the kiss…so I'm gonna rewind a bit and show you what happened to lead up to the kiss, and what was going on during the kiss in Spock's POV for the first little bit, and then it's going to go back into Lillian's POV.**

**Don't worry, I'll alert you.**

**=P**

**Since I'm mentioning Pup-of-Power, I also suggest that you head on over to read her story, **_**At the Gates of Silent Memory.**_

**It's a Bones/OC/Spock story that's beautifully detailed, wonderfully written, and the story itself makes you squirm in anticipation for the next chapter.**

**So if you haven't read it yet…what are you waiting for?**

**Oh and a little warning for this chapter: It's a little hot and heavy, but not explicit, if that makes any sense to any of you, lol**

****

**SPOCK'S POV**

When Cadet Ferris came down through the teleporter, I nodded in her direction and she laughed a little and shook her head. She knew something that I didn't know—or at least acted like she did. She walked past me and looked through some of Doctor McCoy's research that he'd left, and I watched her as she worked.

"All right, we need to take a little trek through the forest." Janet told me.

"You know where the parasites are residing?" I asked her.

She nodded. "I have a pretty good idea. It seems that the first outbreak happened among a group of farmers—they were berry picking. Do you have a phaser?"

I nodded to her. "Yes I do."

"Good." She said, pulling out hers and recalibrating it. "I have mine too."

She headed out of the door before I could ask her anything else, and I followed her after recalibrating my phaser as well. I looked up as she laughed a little to herself and arched my eyebrow—what was so funny? Janet was abrasive and driven…and she made me think of Lillian. She made me think of charismatic, forward, intelligent, Lillian.

"She likes you, you know." Janet told me as I followed her down a dirt path into the forest. "She constantly thinks about, she talks about you, and you just kind of dump more and more sexual tension on her."

"My relationship with Lillian is strictly professional, Cadet." I protested, but the feelings inside of me were trying to tell me something different.

I couldn't very well deny for much longer that when she touched me I didn't feel something in my stomach. It was like suddenly something felt electric—something about it felt pleasing. She made me think, and she made me feel like I was having fun—and she did it without making me have to physically betray my Vulcan ways.

Janet snorted at my statement. "Strictly professional? Why didn't you call her Counselor McCoy then, Commander?"

I swallowed—that had been the second time today that I had made that mistake. I was going to answer her question, but she shot at something that was moving with a phaser and then she set something on fire. I helped her to kill the nest of parasites, and then we went back to the infirmary for the sick and made sure that there were no parasites there either.

"There's bound to be some left." Janet told me.

I agreed with her, so we made sure that I'mteb was aware of what was going on, and went back to the shuttle after he informed us that he and Lorter had a meeting set in place. Once in the shuttle I found myself thinking about Lillian again. I wanted to know how she was, if Doctor McCoy had been successful, and if anything had gotten loose in the ship.

"You look like I do when I think about Mansex." Janet told me suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts and feelings.

"I assume you are referring to Doctor McCoy?" I asked her, finding some amusement in the fact that Janet was so open about her fantasies of Doctor McCoy.

"Of course—who else would I be talking about?" Janet laughed, and then she rested her hand on my shoulder. "Mansex got the parasite out, so don't worry about her—Lily's going to be great by the time we get back."

I pretended that it wasn't on my mind, but it was. Janet just stared at me the entire ride in the shuttle, and smiled when she realized that I was headed to the Med Bay to check on Lillian. I wasn't sure why I felt all of these feelings for her—concern, care, intrigue, amusement, lust…and something else I couldn't place exactly.

"You can slow down a little." Janet told me with a laugh.

I realized that in trying to assess myself, I was rushing, so I slowed down to Janet's pace, Doctor McCoy looking up as I entered the room.

"How is Lillian?" I asked him, not concerned at that particular moment with protocol or professionalism.

He cracked a smile. "She walked out of here a few minutes ago."

I nodded and headed out of the Med Bay, seeing Lillian disappear into her quarters. There were so many emotions running through me and I felt slightly out of control. I was always in control—always. What was it about Lillian McCoy that made feel this way? Was it her soft hair, or her smooth skin? The way she bantered with me? Whatever the reason, I couldn't think straight and before I knew it I'd pressed the button on the panel outside her door and she'd answered, the door sliding open.

"Doctor McCoy told me you had headed to your quarters already." I told her as soon as the door slid open, my insides on fire as she stood there, her hair tousled a bit.

She smiled. "Yeah—I feel a lot better than I did. Come on in."

It might have been the way her limps curls shook when she moved her head, or maybe it was the way the corners of her mouth turned up when she smiled, but I couldn't control it any longer. I find myself reaching for her, pressing my lips against hers. I slid one hand into her soft hair, and wrapped the other around her to pull her closer—feeling like I couldn't get enough of her.

Her body fit right into mine, and the sensation in my stomach grew as she slipped her hands up my body. Every nerve her fingers stroked tingled in a pleasing sensation, and the rhythmic movement of our lips made my pulse race. I felt like my tongue suddenly had a mind of its own, happy that she parted her lips so I could taste more of her. This was the closest I'd ever been to her, and I felt like it still wasn't enough.

Suddenly, she moaned and I realized what I was doing—I was giving into my lust. I couldn't do that. I worked with her—I saw her everyday. Everything about this incredible moment was illogical, unprofessional, and I couldn't let it continue. I pulled away, feeling her body heave a sigh of protest, and looked her in the eye—I had to apologize to her for everything I was doing.

"If you apologize or say this is unprofessional, I'm kicking your ass." She breathed, stroking my hair with her fingers, and I remembered what my future self had told me about doing myself a favor.

"Noted." I replied, and pressed my lips to hers again trying to figure out how to satisfy the urges I was feeling in the pit of my excited stomach.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I could tell by all of the conflicting feelings in Spock's stomach that I had to take this slowly or he was going to back off. So I took one step at a time backwards as we stroked each other's hair and kissed each other passionately. He followed suit, my body completely cradled by his, making eye contact with me as I slowly let go of him and sat on the end of my bed. He was starting to second-guess himself for the second time since the door had opened, so I pulled off my shirt and rested my hands on the top of his pants.

He smiled, only this time he didn't keep it to himself. It made me smile too knowing that not only could he display emotion on his face, but he looked fantastic doing it. I had actually thought about what it would be like to see Spock smile, and I figured he'd have a facial twitch or something since it never happened, but before I could think about it any longer he pulled his shirt off too and I was distracted by his torso.

For a man that spent the majority of his time hidden behind an intuitive argument or an array of information, he had a body. I had to remind myself that he was also part of Star Fleet and trained in physical combat—he had to keep himself in shape if he was going to serve on Away missions in case something went wrong. Whatever the matter, right now he was mine and that was all that was important to me as he leaned down to kiss me, following me as I laid down on the bed.

It felt almost painfully slow how he leaned his body against mine, and then planted his hands on the bed and hovered his face above mine. I slid one hand up from the waist of his pants to his side, slipping it around his back, and then rested my other hand on his cheek, stroking it softly with my fingers. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek on my hand, internally smiling as I lifted my face up to his and nibbled on his jawbone.

"Is your mind asking you as many questions as mine is asking me?" Spock asked.

I giggled softly and pulled away slowly, running my nose along his, my lips brushing across his as I spoke.

"Honestly? I'm thinking with my body more than my mind." I admitted.

Spock smiled again as I grinned wickedly, and stroked my hair before he kissed me again. We resituated, his body pressing down against mine, me wrapping my legs around him, our limbs mingling together. He made a trail of kisses to the exposed part of my neck, nibbling on the skin and chuckling ever so slightly as I ran my fingers along his sides and rested them on the waist of his pants.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his teeth against my flesh, running my fingers from the sides of the waist of his pants, to right below his belly button. I slowly started to shove them off, but then I stopped as his feelings started to make him stop again. I sighed a little as he pulled away from me and looked me in the eye. I wasn't going to make him do anything that he didn't want to do…even if I wanted this…badly.

"I can't. I thought I could…I want to…but I can't." Spock told me.

"What if I said, 'please'?" I asked him.

Spock stroked my hair. "Give me one logical reason."

I smiled sadly. "Logic is your character flaw, isn't it?"

Spock kissed me and then got off of me and I pushed my bangs out of the way, looking up at the ceiling. My body had been on fire, and I knew his had been too, but he was obsessed with having a reason for everything. I just wanted him to be able to feel for once without thinking it over way too much. Then again, if he was the Spock I wanted so much, he would be doing exactly what he was doing now.

"We are going to be on this ship serving together for a long time." Spock told me, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on. "If we continue this, our feelings will cloud our judgment—our feelings will get in the way of our job."

I got up and followed him to the door, crossing my arms over my chest and rubbing my own arms as the door slid open.

"I want you, Spock…if it makes any difference." I told him.

He didn't turn to face me but I heard him say, "I want you too, Lily."

I nodded sadly as he left my quarters and the door slid shut behind him, wishing I could have thought of something else to say that would have made him stay.

****

"He just left? He left you standing there in a bra and the skirt of your uniform, after telling you he wanted you?!" Megan asked. "What the Hell is wrong with him?!"

"I told you not to get attached to him." Janet told me, shrugging a little.

"Thank you for the 'I told you so'." I said sarcastically.

Leonard heaved a heavy sigh, and we all knew that he had been pretending not to listen, but he'd heard it all. He came up to the three of us, lounging in his Med Bay and keeping Janet from working and he looked me in the eye. He seemed to be in his 'brotherly advice' mode, so I just looked back at him and waited for him to speak.

"He called you 'Lily'." Leonard told me plainly. "That at least signals to you that his feelings for you are the same—he just needs more incentive to follow through. So don't give up on him…he's just scared."

"Why the Hell did that bitch divorce you?!" The three of us asked at once.

Janet didn't catch on like Megan and I did, but Leonard suddenly looked at her in a different light. He smiled a little and then went back to his work, Megan laughing a little as I tried to see if Janet was going to catch on, but she was as oblivious as always. She'd simply figured he'd gotten the response he was looking for and went back to doing what he always did—but he respected her, and I was glad right then for my heightened senses. I hadn't been so happy for them when Spock had spiked them up and then left us both completely unsatisfied…at least in the physical sense.

"Bonesy has a point, Lil. His admittance of want and his use of a nickname for you means something. Maybe its just time that you went to—oh my God!" Megan said, and turned to look away from the Med Bay doors, covering her face a little with her hands.

Janet and I both looked up to see Pavel Chekov enter. She and I both exchanged slight smiles and then turned to Megan at the same time. Megan McCoy, my little sister, had a crush on Pavel Chekov? She had a crush on a boy two years younger than her who was a super genius? With Janet and I always talking about our men, why had we never even thought about asking Megan about hers?

"Have you tried talking to him?" Janet asked her suddenly.

I nodded. "He's kind of super cute and a step up from Manslut—sorry, Kirk—whom we all actually thought you were into."

Megan rolled her eyes. "Stop teasing!"

"Oh we're not teasing, Megan—he really is super cute." Janet said, raking her eyes over him appraisingly, me checking him out as he left the Med Bay after taking a glance in Megan's direction.

"Oh super cute! You should totally ask him out!" Leonard exclaimed, mocking our conversation. "Like fer sure!"

"If you're going to mock girl talk, you can't participate." I told him, smacking his butt as he walked away.

Janet whined. "That is so not fair that you get to do that and you're related to him!"

I laughed and rolled my eyes, resting my hand on Megan's. "Go for it. Take it from me—you can't let opportunities just pass you by without fighting for them."

Megan gave me a look. "Oh yeah?"

I nodded. "Yeah…I'm on my way to talk to him right now."

Megan and Janet both smiled at me, even Leonard giving me an approving nod, and then I headed towards Spock's quarters. Even though Megan hadn't finished her sentence, I knew that she was going to tell me that it was my turn to take the initiative. So I took a deep breath, bit my lip, and pressed the button on the panel outside his door. I smoothed down my outfit, reminded myself it had only been an hour since we'd spoken last, and smiled when the doors slid open and he stood there in front of me.

"You wanted a logical explanation and I'd like a chance to discuss it with you." I told him.

Spock nodded and stepped aside, letting me come inside. I smiled a little as I realized that I was actually invited inside his quarters, and turned to him as he sat down on his couch by the window. I walked over to him and sat down too, wishing he was looking at me, but feeling as he was that he wasn't quite ready to look at me yet—the flame of desire hadn't entirely gone out yet.

"You came to prove a point?" Spock asked me softly.

I nodded, and reached out to stroke his pointed ear as I spoke. I felt his body shiver pleasantly as I did so, scooting my body closer to his, my chest against his back.

"We owe it to ourselves to see where this goes." I told him.

"And if something goes wrong?" Spock asked me instead of creating a counter point.

"Tell me you haven't thought about the idea of the two of us since you left my quarters." I said.

Spock turned to me as I stopped stroking his ear and rested his hand on my bare knee.

"I can not tell you that because it is all I have thought about since then." He admitted.

I nodded and crawled onto his lap, straddling him. "Don't you think it would be a bigger distraction for us to wonder what could have been? We're both doing it right now."

Spock nodded slowly. "I do want to feel what it would be like."

I smiled and leaned in, moving his hand slowly up my leg to rest under my skirt. "Then give in, Spock…you can't test a hypothesis if you're not willing to dive right in and take the risk of being wrong."

Spock slowly smiled as he realized the logic of what I'd just said, and when his lips touched mine this time, I knew he wasn't going to pull away.


	7. What Are These Feelings? Make Them Stop

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**God, I know…I keep updating.**

**Sorry.**

**I've had a lot of time on my hands and this story just keeps practically writing itself so I can't help it.**

**Thank you again for all of the support!**

**I really don't think that I can thank you guys enough, actually.**

**This next chapter was going to be a little fluffy…but with the help of the people around me's opinions, I changed the whole idea.**

**So even though this is a rewrite, I like it more than the original 7****th**** chapter I was writing before.**

**There is a flashback in this chapter to cement a relationship.**

**So I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

****

I woke up the next morning stretching a little. I half expected to reach out and have my arms or legs touch something…or someone. Problem was: no one was next to me. I opened my eyes and stroked the pillow next to me softly and heaved a heavy sigh. Damn Kirk—damn him and his terrible timing. So close, and yet so far—that was my relationship with Spock.

"I let myself in." Janet told me.

I turned over quickly and shook my head. "I really need to lock that stupid door."

Janet held out a cup of coffee, so I swung my legs over the side of the bed and took it from her. I sipped it and then ran my fingers along the rim of the glass and Janet laughed a little.

"Wow…I thought I was the only one who was upset about not getting laid." Janet said.

I rolled my eyes. "I have no idea why I even _want_ you to date my brother."

Janet shrugged. "So would you like me to take Jim out for you? I mean it _is_ his fault Spock had to run off to do work related things instead of satisfying your needs."

"Jimmy didn't know he was interrupting anything." I said dismally, sipping more coffee. "It's just as well anyways—I proved my point, didn't I?"

Janet's eyes went wide as I got up to get dressed in my uniform. "No! You can _not_ just shut down like that, Lily! If last night has proved anything at all, it's that Spock is yours! You just have to handle the situation better."

I shrugged. "I have to talk to Laura about Lucas today, so…"

I trailed off as she got what I was doing, and headed for the door. As the door slid open she paused, and I studied her long and hard as she turned back around to me. When Janet had something important to say, her eyebrow normally twitched a little and she suddenly lost every ounce of playfulness she had.

"Do you know why I took the job in Sick Bay?" Janet asked me.

I laughed. "_Everyone_ knows, Janet—easiest way to stalk Leo."

Janet smiled a little. "It's not about stalking Bones—at least not _entirely_. I am one of the best engineers that went through the academy, but I've always wanted to work with sick people—with dying people even. The medical world astounds me, and I've never been good at it…I wanted to prove to myself—and to Mansex—that I can do it no matter what anyone else says."

"You really are amazing with ships." I agreed, and then sighed. "I won't completely shut myself off from everything, all right? I promise…but Laura really is coming to talk to me, so I need to get ready and eat some breakfast."

Janet rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face assured me that she knew I'd heard her. I took another deep breath and then got dressed, heading to the Mess Hall to grab a quick breakfast before heading back to my quarters to counsel Laura about her husband's murder back on the Away Mission. No sooner had I replicated some food and sat down though, had Lieutenant Uhura come and sat down next to me.

When I looked up at her I couldn't help but feel something inside of me sink. She was beautiful—smooth chocolatey skin, long soft hair, an amazing mind, and legs I couldn't compete with. Why was Spock even wasting his time with me when he and Lieutenant Uhura had so much in common? I smiled a little at her though so she wouldn't catch on that I wasn't really in the mood right then, but she wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm worried about Spock." She told me plainly. "And I figured since you're the counselor around here, maybe you could talk to him."

It was in that moment that it suddenly dawned on me that even though Spock and I had breakfast together all that time, we were colleagues. No one actually expected anything to be going on between us, and from an outsider looking in, why should there be? I was new, I was inexperienced, and we were total opposites. Him and his logic, me and my feelings—and why the Hell couldn't I stop thinking about him for one stupid moment?!

I bit my lip then composed myself. "What exactly are you worried about, Lieutenant?"

She looked at the table and then back up at me. "He's been acting different lately. He's been rushing his work, researching random things—it's like he's not entirely himself anymore. Also, he's been avoiding the subject of the planet. He won't talk about happened or anything."

"Sounds to me like maybe he's trying to get himself some hobbies." I told her, trying to make her feel better since she looked really concerned.

"If he was a normal person I'd think that too…but he's not normal, Counselor. Please could you just...think about talking to him about it?" Lieutenant Uhura asked me.

I smiled a little. "Sure. Why not?"

She smiled, relieved. "Thank you so much."

When she got up to head away from the table, I pushed my tray away from me and sighed. I wasn't hungry anymore, and I had no idea why I felt sick and jealous. This wasn't like me. I found something to experiment with, I got a little attached, but then it was over and I was done. Why wasn't _this_ that easy? Why did I feel ill?

I shook my head, pushing my bangs out of my face as they jostled, and then went to my quarters. My first thought had been that I should go and talk to my brother, but he was busy and I wanted to let him have more time with his newly discovered crush. On top of that, I had an appointment to talk to Laura Grant, and I couldn't miss that—that would be unprofessional. Unprofessional…I wanted Spock back.

"Laura." I told her, a smile on my face when I saw her outside my door.

She turned to me, her face sad and her eyes wet. She just nodded at me, knowing that her husband was dead, and needing some one to talk to. I wrapped my arm around her and took her into my quarters, giving her some tissues and trying to help her through it. I told her what had happened and I tried to make her comfortable since I knew that nothing I said or did would bring Ensign Lucas Grant back to life. Then she asked me the one question I never thought I'd be unable to answer.

"How do you let go of someone that you love?" She asked me through tears.

Why was I hesitating? Why couldn't I just tell her something that sounded mature and sincere and vague? I did _not_ love Commander Spock…I hadn't known him long enough had I?

****

"Lily, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Leonard asked me, crossing the room to me that evening.

After chatting with Laura and then her leaving to grieve a bit on her own, I had sat down to think. Normally I could just sit down and everything would find its rightful place but I couldn't do that this time—everything was scattered. I didn't know how I felt, or what I felt, or what I was thinking. I'd become so attached to Spock that I couldn't stop thinking about him…and part me hoped that he was going through the exact same ordeal that I was right now too.

"I can't do this. Spock was right—we work together, we can't _be_ together." I told him, wiping tears off of my cheeks. "Why was I so pushy? Why'd I let him cave? Why'd I crack him?"

Leonard sat next to me and pulled me close to him, stroking my hair. "Because you love a challenge, Lily. Spock was a mystery you could unravel—a puzzle you could solve. You and Spock fit…I don't want to admit it, but you do."

I buried my face in my brother's chest. "I just wanna eat some ice cream and wallow and…I don't want to talk about Spock."

Leonard kissed the top of my head. "I can replicate you ice cream, I can sit with you while you cry, and I can badmouth anyone you'd like me to."

"You're the best brother ever…and you used to hate me." I said with a chuckle.

_It felt strange to be in a new place. I could tell that the boy didn't want me there, and he hated my very existence. I bit my lip to keep from crying, wishing my mother was here—my real mother. I looked up as the woman came up to me though, kneeling down at my level and wiping away a tear with her thumb._

"_Don't cry, Sweetheart." She told me calmly, smiling._

_Her smile was bright and genuine, and I could already feel that she pitied me—but that she also truly accepted me. She wasn't blaming me for anything…she was blaming my father. I was just a helpless little girl, and I felt that as much as she did._

"_Why can't we send her somewhere else? There are orphanages, aren't there?" The boy asked._

"_Leonard—stop it." She told him, picking me up._

_She stroked my hair and turned to her son, his arms over his chest. My creation had caused a rift between his parents—my creation had made him no longer an only child. He wished I didn't exist—he wished he could have his mother to himself. I couldn't blame him._

"_I just don't see why she has to stay." Leonard complained._

"_Because she's your sister." The woman replied. "Now how about you help her to set up in her room, all right? I have to talk to your father."_

_Leonard rolled his eyes but showed me to my room. He pointed to a bed, and then his eyes betrayed pity too when I started to cry. I may have entered his house unwanted by him, but he at least cared enough not to want me crying._

"_I want my mommy." I told him through tears._

_Leonard sighed and came up next to me. "I don't even know what I'd do if my mother abandoned me…want some ice cream or something, Lily?"_

"Mom was right, Lily…you're my sister. I'd die for you, and I know you feel the same way about me. You and Megan? You're all I have, and you two were the first two to be there for me when the wife divorced my ass and forced my hand to go into Star Fleet." Leonard explained.

"I love you, Leo." I told him, hugging him and smiling when he hugged me back tightly.

"I love you too, Lily." He replied, and kissed the top of my head again before getting up to replicate me some ice cream.

I took that moment to get up and go into the bathroom, washing my face and drying it off. My eyes were pink, and a little puffy, and I smiled a little in the mirror. So what if I had feelings for Spock? So what if he didn't have the same feelings for me? I had my family and my best friend—I had everything that I needed. I didn't have to have an unprofessional relationship.

"You have some nerve showing up here." I heard Leonard say.

"Cadet Ferris told me it was in my best interest to come and straighten things out." Spock replied.

"I have half the mind to make you leave." Leonard said forcefully.

Part of me wanted to hide in the bathroom until Leonard made him leave, but I knew all about my brother's emotions—and so did boyfriend number two when Leonard sent him to the hospital for grabbing my ass in a mall when I was 16 and telling me I had a 'rockin bod'. It was 'no way for someone to talk to his sister', and if Leonard was as pissed now as he was then, I had to intervene.

"Wait." I said, stepping out of the bathroom.

I smiled a little when I saw that Spock had a single flower, no doubt that Janet had replicated and forcefully given to him to give to me. He did want to straighten things out with me, but we were both battling with things we weren't sure of. His lips still looked soft…and a little moist. God, he tasted good—except this wasn't about his touch…this was about me thinking I might possibly maybe love him.

"I can stay, Lily—in fact I probably should." Leonard added, but I shook my head.

"No, it's fine." I told Leonard going up to him and taking his hand, kissing it softly. "Commander Spock and I will be just fine, I promise. If I need you to kill him and ship his body off without anyone knowing I'll let you know."

I kissed Leonard's cheek as he smiled and rolled his eyes a little, giving Spock a look before heading out of my quarters. When the doors slid shut behind Leonard, Spock took a step towards me but I held my hands up and he stopped. He handed out the flower and I took it, thanked him for it, and then set it on the table in my quarters.

"Look…I think we need to reevaluate our...'relationship' here." I told him, wishing that we weren't both feeling really sad about my decision.

"You are admitting that an unprofessional relationship is illogical." Spock said, and I frowned since both of us were feeling crappy that we were agreeing pretty much not to see each other anymore.

I swallowed as he took a step towards me. "Lieutenant Uhura wants me to figure out what's wrong with you."

Spock ran his tongue over his lip then tried to brush it off. "There is nothing wrong with me."

"She says you've been rushing your work and researching things that don't have to do with your job. I can't be the reason you stop being you, Spock." I told him.

"I don't want to stop seeing you but we have to focus—we have three years left on our mission." He said.

I nodded. "All right. Thank you…for the flower."

Spock nodded and as he headed for the door I had to speak up. I couldn't just let him leave on that note—I couldn't just let him leave. Why was I pushing him away? Why was I afraid of the feelings I had for him that I didn't understand?

"You could at least stay for some ice cream." I told him suddenly when he made it to the door. "Leonard replicated some and we can't just let it all go to waste—its coffee flavored…my favorite."

We both knew we wanted to sit and eat and talk to each other, but we both had feelings we didn't want to assess first. We were both trying to figure out why this attraction had suddenly started to interfere with everything.

"I shouldn't stay." Spock replied, not looking at me, and he headed out my door.

"Yeah…I know." I said to myself, sitting down at the table and eating some ice cream while I stared at the flower.


	8. Doing What Feels Right

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**The last chapter was angsty…sooooooo angsty.**

**Buuuuut, this one is a little more upbeat.**

**And kind of angsty.**

**And the moment you've all been waiting for…is at the end.**

***smiles***

**Just letting you know.**

**=P**

**Expect a change of POV too, and a little AU-ish twist to the original series.**

****

"I think your brother is hitting on me." Janet told me in the Med Bay a week later.

I smiled. "He probably is."

Janet shook her head. "No—Mansex doesn't hit on me! He pretends he's repulsed. I may have to actually start being nice instead of friendly towards him."

"Oh my God—it's the end of your world as you know it." I teased, laughing as she got all flushed when Leonard came over to us, close to her.

"I was looking at the parasite carcass and I think I found something interesting about it…wanna look at it with me?" Leonard asked Janet.

I snorted. "Okay, I'll leave you two love birds with your carcass fun."

I hurried out before they could protest about me calling them 'love birds' and I ran right into Spock. His datapad fell out of his hand and I laughed awkwardly and then leaned down to pick it up for him, swearing he smelt my hair when he leaned down to pick it up too, and I was happy he did…if he had.

"I'm really sorry." I told him, looking up at him and holding my breath when our faces were inches apart.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Spock replied, smirking slightly when I bit my lip and looked as his. "I should have watched where I was going."

"Me too." I said and then realized I was looking at his lips still. "You look good…stop smirking."

Spock nodded and stood up as I blushed, standing up too and handing him his data pad. I looked down at the floor and then back up at Spock, smiling a little when he reached out to push the bangs out of my face.

"You should think about pinning them back so they don't cover your eyes." Spock suggested. "I enjoy looking at your eyes."

"Let's have our breakfasts again." I told him quickly, trying to suppress the urge to kiss him right there in the corridor.

"I thought that we had both agreed to keep our relationship strictly platonic." Spock reminded me.

I nodded. "Sure, but…in all of this that we've been through, you can't tell me that you don't miss them."

Spock put his data pad in his pocket. "When do you suggest we plan these breakfasts?"

"Well breakfast." I told him with a smile. "But um…tomorrow morning work for you?"

"I will meet you at your quarters." He said.

"How professional." I replied with a smile as he walked past me.

Spock turned to me and nodded. "It feels right…I will explain that to you at breakfast tomorrow morning."

I smiled at him and nodded, walking to my quarters in a rather happier mood than normal. Though we'd been avoiding each other, the two of us had had some time to think about everything we'd been through. The breakfasts, the parasites, the maybe love…we'd had time to think, and we missed each other. Every time we avoided each other in the halls, or we pretended we didn't see each other in the Med Bay, we both knew we missed each other's company.

"You look giddy." Megan told me, meeting me at my quarters.

I shrugged as I opened the door up. "Spock and I have reestablished our breakfasts."

"That's fantastic!" Megan exclaimed, both of us going in. "I was really upset that you guys stopped seeing each other. So what if you fall in love? Is that really such a bad idea?"

I rolled my eyes. "We weren't in love…just lust."

"Yes…but it was _maybe_ love—I was paying attention when you were crying about it." Megan told me and then sat on my couch. "Oh…I asked Pavel out today."

"What?" I asked her excitedly. "Oh my God! Tell me all about it!"

Megan blushed. "I asked him how his day was when he came into Engineering today, and he told me everything was going fine. Then he started talking to me about how the bridge was kind of tense lately because of some bizarre love triangle or something and in the middle of his sentence, I blurted out, 'would you like to go to dinner with me sometime' and he went, 'tonight?' and now I guess we have a date."

I beamed. "I'm really happy for you, Meg!"

I hugged her as she laughed a little and then we pulled away and she looked at me hard. She sighed a bit and I shook my head—I knew what she was going to do. Megan had a way of ignoring herself and her own happiness to make sure others got theirs. She was one of the sweetest girls that I knew, but sometimes I wished she'd just look after herself a bit—she deserved more than the rest of us to be happy.

"I think that you should ask Spock out. Sure, you could argue that dating a colleague is unprofessional, but come on. We're in space, Lil—we're in space and we're going to be out here in space for another _three_ years. Why can't we form bonds? Why can't we fall in love? Hell there are _married_ people on this ship working together. I'm going out with Pavel tonight, Janet's prolly going to sleep with Bonesy—my point is…if you were dating him, then the rest of it is all logical." Megan explained.

I smiled at her. "You make a lot of sense, Meg, you do…but try explaining that to Spock."

Megan laughed. "Good point—this means you'll have to do it, Lil…you're the only one who's gotten him to feel thus far.

****

**Spock's POV**

At first I was intrigued when my future self showed up on the Enterprise, but then I was more worried. At first he hadn't even wanted to speak to me about anything, but here he was, back to talk to me about some things. He smiled at me a little and I thought about Lillian—she was really the only one that made me even want to smile. I wanted to know so much about future me…I wanted to know so much about how events in his life had shaped him into the man he was today.

"I thought that you were going to oversee the rebuilding of Vulcan." I told him even though I knew he knew that we were both aware that was two years ago.

"I came because Jim asked me to come—he needed my expertise on something and I complied." Spock Prime said.

I nodded. "Well then I won't keep you."

Spock Prime smiled. "I have some time to spare. How have you been holding up?"

"I have been fine. My work keeps me busy." I replied.

Part of me wanted to talk to him about Lillian, but I didn't know how to. This was my future self—he had much better things to talk about than women. I had a job I could show him; I had questions about his accomplishments that I could ask him—why was I still thinking about her with such adoration anyways? Our relationship was purely platonic…I had to keep reminding myself of that.

"Who's your friend, Spock?" Lillian asked me.

It had been a few hours since we'd run into each other outside of the Med Bay. She'd fixed her hair and her lips were a little glossier than normal, a smile on her face that made me smile a little. I quickly wiped the look off of my face when Spock Prime looked from Lillian to me to assess my reaction to the situation.

"Lillian McCoy?" Spock Prime asked her.

She smiled at him as she took his hand, and looked directly into his eyes. "You must be Spock's future self…Spock Prime I guess we could call you."

"How did you know that?" He asked, and I raised an eyebrow as I realized he was egging her on—playing our game.

"Your eyes—you both have the same, beautiful eyes." She told him with a smile and then turned to me. "I expect you at breakfast bright and early, Commander…it was a pleasure to meet you, Spock…Prime."

Even though he was my future self, watching her wink at him made my insides squirm. Was I jealous of him? Why would I be jealous of him? What were these feelings inside of me that I had for Lillian McCoy?

"Don't let her slip away." Spock Prime told me before I could talk to him.

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

Spock Prime smiled a sad smile this time. "I once had the chance to give in with Lily and I didn't take it. It was unprofessional, it was illogical—you have a chance to change that mistake, Spock. I shouldn't be telling you this for fear of feeling like I'm using this situation to my own advantage, but we have lost our entire planet. If there is one thing in my life that I regret besides not being able to save Vulcan…it was letting Jim have Lily."

"Jim got Lily?" I asked him, suddenly feeling tense and angry.

"If you feel anything for her that I did…then do what you think feels right, Spock." Spock Prime said. "And on that self serving note…I must help Jim with his current problem."

I nodded as he headed down the corridor and thought about it—it _did_ feel right when I was around her. Spock Prime was aware of my feelings even though I hadn't been—I was experiencing love. My father had felt it for my mother, and I felt it for Lillian McCoy. I didn't want to be without her, but for so long I was so stuck on what was logical…why couldn't love be logical?

****

**Lillian's POV**

I couldn't control myself—I had to see him tonight. There was something about Spock Prime that had made up my mind. His feelings for me had been feelings I'd never experienced on my own before. The feelings he felt for me were love. It wasn't the motherly love that Leonard's mother had, had for me, or the love my father or my siblings had for me, and I for them. It was the kind of love that this one couple had felt for each other.

When I was younger, Leonard and I would crash weddings—as in we'd go into them and listen to them say their vows. This one couple was still happily married as far as I knew, and very much in love. I had left pretty quickly when I'd felt those same feelings in the pit of Spock Prime's stomach, but as I thought about it, it made sense. I just had to make Spock understand. I was afraid of love because no one I knew personally had ever stayed together.

"Stop being a logical bastard." I told him as the doors to his quarters slid open.

I walked past him before he invited me in and whirled to face him. I bit my lip as he looked at my lips for the first time, and I kissed him. I slipped my arms around his neck and slipped my tongue in when he parted his lips for me, his arms around my waist. I loved the feeling of his body shivering happy against mine, and pulled away to pull my shirt off, Spock pulling his off too.

"Spock Prime feels love for me." I said with a giggle as I sat on his bed and laid back.

Spock climbed on top of me. "I do too."

I smiled and kissed him softly. "Love is illogical."

"Why does it have to be?" He asked me back.

I slid my skirt off, helping him out of his pants, both of us kissing each other a little more passionately as we realized that all of our urges were about to be completely satisfied…finally. We were both quite aware that it had taken too long to get here, and once this step was taken, we weren't sure of what would happen next.

"What did you and Spock Prime talk about exactly?" I asked him, unhooking my bra from the front and sliding it off.

"Is that really what you want to talk about before we both test this out?" Spock asked, stroking my hair.

I smiled and shook my head. "No…I just want to know that you're not going to back off this time."

Spock shook his head. "I'm not going to back off, Lily…I promise."

"I'm glad." I told him. "I'm really glad…but in case though, we should stop talking and start acting—we get interrupted a lot."

Spock chuckled a little and stroked my skin, both of us anticipating the next level and fearing it ever so slightly at the same time. So we kissed each other as we held each other tightly, me protesting slightly with a noise as we merged together. Spock ran his nose along mine as I adjusted to the feeling of his flesh in mine, and when we made eye contact and I nodded to tell him we could continue, he kissed me again and I couldn't have imagined a better feeling in the world.

We were both highly amused that no one interrupted us, and when it was over, he rolled off of me, both of us sweaty and pleased and trying to catch our breath. I giggled a little and held the sheet up to my face, Spock turning on his side to push my bangs off of my wet temple. I kissed him softly and then ran my nose along his.

"Stay tonight?" He asked me.

"What about doing the logical thing and kicking me out so no one knows about our unprofessional affair?" I asked him.

Spock wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body close to his. "I'm doing what feels right, Lily."


	9. It Really is 'Love', Isn't It?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So I am super grateful to all of you.**

**I'm not sure exactly how many more chapters of this are left, but I will let you know when we draw nearer to the end.**

**This was always meant to be a short story was kind of raunchy and angsty and it's fulfilling its purpose better than I ever hoped.**

**So with that said, here is the next chapter.**

**Expect drama, but don't give up your hope.**

**=P**

****

I smiled as I felt Spock's lips brush across my bare shoulder. He had held me tightly through the night, his chest firmly against my back, and I'd felt safe. My eyes were still shut, our bodies still naked, but I could sense that Spock was conflicted. He kissed my shoulder softly again and ran his hand along my arm, sliding it under the sheets to pull my body a little closer to his.

"Are you awake, Lily?" He asked.

I shook my head, smiling as he nibbled on my neck a little bit. I turned over onto my back, turning my face to meet his as the nibbling became whisper kisses. He kissed me softly as I ran my knuckles along his bare chest. I moaned in protest as he pulled away a little, and he smiled.

"I am appreciative that you stayed." He told me.

I beamed. "I'm quite glad that I stayed myself, Commander."

Spock stroked my hair. "I need to meet with Jim. It seems that there is a planet to visit for raw materials."

I frowned a little. "We can't lay here all day?"

"No we can not. Even if I had no meeting to attend to, we both have jobs to do we have to be out of bed for." Spock replied.

I rolled my eyes as I laughed. "And logic rears its ugly head."

I kissed him before he could say anything, stroking his hair softly. As I turned on my side though, running my leg against his, he let out a pleased noise and pulled away. I sighed as he went to shower and get dressed, and snuggled into the bed a little more, giddily. I finally felt like I had Commander Spock.

Even though we hadn't actually exchanged the words, 'I love you', we both felt much closer to each other. We were both a little scared of three little words, but not scared enough to stop seeing each other. Part of it might also have been the fear to say it first, but mostly it seemed that we were still making absolutely sure that there was in fact love underneath all of the lust we actually _knew_ we were feeling.

"What exactly did you and your future self talk about?" I asked Spock as he pulled on his uniform shirt.

"You may use the shower when you are ready." Spock replied, avoiding the question. "Perhaps we will meet up at lunch?"

"Perfect Mr. I-Like-to-Avoid-the-Question." I teased, and then smiled at him as he headed out of his quarters.

With no Spock to cuddle with, there was no reason to just hang out in his quarters, so I got up to take a shower, making it quick enough that hopefully I could get dressed and sneak out. Once I was dressed, I headed out of Spock's quarters, and into an empty corridor. My happiness was short lived when I saw Lieutenant Uhura and when she saw me, I put a smile on and waved a little when she waved at me.

"Did you talk to him?" She asked me.

"I was going to, but he had to go have a meeting with Jimmy—Captain Kirk." I told her, correcting my mistake.

She nodded. "At least you tried—you'll get another shot at it."

She gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and as she walked past me I sighed. I really didn't want to like her, but it was hard not to—she was sweet, intelligent and caring. If it hadn't been for my now budding romance with Spock she and I would probably even be friends—but for now I was jealous of her. I was jealous of the fact that he had first tried to open himself up to her.

Pushing the conflicting thoughts out of Lieutenant Uhura away, I headed to the Mess Hall. The jaunt down the corridor was doing me some good, and when I entered the Mess Hall, I saw Spock Prime eating breakfast on his own. I walked over and sat at his table, returning the smile he flashed my way.

"Good morning, Spock." I told him merrily.

"Good morning, Lily—would you like me to replicate you some coffee?" Spock Prime asked me.

I smiled. "That would be lovely, thank you."

Spock Prime got up to replicate me some coffee, and when he returned to the table, he had pancakes for me as well. I beamed at him and laughed a little, sensing his slight confusion at my reaction. I really hoped that someday one of the Spocks would do something like this and _not_ surprise me by doing it.

"Pancakes? Buttermilk with butter and maple syrup?" I asked him with a grin.

He nodded. "You have not gone through your dislike of pancake phase—then again the shift in the time line—"

"—I still love pancakes. I can't believe I'm going to go through a phase were I don't." I told him, and sipped my coffee when he set everything in front of me and sat down again. "May I ask you a question?"

"It really isn't logical for me to tell you about what you may accomplish in the future." He replied.

I smiled. "As true as that is, our destinies have also changed a little and I was curious—were we in love in your world as well? You know me so well, so you know that I can feel that you love me, so…"

Spock Prime smiled a sad smile. "In the time line that I am from…you were with Jim."

My mouth gaped open. "What? I cannot seriously be with Jimmy in your world. You love me. How could I possibly throw that away?"

"You weren't given the chance, Lily—you are misreading the fact that I have feelings for your other self. You came to me, and we played our games of cat and mouse, but I never gave in. I rebuffed you with logic, and Jim was there to console you. When I realized that I felt for you what my father had felt for my mother, you had already come out and told your brother that you loved Jim and were glad you had given him a chance." Spock Prime explained to me.

I scooted my chair a little closer to him and rested my hand on his cheek. Though aged and full of stories from another time, his skin was still soft. I couldn't believe how different both Spocks were because of the shift in the time line, and yet how alike they were. I kissed Spock Prime softly and smiled at him as I pulled away.

"I may have been with Jim…but if the way I feel about your other you is anything like my other me felt for you…it was always about you. Jimmy was second." I told him, and then ate a bite of pancake and stood up. "Try some—they're heavenly."

****

"You what? Seriously? You and Spock? You and Mr. Emotional-Constipation?" Janet asked me.

Megan giggled. "Looks like _everyone_ had a fun night. Tell her Janet."

"Tell me what?" I asked, and then when Janet actually blushed I was surprised and shook my head. "Nuh-uh! You did _not_ sleep with my brother last night!"

"I didn't sleep with your brother!" Janet told me in a harsh whisper, and then we all smiled awkwardly at Leonard when he looked over, only a little annoyed that we did our 'Girl Talk' in his Med Bay.

Megan giggled again. "No, but it's on the horizon."

I smiled. "Well, well, well—looks like little Janet's playing with the big dogs now."

Janet glared at Megan and me. "I will not talk about this here."

"He groped you, didn't he?" I asked.

"Well…not intentionally as far as Janet explained it." Megan said with a shrug. "Just that he asked her stay late last night as some sort of 'punishment' for not paying attention. But he replicated them food, they chatted a little, and when he reached behind her for a hydrospanner because he was allergic to whatever they ate, his body got all up close to hers and his cheek brushed against hers."

I laughed a little. "Sorry…Leo doesn't know about personal space."

Janet waved it off. "Trust me, I was fine with it—I even swear he smelt my hair."

"So he's pretty much this close to groping you then. Huh…this conversation is no longer funny in the teasing way is it?" I asked Megan.

Megan shook her head. "Not really…he's our brother and I really don't wanna know about his sex life with our friend."

I nodded. "Agreed."

"What? So if I got with Mansex you'd just…not let me talk about it?" Janet asked.

"Wouldn't that be a little awkward for us?" Megan asked her back.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it—but for right now, I'd like to know about your date, Meg." I told her.

Janet perked up. "Me too! Did he go in for a kiss? Cop a field? Did you two—"

"—Pavel is not a horny she-devil like you, Janet." Megan cut in, her face going pink with embarrassment. "He was a gentleman the entire time and when he walked me to my quarters, _I_ kissed _him_ and then he asked me out again."

"If you two are talking about boys and kissing and braiding each other's hair, I'm kicking you out." Leonard told us with a sigh. "Except for Janet—she has work to do."

"Why exactly do you work her to the bone?" Megan asked him.

Leonard looked at her. "I think we all know that Janet would be doing a lot better in Engineering. Do you even remember the diseases you 'memorized' yesterday, Janet?"

Janet sighed dismally. "No. I do, however, remember the new calibrations for the shielding that Scotty wanted to test out."

Leonard pointed at her. "See? You're lucky I'm here to watch your every move, Janet."

Janet smirked. "Oh you can watch me all you want, Bonesy—I'll make it worth your while."

Leonard rolled his eyes and walked away, but I could feel that he was happy about her flirting. The more Janet showed him her true potential, and the more she stood up for our family, the more Leonard was willing to let her in. I smiled at the thought that all of us were happy, and then I suddenly stood up.

"It's around lunch time isn't it?" I asked.

"Yeah—wanna go grab a bite to eat with Megan and I? Mansex won't mind if I take a break right now." Janet told me with a shrug.

"Mansex definitely _would_ mind." Leonard replied, Janet blushing because Leonard had heard her actually use the nickname he knew she had for him.

I smiled. "I would, but I'm supposed to see if I can meet Spock. We just kind of slept together and woke up happy about it all, but nothing was actually discussed, you know?"

Megan nodded. "Go see him."

"I'm going, I'm going." I said, and then ran over to kiss Leonard's cheek before heading out of the Med Bay doors and all the way to the Mess Hall.

When I got there though, I saw Uhura talking to Spock. I shouldn't have been annoyed, and I should have just walked up to the table and asked to join them, but I was frozen. Megan said that there was a 'bizarre love triangle' that was making the bridge tense—it couldn't be me, Spock and Uhura could it be? I mean everyone knew they'd been together, but no one knew about Spock and me.

"The breakfasts." I told myself.

Even though no one had acknowledged them really, or had really come out and said that they assumed that Spock and I were more than friends, someone could have. And even if it wasn't love or lust exactly, Spock had been growing closer to me and pushing Uhura a little farther away. This was silly—I was letting my emotions run me. Old me would have just stood there a little longer and let it all happen, but knew me could find relevant places for logic to rear its ugly head.

Unfortunately, I stood there for too long, watching as Uhura stood up and kissed Spock softly, smiling at him and then turning to leave. She was headed in my direction, and as Spock watched her leave, I was torn. I shouldn't be angry—just this morning I kissed Spock Prime. I could argue that it was different because Uhura and Spock had a romantic relationship and I was simply trying to ease the pain in Spock Prime's heart, but it was the same thing. Wasn't it?

The moment Spock and I made eye contact and he stood up, I turned and left the Mess Hall, Uhura not quite to me or the door yet. I headed down the corridor quickly, a mess of emotions swirling around in my stomach and making me feel sick—I was even more jealous now than I'd been before. I tried to push the thoughts away, but the frustration of trying to push away my feelings were bringing tears to my eyes, and I pressed the button to my room in a fit of anger, ignoring Spock as he called my name. I turned to look at him as my door slid shut, and I locked it from the inside. I really did love him…this was really not going to help me focus on my work at all.


	10. I Love You

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I know, I know—go ahead and shoot me for the kind of sad cliffhanger.**

**I promise this one is not as sad.**

**Not at all.**

**Still a little angsty though.**

**You guys can all give yourselves pats on the back for an update so quick too.**

**Positive review always puts me in a good mood.**

**Plus I'm getting sick, so I had some time to kill since it's a Saturday and I've packed what I needed to pack today.**

**I'll prolly sadly turn in early though.**

**HaHa.**

****

Spock had tried to get into my quarters for a good two or three hours the afternoon before. I'd thought about talking to him about it, but found out a good thirty minutes in that I was stubborn. I gave him props for sticking it out, and woke up early enough to shower, get dressed, and sneak out of my quarters.

Part of me wished he'd camped outside my door, but Spock was logical—it was why I loved him. I sighed when I thought about that—love. Love was entirely new to me…and apparently jealousy was too. I hated this whole jealousy thing. I really wanted to just hang out with Megan in Engineering, and so I headed down the corridor to the lift and then turned to see Spock headed my way.

"Oh no." I said out loud shaking my head, but Spock made it into the lift right before the doors got ready to close.

"You and I need to talk." Spock told me, reaching out to halt the lift.

I tried to stop him, but he was faster and stronger than I was. I was about to open my mouth and say something, but he kissed me. It was hard not to respond too, because his lips were so soft and warm, and when I felt his body cradle mine I felt safe. I sighed a little as his lips pulled away from mine, and he ran his nose along mine.

"God, that feels good." I whispered with a laugh.

Spock smiled a little. "Why are you avoiding me?"

I sighed a little and played with his shirt. "I'm jealous of Uhura."

"Why would you be jealous of Lieutenant Uhura?" Spock asked me.

"Because well one, you were in a relationship with her way before you even _met_ me. Two, she kissed you yesterday, and three…your future self reminded me that you are a man of logic. Lately you've been acting on feelings but I dunno. I got all jealous and stubborn and—" I said, but he stopped me with a kiss.

I felt really stupid for being so upset with him, and kissed him back. It was easy to get lost in him for a few minutes, but then suddenly logic came into the picture. I would have just cursed him for making me start to think things over, but this time I was thankful. So what if the kissing meant he liked me more? Did he like her in the slightest? Did he still have feelings for her? And why the Hell did she kiss him?

I pulled away, reaching past him and pushing the button to make the lift go. "I'm going to go into Engineering, and I'm going to talk to Megan, and I'll see you when I see you."

Spock was confused. "Why are you pulling away again?"

"Because believe it or not, I'm thinking about the situation logically. Yay, you kissed me—I appreciate it, I do. But come on, Spock: she kissed you and you didn't hate it. You sure as Hell didn't look like you hated it anyways." I said.

"Lieutenant Uhura was simply saying 'goodbye'." Spock explained to me.

"Awesome—I wish my friends went around saying 'goodbye' to me with their mouths." I told him sarcastically.

Spock stood up straight. "That is not how I meant it and you are fully aware of that."

I took a deep breath to say something but the lift doors slid open, and so I shrugged a little and headed out. I ran my fingers through my side ponytail and then I strode up to Megan, Lieutenant Commander Scott giving her a lecture about something. When he was done, she looked straight at me and put a hand on her hip.

"Word on the street is that you kissed Spock's future self." Megan told me.

"Word on the street? Great. That means that Spock either already knows—no the kiss in the lift means he doesn't—but that means that he will, and I didn't tell him. After I got all pissed off at him just now about Lieutenant Uhura—well not pissed, actually. I'm just super jealous of her and I have no right to be when he's proving he wants to be with me and I kissed Spock Prime."

Megan smiled a little and then laughed. "You are so in love with him. Will you please just go and tell him that you kissed the older Spock and then straighten things out with him?"

I shook my head. "No—and don't tell me I'm being stubborn. He won't even give me a solid explanation as to why Lieutenant Uhura kissed him anyways."

"I'm getting a little sick and tired of this game of cat and mouse that you two are playing—can't one of you just let the other win already?" Megan asked. "Sooner or later, one of you is going to give up on all of it."

"And it will be him." I said slowly, sighing again. "And he'll end up like his older self and I'll go to Jimmy. God, I don't like the sound of that."

"What are you even talking about now?" Megan asked me. "Why would you go to Jimmy? I'm super confused right now."

I headed towards the lift. "I'll explain later!"

When I got inside, I headed towards the floor I'd come from, hurrying down the corridor and stopping. Why was Lieutenant Uhura outside of his quarters? Why were the doors opening? Why was he letting her in? Why was I so jealous when he'd made it so clear in the lift that he wanted me? Then it hit me—I needed him to say those three stupid, terrifying, meaningful words.

I swallowed as I realized my inner confession, and smiled a little at him as he let her in, looking up to see me paused in the corridor. I nodded at him and turned to go, not surprised that he didn't follow me. It wasn't like him to not come because he was mad—as a half-Vulcan it wasn't in his nature. Lieutenant Uhura needed something and he was her friend. Who cared about that stupid kiss anyways?

****

"Go away." I told Spock, sitting at a table in the Mess Hall eating some pancakes the next morning.

Spock sighed as he sat next to me. "Spock Prime left this morning."

I nodded. "I know—I was with Jim earlier and he told me about the departure."

"He wondered where you were." Spock continued.

"I bet." I said, pretending I was uninterested in the conversation. "And I bet he also noticed the calm hand you placed on your good friend Uhura's lower back too. He prolly _loved_ that. Comes into this time line to see not just one but _two_ girls he maybe could have had if he wasn't such a logical bastard!"

I stood up angrily and headed out of the Mess Hall, very aware that though I had kept my voice down, having Spock follow me out when I was in a huff was causing a scene. It was exhausting being jealous. I was trying not to be, but when I'd gone to see Spock Prime off and seen them standing there I snapped—why couldn't I just tell him first? Why was I scared that he'd rebuff me with logic?

"You are acting irrationally." Spock told me.

I stopped and turned to face him. "I know that."

Spock nodded and took a step towards me. "Would you like to discuss this in my quarters?"

I smirked a little. "Seems like an as logical place as ever."

Spock gave a nod and we walked in silence to his quarters, him motioning for me to enter before he did. I walked inside and sat down on his couch, him taking a seat next to me and looking me in the eye. He was growing a little weary of my pulling away and I got that—I was growing quite weary of it myself. So I took a deep breath moved so my legs were draped over his, me now sitting lengthwise with the couch. I leaned in so our faces were near each other and I closed my eyes as I felt his pulse quicken a little.

"I need to know why she kissed you, why she was in your quarters last night, and why you were touching her this morning—well I guess it's more of a want than an actual need. I know I'm acting like a jealous girlfriend when I'm not even really technically your girlfriend but…suddenly I feel so insecure about it all." I explained, opening my eyes as I felt I'd verbally vomited over him successfully now. "I'm sorry…I have no right to pry."

Spock stroked my hair. "Lily…Lieutenant Uhura and I have a past—but this is not my past. This is my present…you and I have this present together."

I smiled and reached up to hold the hand that was stroking my hair, kissing it softly. I held it to my heart, and used my other hand to prop my head up on the couch. His feelings were mingled inside of him just as mine were, and this heart to heart could do us both a whole lot of good. So I signaled that I was paying attention and nodded for him to continue.

"Lieutenant Uhura heard about you kissing my other self." Spock told me and I closed my eyes, for some reason expecting an angry blow. "She told me that there were a few people who had been talking about the time you and I had been spending together and she wanted to know if it had led to anything more substantial. Of course I felt jealousy inside of me—which I have never felt this intensely before—but the kiss was merely her telling me that she was glad I was happy when I explained to her that I was involved with you."

I scoffed. "And she couldn't have done it without using her lips?"

"You couldn't have talked to the other Spock without using _your_ lips?" Spock countered me.

"You're right." I told him. "I felt so sorry for him when he started telling me about how he let the other me go, and I ended up with Jimmy—which _still_ weirds me out and…oh my God."

Spock nodded and I smiled a little and shook my head—Lieutenant Uhura and I had been acting on the same sorts of feelings. She thought that I was in a way betraying Spock, and she felt sorry for him—just as I had felt sorry for the pain in Spock Prime's heart that I had felt when he talked about his situation with love. I kissed Spock softly and then pulled away a little.

"I'm sorry." I told him. "I'm still trying to adjust to all of these feelings."

"Last night, Lieutenant Uhura came to talk to me because she wanted to make sure that I was all right—she did know that you saw her kiss me, Lily." Spock told me. "And when I saw you leave down the corridor looking defeated and contemplative, she consoled me—with no touching."

I kissed him again, only this time more passionately. "I am so sorry. You deserve a much better girlfriend than me. I'm jealous and irrational, and I should just trust you."

"I don't want anyone but you." Spock admitted, and I found butterflies erupting in my stomach. "How can you completely trust me when I'm the one that pulls away the most because of logic?"

"I can't blame you for that—it's part of what makes you, you…and I respect that. I'm still intrigued by that even. After all of the cracking, and all of the caving, and all of the feeling that you've been doing…I'm still amazed that you let logic guide you 95% of the time." I admitted with a smile.

"I'm still amazed that with everything you feel, you haven't just called it all off completely. Why is that?" Spock asked me. "Why do you keep holding on? You rebuff me sometimes when you're jealous and upset, but you keep coming back to me and I don't understand? Why don't you give up on me when you feel all of those emotions swirling inside of you making you feel ill?"

I shrugged, smiling a little at how well he understood me. "Why do you keep coming back when I keep putting you through all of these illogical hoops?"

Spock swallowed and rested his hand on the nape of my neck, stroking my skin. "Because, Lily…I love you."


	11. A Day to Remember

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Thank you all so much for sticking around and giving me all of that glorious feedback!**

**I still have a few storylines for this in me, so this is still going for now.**

**Also, this is a very fluffy chapter, but I may get shot too.**

**Just so you're aware, and so you're all given time in advance to grab a shotgun.**

**;D**

****

"Can you just try it please?" I asked Spock with a laugh as I rolled my eyes.

I couldn't control myself after he'd admitted his feelings for me, and we were currently now sitting under the covers in his bed. I'd replicated some coffee flavored ice cream, and was sitting between his legs, my back to his chest, a spoon in my hand as I held the covers up to cover me with my arms. He kept telling me he didn't need caffeine in order to stay alert for his work the rest of the day, and I kept trying to convince him that it was the taste, not the caffeine that made it worth it.

"Give me one reason why." He told me, kissing the nape of my neck softly.

I turned a little, looking him in the eye. We both knew exactly the response he was looking for and I wasn't going to disappoint him. After all, I had been more surprised than him that he'd said the words first. I was the one that was plagued with expressing all of my feelings whether I should or shouldn't. I had been so pleased and blown away that the words had come out, that I acted rather than verbally responded.

"Because I love you, Spock." I told him, kissing his wet lips softly. "Just one spoonful…please?"

Spock smiled a little and opened his mouth, letting me feed him the spoonful. He let it sit on his tongue for a moment, assessing the taste because it was important to me, and then he swallowed it down. He tilted his head down a little, and would have responded had I not kissed him again. Everything about our relationship seemed fresh and happy, and I just wanted to be close to him. I didn't want to go back to work, and I didn't want to leave the warmth and comfort of his bed…and his arms.

"Well?" I asked him when I pulled away.

"It's not bad." He replied.

I rolled my eyes at the way the words had come out of his mouth, and then set the container on his nightstand and turned a little to kiss him yet again. His body was so warm, and his skin so soft, and I didn't want to think about anything but him right then—even though we both knew that we were nearing a planet he'd have to go down on today. The mission was purely to bring back raw materials, so it was just him and a couple others, but I wasn't going.

"God, I love you so much." I whispered as I pulled my lips away from his.

I stroked his cheek with my fingers, sliding them up into his hair and then tracing along his pointed ear. I titled my head a little to get a better look at him, but Spock was way ahead of me. He swooped right in and kissed my neck as I exposed it to him, which hadn't been the original plan, but it was nice all the same to have him nibble on my neck like he was. I giggled a little, stroking his hair some more, and then smirking as he looked me in the eye.

"What?" He asked me with a little smile.

I giggled. "Oh, we so have to go again."

I kissed him before he could reply with any kind of verbal response, and we both resituated a little so we were laying down on the bed again, only this time I was on top. I laughed a little when he stroked my hair, and then began to nibble down his torso, stopping right below his belly button, and then nibbling right back up. I smiled at the pleasant shivers his body was giving off, but right when the need started to trickle though and our lips touched again, his door beeped.

"Why now?" I asked with a sigh.

"It could be Jim." Spock told me.

I shrugged. "Jimmy can wait a little bit, can't he?"

Spock stroked my hair. "I have an Away Mission to go on today. He is most likely here to make sure I am ready to go."

I sighed and rolled off of him, covering myself with the covers and fixing my hair.

"I assume you'd like me to get up and get dressed too?" I asked him as he started to pull on his pants.

"It seems like the logical thing to do." Spock replied.

I nodded, but Kirk strolled right on in after the fourth beep, so I did the first thing that I thought of—I hid under the covers. I had no idea why I was hiding, but it's not like Spock or I had actually just come out with our relationship yet. This was a very awkward situation for Spock and I…but not so much for Kirk.

"Wow—I'm sorry." Kirk said. "The computer sensors had you in your quarters, and it's time to go, and it's not like you to be late for a mission, but apparently sometimes even you get…detained. Good afternoon, Lil."

"Looks like you need to lock your doors too." I said, coming out from under the covers and smiling nervously. "Good afternoon, Jimmy. Could you give us just a couple minutes? I'll get him to you in five, I promise."

Kirk winked at me and I rolled my eyes, knowing that my entire last sentence had just been turned into a dirty joke in his head. He left the quarters and I got up to get dressed and then fixed my hair as Spock waited for me by the door. After I was done, I slid my hand into his, and couldn't help but smile softly as our fingers interlaced. The butterflies came out to play in my stomach again, and I found myself thinking how funny it was that this was normally the first step that couples took in a relationship—we'd jumped the shark and _now_ we were at hand holding.

Spock and I headed down the corridor and got into the lift, just the two of us. I leaned against him and he kissed the top of my head, both of us rather happily at a new place with each other. Things had been going a little fast, but I felt good about it all. We were talking things through, admitting our feelings, and I even felt like I was handling the jealousy better—but I won't deny that thinking about Lieutenant Uhura still made my stomach rumbly.

"You promise you'll be in and out?" I asked him, grabbing his hand as he headed for the transporter pad, Kirk laughing a little to himself as I rolled my eyes a bit.

"Promise." Spock replied, and kissed me softly. "Dinner?"

"Dinner." I agreed with a smile, and gave a little wave as Kirk, Spock, Commander Gordon and Chekov beamed down to the planet.

****

The first thing I thought about after eating some lunch after everyone beamed down was to go and talk to Leonard. I hadn't filled him in on anything lately, and I felt the need for some brotherly bonding. So I got back into the lift, it halting, Lieutenant Uhura climbing in as well. The lift doors closed and the two of us stood there in silence, neither of us sure what to say to each other, in the end she spoke first.

"I take it that you and Spock talked then?" She asked me.

"Yeah…Spock and I talk a lot." I replied lamely.

"I can see why he's changed." She said, filling the silence with words.

I turned to her a little and swallowed. "Are you blaming me for it?"

She smiled. "No…I'm just glad he's happy."

I couldn't help but smile at her too. "Yeah…me too."

The lift doors opened and I stepped out to head to the Med Bay, walking in on a rather interesting sight. Janet and Leonard were standing by one of the Med Bay beds, kissing each other. It was soft and innocent, and for a moment I thought it was the most adorable thing that I'd ever seen, but then I reminded myself that this was my brother and my best friend—as cute as it was, it was kind of weird. Still, I didn't want to interrupt them so I left, going back to my own quarters and twiddling my thumbs.

"Come in." I said as the door beeped.

Megan came through my door and put her hands up in the air. "You will never guess what I just saw!"

"Janet and Leonard kissing?" I asked her.

"You saw too! Jesus! It's cute, right? We don't mind them making-out?" Megan asked me.

I laughed. "We don't mind them making-out. I mean come on—Leo deserves the happiness right? And we like Janet…most days. She's practically our sister anyways, so who cares if she's with him?"

Megan smiled. "You're right. So hey…why do you look so down?"

I shrugged. "It's nothing I just…I think I'm worried about the Away Mission."

"Spock's going to be just fine, Lily." Megan told me, sitting down next to me. "Did you talk to him?"

I grinned. "Yeah…I talked to him and things went wonderfully. I came clean about how I was feeling about Uhura, we talked about the misunderstanding of the kisses, and then he told me he loved me."

Megan looked shocked. "_He_ told _you_ he loved you _first_?"

I nodded. "I was just as surprised as you, let me tell you, but I told him that I loved him too, and I feel happy about where we are but…last Away Mission went south. I got a parasite, Lucas got killed—what if something bad happens to him while he's down there?"

"Lily, sweetie, this is a routine mission—they didn't beam down to hostile territory like you guys did last time. He's strictly there as a tactical officer, and once the raw materials are obtained, they'll come back up and you'll have him back." Megan told me, holding my hand.

"Maybe I'd be less worried if Jimmy would stop going down on the planet with his first officer. Who the Hell has the bridge right now anyways?" I asked her.

"Pavel." Megan said with a shrug.

I was about to ask her how things were still going with her and Chekov, but Janet came hurrying into the room without even signaling that she wanted to come in. She looked flushed and excited and Megan and I knew at once what she wanted to tell us. Megan laughed a little as Janet thought of what to say, and then we gave her our full attention as she opened her mouth to speak.

"You will never guess what just happened!" She exclaimed.

"You made-out with our brother?" Megan and I asked her with a smile.

"So you saw." Janet said, waving it off. "It was one of those totally unexpected things. Like he got all excited that I listed off all the right diseases and then right when I was rambling about how I never thought in a million years I'd remember those things, _he_ kissed _me_! What is up with that? Your brother is acting weird!"

I laughed. "He's just…into you now. It's a little weird though isn't it? Liking a guy for a really long time, he shows no interest in you, and then suddenly jumps you?"

Janet smiled. "Yeah…but it's amazing too. Until he realized what he was doing and got all flushed and I just left."

"WHAT?!" Megan asked him. "Why didn't you stay and tell him you didn't mind? Bonesy always needs a little encouragement!"

"Megan's right, Janet—if he thinks he overstepped his bounds he'll just back way off. I think it's a McCoy family trait." I explained. "You should tell him that you didn't mind that it happened, and you wouldn't change that it did."

"It's _me_, you guys! Like I care that your brother practically jumped me!" She exclaimed.

I smiled. "Even so…you need to reassure him. He thought the bitch loved and wanted him to and just look how _that_ ended for him."

Janet sighed. "You're right…I should go talk to him. But first…can I tell you two how it was, or will that be too weird?"

Megan laughed. "Go ahead and tell us."

Janet opened her mouth to say something, but the panel in my room went off. I held up a finger to signal that it would only take a moment and she could tell her story. I went over to it and smiled because it was Leonard, probably calling to tell us about Janet. I pressed the button to let the call come through and winked at Janet.

"Hey, Leo." I told him.

"Hey, Lily. I think you need to come down here." He said.

I stopped smiling because his voice sounded incredibly serious, and I stood up straight. Why did he sound panicked? Why did I need to come down to Sick Bay? What was going on? Maybe I should ask him. Smart, Lillian—you're super smart right now.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He took a deep breath. "The party came back…Spock's been shot."


	12. Holding Back Emotions

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I'm a big meanie for my cliffhanger.**

**This chapter is sad.**

**But there are up points to it.**

**Sorry for the sadness.**

**I'm really putting Spock and Lily through the ringer right now, but I have some fun storylines planned for them.**

**I think this story **_**might**_** make it to 20 chapters.**

**We'll see how it plays out.**

**It'll definitely make it past 15.**

****

The second that Leonard had told me that Spock had been shot, I was out of my quarters and hurrying to Sick Bay. I knew I was rushing, and I'd almost knocked over two different people, but Spock was in trouble and I had to be there, and Janet had followed since she knew she should be there too.

"Come on." I said exasperatedly, as the lift moved—why wouldn't it go faster?

I hurried out of it when it got to the right floor and ran all the way to the Med Bay. The doors slid open for me and I hurried in, the tears already coming. I felt sick. My stomach was in a jumble when I saw Spock on the hospital bed. Janet hurried over to help Doctor Mars who was working on Commander Gordon, the blood mingling with the red of his uniform, and Leonard was leaning over Spock.

"What exactly happened down there?" I asked, making it to Spock's side and grasping his hand.

"That's just it—neither of them can tell us the entire story. They split up: Spock and Commander Gordon were in one team, and Chekov and the Captain in the other. They heard gun fire and found Spock and Commander Gordon. There's a metal alloy of some kind floating around in their bloodstream I have to get out, and neither of them seem to be able to speak." Leonard explained to me.

I wiped my tears off and smiled a little, kissing Spock's hand. I ran the fingers of my other hand through his hair and it came to me—I was telepathic. I was only half Betazoid though, so I couldn't exactly _read_ minds, but Spock was half Vulcan—couldn't he mind meld with me?

"A mind meld." I said out loud. "That way we can figure out what happened and maybe I can look up the gun that fired on him and we can figure out how to get the metallic alloy thingy out of their bloodstream."

Leonard shook his head as Spock clenched his other hand into a fist. "I do not suggest doing a mind meld in his condition, Lily. He could get worse and I need as much time to figure out a cure as—a centrifuge!"

"Doctor, we're losing Jason!" Doctor Mars told Leo.

Leonard hurried over to try and fix Commander Gordon while I kissed Spock's forehead. I hated seeing him like this. I hated feeling this helpless. This had to have been how Spock had felt when I was on that planet with the parasite inside of me.

"He's hemorrhaging!" Janet said in a panicked voice.

I kissed Spock's hand again and then I closed my eyes as I heard the flat line sound, and Leonard hurried back over to the bed where Spock lay and Janet started compressions on Commander Gordon's chest. Leonard hooked Spock up to a centrifuge in the Med Bay, and Spock looked and felt pained. Leonard seemed quite excited though that the centrifuge was working, but he was worried too. I watched as Leonard pulled the alloy out of the separating blood with a magnet type thing—I wasn't medically inclined so I didn't know what it was _really_ called—the clean blood going through another tube back into Spock.

"Why are you worried?" I asked Leonard.

Leonard looked at me. "He's going to need a blood transfusion. Whatever kind of weapon shot him, it was made so that the alloy compound would blend into the blood stream. So even separating it all, he's lost a fair amount of blood."

I nodded. "How about his father? Would _he_ be a candidate?"

"He very well could be." Leonard agreed. "It would be best if Jim contracted him and explained the entire situation."

"Sounds like the most logical thing to do." I agreed, watching as Leonard went to contact Kirk and I kissed Spock's cheek, looking him in the eye. "I promise we'll fix you."

Spock nodded slowly and kissed my hand, his lips slightly dry. He was a little groggy, so I stroked his hair and hummed a little, letting him drift off to sleep. I spent the next couple hours worrying, only to be sent out of the Med Bay by Leonard to eat something. I wasn't really very hungry, but it was more that my worrying was making Leonard nervous. We were all eager to hear what Spock had to say about what had happened.

"Any news?" Megan asked coming over to me when I entered the Mess Hall.

"Spock still can't talk and Jason's dead." I told her. "How is Chekov? He must have been shaken up."

"He was, but we're all mostly worried about Spock." Megan admitted. "Is the centrifuge thinger working well enough then?"

I shrugged as I nodded. "It's working as well as it can, but he needs a blood transfusion."

"I'd offer to help, but I figure he needs Vulcan blood?" Megan asked.

"That's what Leo and I are assuming at this point so Spock's father is on his way." I told her. "He actually should be here anytime now, I just had to leave Sick Bay because I was making Leo nervous."

Megan laughed a little. "Why don't you go take a nap because you look tired, and I'll get you when Spock wakes up, all right?"

I bit my lip because on the one hand I _was_ tired and needed a nap, but on the other hand _I_ wanted to be the one who was there when Spock opened his eyes again. When Megan gave me the stern sister look though, I sighed and nodded—I was going to go and nap. So I went straight to my quarters after she squeezed my hand reassuringly, and drifted off to sleep.

****

When I woke up, it was to the panel in my room, so I got up quickly to answer it. It was Megan, so I smiled because that meant that Spock was awake, that _was_ what it meant right? She wasn't calling because he was dead was he? Breathe and ask, Lil—breathe and ask.

"What's the update, Meg?" I asked her.

"Well for starters, Spock has been awake for about an hour." Megan told me.

"Oh my God, seriously? I must have been way more tired than I thought!" I exclaimed with a laugh. "I'm on my way."

"Wait, Lil! One more thing." Megan said.

I started fixing my hair. "What is that?"

"Spock's father is here…so how about you try _not_ to make your boyfriend uncomfortable in front of the only flesh and blood that he has left, okay?" Megan suggested.

I nodded. "Okay. I'm on my way."

I took a deep breath as I fixed myself up to go and see how Spock was doing, and when I walked into Sick Bay, I realized I couldn't really keep the excitement of seeing him sitting up and alert out of my face. I could keep my touching down to a minimum since his father was sitting up on a hospital bed parallel to him, IVs in their arms, but I couldn't help but grin. It really didn't help that though his face didn't show it at all, he was beyond thrilled to see me too.

"Nice to see you awake and alert, Commander." I told him, striding over to his bed and sitting next to him. "Is there any sign of getting that voice back?"

"Not yet." Leonard informed me, coming over to check out Spock's vitals. "As far as I can tell, his voice box is no longer blocked by alloy, but he hasn't been able to utter a sound."

"I see." I said, turning to look at Sarek, Spock's father. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Sarek."

Sarek looked at me in the calm, Vulcan way. "I assume that you are a close friend of my son's?"

I stood up from sitting on Spock's bed, blushing a little. "Your son and I work very closely together, but our relationship is purely platonic."

I knew I was lying, but I could tell by the look in Spock's eyes that he was trying right now to reconnect with his father. I knew from talk that Spock's father understood this whole love thing, but Spock wanted to ease him into things. It was fine with me—he was safe and alive, and I realized as I stood there thinking about logical ways to explain things, that I missed the way Spock had been when we'd first met.

Sarek nodded a little. "What position is it that you serve on this ship?"

"I am the Counselor, but I also go on Away Missions." I told him, putting my hands behind my back in military stance when I realized they were just limply hanging at my sides when I wasn't using them to speak. "I'm skilled in diplomacy, and I'm not too shabby when it comes to fighting—if I have to. I'd rather talk things out."

"Were you on the last Away Mission?" Sarek asked and Spock gave his father a look.

I didn't even see it coming either—Sarek was starting to ask me if I had been there and not saved Spock from being shot. He cared deeply for his son, he just didn't show it. He had words for everything—but the gentle care and touch of a father was lost to Vulcan's. It made me appreciate Spock even more, because his half-human part allowed him to show more emotion than full-Vulcans.

"I was not—I was serving on the ship. It was supposed to be an in and out mission, but something went wrong." I explained, wanting to stroke Spock's hair but resisting and having to bit my lip. "I just came down to check on Commander Spock because we lost Commander Gordon, and he's a crucial part of our ship. Besides—it's my job as Counselor to talk down members of the crew who have been injured on duty."

Sarek nodded again and then I glanced at Spock and bit my lip again. I wanted to stroke his hair and his cheeks, and kiss his inviting lips, but his father was right there. I was so excited that he was awake that I was barely able to contain it. Spock noticed I was paying attention to his lips and coughed just a little to make me snap back into reality.

"Are you all right, Commander?" Leonard asked him, suddenly over again to scan him.

Spock just nodded, and I sent him a pleading look, biting my lip some more. My leg was starting to twitch impatiently, and with a sigh, Spock nodded. A grin spread across my face and I sat on his hospital bed again, taking his hand. His thumb stroked my hand and I ran my fingers along his hand as well, knowing I had to at least contain the kissing. I had to wait until he was up and about, and we could be alone.

"May I talk to you, Counselor?" Leonard asked, clearing his throat.

I got up and followed him, Sarek looking over as Leonard made his obnoxiously loud noises. Leonard and I stood in the corner of Sick Bay and I looked my brother in the eye, and he gave me that look—that big brother, scolding look. I raised my shoulders up a little asking him through body language what he was scolding me for and he sighed.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Lily?" Leonard asked me.

"Oh right—I didn't get to tell you anything because you were busy making-out with a very pleased Janet in here today." I told him.

Leonard blushed. "You saw that? Wait—she was pleased?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of _course_ she was pleased, Leo—she adores you. She was just really surprised."

Leonard smiled. "I'm glad…but hey—why are you all over him right now when his father is right there?"

"Because I love him, Leo." I told him. "I was beyond terrified today and you knew that, and I'm dying not being able to kiss him all over right now."

"He can talk." Leonard said.

"Really? Then why is he pretending that he can't?" I asked Leonard, looking over at Spock and his father, sitting in almost silence—Sarek was the only one making any conversation.

Leonard shrugged. "Maybe you should ask him."


	13. Making Decisions Together

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Mmm, daily updates.**

**=)**

**So Pup-of-Power gave me some inspiration for this one.**

**She's a sweetheart and fun to talk to, and she gave me the idea for Spock's not speaking thing when I was choosing how to do it.**

**This next chapter is kind of fluffy, and you get to see yet another side of Spock and Lily.**

**You also get to see another POV because some people want to see other character's POVs too.**

**Also, Pups and I were talking about Spock's ears last night.**

**I touched on it early with all of his and Lily's sexual tension, she's going to do wonders with them in her **_**At the Gates of Silent Memory**_** story, and I'm touching on them again because of the dream I had last night about Mr. Hot-As-Sin-Half-Vulcan.**

**So let the record be known that we were both on the same page with them.**

**ENJOY!!**

****

Since it was around dinner time, I had replicated Spock and Sarek some food, Sarek and Spock now getting the IVs taken out. Sarek was still the only one speaking as far as Sarek and Spock were concerned, and I wanted to ask Spock, but didn't want to ask him in front of his father. He was making it very clear that right now he wanted to stay quiet, and though I wanted to know why, I was going to wait and figuring it out later.

"I figured it was about time to eat." I said, setting a tray on Spock's lap as his father started to stand to go, Leonard bring him a tray to.

"Actually, I am going to retire to the quarters that Captain Kirk has offered to me. I will be back in the morning." Sarek announced, and though Leonard tried to talk him out of it, he left Sick Bay and so I turned back to Spock. "So, why aren't you speaking to—"

"—I love you." Spock told me, cutting me off, and I blushed when I heard Leonard chuckle a little to himself. "And I do not particularly wish to engage my father in conversation."

I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that a little irrational? He is after all part of the reason that you were saved—he's giving you his blood."

Spock looked me in the eye. "I know that it is childish and not behavior befitting a Vulcan, but I am not sure how to speak to him. It is hard to explain to him how I am feeling, when he won't show me how he is feeling back."

"But it's not in his nature—he has been trained not to show emotion." I explained. "Give him _some_ credit, Spock…he did after all love your mother."

"I am aware of that…he's just so distant and I am used to everyone here being close knit. I know it is illogical of me to behave like this, but I feel like I am being forced to act like something I am not—I have never been entirely Vulcan." Spock explained, and I stroked his cheek.

"I get it…but I do think you should give him a chance." I replied, and then handed him a spoon. "Now eat up…unless I have forgotten something."

Spock smiled as I wiggled my eyebrows, coughing interrupting the slow lean down to his lips. I sighed and then smiled, standing up to once again join my brother in the corner of the room. I put my hands on my hips and gave him a look, asking him to tell me what his problem was all of a sudden. Why was he pulling the protective brother card now, when all I wanted to do was show the man I loved how excited I was to have him alive and well? I needed to kiss him and Leonard was so not letting me do that right now.

"Commander Spock needs his rest." Leonard told me.

I smiled. "I'm aware of that, Leo."

Leonard nodded. "Well then…maybe you should let him rest."

I raised an eyebrow and then realization hit me. "Don't you dare threaten him!"

"Who said anything about threatening him?" Leonard asked me with a shrug.

"That man over there in that hospital bed is not just another one of my boyfriends!" I told him in a harsh whisper. "I love him!"

"I know…and I have to make sure he's right for one of my baby sisters." Leonard said plainly. "So…go."

I sighed. "I am not happy about this—but since I never got to tell you about anything, I'm going to go ahead and let you do your brotherly duty. Please…be nice to him."

"Not making any promises, Lily—now shoo." He told me again.

I rolled my eyes, going over to Spock and kissing him in quick, loving kisses. He returned them and when I pulled away I stroked his hair and smiled.

"Please tell me if he's not nice to you." I told Spock, kissing him one last time and then heading out of Sick Bay before Spock could question me on the subject.

****

**Bones's POV**

The second that Lily had left the room, I took a deep breath. I had always felt incredibly overprotective of my sisters—especially of Lily. She'd always fallen for the jackasses, and though I knew that Spock was not a jackass, he and Lily had been through the ringer already, and just last time I'd talked to her, he'd been the reason she was crying. So I ran my fingers through my hair a little, ruffling it, then taking a deep breath and approaching Spock's hospital bed.

"I take it you're feeling better, Commander?" I asked him.

Spock looked up and nodded. "I believe that I am much healthier than I was when I came to you and I am grateful to you for that."

I nodded. "And I take it you are incredibly attached to my little sister?"

"It was only a matter of time before you and I would have this discussion, Doctor." Spock told me, sitting up a little more and setting his spoon down. "What exactly is it you want to hear me say?"

The look he was giving me suggested that he had plenty to say, but he didn't quite know how to let it all out. So far, Lily was the only one he'd ever opened up to, and he had made that very clear to her when he explained why he'd chosen not to talk to his father. It wasn't that I entirely thought he was bad for Lily…I was just protective of her and her feelings. I had to know that he was good enough for her.

"Are your intentions honorable, Commander?" I found myself asking him, sighing because the question sounded so lame to me when I said it out loud.

Spock swallowed slightly. "By honorable…do you mean plans to woo and marry her?"

I laughed a little. "I'm surprised that a Vulcan even knows the word, 'woo'."

"I know a lot about humans, Doctor—my mother was one. As a child she told me many stories and I have retained the knowledge of them." Spock explained to me.

"Well then…I suppose that is what I meant. Will you keep her safe? Are you going to hurt her again? She's my baby sister…I want to know you're going to be there for her." I explained with a heavy sigh. "Sorry to get all riled up and in your face, but I really do need her to be happy and safe."

Spock nodded. "To be honest…I haven't even thought about marriage, Doctor, and I can assure you that I do not want to hurt, Lily, and I will do everything within my power to keep her safe from harm."

I smiled a little. "Do you love her?"

"Yes…I love her." Spock said, and then his face was suddenly wiped of emotions—I was quite aware that our little heart to heart was all I was going to get from him.

"Then do me a favor and announce it—I don't want her to be kept a secret like you're ashamed of what's happening with her. That has happened to her before, and she just lets it all happen. Now eat up, Commander." I told him, coughing a little to signal that we were moving on now. "I have some things to check on…and by the way—what shot you? Who shot you?"

****

**Lillian's POV**

I was really trying to figure out how to handle everything that was going on. Leonard was being the big brother, I was in love, Spock was for some strange reason in love with me, his father was here and as physically cold as ever, and Spock didn't want him to know about me. Part of that hurt a little, but the other part of it made sense—he wasn't really close to his father at all. Still…we were supposed to be in this relationship together no matter what, and his father was a Vulcan—that meant he wasn't stupid enough not to notice how much I wanted to jump his son in Sick Bay.

"Come in." I said merrily, the smile still there but losing just a little brightness when Leonard waltzed through the doors and not Spock. "Good evening, Leo."

Leonard smiled. "I know you were expecting Spock so I'll be brief—Spock went to go and talk to his father, so give him a little time before you bombard him in his quarters—and he needs rest, Lily."

I rolled my eyes as I laughed a little. "I'm not going to sleep with him after what he's been through today, Leo, I promise."

"But you two are…" Leonard trailed off because the conversation was awkward for him, and I completely understood the feeling—it was awkward for me to.

"So when exactly do you think would be a good time to go and make sure he made it to his quarters okay? And why aren't you keeping him in Sick Bay?" I asked him.

"Spock is healthy. There's no sign of any alloy at all and he ate his dinner—he's just going to be a little fatigued for the next 24 hours…which is why—" Leonard said.

"—he needs his rest…I know." I told him, and took his hands. "Thank you for approving—it really means a lot to me, Leo."

Leonard sighed a little, smiling as he rolled his eyes, and he wrapped his arms around me. I slipped my arms through his, holding onto him, loving that no matter what, he was my big brother. Besides Megan and our parents, there was no other person in the world that I loved as much as them. Spock was the only one that even compared, and I loved him in a completely different way.

Leonard pulled away and stroked my hair. "Give it about 20 minutes and then go see him."

I kissed his cheek as he leaned in to kiss mine. "I love you, Leo."

"I love you too, Lily." He replied, and headed for the door. "Oh…and you might want to ask him what happened down there."

I nodded and gave a little wave, pulling out a book to read and sitting on the couch while I waited. I wondered what Spock and Sarek could possibly be talking about, and I really wanted to finally be able to show Spock _exactly_ how I felt about how things had turned out today. It really was kind of surreal that I could have lost him…I was lucky my brother was so talented at what he did.

Smiling a little, I read for about ten minutes, and then had to turn on some music. I was feeling too impatient to wait, especially when I knew Spock was finally out of Sick Bay. So about 15 minutes into the 20 minutes, after listening to a song that made me think of Spock, I headed for his quarters. Sure, a lot could happen in 5 minutes…maybe his talk with his father went particularly well. So I got to his quarters and pushed the button on the panel, walking in when he told me to come in.

"Hey." I told him with a smile. "You look like you're about to go to sleep."

Spock had sat up in his bed when I'd come in, his torso bare and his face exhausted. After everything he'd been through today, I wasn't surprised. Part of me felt like I had to leave him here on his own to sleep, but the other part of me wanted to be here for him like I hadn't gotten to be there for him with Sarek in the bed next to. So I walked over to his bed and slid in behind him, my legs parted so he could lean back against me, and I rubbed his shoulders slowly.

He was tense, and he was feeling confused and conflicted again. Anytime either of us got that way, something bad happened, and I couldn't let him go this time. It hurt every time one of us walked away, and it seemed like every happy moment we had kept getting ruined by something. Did this have to do with me? With his father? Why did it feel like he was going to pull away? I had to change the subject.

"So what happened down on the planet today?" I asked him, starting to massage his neck and his upper back.

"The planet, though mostly devoid of life, still had a very active defense system to keep intruders away. The machines fired on Commander Gordon and I, and I survived." Spock explained. "It really is not an exciting story."

I nodded. "Well at least you're all right and you weren't fired on by any inhabitants of the planet."

Spock nodded and I kissed his head as he squirmed ever so slightly. He was trying to tell me something and I was changing the subject. I was making it hard for him to speak to me. I took a deep breath and massaged his shoulders.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"I spoke to my father…about us." He explained to me. "At first he was silent, but then it was as if he couldn't run out of things to say."

"I take it that's a bad thing?" I asked Spock, nibbling on his neck a little, stopping when he tensed up instead of relaxed. "Yeah…a bad thing. So what? You're done now because your father doesn't approve?"

Spock shook his head. "It is not that black and white, Lily. I am just trying to think everything over in a logical manner because I agreed with some of what he said. What happens to you if something happens to me? I saw how you cried today—I knew what you were feeling because I felt it too when you had that parasite inside of you. I do not want to be the cause of your pain. And when you die, I have to live with that, just as my father has to live without my mother."

I closed my eyes sadly because of the care behind his logical words, and I nuzzled my nose against his ear, nibbling on it softly as I thought of what to say. Spock's body shivered pleasantly as it had when I'd stroked his ear back when I was convincing him of the 'logic of desire', and as I ran my teeth along it to the tip to nibble once again, Spock let out a low moan. I giggled ever so lightly, sitting there as he leaned forward.

"That is not helping." He told me, trying his hardest to stay strong about it.

"It helped me." I replied with a shrug. "I'm not letting you pull away from me."

"Lily…" Spock tried.

I got off of the bed and then sat on his lap, shaking my head. I went in for the kill again, nibbling his ear, smiling as his hands slid up my legs to my hips, holding onto them firmly. When I moved my body against him ever so softly and tugged at his earlobe with my teeth tenderly, he moaned again and I couldn't help but feel a sense of power.

"Please," I whispered, "let us handle this together, all right? We are in a relationship—_you_ called us an 'us'—so the logical thing to do is to make our decisions as an 'us'. Now…I should let you rest."

Spock locked his arms around me as I started to get off of him, and I saw the need in his eyes when we made eye contact. I smiled and raised my arms above my head as he went to pull my shirt off, and then I shook my head and swallowed—he needed rest. Why did I have to go and arouse him like that? Now I was just being a tease.

"You need your rest." I told him.

He kissed me lovingly. "I need you."

I smiled. "I need you too—well this is _one_ decision we can both agree on."


	14. Excuse Me, What?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay, so the story is going to start jumping ahead ever so slightly a bit.**

**I'm in love with this story, so expect the daily updates.**

**lol**

**My sister and Solice2 have given me the ideas for the next four chapters.**

**I've changed a bit, but I like where it's headed now.**

**So onward!**

****

Leonard had Sarek stay onboard for the next week and a half just in case the alloy decided to show itself again. In that time, I had eaten a couple mealtimes with the two of them together. It wasn't that Sarek was against the coupling…it was that he was worried in his own way. I was thankful for that, but also wished that Spock wasn't still acting so cold towards his father—Vulcan or no.

"What's wrong, Lil?" Megan asked me as we sat at breakfast.

I shrugged. "Just a headache, nothing major. How's Chekov?"

Megan smiled. "Actually…I invited him to breakfast. Our dating had been going rather well, so to christen the coming out to everyone about it, I wanted him to meet you."

I smiled too. "I would love to meet Pavel Chekov…again."

"Very true." Megan said with a laugh. "He'll be here in a little bit…you sure that headache is okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah…I'm sure—Pavel!"

Pavel came into the Mess Hall and walked over to our table, sitting down after shaking my hand. He wrapped his arm around Megan and I smiled at them—they were absolutely adorable together. I was happy that Megan was happy, and I was happy that Leonard and I were happy too. All in all, things were looking up.

"It is wery nice to meet vou under the circumstances." Pavel told me, smiling a little. "Megan mentions you a lot."

I smiled. "She talks about you constantly too, Pavel—careful when you go to meet Leo. He has a way of making you wonder why you even _tried_ to get involved with the McCoy sisters."

Megan rolled her eyes. "That doesn't happen _all_ the time—be nice, Lily."

"Maybe not _all_ of the time…but a fair amount, admit it—and _you're_ the youngest, Meg." I told her with a laugh. "I do kind of feel the need to get some pain killers for my headache, but before then, let's have some pancakes."

Megan and Pavel started to insist that I go and lie down, but I wanted to get to know my sister's boyfriend. He was very sweet, and a super genius and we had a great time eating and laughing. Soon though, my headache was taking the best of me, so I went to take a nap, waking up to a beeping at me door.

"Go away unless it's important." I said, wincing and snuggling into my pillow. "Please."

My door opened though and I groaned, smiling a little and rolling my eyes at Spock waltzing in. He crawled under the covers with me and held me close, nuzzling my neck with his nose. I smiled at him and snuggled my body against him sighed a little. I was happy for the comfort, but I was tired and my head though better, was still in slight pain.

"Megan said you weren't feeling well when my father and I went into the Mess Hall to have breakfast." Spock told me.

"I'm just trying to sleep off a headache." I explained. "Are you and your father having a nice time getting to know each other?"

"My father goes out on the shuttle tonight back to the new Vulcan." Spock explained. "He would like to have lunch with us if you're feeling up to it by then."

I smiled. "I'll have lunch with your father…he seems to like me."

Spock nodded. "He does…you remind him of Mother."

"You know, I didn't think he'd like me. I know I told you to give him a chance, and I know he married a human and had you with her but…I guess I didn't see it coming." I said.

Spock laughed a little as I turned over in his arms, and he tightened his arms around me. I fell back asleep rather contentedly, waking up to no Spock. I was feeling better, and so I checked to see what time it was, and went to the Mess Hall, suddenly craving some coffee and some pie, but my stomach hurt. I winced a little, but put on a smile as I headed into the Mess Hall, sitting with Spock and Sarek.

"I'm sorry I'm late." I told them both. "Chicken…looks good."

"I believe I may assume that you are feeling better?" Sarek asked me. "Spock informed me that you were not well."

I smiled. "I'm fine…my stomach hurts a little, but I'm fine."

"Maybe you should have Doctor McCoy check you for illnesses." Sarek suggested.

"Perhaps—but after lunch." I told him. "How do you feel about returning to Vulcan?"

"I am needed down there, so I am returning." Sarek explained, avoiding the question.

I smiled a little and nodded, reminded myself that though he felt, he was a Vulcan. The three of us talked for a little while, and then we parted ways. I had a session with a crew member to attend to, and Spock had some more time to spend with his father before he left. I squeezed his hand because we had yet to kiss in front of his father, and then headed back to my quarters, wondering why I was suddenly feeling so faint.

****

**Spock's POV**

As my father and I walked down the corridor, I placed my hands behind my back and thought of what to say to him. We were both rather trying to bond some more, but it was more that we were trying to think of how to approach the Lillian subject again. He approved of her…he was just weary of the situation at the same time. It made me think of the conversation we'd had about her the first time.

_I knew when I left Sick Bay that I had to talk to my father. Lillian had told me to give him a chance, and I took everything she said to heart, whether that was very logical or not. Then Doctor McCoy had talked to me about whether my intentions were honorable or not, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to further my relationship with Lillian ever unless I talked to my father._

_So I pressed the button on the panel outside the door of the quarters he was using, and after the second beep, the doors slid open. He looked at me and nodded, motioning for me to come inside, so I did. I stood next to him as he looked out the large window at the abundance of space, and I placed my hands behind my back. He looked at me first, and I didn't expect what came next._

"_I assume that you can speak? So what is your relationship with the Counselor?" My father asked me._

"_I can speak…and her name is Lillian McCoy." I told him._

_My father nodded. "I see. So…your relationship with her is not platonic, then?"_

_I shook my head. "No, father, it is not."_

"_Do you love her? Does she love you?" He asked._

"_Yes." I replied. "What are you eluding to, Father?"_

_My father turned his body to face me. "I do not believe that you are aware of what it was like for me to lose your mother. I told you once that Vulcans feel almost more so than humans…I have not recovered from the loss of your mother. What if you lose her? What if she loses you? Do you really want to put her through that kind of pain?"_

_I swallowed. "I hadn't thought of it that way."_

"_I can see that." He said. "You have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Look at the situation more logically, Son."_

"_You married my mother…you loved her." I said softly._

_My father nodded. "I did…and I am thankful that you are in love with what appears to be a beautiful and capable young woman…but I do not wish to see you hurt like I was."_

_I nodded. "But what if it hurts more to be without her?"_

"_Then you will know what love really is." He replied._

I looked at me father as we neared his quarters and I took a deep breath. "I can not imagine what my life would be like without Lily."

My father smiled a little. "That is because you have given yourself to her fully and are emotionally attached. If you are happy, Spock…then I will support you. Life is too short, and there are too few of us left. Just promise me that you will not forget the ways of your people."

"I try to incorporate what is human _and_ what is Vulcan into my everyday life." I explained to him, feeling like I was connecting with him more. "I am glad that you approve of her."

"She is a lot like your mother, Spock—strong willed, beautiful, intelligent. If you want her…you have to keep her." He told me, and then he regained his composure and we parted ways as he went into his quarters, and I headed down the corridor to mine.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I woke up in the Med Bay, sighing a little and looking up at Leonard who was standing over me. It seemed that I had fainted and now I was in Sick Bay, and people were wondering how I was—people being Janet and Doctor Mars. I sat up a little and winced ever so slightly, taking a deep breath and looking Leonard in the eye.

"So…what's the update, Leo?" I asked.

"You fainted before you got to your quarters." Janet told me, stroking my hair. "Want to tell us what's been going on with you?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. For the last couple days I've been really tired, I've had headaches, and some stomach pain."

Janet nodded. "All right…it isn't something you injested."

"That's good, Janet." Leonard told her.

She rolled her eyes. "Look, I know she's your sister so you're more worried, but sarcasm isn't helping, Mansex."

I laughed a little. "Nice one, Janet."

"See? _She_ was sincere." Janet told me and then looked me in the eye. "Could this be something else…maybe something big?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked her.

"You know what I'm asking, Lily." She said.

I shook my head. "I really don't."

"You and Spock have been…right?" Leonard asked me.

My eyes went wide. "I am _not_ pregnant, Leo!"

Leonard gave me a look. "Oh really? You have some symptoms of early pregnancy, Lily."

"Trust me…I am not pregnant." I told him.

I wasn't pregnant—there was absolutely no way. Sex with Spock or no, there was no baby growing inside of me. Symptoms or no, I was not about to share my life with a little one. No way in the world…none…I was pretty sure.

"So you've been safe?" Janet asked me since Leonard wouldn't.

I was about to answer when Spock came through the doors—great, they'd called him. I sighed and then I looked at Janet and smiled. I didn't want to discuss all of this right in front of Spock, but I'd made a big deal about making decisions together, and he was sweet enough to come all the way down to Sick Bay for me. So I had to face the music and deal with it.

"Even not being safe, it could still happen—but it hasn't." I said as Leonard got a little testy with me. "Just trust me."

I winced a little again and Leonard sighed and grabbed the scanner out to scan me yet again.

"Give me one good reason I should believe you." Leonard told me.

"What is going on?" Spock asked as he took my hand.

"Dear Mister God, It's Me, Anna." I told Leonard.

Janet laughed. "Oh."

Leonard nodded too. "Fine, I believe you."

"What exactly does that have to do with anything?" Spock asked, knowing it was a book reference.

"It means she can't be pregnant because she's on her monthly visit from Mother Nature—I tried being delicate, Lily." Janet told me with a shrug.

I just nodded and squeezed Spock's hand to reassure him that pregnancy was not on the table for us, just as another pain happened. I winced and this time Leonard looked alarmed. I didn't like that look—I'd seen it before.

"What?" I asked him.

Leonard swallowed. "I missed a parasite."


	15. Doing What is Logical

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I know…I am evil with those cliffhangers.**

**And what a cliffhanger it was too, huh?**

**Well guess what?**

**This story is about to get a whole lot more interesting…and a little sad.**

**And please try not to kill me…if you kill me I can't fix the end.**

****

Okay he what? Leonard missed a parasite? My brother—my over protective, amazing chief surgeon…_missed_ a parasite? I closed my eyes and leaned back on the hospital bed, sighing loudly.

"Why aren't I dead yet then? It's been in there for like two weeks—pretty much 3." I said. "I don't get it. They wiped out the others so fast."

"I think this parasite is a lot more intuitive then we initially gave it credit for." Leonard told me. "This particular one seems to be attached to you—hidden behind your ovaries, trying to blend in. It has latched onto you and it seems to be…incubating inside of you—waiting for the right moment to strike."

I nodded. "So cut it out."

Leonard sighed. "Yeah…this time I'm going to have to do a lot more thorough search."

"I don't blame you in the slightest, Leo—the little bugger didn't _want_ to be found." I told him. "Its need to survive seems to be as great as ours."

"Are you certain you can get them all out this time, Doctor?" Spock asked him.

Leonard gave him a look. "Yes, Commander."

I sighed. "Look, I don't give a crap about the anger between you two right now—I need to be cut open right now."

Leonard nodded and gave me the sedative, knocking me out for a few hours as he performed the surgery. When I woke up, I was groggy like before, but someone was holding my hand. I smiled, hoping it was Spock, but when I started to assess the feelings around me, I realized it was Janet. I gave her hand a squeeze and opened my eyes, adjusting to the light.

"It's nice to have you awake." She told me.

I smiled. "It's nice to be awake. Now please…tell me that there is absolutely no more parasite."

She nodded. "Absolutely none. Leonard has checked and double checked and triple checked."

"I bet he had. Where is he?" I asked her.

"He is currently in the Mess Hall getting food because I kicked him out. Your brother is really good at this self loathing thing, and the kissing only made it a little better." She told me with a laugh.

I laughed a little too. "I wish he wouldn't beat himself up so much when something happens to Meg or I—this really wasn't his fault."

"He certainly thinks it is—he _did_ do the surgery last time." Janet reminded me.

I shrugged. "I know…but that parasite was resilient. It was hiding and it was doing a damn good job of it. There's only so much he could have done, honestly."

Janet nodded. "Well try telling _him_ that. So…do you mind if I speak freely?"

I sat up a little more—I really hated it when Janet's voice got like that. She had a really good habit of getting into a serious conversation and making you believe everything she had to say. I nodded slowly and she took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to say it without hurting my feelings. I squeezed her hand to reassure her that I would listen wholeheartedly to anything she had to say, and she nodded.

"Have you really thought things out about Spock?" Janet asked me.

I bit my lip. "What exactly do you mean by that, Janet?"

Janet took a deep breath. "Don't hate me all right, but this scare kind of made me think—especially when you were out and I saw the confused look on his face."

"I think he and I were both a little scared at the prospect of being parents together when we've none each other for such a short amount of time…but continue." I told her.

"I just—the man lost his _entire_ planet. His mother was murdered, and his father though proud, is distant. Don't you think that in remaining true to himself, he should be looking at maybe…rebuilding his own species?" Janet asked me.

My jaw dropped. "Are you suggesting that I let him go because it's the logical thing to do?"

Janet shook her head. "No—I see how happy you two make each other. I just think that…I think that you need to be completely aware. I've seen the look in your eyes—I've listened to you with your ice cream shoved in your mouth. You miss the logical him."

"We've gotten better at it! We don't show affection in public, we put our work first—his father being here has made us realize what we need to focus on in our relationship!" I protested, but the tears were coming. "I—I'm so selfish."

"Lily—I'm not talking you out of it! I'm not! I just…I shouldn't have said anything." She said.

I smiled sadly. "No, Sweetie…you _should_ have. You're my best friend, Janet. We've seen each other through thick and thin…this just happens to be thick."

Janet sighed. "Lily…"

"No, Janet, it's okay. I haven't been thinking rationally in a bit actually. I just wanted him so badly and now I have him and I don't want to let go. He has a whole race to think about though—he shouldn't ignore them for me." I told her. "God I hate this! Every time we get close and we're happy, something bad happens."

"Don't you dare go and blame fate, Lily. Maybe fate wants him to choose you." Janet suggested.

I kissed Janet's hand. "I love you, Janet."

Janet sighed. "I love you too, Lily…I just hate my big stupid mouth."

"Yeah," I agreed, "I hate it too."

We both laughed a little and then she started to tell me about how the surgery had gone this time.

****

That night after Sarek's shuttle had departed I took a deep breath and pressed the button on the panel outside of Spock's room. The doors slid open and Spock smiled, motioning for me to come in. Once I was inside I was met by a mind blowing kiss, which made everything about this _that_ much harder for me. Especially when he ran his hands along my back and held me close.

"I am glad that you came." Spock told me.

"I am too." I replied.

He kissed me again, this time more passionately, and I couldn't help but return it. I loved him—I loved him so much, which was why what I was about to do was so hard. But right when I was about to tell him, he pulled his shirt off, and so I automatically lifted my arms up so he could get mine off. Oh boy…this was harder than I thought. I had to be strong here.

Why couldn't I open my mouth to say it? Was Janet right? No. In order for Janet to be right about fate wanting him to choose me, I had to tell him about it. The logical thing to do would be for me not to let him choose me too. Logic—why did I give a rat's ass in Hell about logic anyways?

"You don't seem to be enjoying this." Spock told me as he crawled on top of me on his bed. "We haven't gotten to do this since right after the transfusion."

I nodded. "I know—I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He asked me.

I nodded and kissed him to stop him from asking me questions. It's just that before this had all felt so right and new and now? Now I felt like I was using him. This was a better time to talk about what I came to talk to him about—not after we slept together again. Maybe I could just tell him I wanted to sleep with him without the sex this time—we both enjoyed that just as much. Stop kissing my neck Spock…and stop nibbling lower.

"I can't." I told him, regretting pushing him off since he'd started to nibble on my sternum. "I—we have to talk about something important."

Spock nodded, sitting on the end of his bed as I pulled my shirt back on.

"Was it something that I did?" Spock asked. "I could try not doing that."

I smiled a little. "Trust me—if I didn't need to talk to you, you would have gotten me to do absolutely anything you wanted with what you were doing to me. I just…we can't be together anymore."

The minute I said it I regretted it. The feelings coming off of Spock hurt just as much as the ones inside of me, and I wanted to take it back. I wanted to take it all back and just go back to being on the bed with him, but I'd said it. I'd said it, and now were both incredibly unhappy.

"Where is this coming from?" Spock asked me.

"It's coming from a logical place." I told him lamely.

Spock nodded and pulled his shirt on too. "So you gave me a huge speech about how we had to make decisions together, and now _you're_ pulling away? You're pulling away after you wouldn't let me? Not that is illogical."

"Love is illogical." I said before I could stop the words from coming out.

"Do you love me?" Spock asked me after a very long, pregnant pause.

I smiled sadly. "Of course I do."

"Then why are you pushing me away? Spock Prime talked to both of us, Lily, and even my _father_ told me to hold on if we were in love." Spock explained.

"And your father was being illogical—sweet…but illogical. He may have married a human…but now your entire race is endangered." I told him.

Spock nodded. "So this is about my lack of a species?"

"Of course it is! You need to rebuild your species! If this kind of pregnancy scare has taught me anything, it's that not only am I only 25 and not ready to be a mother yet, but that I shouldn't be having your children! Some Vulcan woman should be!" I told him.

"Is that what you want?" Spock asked me. "You want to leave me so I can breed with some random Vulcan woman I have no feelings for?"

I shook my head. "No. To be quite frank, the idea of you procreating with some Vulcan bitch makes me want to put my fist through a wall, but it's the logical thing. If anyone has taught me anything about logic, it's you."

"And if anyone has taught me anything about doing what feels right, it's you and Spock Prime." Spock protested.

"I love you, Spock…but I can't doom an entire species just because I do. I can't stop you from making the logical Vulcan choice either. I just…I'm sorry." I told him, tears streaming down my face. "Sometimes love just isn't enough."

"You don't believe that." Spock told me as I headed for his door.

I bit my lip. "No I don't."

Even though he was headed for me to convince me to stay, I was out of his quarters and down the corridor. I sobbed into my pillows when I got into my room, having locked out anyone trying to get into my room. I kept telling myself this was for the best but my heart hurt. What hurt the worst was that I knew that Spock agreed with me…even under the love he had for me, he knew that duty sometimes won out over love.

****

**Six Months Later**

"And what exactly is my adorable girl doing?" Kirk asked.

I rolled my eyes as I sat on his bed and read a book. "I am stimulating my mind—I don't really get to do that much anymore."

Kirk chuckled and climbed into bed too. "There are other things we could…stimulate."

"Oh no—I told you two months ago, Jimmy, that I was not going to make sex a regular part of our relationship." I told him.

"We've been dating for two months, Lil, and to be quite honest—sooner or later I would like to have sex with you. You and Spock dated for like two weeks and he got a lot of it." Kirk protested.

"Has anyone ever told you how romantic you are?" I asked him as I rolled my eyes.

Kirk kissed my shoulder and then my neck. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

Kirk and I had come to a very solid understanding before I'd agreed to date him. I had taken a vow of celibacy after ending things with Spock, and though Spock and I still occasionally saw each other at breakfast, it was painful to be around each other and not touch like we used to. He seemed to be moving on, pushing away all feelings for me, and pushing away Lieutenant Uhura's advances. He had taken what I'd said to heart, and he was planning on quitting and going to the new Vulcan. He just had one last Away Mission to do with me, Janet, and Ensign Black, and Kirk was actually letting me go with my ex-boyfriend while he stayed behind to look after the ship.

"I know." I told him with a smile and kissed him softly. "And hey…sorry for the black eye that Leo gave you yesterday. Try not to grab my ass in public again, okay?"


	16. Face Your Fears, Lily

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay, okay, okay.**

***sighs***

**I take full responsibility for the hate.**

**Now, I am going to try to make you love me again.**

**I swear I had a reason for everything that happened.**

**So, please read on.**

**This chapter is in 3 POVs.**

**=D**

****

I woke up the next morning to Kirk's arms wrapped around me. Sleeping in his quarters had become a regular thing. I snuggled into him, wishing his body cradled mine like Spock's had. I mentally chastised myself for once again comparing Kirk to Spock, but I couldn't help it. Biting my lip, I moved Kirk's splayed hand from my stomach and moved my head so he could kiss my neck, trying to convince him that nothing was wrong.

"So…excited about the Away Mission?" Kirk asked me.

I turned over in his arms and stroked his face tenderly, running my thumb along his lips. When he kissed it, I smiled softly and went in for a kiss. Womanizing and horniness aside…Kirk was a sweetheart. I enjoyed his humor and since Earth was _overpopulated_ I didn't even have to _think_ about babies.

"You are a tease, Lily McCoy." Kirk whispered with a laugh as I nipped his bottom lip softly. "I ask about an Away Mission, and you practically jump my bones."

I giggled and rolled my eyes. "I would so not jump you."

Kirk rolled his eyes too, and kissed me again before I pulled away and got up to change out of my pajamas and into my uniform. He sighed, and I knew that he knew that our 'relationship' was kind of in the fridge right now. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with him and he knew it. There had been times where it felt like we should…but my heart was just never entirely in it so we didn't.

"Dinner with Megan and Pavel tonight?" Kirk asked as I pulled my pajama top off and slipped my uniform shirt on in the bathroom.

"Yeah." I replied. "They want to go over all of the details."

Kirk smiled when I came out of the bathroom fixing my hair. I ran my fingers through the side ponytail and smiled too—he was a terrific friend, and a pretty good boyfriend. He was attractive, attentive, and amusing, and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't let him all the way in. So I spun around in a circle for his benefit, laughing a little when he applauded.

"Ravishing." He told me.

"Well Mr. Captain…you might want to try this whole getting up thing too. She kind of is _your_ ship. Unless…you're just leaving it all to Spock." I said with a shrug.

Kirk rolled his eyes. "I'm getting up."

I nodded. "Good—I'm off to breakfast with Megan."

"Tell her congratulations again, will you Lily?" Kirk asked me as I headed out of his quarters and he headed for his showered.

I laughed. "You offer the _bride_ best wishes and the _groom_ congratulations."

"Whatever." Kirk replied playfully, and I headed straight for the Mess Hall.

Even if they'd only been dating a good 6 and a half months since their first date, Megan and Chekov were already engaged. I was _beyond_ ecstatic for them, and already picturing their adorable babies. Even just thinking that made me sigh. Why did I have to be so scared and use a lame excuse to end things? Why couldn't I just have _told_ him I was afraid of moving too fast with him? Why did I actually believe that I did the logical, right thing?

"You're thinking about him again." Janet said with a sigh as she joined me in the lift. "I want the old Lily back—the one that _wanted_ to make Spock think with his heart. The Lily that wasn't afraid of motherhood."

"I don't want to talk about it, Janet." I replied, sighing when she reached over to stop the lift.

"You can talk about it, Lil." Janet coaxed.

I looked her in the eye. "Drop it, Janet."

"Lily…you're _not_ your mother." Janet told me.

****

**Bones's POV**

"She's afraid she's her mother." I told Spock at breakfast that day. "She got freaked for that whole two seconds she thought there was even a remote possibility that the bleeding was just some pregnancy spotting."

"I do not believe that I asked about Lily." Spock told me. "She made her decision and I made mine."

I wrinkled my brow. "Oh, screw logic to Hell!"

Spock ate a bite of pancake—it was the third time I'd seen him eating Lily's favorite breakfast. Since breaking up with Spock, Lily hadn't been eating them, and though she said it was bound to happen eventually, I knew she just missed Spock and they made her think of him. I took a deep breath and disheveled my hair by ruffling it, needing to fix this so that _both_ of my baby sisters could be happy.

"Are you seriously going to let her be with Jim? He's both of our friend but…he is not her soul mate." I tried. "She still loves you—she's just hiding behind excuses."

"Doctor—she made her decision to end our relationship, and I have made my decision to go to New Vulcan." Spock replied. "She was with Jim in the other time line, and she is with him now—that is just the way it was always supposed to be."

I frowned. "So you're just going to run off and breed? What about love? Why the Hell aren't you fighting for her? Why the Hell are you just giving up?"

Spock took a breath. "I am the one who has done most of the fighting…it is time for me to let go."

I nodded. "Fine—be a coward. Let me tell you something about being with a woman who doesn't love you though, Commander: she is merely there to be taken care of."

Before Spock could answer, I huffed out of the Mess Hall, taking Janet by the hand as I passed her and Lilly heading _into_ the Mess Hall. Lily let me take her, explaining that she was meeting Megan anyways, and I dragged Janet into the lift. I stopped it as it started to go, and Janet ran her fingers through my hair. It was now or never—if I could overcome _my_ fear, then I could help Lily overcome hers before it was too late.

"Very nice—this is the second time today that I've been stuck in this lift with a McCoy." Janet told me with a wink. "You're the sexier one, I have to say."

My stomach flopped excitedly, and I pinned her to the wall, my body pressing against hers.

"I love you." I told her when she opened her mouth to speak.

"Baby…I love you too." She replied, kissing me softly.

I didn't realize how much I needed her to say it back until she did. The ravishing creature in front of me didn't even hesitate to say it back. She was just smiling her gorgeous smile at me, and giving me a look as I leaned in to kiss her again. Why was she giving me that look? What had I done already to screw things up?

"We are _not_ having sex in the lift." Janet told me, placing her palms on my pecks and trying to push me off.

"Why not?" I asked her, hoisting her up so her only option was to wrap her legs around me.

She gave me a look. "Because, Leonard, although I talk the talk—I am _not_ a kinky she devil. There is a time and place for sex. Now…just not here."

I smiled at her and nodded, letting her down and watching her press the button to let the lift go again. I walked up behind her and ran my hands down her arms, holding both of her hands as our fingers interlaced. I kissed the top of her head and cradled her body with mine, pleasant shivers running through me as she leaned back into me.

"So the real question is this: your quarters or mine?" Janet asked.

****

**Megan's POV**

I hadn't spoken up about anything that had happened in the last 6 months, but I knew that I should have. It broke my heart in two to see Spock and Lily so upset. I understood that Lily was scared, but Spock wanted to be there for her. At least he had up until Kirk surprised Lily with an ask-out and she accepted. Now his mind was all made up, and he wanted to be as far away from her as possible so he could make the pain in his heart go away.

"So Jimmy is _beyond_ ecstatic that you and Chekov asked him to marry you—even though it's kind of in his job description as Captain." Lily told me happily. "But what _I_ am most excited about is this so called ring Chekov went away to pick up for you."

I smiled at her. "He hasn't returned with it yet. He is bringing up a replacement for Spock, so he was delayed a little with Hikaru."

Lily's mouth gaped open. "Replacement? You mean he's really going through with it? One last Away Mission and then he's off to New Vulcan? Then in like a year he'll be married of to some Vulcan bitch and have a kid with her?"

"_You_ pushed _him_ out of your life, Lily—not the other way around. To top it off, he thinks you've moved on, so he has every right to as well, right?" I asked her.

"I _have_ moved on." She told me, but she frowned and I didn't believe she had. "I can't believe that this is really happening."

I nodded. "Well it is. Now answer me honestly, Lil—do you _want_ to be where you are right now? With _who_ you are right now? Or do you want to tell the man that you love exactly why you hid behind an—albeit logical excuse—and pushed him away?"

Lily sighed. "I really wish people would stop trying to tell me how I feel, Meg. This is no time for, 'How far will you go?; How deep is your love?' all right? I care about the endangered Vulcan species."

"Bullshit." I told her, and she gasped—I normally didn't swear, but Leonard and I needed Lily to face her fears and let herself be happy. "You have finally found love, Lil. You at least owe _him_ enough to _tell_ him why you ran—what you're _really_ afraid of. Please, Lil? Do it…do it as a wedding present to me."

"Oh, God." Lily said when I pulled that card. "I need some coffee."

I sighed as she went to the replicator, Spock coming up to the table. I smiled at him, wishing he wasn't leaving. The one thing that both Spock and Lily unfortunately had in common was their stubbornness. Add on that Lily hates admitting that she's afraid—more admitting _what_ she's afraid of—and you've got yourself some angst. He noticed Lily was getting food too, and so he sadly hurried himself along.

"I heard about your engagement to Mr. Chekov, and I wanted to extend to you my 'Best Wishes'." He explained.

"Thank you, Spock." I told him with a smile on my face. "I see you know some about Earth traditions then. Hey…I _really_ want you to be at the wedding. Please?"

Spock nodded. "I promise. Excuse me."

I sighed as Spock left because Lily was on her way back to the table. I sighed again when I realized that she was eating omelets again. She looked in the direction Spock had gone and her whole face got sad, but she quickly regained herself and plastered a fake smile on her face and sat down. She started to dig in, and then looked at me like she had just remembered what she was going to ask, but she'd wanted to ask it since she turned back to the table and saw Spock talking to me.

"What did he want?" She asked nonchalantly, desperately eager to hear my answer.

"He offered me his 'Best Wishes'." I replied.

Lily swallowed down her bite of egg. "He knows about that?"

I nodded. "He's coming to the wedding."


	17. It's About Time Someone Gave Up on Logic

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Originally this was coming out tomorrow morning.**

**But I don't see why I shouldn't post it before I go to bed.**

**Who cares if the two chapters were put up like within 2 hours of each other?**

**You don't mind, do you?**

**HaHa.**

**So here is the chapter you've all been waiting for since the chapter to end all chapters, lol.**

**I love Spock and Lily.**

**So don't take this Kirk/Lily thing too personally.**

**You get Spock's POV in this one for just a little bit.**

**Welcome to "Surviving With the Person You're Sexually Attracted to on an Away Mission Trapped in a Cave".**

**ENJOY!**

****

**Lillian's POV**

I had known when I'd broken up with Spock that we weren't ever going to go back to our old routine, but I'd hoped that we'd end up being better friends. Megan and Chekov were engaged, and Janet and Leonard were as close as ever, and I had Kirk. It wasn't a bad thing—he was sweet and we got each other's humor—but he just wasn't Spock. For some reason I just knew that my happiness would never equal Megan's or Janet's, because the man I really wanted was leaving to marry some Vulcan. I sighed loudly because I came to that realization everyday, and I looked up as I felt a familiar presence.

"Nuh-uh!" I exclaimed and beamed when Spock Prime sat down next to me on the morning of the Away Mission. "What brings you here? Did you miss me? Have you spoken to Spock?"

"I have come because Jim is in need of some new configurations for the shuttle. I also wanted to look into a few things while I was here…seems t seems that my other self is supposed to head down there and give an arranged marriage a try." Spock Prime told me. "What exactly happened?"

I smiled. "I know this conversation is hard for you because you don't want to help out your other self because that would be illogical and selfish…but I understand that you care about me and how I am doing so…what happened was that logic and duty won. Did you…_speak_ to your other self?"

Spock Prime smiled at me too. "Well rest assured that I am not here to change your mind—I am simply here to be a friend for you because I know you…and I know you are hurting. You ended up with Jim as you did in my world…that is just how it was supposed to happen. I believe you and Janet would call it 'fate'."

"Fate is illogical." I told him.

He nodded. "Yes it is…but I was appealing to you and what you feel and think."

I smiled. "You really _do_ know me."

"I at least did once…you are very much the same even though you are different." Spock Prime explained to me.

"I feel like a terrible person." I blurted out to him. "No matter what he does…I compare Jimmy to Spock instantly. Spock is all I can think about, and all that I want, but I had to let him go, and you of all people should understand that. I just…I picked the ripest apple there was left…and I still got the seed."

"You still sometimes quote books and song lyrics." Spock told me with a smile and nodded. "I do not believe that it is logical to stay with Jim if you are still in love with someone else. I do not want you to feel like you have to go back to him, because I am not here to bring you two closer together—I am here to give Jim some calibrations that will help the shuttle with its shields as it goes down to the planet."

I nodded. "I know—you're not a self serving kind of half Vulcan. Could you…could you please talk to your other self? Could you explain to him that I did what I did because it was logical…I still love him with everything I have."

Spock took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Maybe you should tell him, Lily. I simply saw you and came to assess the situation. I want you to be happy—that is all I ever wanted, and will always be what I want for you…for every version of you."

I smiled and kissed his hand. "Thank you, Spock."

I stood up to go and talk to my Spock, smiling a little as I saw him headed for the shuttle. It was about time for us to board it and head out, so I went to go and wait with him. I just wanted to talk to him—I missed the way that things had been. Now things seemed like they could be better…I wanted things to be better.

"So…fun Away Mission to an icy cold planet, huh?" I asked Spock as he looked over the shuttle.

"Yes." Spock replied and then ignored me.

I sighed. "So we can't be friends at all?"

Spock looked at me. "We are friends, Lily…I just don't see the point in small talk about the planet."

"I'm not sleeping with Jimmy." I tried, and then bit my lip when that hadn't helped either. "But apparently you don't care about that either."

Spook shook his head. "It is none of my business."

I nodded. "Technically since you're my friend…it kind of _is_ since I told you."

"You left me, Lily. I don't want to hear about you and Jim. Simple as that." Spock told me and headed out of the room towards the lift.

I sighed. "Great, Lily…just keep pissing him off."

****

**Spock's POV**

"Sex is so great. Isn't sex great?" Janet asked with a giggle as I stepped into the lift and she headed out to go and wait with Lillian at the shuttle.

"Sex is a pleasurable experience." I agreed with her.

"God, yes." Janet said, and then winked at me and headed down the corridor as the doors to the lift shut.

I was not trying to be mean to Lillian before when I brushed it off…I just knew that there was pain in me that I'd never experienced before. If this was really what love was—hurting being away from her—then I didn't want to take part in it anymore. I could definitely go to New Vulcan and do my civic duty to repopulate a dying species. But when the doors slid open again and Spock Prime stepped in, I couldn't control myself.

"I don't want Jim to have her. I don't want this time line to end up like yours. I don't want to regret not having her." I told him.

Spock Prime smiled a little and stopped the lift. "I feel that it is illogical for me to give you any more advice, Spock. This time line is playing out on its own, and you have to make your own decisions."

I nodded. "I know you are right. I just can't help but feel anymore. Lily has made me feel things I have never felt before, and I can't seem to turn the feelings off."

"Meditation can help that…but only if you want it to." Spock Prime explained to me, and I nodded.

He felt bad enough about the last time that we had spoken, that he was being very careful about how he said what he said. He was on my side—he wanted me to be proactive—I just had to do it on my own. The logical thing to do was to let this time line play out how it was supposed to play out…but that didn't mean I had to stand still and watch things happen. If I wanted her back, the logical thing was to go and get her.

"Did…what exactly happened between Lily and Jim?" I asked Spock Prime.

"They dated for a very long time and then eventually got married." Spock Prime replied.

"Any children?" I asked him.

I did not even know why that was important to me. I had not thought about marrying Lillian McCoy, even when Doctor McCoy had asked me if my intentions were honorable. I had not ever thought about children…not until Lillian brought it all up when we found the elusive parasite. So why did I care so much about whether or not she and Jim had children? Why did I care if she had children that weren't mine?

"None together biologically." He said. "She miscarried one, and then told Jim she didn't want any after that and he respected her wishes. They did adopt one—a girl."

I nodded, and then as the lift opened again, Jim stepped in with a smile on his face. For some reason I felt the need to punch it off. It was irrational and I knew it, but he had what I couldn't have—who I couldn't have. Why did she do this to me? Why did she reduce me down to an illogical pile of flesh and blood? Why did I love her and want her so much?

"Well if you're on your way to see me, I'm headed down to the shuttle. Ensign Black should already be there." Jim told us.

As he and Spock Prime looked over the schematics, I thought about all of it. So I loved her. It wasn't logical for me to pursue it. She was with Jim, and Jim was my good friend. Besides…I was a dying breed, so what I wanted didn't matter when the need of the many was far more important. So with that I nodded to myself at my made up mind, and followed Spock Prime and Jim back to the Shuttle Bay.

"Spock's other self is going to input the calculations and then Ensign Black can shuttle you down there." Kirk said, kissing Lillian as she nodded.

She pushed him off and though she smiled when she said it was unprofessional, she kissed him again quickly. I found Janet's hand covering mine as I clenched my fists, and she laughed a little.

"Down, Tiger. There's plenty of time to woo her back while _we're_ down on that planet and Jim's stuck up here with the ship." Janet whispered.

****

**Lillian's POV**

Janet and Ensign Black were the only ones who were talking the entire shuttle ride down to the planet. Then when we landed, Janet took Ensign Black off to help her track down the distress call, and sent Spock and I on our own into some caves to find some natural resources to bring up to the ship. Spock and I didn't really argue with her, but she knew we weren't pleased about it, and that in itself made her and her evil brain very happy.

"So who wants to take a trip into the scary cave first? You? No, I'll do it—I'm not the one who has to be left intact for procreation." I told him, and though it came out more like a cruel line than a joke, I went first.

"I do not believe it was _my_ idea to run off to New Vulcan and get married to a random Vulcan woman and rebuild my species." Spock said.

"No, but it _should_ have been. I did not sign on to be logical! I just wanted to jump your bones, and be with you and be all in love for a long time if we were allowed that kind of happiness, but someone had to step in and face reality!" I yelled angrily as I stomped into the cave.

Spock sighed loudly. "Did you stop to think that maybe I did not want to be forced back into reality quite so fast, Lily?"

I turned to him, tears in my eyes. "Do you really think that I _wanted_ to lose you? Because I really didn't!"

I shouldn't have yelled, and when I did a small avalanche started and before I knew it, Spock had knocked me out of the way, his body covering mine to protect me. I wasn't thinking about the snow, or the ice, or the rock in my back—I was thinking about how soft his hair looked, and how fabulous he seemed to smell even after all of this. Then when he looked up to make sure I was all right, I smiled a little and he did too.

"Looks like we are stuck in here." Spock told me and got off of me as I started to lean up to kiss him. "We should figure out a way to get out."

"We could use our phasers." I suggested, brushing myself off as I stood up. "We could find sources of energy first and _then_ use our phasers."

"It is more logical to get out of the cave." Spock said.

I nodded. "Of course—anything is more logical than being anywhere near me."

Spock sighed. "I know that you do not believe that, and that you agree with me about getting out of here."

"Why did you decide to go to New Vulcan?" I asked him.

"Why did you decide to push me away?" Spock asked me.

I took a deep breath. "Because we were moving too fast."

Spock took a step closer to me. "You couldn't have told me to back off a little?"

I shook my head. "I didn't _want_ you to—_that_ was part of what scared me. My mother knew my father for a good couple weeks, and then they started sleeping together, and then she got pregnant with me, and then she took off and left me on my father's doorstep. When there was even a fraction of a chance that I could have been pregnant, I completely shut down. I loved you, and I'm sure that I always will…but I can _not_ end up like my mother."

"Lily…you are _not_ your mother. Do you really think that you would leave your own daughter to fend for herself?" Spock asked me, wiping tears off of my cheeks. "You are the most caring person that I know…besides Megan."

I laughed a little. "She's way more caring than anyone, that's for sure."

Spock nodded. "I agree with you."

"Hey…don't leave and let some random Vulcan have your babies, okay?" I asked him, stepping into his arms and looking up at him. "Please."

"Why?" Spock asked me. "Give me one logical reason to stay."

"I don't have a logical reason, or even a good reason, but…someday _I_ want to have them, so having them with some other woman would just complicate things, and besides…I don't want you to go." I told him.

He smiled a little and kissed me. At first it was soft, but soon I was feeling something I hadn't felt in a very long while—his body was cradling mine exactly like it was supposed to. So I parted my lips to let him slip his tongue in, moaning a little as he did and then sighing when he pulled away. Stop with the teasing already and take me while you can, Spock!

"We can not do this." Spock told me, taking a step back.

"Why?" I asked him.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Jim."

I nodded. "Right…Jimmy."


	18. Are We Seriously Dragging This Out?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**And so now some **_**real**_** drama begins.**

**Aren't you excited to see who wins?**

**And how everyone takes it?**

**Well then you better read on, peeps.**

**=D**

**And aren't you excited that this is going to make it over 20 chapters?**

**I know I am.**

****

It took a few hours for Janet and Ensign Black to help Spock and I dig our way out of the cave with the phasers. With the time we spent together in the cave all alone, wishing we could jump each other but knowing we shouldn't, Spock and I had come up with a plan. We were going to see how things played out…after we told Kirk of course about what had happened to us in the cave. After _I_ explained to him that it wasn't fair to him for me to keep stringing him along.

"Thank God you're both alive!" Janet exclaimed, hugging me tightly and then going for Spock. "Spock…why are you sweating?"

She let go of him and then laughed a little to herself after looking between the two of us, and then she contacted the ship to let them know that everyone was already. She and Ensign Black had really done all of the work themselves, because Kirk didn't want anything to happen to Spock or I, so he called off the hunt for more raw materials to keep us going. He said we could search in a less dangerous place, and so we all boarded the shuttle and Spock went to sit near Ensign Black while Janet came and sat next to me.

"So…how did things go?" Janet asked me.

I shrugged. "We argued."

Janet sighed. "Is that seriously all you two are ever going to do anymore?"

"I certainly hope not…even though it seems to always end well." I said with a smile. "He kissed me, Janet—and if felt the way it's supposed to feel. Except that…"

"Except that you're not dating him and you're both logical bitches. I know, I know." Janet finished for me. "So…what are you going to tell Jim?"

"I'm going to be truthful…that's really all I can do, Janet." I told her.

She nodded, and the two of us held hands until we got to the ship. The first person to me was Leonard, Megan excited I was fine too. I laughed a little when my brother practically smothered me, and Janet just laughed at his over-protectiveness. She understood him so much, and I was thankful that they had each other.

"Leonard…air, please." I told him with a muffled laugh.

Leonard pulled away. "Oh—sorry, Lily."

I smiled. "It's fine."

It was Megan's turn to hug me next, and Leonard went to hug Janet. She kissed him softly, unprofessional or not, and then Kirk smiled and came over to kiss me. I should have pushed him away because of my revelations with Spock, but he was still my boyfriend, and he was worried about me. So I just kissed him and stroked his cheek, making the kiss last as shortly as possible without him getting suspicious. I smiled at him when we pulled away, but I could tell that he knew I had something to talk to him about.

"Let's have some dinner?" I asked him.

Kirk nodded. "Absolutely."

I took his hand, noting the jealousy and sadness that Spock had pooling in his stomach. He knew I was trying to ease Kirk into the transition, but he didn't like all of the touching that was happening. I couldn't blame him—I really only wanted to touch him too, I just had some things to explain first. So while Janet and Leonard went on their way and Megan headed back to her quarters with Spock in toe, engaging her in conversation, Kirk and I headed to his quarters.

I sat nervously at the table, wishing that he wasn't talking so excitedly about how happy he was that I was okay while he was replicating us food. I wanted to just come out and say it, but only Spock really appreciated it when I blurted things out. I smiled a little as I thought about him, accidentally smiling at something Kirk said—or at least _he_ thought I had. I smiled up at him as he sat down, setting the plates in front of us and then looking me in the eye.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asked me.

I took a deep breath. "Want me to just cut to the chase?"

He nodded. "Yeah—I'm not blind, Lil. So…what happened down there?"

I smiled sadly. "Spock and I got stuck in a cave together…and I'm still in love with him. We kind of…kissed."

****

**Janet's POV**

I smiled at Leonard as he sat down in his quarters and pulled me onto his lap. I pushed my hair behind my ears and ran my fingers through his hair. I kissed him softly as he slipped his arms behind my back, and then I pulled away and stroked his cheeks. He smiled up at me, and I rested my forehead against his. I really wanted to make this man happy—and not just in the sexual way. I wanted to mend his broken heart.

"You know…I wasn't the one in danger, Leonard." I told him, loving how his body vibrated when he chuckled. "It was Lily."

"Spock wouldn't have let anything happen to her." Leonard replied.

"I know." I said with a shrug. "He's perfect for her. No offense to Jim—actually I guess _some_ offense—but Lily needs someone who can handle her…and you know…who doesn't sleep around like a horny dog."

Leonard laughed again. "I agree with you."

"Don't get me wrong, he's not _all_ bad and he's your friend—" I tried, but he cut me off with a kiss.

I just melted into it, smiling as he played with the bottom of my shirt, his fingertips tripping across the bare skin of my lower back. He moved his lips against mine a little harder, so I slid my hands into his hair, and giggled when he started to push my shirt up a little. He didn't _want_ to talk about Kirk—he wanted to spend some quality time with the girlfriend who had told him that she loved him…and I didn't mind that in the slightest.

I lifted my arms up, smiling at him as he pulled my shirt off. He tossed it aside, and I ran my fingers through his hair again, kissing him passionately. We'd already tried this dance once…we could do it again. So I slid my tongue into his mouth, giggling a little as he hoisted my body up a little, so I pulled away and got off of him.

"If you want this…you seriously have to work for it." I told him.

Leonard smirked a little and stood up, walking up to me. I reached for the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head, tossing it onto the couch behind him. I ran my hands up his torso, smiling wickedly at how good his skin felt beneath my fingertips, and then I backed up a little, pulling my hands away.

"You…are a tease, Janet Olivia Ferris." He told me.

I gave him a playful shrug and then slipped the skirt of and sat on the bed. "Oh well. You love me anyways."

He nodded with a chuckle. "That I do."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't chuckle unless you're going to do it with your body against mine."

"Oh…is that an order?" Leonard asked me, standing his ground instead of coming over to me on the bed.

I slid back onto the mattress a little more and then laid down. "Whatever…you wanna touch me? You're gonna have to come over here and make that happen."

Leonard smiled at me and climbed on the bed, using his knees and his hands to keep himself propped up enough above me that I was going to have to work for our bodies to touch if that was what I really wanted. I giggled a little and sat up a little, kissing him tenderly. He kept himself propped up, making me work, so I pulled away and ran my hands down his body, stopping at his pants.

"I'm gonna need these off, Baby." I told him.

He chuckled. "Oh really? How are you gonna make that happen, Janet?" He baited me.

I rolled my eyes. "I love you, Leonard McCoy."

He nodded and lowered his body down, pressing mine to the mattress and running his hand along my arms. He chuckled a little as I pushed on his pants a little, him pushing them the rest of the way off, and then reaching up to slip my bra straps down, sliding his hands behind my back. I sat up a little and let him unhook it, sliding it off for him as he weaseled out of his remaining restraints and I wriggled out of mine. He stroked my hair and I slid my arms down his torso, slipping them around him as he cradled me, nibbling on my neck.

"I love you too, Janet." He told me.

I smiled. "Well then I'm ready for my performance check, Doctor."

****

**Lillian's POV**

"Stop it, Jimmy! Seriously! Come back here!" I told him, sighing as I hurried after him down the corridors.

No matter what I said, Kirk wasn't stopping—he was upset. He wasn't upset because he was in love me or because he felt betrayed, either—he was upset that Spock and I couldn't wait. At least that was what I _thought_ he was feeling in the pit of his stomach. When he got to Spock's door, he just punched in his override code as Captain and marched in. Spock stood up and his head jerked to the side as Kirk punched him hard.

"Jimmy!" I scolded.

Kirk sighed a little. "That's all I need to do. That was a really douche move kissing her like that while she was still my girlfriend. Still…I know you're the one that really makes her happy."

Spock nodded. "I did deserve that."

"Wanna hit me too? I mean I'm the one that came onto him in my rant." I said.

Kirk laughed. "No…I do _not_ want to hit you."

I nodded and Kirk swopped in to kiss my cheek, but nibbled my neck instead when I moved.

I rolled my eyes. "Real nice, Slut."

"Thanks, Bitch." Kirk smiled and grabbed my hand and kissed it. "I'm glad you're finally happy, Lil."

"Thanks, Jimmy." I told him.

He nodded and then turned to Spock. "You better be on my bridge bright and early, Commander."

Spock nodded too. "Yes, Captain."

Kirk left the room and I walked up to Spock, stroking the cheek that Kirk had slugged, I leaned up a little and kissed his jaw. He smiled, wrapping his arms around me, and I kissed him. Now that Kirk and I were broken up, we could easily pick up where we left off. I pulled my shirt off, helping Spock out of his clothes and he helped me out of mine, both of us falling back on the bed.

"I missed you." He told me, stroking my hair and then sucking on my neck.

I smiled. "I missed you too."

He rested his forehead on mine. "No matter what happens right now…promise me that you will tell me when you get scared? Promise me that you will always let me in—I want to be there for you."

"God…for a logical bastard…you're pretty much one of the most romantic men ever." I told him.

"I love you, Lily." He said.

"I love you too, Spock." I replied, kissing him and stroking his ears since I missed the feeling of his body convulsing happily against mine. "You can be my rock if you promise to let me be yours."

He kissed me passionately. "I promise."

I giggled and ran my fingers along his ears, slipping my tongue into his mouth, giggling more as he moaned a little. I smiled as his lips slid away from mine, nibbling on my jaw line and then nipping at my neck before he sucked on it. The sensation was fantastic, and I ran my hands along his strong arms, glad I was in them again. When he pulled away this time he smirked a little, and I shook my head.

"Let's not drag this out, Baby…it's been too long." I whispered.

"I want to savor it." He whispered back.

I laughed a little. "All right, Baby…if that's what you want."

He kissed my neck, nibbling down to my sternum and I smiled and stroked his sides, trying not to giggle when he nibbled on the tender spot of my neck. When I giggled, it just made him nibble more, and then right when I thought that it couldn't last any longer, he found new ways to make me ask him to stop dragging it out. Finally, he conceded, and after wards I snuggled into his arms and stroked his pecks as I kissed his soft, wet lips. This was the man that I wanted…now I just needed to figure out what I was going to do next.

**Note: I still have more chapters in me, I just wanted to give you a nice ending for once.**


	19. A New Life Awaits Us

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So I still have a few more storylines in me.**

**I hope you enjoy them.**

**There is another big time jump in this chapter, but then it will stay relatively in the same "time" for the next few chapters, if not for the rest of the story.**

**I just want to jump into the future a little bit in a nice way.**

**=P**

**Three POVs in this chapter again, people.**

**ENJOY!**

****

It had now been a year since I'd first arrived on the Enterprise and a little over 5 months since Spock and I had gotten back together. We spent so much time together when we weren't being professional at work that we had moved into the same quarters a month ago. Janet and Bones were in a little bit of a rocky patch because though neither of them wanted to talk about marriage yet, they were being stubborn and wanted the other one to bring it up. Megan and Chekov? Their wedding was in a week and she was freaking out a little about it.

"Spock?" I asked as I heard him turn the water on.

"Yes?" He answered from the bathroom.

I fixed my hair and smiled, going into the bathroom just as his naked bum had gotten into the shower. I stripped my clothes off and climbed in with him, wicked thoughts going through my head. He smiled a little and kissed me lovingly, tugging at my hair band softly and getting it loose so he could run his fingers through my hair as the water ran down our bodies.

"Big day, today." I told him between kisses as I ran my fingers through his wet hair. "Lots to do."

"Lots to do." Spock replied with a nod, the kisses continuing.

I groaned sadly. "I have to get back out and get dried off and dressed again. I don't have time for this."

Spock ran his nose along mine. "We could accomplish this task quickly."

"A quickie? Well isn't _that_ romantic." I asked him.

He pulled away a little. "Then you should go."

I shook my head and threw my arms around his neck. "Way to give in so. If you can give in so quickly maybe there's hope."

"So…you would like to even though you have someplace to be?" Spock asked me, making sure he had given me the logical option to choose even though we both knew I wouldn't take it.

"We can accomplish this task quickly. I really shouldn't have climbed into the shower with a handsome, wet, naked half-Vulcan with a fondness for me." I told him, giggling as he kissed me and hoisted me up.

We'd been a lot happier since we moved in together, but that didn't have to do with seeing each other everything—it had to do with the meaning behind it. Moving in together was the exact opposite of pulling away from each other. We were finally talking to each other about everything, and so when we were done in the shower, I got out and hurried around trying to get ready to go yet again.

"I am an illogical distraction for you." Spock told me, swooping in and kissing my neck as he stood behind me while I looked in the bathroom mirror to fix my hair.

I smiled. "Illogical perhaps, but I welcome the distraction."

I turned around to kiss him one last time and then headed towards Sick Bay. Janet had wanted my opinion on some things, and we had some wedding details to go over. When I got there, she gave me a look and I sighed—she had obviously fought with Leonard again. I came over to her and shrugged a little, looking around in search of Leonard, but finding no sign of him. I wondered how I could patch them up.

"You are late." Janet said.

I nodded. "Yes, I know. He was in the shower, I was craving him…I don't know. Dress details, Janet."

Janet laughed. "At least _someone's_ getting some. Megan is all pure and virtuous, and Leonard's being weird, and you and Spock are like rabbits—good for you."

"I'm proud of Megan for waiting. Relationships are dramatic enough without dealing with sex." I told Janet, putting my hand to my mouth. "Bleh, that's the second time this morning I've felt like throwing up."

"You're prolly catching that stupid virus that was going around last week. I finally got over it yesterday." Janet told me, handing me the datapad. "The dresses Megan wants us to wear are actually quite attractive."

I looked at them and smiled. They were simple, made of green material with a low neckline and a short train. Janet started talking about the idea of the wreaths around our heads, and about the simple shoes. I smiled at her and then her face suddenly got all excited and I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked her.

"Your ponytail is on a different side than normal." Janet told me with a laughed. "You're totally covering up a hickie."

I giggled. "Yeah."

Janet smiled. "And what's with the slight cringe?"

"I'm a little achey all over, no big." I replied.

Janet laughed again. "Well, shower sex _will_ do that to a person."

****

**Megan's POV**

The wedding was approaching rapidly and then I would Megan Elizabeth Chekov. I was really glad that the thought of taking his name was so exciting to me, and I couldn't wait to finally be his wife. Still, there was a lot to do and oversee, and little time to finish it all up in. I ran my fingers through my hair and pressed the button on the door, smiling at Pavel.

"Good Morning, Pavel." I told him, kissing him softly as he came into my quarters.

"Good Morning, Megan. Janet is under the impression that you are in need of some relaxation." Pavel told me with a grin, running his hands along my arms.

I laughed a little and nodded. "She wasn't wrong. What do you say we head to the Mess Hall and just eat and talk?"

"Sounds perfect." Pavel announced, and held my hand.

I wanted everyone to be this happy. I knew that Pavel and I were young, and we had way more life ahead of us, but we actually wanted to face it together. He was charming and gentlemanly…and he loved me. If this engagement had told me anything, it was that he loved me and we could make it. He'd come back ring, he'd proposed over dinner on one knee, and though we'd had some fights we were able to discuss things rationally after cooling down and move past it.

"Oatmeal vith raisins and brown sugar?" Pavel asked me as we made our way over to the replicator.

"Perfect." I told him happily.

He replicated me some breakfast and then we sat at the table we normally sat at, and I laughed a little when Kirk came over. He smiled at us and pulled out a datapad, looking it over.

"So you two are saying your own vows?" Kirk asked us.

Pavel nodded. "Megan and I thought it vould be more romantic that vay."

Kirk smiled. "Everyone seems so into romance these days."

"Well it could be because this is the first wedding on board the Enterprise under your command, Jim." Megan told him with a shrug.

"Well then I guess I know what to blame for not getting any last night." Kirk replied. "But what I really came to talk to you two about was who was in what positions."

I laughed a little. "Lily is my maid of honor I guess, even though she and Janet are really doing the same amount of stuff. Leonard is the best man, only because tomorrow our father arrives and he's walking me down the aisle."

Kirk nodded. "And I suppose Lily and Janet and Leonard all have dates then?"

I smiled at him. "Jim, you're _marrying_ us…but you can be an honorable groomsman, all right?"

"Only if it's all right with Pavel." Kirk told me, but Pavel and I both knew that Kirk was fishing for it.

Pavel smiled. "Of course you can be an honorable groomsman, Captain. Ve'd be honored."

Kirk beamed. "Fantastic! I'm going to go and practice a little, and then I'll make sure that everything is ready for your father, Megan. Enjoy your breakfast, you crazy kids."

Pavel and I both said 'goodbye' to Kirk, and then we ate our breakfast and he talked about his family coming up while I looked at my ring. I really couldn't have asked for a better man, so why did I feel like something was going down? I always felt this way before something big happened, and I didn't want to feel it right before my wedding. I pushed the feelings away and smiled at the man that I loved, kissing him softly when he stroked my hair.

"I love you." I told him softly.

He smiled at me and kissed me again. "I love you too, Megan."

****

**Spock's POV**

"Mr. McCoy is coming tomorrow?" I asked Jim.

He nodded. "Yeah—he's going to walk Megan down the aisle. I'm not sure where her mother is, but I'm sure she'll come with her father. So…how are you going to tell him that you're holed up with his eldest daughter?"

I looked at him and shrugged ever so slightly. "I will simply tell him the truth if the subject comes up. Lying is never a viable option for anything."

Jim laughed. "I don't know…from what I've heard Mr. McCoy's favorite is Lil, so…maybe you should try and figure out how to be delicate about the situation, Commander."

"Thank you for the advice, Captain." I told him, and headed back to mine and Lillian's quarters.

Having her close all the time was nice, but I was suddenly starting to think about our situation a little bit more logical like I should have in the beginning. Lillian and I were in love, but not married. We were sleeping together, but not married. We were living together but not married. Did we have to be married to make it all feel right? Lillian and I didn't even talk about marriage. We just kind of did what we felt like doing, and smiled as we did it.

"You need to talk to your girlfriend." Janet told me as she passed me in the corridors. "She just kind of took off out of Sick Bay earlier."

"Do you know what might be wrong?" I asked her.

Janet shook her head. "No. I know that Leonard walked in and I walked out and then when I went back in she said she had to go and do something and she'd fill me in later. She was really flustered though."

I nodded at her and hurried to our quarters, Lillian standing up as I walked in. She smiled at me and kissed me softly, but something was off. She was nervous and I didn't know why. She just kind of motioned for me to sit down, and so I did, holding her hands as she sat down next to me and held mine.

"Megan picked out the dresses—Father's bringing them up tomorrow when he arrives." Lillian told me.

I smiled. "Your little sister is getting married tomorrow."

She nodded. "Yeah…I'm really happy for her. She found the man she wanted to stay by her side forever, and she's happy."

"She and Mr. Chekov do seem very much in love." I agreed with her.

"Yeah…Spock?" She asked me.

Her entire face changed a little, and I kissed her hands and she smiled a little. She looked me in the eye and took a deep breath. I didn't know what was coming next, and I didn't know if I was ready for it or not. She ran her fingers over my hands and I started to get worried—what was wrong with her?

"You love me, right?" Lillian asked me.

I smiled and stroked her hair. "Of course I do."

She smiled too. "And I love you…with everything I have. This relationship of ours…do see it going somewhere?"

"Lily…where is all of this coming from?" I asked her, genuinely confused.

She laughed a little. "We just moved in together, and we're finally happy, and I just wish that I was able to have this conversation with you without getting too sappy—and I'm not looking for a proposal, so don't propose."

I moved a little so she could put her legs on my lap, leaning her head on my shoulder. She held my hands, running her fingers along the palms, sighing a little. She was troubled and I didn't know what she was troubled about, but I knew her well enough to know that if I kept asking her questions, she'd never get around to what she wanted to say. So I kissed the top of her head and I nuzzled my nose against her hair.

"I want you to be with me forever." Lillian finally told me.

"And I want to be with you forever." I replied. "I know it is not really the most logical or rational thing since we work together, but I do want you to know that."

Lillian nodded and then she looked at me and took a deep breath but then didn't say anything. I couldn't take this anymore. I had to know why she was dragging out what she was dragging out. She was quiet and deep in thought, and my Lily normally had something to say. Was she scared of something? Was she worried about her father's reaction to our relationship? Was she coming down with that virus? Was it something more?

"Lily…what's bothering you? Is it your father coming? Is it us living together when your father doesn't know? Is it something that has to do with Janet and Leonard? Because I'm sure that you can fix that. There is nothing that you—" I spouted off, unable to control it.

"—I'm pregnant." She told me, cutting me off.


	20. Mr and Mrs McCoy

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Oh man, what a cliffhanger.**

**So guess what?**

**You get a fun-filled chapter!**

**Yay for drama!**

**There might be some cute stuff too.**

**=P**

****

**Lillian's POV**

There it was, all out in the open. At first she stared at me, a whole run of emotions running through him. He was excited, he was scared, he was worried, he was happy—but his face wasn't showing me anything. His face was pretty much showing me what Vulcans showed everyone—nothing. I sighed a little and bit my nail, and then I bit my lip as he finally took my hand and kissed it. It reminded me of how I felt in Sick Bay not that long ago.

"_Janet, you don't have to leave just cause Leonard's coming in." I told her, sighing when she stood up._

"_Why don't you tell your brother that some women like to at least have marriage dropped into a conversation—then I will talk to him." Janet replied._

"_Can't you tell him?" I asked her dismally._

_She shook her head. "No…I don't want to get married yet, but I'd like to know that this relationship is going somewhere someday. He should get that without any help."_

_I sighed as she hurried out of the Med Bay, looking at Leonard as he came in. "So…do you want to talk to me about anything?"_

"_Nope." Leonard told me._

"_God…being stubborn is a family trait." I said with a laugh, picking up a tricorder randomly and opening it up. "So let's talk about something else—like Daddy coming tomorrow."_

_Leonard smiled a little. "As always, he's going to be prouder of Megan than of us. I'm pissing off my girlfriend and you're shacking up with your boyfriend."_

_I rolled my eyes. "Daddy can't get mad at me for living with Spock—he slept around with my mother and then left her pregnant to go back to Mommy."_

_Leonard laughed. "Leave it to you to make a sentence cute and awkward at the same time."_

"_What? Mommy is our Mommy—your biological one, but our Mommy." I said._

"_I agree. Hey…can you put that tricorder down, please?" Leonard asked me._

"_Why? I'm having fun scanning myself." I told him, and then actually looked at the readings I'd taken and swallowed—what was that?_

_I knew my face was a little shocked, so I just plastered a smile on my face and then looked up from the tricorder, shutting it. I was seriously pregnant? It made the nausea and the achey feeling make sense. But I'd already been here. I'd already thought for a second I was pregnant and it was a parasite. But this wasn't a parasite…this was a baby._

"_Lily, you're white—what's wrong?" Leonard asked._

_I smiled. "Nothing. I'm uh—I'll talk to you in a little bit."_

_I hurried out of Sick Bay, running into Janet and telling her I'd talk to her in a little bit. Spock deserved to know first. Spock deserved to hear it from me first. What was I going to say? How was I going to say it to him? Where was it all going to go from here?_

"You are absolutely positive, Lily?" Spock asked me softly.

I nodded. "Yeah. I know how to read a tricorder readout."

Spock smiled a tiny bit. "I know you know how to read a tricorder…how far along are you?"

"Um…actually I don't know. I was a little too freaked about the idea of having a baby inside of me." I told him. "And to be fair…I really don't want to tell Leonard about it even though I need him to check it out for me."

"Leonard is going to be upset. I am sorry, Lily—how are _you_ feeling about it?" Spock asked me.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm still processing, and I'm a lot more worried about you and how _you_ feel about it."

Spock smiled at me and kissed me softly, "I am not going anywhere, Lily. It is sooner than we thought it would happen, but it happened and we have a responsibility to see it through."

I laughed a little. "Oh, the logic that is seeping through. Spock…even though it's unexpected—"

"—Lily, I am happy." Spock assured me, resting his hand on my stomach to prove it to me. "I am a little uncertain as to what we are to do next…but I am happy."

"I'm happy too." I told him with a smile, resting my forehead against his as I placed my hand on his hand as it rested on my stomach. "Wow…we're having a baby."

****

"Hey, Lily—do you have that virus?" Leonard asked me.

Spock had come into Sick Bay behind me, and I had told him before we entered that I wanted him to make sure I was between him and Leonard at all times during this discussion—Leonard wouldn't hit me…especially while I was pregnant.

"No, I don't have a virus." I told him.

"Why do I feel like Commander Spock is cowering a little?" Leonard asked, raising an eyebrow.

Janet laughed. "Prolly cause he and your sister are going at it like rabbits and he knows you know and doesn't wanna get hit like when Jim hit him after the cave incident."

I blushed. "Not helping, Janet…really not helping right now."

Leonard took a forced breath. "What do you need…NO!"

"Leonard, take a deep breath." I told him as he stood up, eyes blazing. "Take a deep breath and wait for me to tell you why I'm here before you jump to conclusions."

"If I have to—" He said.

"—you do." I told him.

"Then I'm going to—"

"—no you're not."

"But he completely—"

"—No he didn't." I told Leonard with a smile as he protested. "I'm a big girl and I helped make this happen, and we just need to know how far along I am."

Leonard took a step closer to us and Spock and I immediately took a step back. Leonard nodded when I gave him a look though, nodding, so I got onto the hospital bed. Unfortunately, Leonard took that moment I had my back turned to clock Spock in the jaw and Janet yelled at him while I punched him in the arm.

"Ow! I'm protecting your honor!" Leonard told me.

"I don't need my honor protected. It's out of order, but I'm happy, Leo." I told him with a smile, taking his hand in mine. "Can you please just tell me how far along I am?"

Leonard sighed and nodded, smiling just a little when he thought I couldn't see him out of the corner of my eye when I stroked Spock's hurt jaw and he kissed my hand. Figuring things out, like the conception of a baby were a lot more advanced now and I didn't have to have any of that cold gel rubbed on my stomach for an ultrasound. All I needed was a thorough tricorder scan, and that would tell me hoe large the fetus was and in turn how old it was.

"Well…I'd say almost 6 weeks." Leonard told me. "This is weird—I'm an uncle to an unborn baby."

"Be happy about that, Leonard." Janet told him, stroking his hair. "I know it's different because she's your baby sister, but she's my best friend and I'm excited."

I smiled as she touched my stomach. "Thank you, Janet."

Janet was just as surprised as I was when Leonard took her by the hand and whirled her to face him. He smiled at her and tucked some of her hair behind her ear, kissing her softly. She kissed him back, Spock stroking my hair as I got off of the hospital bed. I couldn't help but smile at them because I wanted my siblings to be happy—to be sublimely happy.

"I'm not sure about marriage, Janet—but I want you. Is that what you needed to hear?" Leonard asked her.

"Yes." She replied with a smile. "And please—no babies. I so don't want to have any for another few years."

"Deal." Leonard said, and Spock and I left the room and headed back to our quarters.

We spent the rest of the day in there figuring out how to go about telling my father, and I watched from the bed as Spock paced a little. He was worried because he was meeting my father for the first time, and he was meeting him as the father of his love child's love child. I laughed a little at how that sounded in my head and Spock sent me a look, cocking his head to one side a little.

"I do not see what is so amusing about my pacing." Spock told me.

I smiled. "It's not your pacing, it's just…I'm a lot like my mother and yet nothing like her at the same time."

Spock climbed into bed with me, both of us sitting up and leaning against each other. I stroked his hands and looked up at him as he rested one of them on my stomach. He kissed my forehead softly and smiled at me and I smiled at him too. This was a lot better than I thought it was going to be, and I rested my hand on his as his thumb stroked my belly.

"I'll tell Daddy, okay? Just…he won't hit you, so don't be nervous." I told him, kissing him softly.

Spock nodded and we laid down, Spock pressing his chest against my back and holding me tightly. His hand was protectively on my stomach and I smiled a little—for a surprise, this baby was turning out to be a good one.

****

Megan, Leonard and I were all very excited to have our father come onto the ship. When his shuttle landed and he stepped off of it, Megan and I were the first ones to him. We hugged him fiercely and he kissed the top of our heads, then pulled Leonard into a hug and we went to hug our mother. Chekov, Janet and Spock held off a little, smiling as they watched us.

"So which one is the dashing groom?" Dad asked.

"Daddy? This is Pavel Chekov." Megan told him excitedly, taking Chekov's hand for a moment and smiling.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. McCoy." Chekov told him.

Dad beamed. "Oh no need to be so formal, Pavel! You can just call me 'Dad'. After all, you're marrying my youngest daughter. So this strapping man with the mostly emotionless expression must be Commander Spock?"

Spock held his hand out to Dad and nodded. "Welcome aboard, Mr. McCoy."

Dad smiled and him and shook his hand, and then brought Janet into a fond embrace. Since she'd grown up with us, my family was already fond of her. Janet laughed a little and made a joke about him hitting on her, to which he nudged her chin softly with his fist and they smiled at each other.

"You're smart to have finally fallen for a keeper, Leonard." Dad told him.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I really think the only smart person in this family is Megan."

Mom laughed. "Now don't go making fun of Lily, Leonard."

"I'm not!" Leonard protested.

"He's not, Mommy." I told her, squeezing her hand. "He's really not."

"Uh-oh…that means that Lillian must have done something. Lillian, Sweetheart…what have you done this time?" Dad asked me.

"Honey, do you really have to jump to the conclusion that she's done something wrong" Mom asked him.

Even though I wasn't biologically her daughter, Mom stood up for me more than anyone else. I thought it was sweet most days, but right now it was unnecessary. It was one of those days when I was really the one who should have been made fun of. I took a deep breath and went to Spock and took his hand.

"Daddy? Mommy? I'm kind of…we're kind of…living together." I told them, swallowing because I'd completely chickened out.

Telling my parents I was about to be a parent myself in a good 7 and a half months was a lot more intimidating than I thought that it would be. Spock squeezed my hand a little to let me know he was there and I knew that if I didn't tell them—he would.

"Well, Honey, we're not going to stone you for that or anything." Mom told me with a laugh, kissing the top of my head. "Leonard always makes things sounds more horrible than they really are."

"Mr. and Mrs. McCoy?" Spock asked them.

I shook my head. "Baby, its fine. They need to rest. We should show them to their quarters and schedule some dinner with them tonight."

"Lily, let the boy speak." Dad told me, and when I started to protest he sent me the 'Dad' look.

"Lily and I—" Spock began.

"—I'm pregnant." I cut in so they could hear it from me, but bit my lip and looked at Spock as he had finished his sentence as, "—would love to have you for dinner tonight."

Mom and Dad stopped smiling and then Mom stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head while Dad muttered some profanity and then just nodded. He smiled and came up to Spock again, holding out his hand.

"I'm not happy about it you two…but what's done is done. Welcome to Almost Parenthood, Commander Spock." Dad told him, and patted him on the shoulder.

"What? That's it?! If I knocked Janet up you'd tan my hide!" Leonard exclaimed.

"Leonard, calm down—and would you please get your sister something to drink? She's probably feeling nauseous and needs some water." Mom said.

Megan and I laughed as Mom teased him for his outburst, and Pavel and Spock quickly realized just what kind of a family they were getting involved in. We teased each other and never took it personally—and thankfully though disappointed with Spock and me, Mom and Dad were being understanding and accommodating.


	21. I Now Pronounce You Man and Wife

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**And it is the moment lots of you have been waiting for!**

***drum roll please***

**THE WEDDING!!**

**This is mostly in Megan's POV, fyi.**

**And onward!**

****

**Megan's POV**

I woke up that morning, Lily in my bed with me, Janet laying on the floor—we'd had a sleepover the night before. Janet and Lily had thought we should all have a few drinks—but only enough to get tipsy, not drunk. No one wanted to hung over today…especially me. Today I was changing my last name. Me. Youngest McCoy. I was getting married.

"Someone's going to pay for the crick in my neck." Janet groaned.

Lily laughed a little. "Sorry, Janet—my back's been achey."

"Oh yeah, blame the baby why don't you?" Janet told her, but she was smiling as she rubbed her neck. "I'll just get Leonard to massage it when we see him in a bit."

"Good idea." Lily said, turning over so she was her back. "You ready, Meg?"

I smiled at her. "Yeah…I really think I am. I love him."

Lily leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I'm happy for you, Sis. Now…what do you say we all go and get some breakfast?"

"What about that whole, 'Can't see the bride until the wedding' thing?" Janet asked, sitting up on the floor.

"I think that only applies to me while I'm in the dress doesn't it?" I asked them.

Lily shrugged. "I have no idea. Do you want to…be on the safe side?"

I shook my head. "No. I want to eat breakfast in the Mess Hall like a normal person, and then check Cargo Bay 3 to make sure that it's all set up the right way, and then I have to—"

"Megan!" Janet cut me off.

Lily laughed. "You have bridesmaids to check on stuff for you."

I blushed and laughed a little too. "I know I do, I just—I want everything to be perfect."

Janet nodded. "We know you do hon. Let's go eat."

We all agreed with her and got dressed, heading down to the Mess Hall, gossiping together. Lily was excited because morning sickness hadn't hit yet, and Janet was busily talking about how Leonard was finally letting her all the way in. Still, all I could think about was getting married…that and oatmeal. I really needed some oatmeal.

"Meg? Honey?" Lily asked me.

I looked at her and then realized I was still standing in the lift even though the doors had opened. I smiled and waved it off, following them into the Mess Hall and sitting at the table while Lily got up to get us the food. When she got to the replicator, Dad was already there, and so he helped her get the food.

"So how exactly are you two going to handle the whole honeymoon situation?" Janet asked me.

"Oh, Pavel and I are just going to hang out on the ship." I told her with a shrug. "We're just getting married we're not changing our whole routine. Besides—we're on a starship."

Janet shrugged. "Nothing should get in the way of a honeymoon, Megan."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Only you and Lily, Janet."

****

**Lillian's POV**

I fixed Spock's tie as he straightened out my sleeves, and I smiled at him. He looked quite dashing in a suit, and I kissed him softly. It was Megan's wedding day and everyone was happier than normal. Dad had been lecturing Spock and me a little, but mostly he was staying out of it for fear of being a hypocrite. Spock stroked my cheek so he wouldn't mess up my hair, and then smiled at me when I pulled away.

"Okay, so you have to check on Jimmy and make sure he's ready to go. Leonard has the rings, and Janet it making sure that the guests are all seated in the right places." I told Spock, letting go of his tie. "You look really fantastic in that suit."

"No time, Lily." Spock teased, kissing my forehead and heading past me out of our quarters.

I rolled my eyes and called after him, "I have been a terrible influence on you!"

I laughed a little anyways though, grabbing my shoes and slipping them on before heading down to Cargo Bay 3 and checking up on the decorations and Janet. She looked bored but content, and then she nodded at me and I headed up to see Megan. Mom was helping her out with her hair, and I smiled—she pulled her wedding dress off beautifully. It was simple and yet elegant, and I loved my little sister. She beamed at me and lifted her hands up a little.

"Well? What do you think?" She asked me.

I felt the tears start to come. "You look beautiful, Meg."

She fanned herself. "Stop it, Lil—you know I cry when you do."

"They're happy tears, I swear!" I told her, and grabbed her a tissue so she could blot at her eyes a little without hurting the make-up she had on them.

"I think both of my girls look beautiful." Mom announced, and fixed Megan's veil before grasping one of each of our hands. "I'm really happy for both of you. Megan's about to experience the joys of marriage, and Lily's about to experience the ups and downs of motherhood."

Megan smiled. "Do you feel weird?"

I shrugged. "Not weird…different though."

Mom moved our hands and splayed them out on my stomach. "You're responsible for this life inside of you, Lily. It always comes first."

"I love you, Mommy." I told her with a smile, more tears coming.

"Oh, Girls." Mom said, and she hugged us both.

"I knew I'd find you all in here blubbering." Dad announced as he came in.

Megan laughed a little. "Hey, Daddy."

Dad came over and kissed her forehead. "You look beautiful, Megan."

Megan thanked him and I went to go and make sure that everything was ready to go since Megan was ready, Chekov standing by the altar. I smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder, nodding at him. He was nervous, but he was a lot more excited than anything else. He loved my sister terribly, and it was only because of that, that I was willing to accept him into my family with open arms.

"You look very handsome, Chekov—sorry, Pavel." I told him.

Chekov smiled at me. "Thank you. You look wery pretty, Lily."

I squeezed his shoulder to reassure him, and then headed to go out of Cargo Bay 3 when I saw Spock Prime. I smiled at him and waved, him smiling back at me. I went in to hug him and he actually hugged me back and then we pulled away to get a good look at each other.

"You look beautiful, Lily." Spock Prime told me.

"Well thank you. You look quite dashing yourself." I said, smiling at my Spock as he showed up next to us as well.

"I heard that Megan invited you." Spock told Spock Prime.

Spock Prime nodded. "I could not pass up the invitation to see Megan marry Pavel."

I smiled. "Well we're all very happy that you came."

"Are you all right, Lily?" Spock Prime asked me as I closed my eyes to swallow.

"I was really hoping I'd get through this without—just give me a minute." I told him, holding my finger up, and I knew that Spock was filling him in.

I had been so excited before that no morning sickness had ruined anything, but here it was. I felt like throwing up, and I just might this time. It just meant that I really was having a baby. So I went to the nearest restroom and stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out if I was actually going to throw up or not.

****

**Megan's POV**

I didn't expect to be this nervous. I was standing just outside Cargo Bay 3, calming my nerves as I realized that the minute I walked down that aisle and stood next to Pavel in front of Kirk, we were going to be joined in holy matrimony. I was just minutes away from being Mrs. Megan Elizabeth Chekov. Just the thought of it brought a grin to my face, and I looked at Dad as he walked up to me.

"Well, Honey…how are you feeling?" He asked me.

I shrugged a little. "I'm excited actually."

He nodded and hugged me. "I'm losing my baby girl."

"Pavel is one lucky kid." Leonard said, and came over to hug me too.

"To be fair, I'm still a kid too." I told him with a laugh.

Dad looked at me. "Just how old is Pavel anyways?"

I blushed a little. "20…"

"You're marrying a baby!" Dad exclaimed and Leonard and I shushed him.

"Daddy, I'm only 22." I replied. "I know it's young, believe me but…I just love him and I know I'm going to be happy with him."

Dad sighed. "Well I guess that's all that matters then."

Leonard kissed my cheek and then he looked at Lily had come up with Janet and Spock, and they smiled at me. Everyone was ready to go, they just had to wait for the wedding march, and then it was time. Janet and Spock were walking down the aisle first as a groomsmen and bridesmaid, and then Leonard and Lily as Maid of Honor and Best Man. Then it would be me and Dad, and as I thought about it, the music started.

"Showtime." Lily said, kissing me softly. "I love you, Meglet."

I smiled at the childhood nickname. "I love you too, Lilybean."

She smiled back at me, the doors sliding open so that Janet and Spock could start it off, arms linked, then Lily and Leonard followed, and Dad adjusted my hood before we walked down the aisle. I smiled at Pavel as he smiled at me, and I blushed a little. He was definitely something else all dressed in a tux and I couldn't wait to reach the altar.

When I did, Dad kissed my cheek and took a step back and to the side, Pavel taking my hands in his as we stood in front of Kirk. Kirk chuckled just a little too himself and winked at Pavel, Pavel blushing and trying to pretend like he hadn't noticed.

"She's quite a looker, nice choice." Kirk told him.

"Down, Jimmy—she's taken." Lily said, and I couldn't help but laugh a little myself.

"Who give this woman away?" Kirk asked out loud.

Mom and Dad beamed. "We do."

Kirk nodded and cleared his throat. "We are all gathered here today to join the ravishing Megan McCoy to Pavel Chekov."

Janet cleared her throat a mimed the 'off with his head' sign, and Pavel smiled a little, chuckling ever so softly.

"Most of us have watched these two awkwardly flirt, but that awkward flirting has blossomed into a love that most of us have not had the blessing to find. Most of us go through our days having our crush ignore us, or rebuff us, or having our significant other not understand what the next step should be, or plain having our girlfriends stolen by our friends—but not Ravishing Megan or Pavel. Their love is real." Kirk said in a cheesy voice.

Lily bit her lip to keep from laughing, but I heard her giggles as I tried very hard to just focus on Pavel, and not on Kirk being his usual self.

"They have opted to write their own vows, so if Lily would be so kind as to present Ravishing Megan's ring for Pavel to Ravishing Megan, I would be happy." Kirk told her.

Lily rolled her eyes and handed me the ring, me turning to Pavel.

"Pavel…the moment I met you I stumbled over all of my words. You were too adorable when you asked me about Vulcan. It took me a lot of courage to ask you out, but it was worth it. I promise to love and cherish you for the rest of our days together, and I will always be your rock…always and forever." I told him, sliding the ring onto his wedding finger, Pavel smiling at me.

"Now, if Leonard would kindly hand Pavel's ring for Ravishing Megan to Pavel so he may bestow it to Ravishing Megan, I'd be even happier." Kirk said, Leonard flipping him off as discreetly as possible as he handed Pavel the ring.

Pavel beamed at me. "Megan…our first date vas the most fun I have had. You are a wery beautiful and intelligent young voman, and I am lucky to be able to call you mine. I vould not ask for a better partner in life, and I will alvays love and respect you, to the end of our days. I love you, Megan Elizabeth McCoy, and I alvays vill."

I could hear the sniffles coming from my family and I brushed a happy tear away as he slid the ring onto my wedding finger. I was itching to kiss the groom, and the moment Kirk told him to, he lifted my veil and kissed me lovingly. I ran my fingers through his hair a little, smiling and laughing as we pulled away to face the crowd that had gathered for us.

"I now pronounce you, Man and Wife." Kirk said happily, clapping his hand on the book he was holding loudly.

It wall would have been perfect had the explosion not gone off. I cried out Pavel's name as he hit the ground, Leonard yelling out Janet's name as Spock hurried over to protect Lily.


	22. Return of a Foe

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**What a cliffhanger.**

**Originally there were only going to be two chapters left of this story.**

**I know, I know…bummer.**

**Buuuuuut, I came up with a new idea just this morning that I can completely run with for a few more chapters.**

**If you guys want me to continue more than just like 25 chapters, you guys are going to have to brainstorm some ideas and send them to me in the form of a message, or a review.**

**I promise to give you credit for your ideas if I use them.**

**And now, onto the chapter.**

****

**Spock Prime's POV**

There was utter chaos when the explosion occurred. The Enterprise was being shot on by an enemy ship and Mr. Scott had quickly patched up the breach before anyone was sucked out of the cargo bay and into the vacuum of space. Unfortunately, there were several casualties, and I and a couple dozen others were in Sick Bay with Leonard and Matthew.

"Spock! Spock! I am fine." Lily told my younger self as he looked over the gash in her arm. "Hey! Look me in the eye…I am fine, and the baby is fine. It's just a flesh wound."

I couldn't help but smile a little bit at the thought of my younger self getting to go through the wonder of being a father—especially when it was with Lillian McCoy.

"Your head is bleeding." Spock told her.

Lily kissed him softly and ran her nose along his, and I looked over to see the sadder sights. Jim was a little wounded, but he'd been fixed up right away and headed to the bridge to deal with the attack. Megan was holding Chekov's hand and crying a little, asking him to wake up, while Janet also lay stone cold, bruised and a little cut up. Leonard was in a rather bad mood because he wanted to be able to be by her side, but he had other crew members to tend to.

Mr. McCoy was with Janet though, letting my younger self tend to Lily, and Mrs. McCoy checked on all of her little ones as best as she could. Lily made Leonard let her wrap her own arm, Spock helping her with it. She stroked his cheek with her free hand, assuring him that everything was going to be fine as he held himself together the best that he could. I understood how he felt—he didn't want to lose anything else that was precious to him, and I didn't want him to either.

"How are you holding up?" Dr. McCoy asked me.

"I am fine, Leonard." I replied. "I have been helped as much as I could be."

"Dr. Mars?" Lily asked Matthew. "Am I free to go now? I have a terrible feeling that Jimmy might need my help."

Matthew sighed and nodded, Spock and Lily heading out of Sick Bay, me right behind them. The time line was definitely different than mine was. In mine, Megan and Chekov got through their wedding without a hitch and when they finally got back to Earth after the five year mission was over, they settled down and had three children—two girls and a boy. Sadly, Janet seemed to be serving out what had happened to her, only in a different way—she hadn't made it to 28 in my world.

"You look sad." Lily told me in the lift, taking my hand so I looked at her. "Everything's going to be fine."

"I do not believe that everything is just going to be fine, Lily." Spock said. "Pavel and Janet are unconscious and we've lost seven crew members today."

"And we're going to save more. I need to stay positive and optimistic, Spock!" She told him, biting her lip so she wouldn't cry. "Don't you think I know that things are bad right now? Janet is in a coma and Pavel still hasn't woken up! I can't even begin to understand how Megan and Leonard feel right now! What if it had been you?"

Spock wrapped his arms around her, kissing her head as she cried into his chest. On top of feeling overwhelmed and devastated, Lily was hormonal and just needed to hold onto a ray of hope to keep her sanity. I squeezed the hand of hers that was still holding mine, and she squeezed it back as Spock kissed her softly and then we all let go of each other as the lift doors opened for the bridge.

"Thank God the three of you are here!" Jim exclaimed. "Lily, I need you."

Lily nodded. "Anything…within reason."

Jim smiled at her and though in a time of crisis, it was nice to see that they were still friends, just as Lily and I had been in my world when she had been with Jim. Jim took her hand and led her over to his chair, having her stand by it as he sat down. Spock went to his station and I stood where I was, watching over them all. I was still attached to all of these people, and I wanted to help them in anyway that I could.

"So who is firing at us?" Lily asked, gripping onto Jim's chair as another shot shook the entire ship.

"I think you'll feel a bit of a personal attachment to them." Jim replied.

"Captain? We're being hailed." Nyota told him.

Jim nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant Uhura—put it on screen."

She patched it through to the view screen and Lily nodded as the face came on screen. I recognized him, and I wondered why he'd attacked when he'd been so peaceful where I was from.

"It is so good to see you again Captain Kirk. As you may remember, I am Lorter, Leader of the Hurshkins. We have some unfinished business to attend to." Lorter told Jim with a smile on his face.

"Lorter…it is so nice to see you again." Jim told him with fake enthusiasm. "I'm sure that you would like to negotiate some kind of surrender with us, so if you would so kindly beam over here, we would be more than happy to—"

"—I'm afraid you will be beaming over here, Captain." Lorter replied.

Jim nodded. "I'm afraid that because of circumstances beyond our control, my negotiation team and I needed to remain on board out ship. If you would feel more comfortable, you may beam over as much security as possible."

Lorter sighed, and I knew that it was because there were things on this ship that he would like to get his hands on. What he didn't know, was that I was going to be able to reconfigure our shields and I knew how to render their ship as useless. So I hurried out of the bridge and onto the lift as Lorter agreed to the terms, and I headed straight to Engineering to help Mr. Scott.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I wasn't very excited about having to talk to Lorter. I knew that it was my job as the Counselor to smooth things over, but I really didn't feel like facing him right that second. This was the man that had declared war on us just because we'd answered a distress call. I also knew that I was making it a little personal, but I couldn't help it—Lorter had _ruined_ Megan's wedding, and he'd put Pavel's and Janet's in danger.

"It's just going to be you and me, Lil." Kirk told me.

I nodded. "Yeah…that's fine."

Kirk smiled and took my hand. "Hey…you're going to get through to him."

"Of course I am." I told him, putting a smile on my face.

Kirk headed into the room we were going to negotiate in, and Spock took my hand since he'd walked us there. I turned to look at him and smiled a little when he stroked my hair and kissed me softly. In the week that we'd known about the baby, we hadn't told anyone except my family, Spock Prime, and Sarek. We didn't want to deal with all of the gossip that would come with the news of my pregnancy coming out, but knew that the injured crew in Sick Bay now knew because of Spock's reaction to my injuries and me consoling him out loud.

"If anyone can get through to him, it's you." Spock said, and then kissed my hand and took a step back to let me go in.

I smiled at him and nodded, going in and coming face to face with Lorter and five of his largest men I was assuming. I smiled a little and took my seat next to Kirk, looking at him and waiting for him to speak first. I wasn't about to get all emotional over this before he had a chance to list out his demands. I had to do this logically—I had to wait my turn.

"What exactly is it that you want?" Kirk asked him.

"We want your transporter technology." Lorter told him simply. "You give us that, and you comply to being taken into custody, and no one else has to get hurt."

"Yes, because that seems fair." I told him.

Lorter looked at me. "Was that sarcasm?"

I looked him in the eye. "I don't understand why you thought it was all right to fire on our ship, Lorter. I mean, we helped you with your parasite problem. So either the problem isn't entirely taken care of because you found more, or you're simply angry about something else and you're taking it out on us."

"You don't have to make this personal." Lorter told me.

"You came out of nowhere and fired on our ship with no warning! One of the hits you directed at the ship hit the cargo bay that my little sister was having her wedding in, and you hurt her husband _and_ my best friend is lying in Sick Bay in a coma! Don't even get me started on how much you scared my husband because our unborn baby might have gotten killed too! So yes, I _do_ have to make this personal! You had absolutely _no_ good reason to fire on our ship!" I told him firmly.

"You knew you were entering hostile territory, and you helped the people we were disputing with. In helping them, you hindered us, and that means that we are at war with you too." Lorter replied.

I took a deep breath. "I understand that you feel betrayed and used because your planet has been made into a place of refuge involuntarily, but we didn't just help I'mteb…we helped you and your people too. So how about you stop firing on us and go back to your planet and do something meaningful like maybe convince I'mteb to be a little bit more active towards not letting warring people land on your planet! Or maybe you should work together against the parasites! Maybe stop fighting each other!"

"I'mteb and the Grokener Tribe have been subdued. They have already surrendered, and it's about time you did too…unless you _want _us to blow up your ship." Lorter threatened.

I held my hands up in surrender and right as Kirk was about to renegotiate, Spock Prime contacted him. He told Kirk that the recalibration of the shields was complete and we had the firepower to defeat the Hurshkins. When Lorter heard that he got angry and fired his weapon, Kirk diving in front of me. It hit him in the side, and when the shot had been heard, Spock was in the room with his phaser and the Hurshkins beamed out. We were pretty sure that wasn't the last of them when they went to warp, but for now they were gone.

"What the Hell is wrong with you?!" I asked Kirk angrily, kneeling by his side and telling Leonard we'd see him soon.

Kirk shrugged. "You have a baby to keep alive, Lil."

I smiled at him and kissed him swiftly, rolling my eyes. "You never cease to surprise me, Jimmy. Thank you."

Spock nodded and held out his hand to help Kirk up. "Thank you, Jim."

"It was no problem." Kirk replied. "Anyone can be a hero."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, helping Spock help him to Sick Bay.

****

It had been a few hours since the explosion had ruined Megan's wedding. Thankfully Chekov was awake and in their quarters, Megan sticking by his side and waiting on him hand and foot even when he told her not too. Janet still had yet to wake up though, but since Sick Bay had cleared out, Leonard was able to sit by her side and try to talk her out of the coma. I felt for my brother, but Spock had me on bed rest because I'd "been through enough for the day".

"Shouldn't I go and check on Janet?" I asked him, sitting up in the bed.

Spock came over and set a tray of food on my lap. "It is illogical for you to put your body through anymore stress than you have to put it through. You are no longer just you, Lily."

I smiled at him. "I know, I know…I'm me and the baby."

"I figured that you liked macaroni and cheese, and it has been a rough day, so since you like comfort food on a rough day—" Spock said, but I cut him off with a kiss.

I did not feel like I deserved this multi-faceted man. He was beautiful, thoughtful, loyal, logical, sometimes irrational, kind, and I couldn't think of a better man to be with. I pulled away and then moved the tray, kissing Spock again. He shook his head a little though, and pulled his lips away from mine, kissing my hands and standing back up.

"You need your rest." He told me.

I smiled a little. "Funny, when you needed your rest you jumped me."

"You aroused me against my will." Spock reminded me, and I laughed a little because he hadn't minded too much.

"Fine…I will eat my comfort food and rest if that is what you want me to do." I replied, and started eating the macaroni and cheese.

Spock nodded and went to get himself some food, sitting next to me on the bed as he ate as well. We chatted about some things to take to Leonard to make him feel better, and we discussed how likely it was for Janet to get out of her coma. When we were done eating, he took care of the dishes and held me close to him, stroking my arms with his hands as I bit my lip.

"I can't lose her." I admitted to him.

Spock nodded. "I know, Lily—Leonard is doing everything in his power to make sure she pulls through this. If anyone will help her, it is him."

I turned and rested my forehead in the crook of his neck. "I hope you're right."

Spock stroked my stomach and I kissed his neck.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Whatever comes out." He replied.

I nodded. "I think I want a boy."

Spock nodded. "It is not a good idea to get attached to the idea of one or the other—it is better to keep an open mind about it."

I was going to reply, but then the panel in the room went off and I got up to answer it. It was Leonard, so I hurriedly patched him through and crossed my fingers.

"How's Janet?" I asked him.

Leonard took a deep, sad breath. "I'm sorry, Lily…I did everything that I could do."


	23. Wake Up, Janet

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay so just a little note…Janet isn't dead.**

**HaHa.**

**And remember…If you kill me the story won't be able to come to a complete end.**

****

Leonard was pretty certain that Janet wasn't going to wake up from her coma. He'd tried everything he could think of, but she's been hit so hard in the head by the explosion, that she wasn't responding the way she should have been. Leonard was a nervous wreck, and so I had headed down to Sick Bay and sat with him, stroking his hair as he thought of what to do next.

"She's not waking up…I can't…why won't she just wake up?" Leonard asked me sadly.

"Leo, just give her some time. Maybe her head just needs to heal a little more. She'll wake up." I assured him, wishing I knew that for sure.

Leonard just shook his head and looked at me. "Let's change the subject for a moment…Jim says you called Spock your husband today."

I looked at him. "What? Did I?"

"You were getting mad at Lorter about what he did today." Leonard explained.

I blushed. "I guess I might have then."

Leonard smiled. "Well one of us should be happy, Lily…maybe you should tell him you wish he was."

"Who says I do?" I asked him. "I'm not running off to go talk to him while Janet's comatose and you're a mess."

"Lily, I'm fine…just go back to your quarters and pay attention to Spock." Leonard told me, stroking my hair.

I went over to Janet and kissed her forehead and then rested my forehead to hers. Janet and I had been through macaroni art, bad grades, break ups, first loves and even fights. If there was one thing I wanted right that second, it was for Janet to open her eyes and laugh at us for all sitting around waiting for her like retards. Laughing a little at how 'Janet' that would be, I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead again and then squeezed Leonard's hand before I went back to my quarters and went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, I turned over and sighed since Spock wasn't lying in bed next to me. I propped my head up on my hand and looked at him as he sat on the couch typing things into a datapad. He was completely unaware that I was even awake, and I laughed a little, making him look up at me.

"Maybe I can mind meld with her." He told me. "I mean it might be dangerous, but I could do it."

I got up to go over to him. "I really doubt Leonard is going to let you mind meld with Janet if there's a possibility that it could kill her. Her head has withstood a lot of trauma, Spock."

Spock nodded. "I need to help her."

I nodded and took his datapad from him, sitting on his lap and sliding my fingers into his hair. He closed his eyes, letting me massage his head a little—he'd been sitting up for who knows how long, trying to figure out how to get Janet to wake up. It was sweet that he was doing it not only for me, but for Leonard and even Janet. He liked Janet—we all liked Janet. It was time she woke up.

"Have I told you today how much I love you?" I asked him, lazily running my finger along his ear.

"Lily…" Spock warned.

"Because I do love you…I love you more than you know." I whispered, bringing my face closer to his and tracing his ear again."

Spock closed his eyes, shivering pleasantly a little beneath me. "You really need to learn when that is appropriate."

I kissed him softly and shrugged as he gripped my hips. "This is about as appropriate a time as ever."

"There is a baby in here." Spock told me, touching my stomach. "It does not seem quite right to engage in such activity when a life form inhabits your stomach now."

"The baby isn't going to mind." I said with a laugh. "Trust me…this kind of thing happens all the time. Woman gets pregnant, craves the intercourse, husband complies—the baby in the meantime, doesn't care. If Mommy is happy, Baby is happy."

"I am not seeing the logic in that." Spock replied.

I sighed. "You are hopeless."

Spock moaned a little as I stroked his ear again. "Lily…"

I giggled and nibbled his ear. "Just comply, Spock…it's going to make this situation a lot easier on you."

****

**Spock's POV**

I couldn't help but smile just a little at Lily as she giggled, lying there in the tangled sheets. She had watched me get dressed, and though I gave in on the urges, I still felt a little awkward about it. There was satisfaction to easing the feelings by giving in, but giving in, in itself still felt a little illogical.

Nonetheless, I bent down to kiss her as I put my communicator on. "Are you satisfied now?"

I couldn't help but wish the sheets would fall away a little when she sat up more, but she held them to herself and giggled. It was just as well—I needed to focus on the next mission and not on my human urges.

"Very. Have fun on the planet and try not to get shot, please." She added in a teasing tone.

I smiled again and kissed her, heading out of the quarters, leaving her to get up, shower and get dressed. I headed to the transporter pad, noticing that Chekov was heading down to the planet with Jim, Ensign Black and I. I hadn't expected him to be going on a mission this soon after getting out of Sick Bay, but he was explaining to Jim that he could be helpful, and so Jim agreed.

We beamed down to the planet and looked around, scanning for the source of the hail. When we found the signal, we realized that it was coming from a cave. We were not quite sure what was going to happen, but we followed the signal into the cave, the four of us, and we found some bodies.

"They look like they have been here for a long vhile." Chekov said.

"That's just nasty." Jim told him.

Ensign Black nodded. "The real question is…is this a trap?"

I looked up from the tricorder readings. "It certainly appears to be."

"Then maybe we should leave…" Jim was saying, but when he turned around he sighed. "Yeah…great. It's a spectral thingy."

"The correct term is 'entity'." I replied as I turned to see it as well.

The being was emitting energy and other readings we did not understand, and then something rather spectacular happened—the being entered Ensign Black's body through his nostrils. Ensign Black turned to me and I took a step back, trying to scan him for anymore discrepancies—he seemed normal. You could not even tell that something was possessing his body.

"I am in need of assistance." Ensign Black told me, speaking for the entity inhabiting his body.

"There are two more!" Jim exclaimed.

"Vhat do ve do?" Chekov asked.

Before we could answer him, the two entities came to us, one entering Jim and the other entering me. I felt rather invaded, and as I stood there, I realized I no longer had control of myself. I was feeling what the entity was feeling, and strangely I found myself attracted to the entity in Jim. It was awkward…and when Chekov asked for us all to be beamed to Sick Bay, Jim raised his phaser and shot Ensign Black.

****

**Lillian's **POV

When I was up, clean and dressed, I went to the Mess Hall, smiling at Megan as she sat there. She looked really upset, and so I sat down next to her and no sooner had I done that, had she started ranting and raving.

"Pavel is heading down to the planet! The _planet_, Lily! He like just woke up and he's heading out into danger!" Megan exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Megan. Spock's heading down too. Jimmy and Ensign Black are with them." I told her, taking her hand. "I'm sure they'll be fine."

Megan gave me a look. "Yeah…cause all the Away Missions people have been sent on have ended _really_ well."

I laughed a little. "Trust me, Megan—they'll be fine. We can't possibly be so unlucky as to have two terrible things happen in less than 48 hours."

Megan sighed. "Fine…I'll _try_ to think optimistically."

I nodded. "Good."

The two of us ate a little bit and then we were both asked to come to Sick Bay. It had only been a couple of hours since Chekov and the others had beamed down, so for us both to be asked to Sick Bay, meant something had gone wrong. Great. Was _every_ away Mission going to end badly? Why did they have to end badly?

"I told you this was going to be bad!" Megan said in the lift.

I sighed. "Fine, fine…you were right."

Megan looked like she was going to cry so I gripped her hand and we headed to Sick Bay and walked in on the most disturbing thing I'd seen yet—Kirk had just leaned in to kiss Spock…what the Hell? I hurried over to them and separated them, Leonard stunned but shaking it off to tend to Ensign Black's phaser wound.

"What the Hell? Don't touch each other!" I said, placing a palm on Spock's chest and a palm on Kirk's. "Would someone like to explain why my current boyfriend and my ex boyfriend are trying to go at it?"

"This female belongs to mine." Spock said.

I looked at him strangely. "Excuse me?"

Chekov sighed. "They vere possessed on the planet. It vas a trap. The one in Ensign Black wanted our help, but Captain Kirk shot him vhen one of the other entities inhabited his body."

I nodded. "Oh…of course."

"But you're okay?" Megan asked him.

"Yes." Chekov replied, smiling a little as she kissed him passionately in response. "It is good to see you too, Megan."

"You are staying on this ship until further notice." Megan told him, her arms wrapped around Chekov's neck. "Is he free to go?"

Leonard nodded. "Take your husband to your quarters."

I looked at Leonard. "I think it would be best if we separated these two—I think they think they're lovers."

"I do believe mine likes the female as well." Kirk told Spock.

I grabbed their ears. "I do not appreciate you referring to me as 'the female'. Now will you please tell me what you want? And maybe get out of Jimmy and Spock?"

Spock smirked. "That is an oddly pleasing sensation for this body—can you grab his ear again? I'm intrigued by the sensation."

"I can try." Kirk replied, making me let go of his ear and swat his hand away.

"Hey! There will be no ear arousing done by anyone but me to this body." I told him sternly, pointing to Spock. "Now what do you want…and who the Hell is supposed to be in charge of the ship now? Sulu?"

"Yes." Leonard replied. "Um…Lily?"

I looked up, both Kirk and Spock following the gaze as the entity left Ensign Black, his body flat lining. Leonard quickly went to a control panel near his office and typed some things in, making force fields as I stepped away from Spock and Kirk. Unfortunately, though Kirk and Spock were in their own force fields away from each other, Leonard couldn't contain the other one before it went into Janet, and her eyes flew open.


	24. You Have WHAT Inside You?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**OMG!**

**JANET'S BRAIN DEAD BUT POSSESSED?!**

**WHAT THE HELL DO THE ENTITIES WANT?!**

**Well…all those are very good and the questions shall be answered in this chapter.**

**Oh, and I have some more ideas my dears, before the story sadly comes to a close.**

**If I use your ideas, then I will mention you at the beginning of that chapter.**

**Now…here we go…**

****

I watched as Janet got off of the hospital bed, the entity in habiting her body. The other two looked at her with angry looks on their faces and I wrinkled my brow at how strange it was to see Spock and Kirk angry with Janet…even though it wasn't really the three of them. I took a step towards her, and shook my head at Leonard as he went for a phaser.

"I am in need assistance." Janet told me, speaking for the entity.

I nodded. "All right…and what is it that you need me to do?"

Janet stood there calmly. "The two behind you are outlaws. They escaped from custody—they were supposed to die. Every attempt to bring them back has failed, and I am sorry for your crewmember."

"Thank you." I told her slowly as she looked at Ensign Black with regret.

"He was so kind." She said.

I nodded. "Yes he was."

"My point is, the two of them need to be executed and returned to the surface…I can help you do that." Janet explained. "She can go first or he can…whichever you prefer."

I turned to look at Spock and Kirk and turned back to her. "Some random female entity is _inside_ of Spock?"

"Oh don't listen to her." Spock said a hand going on his hip as the other one waved it off with a very girly flick of the wrist. "She's just upset we didn't wanna live down there anymore. I like this new body it's so solid."

"Stop touching him!" I told the entity in Spock's body.

Spock smirked. "Baby, you should have gone inside her—this body is highly attracted to her when she's irrational."

I was completely weirded out by Spock's voice saying what he was saying, and his body movements. There was some strange female entity in him, and she was making him act like strangely…and she was attracted to the entity in Kirk. They had kissed. Spock and Kirk had kissed. It wasn't even hot guy on guy action either…was it? It was weird. Spock wasn't supposed to kiss anyone but me. Then again they were both great kisses—Spock was better—and I was off topic.

Janet smiled a little. "If you help me…I will heal your friend's mind."

Leonard and I both turned to her and blurted out, "Done!"

"What? You can't be serious!" Kirk shouted.

"We have feelings too, you know?" Spock pointed out.

I closed my eyes. "I am seriously going to need some therapy for this."

"I should take you to see Sulu—he's in charge right now." Leonard told Janet, lowering the force field around her. "Follow me."

Janet nodded and followed him out of Sick Bay, me turning to look at Kirk and Spock still behind theirs. I sighed…I hadn't minded it. Part of me had, but they were two attractive men who were talented kissers, and though shocked, I wasn't 100% completely appalled by it…just weirded out.

"I'm a perv." I said dismally, sitting in a chair and wheeling it over to them, sitting in between the force fields, but in front of them enough that I could see them both at once.

"Your species have so many urges." Kirk said, smirking a little. "I kind of like it."

Spock giggled. "Have you gone through their memories? This one has secrets."

I sighed. "Stop giggling, please…my man does not giggle."

"Your man is a stiff." Spock replied.

Kirk laughed. "This one doesn't really have secrets…he's pretty much an open book."

I looked at them. "Yeah…you guys really like to invade privacy, don't you?"

"Might as well…we're about to have to serve out our sentence." Kirk said with a shrug. "This one really liked you…but he's happy you're happy with that one…strange."

"This one is scared." Spock stated.

I laughed. "Of course…he can tell I'm turned off by the annoying girl routine going on in his body."

Spock shook his head. "He's scared to be a father."

****

**Bones' POV**

Save Janet? Of course I had to save Janet! I knew I wasn't thinking logically—how did we even know that these entities were telling the truth? They'd tricked us into sending men down so that they could inhabit them, just to solve their squabble. Still, I needed Janet to be alive—I needed it more than I'd ever needed anything. This was the way to do it—this was the way to save her.

"She loves you deeply." Janet told me.

I looked at her, and though they looked like Janet's eyes at first, the care and vivaciousness just weren't behind them—this wasn't my Janet. This was just Janet's body being used for the selfish purpose of a strange entity. But this entity could give me Janet…so I couldn't get angry with it…I had to help it get what it needed so it would restore her to her old self.

"I love her too." I said, the lift doors opening for us, and we stepped out onto the bridge. "Sulu? I have found the answer to getting the entities out of our crew members…Chekov filled you in, right?"

"Yes he did." Sulu replied. "I take it…an entity is in Janet?"

"Yes, and if we help her, she'll restore Janet's brain functions." I told him. "All we have to do is let her use our transportation technology to send the entities back home to be executed."

Sulu took a deep breath. "And you think we should trust you?"

Janet shrugged. "What choice do you have? I am your only hope for getting the outlaws out of your crew members."

Sulu nodded. "So be it, then. Doctor? You're in charge of this."

"Yes, sir." I told him, leading Janet's body by the arm, both of us getting into the lift.

"I will need to do this from your medical bay. When they leave the bodies unwillingly, your crew members will need some medical attention. I will try to heal them as much as I can…pray they did not bond with any of the other's memories." Janet said in a warning tone that made me swallow.

"And if they did?" I asked her.

"Then you'll have another person for me to heal…but I can't promise they'll remember what might get damaged in the process." Janet replied.

I sighed loudly—these entities were a lot more trouble than they were worth. Still, I'd promised to help her in exchange for Janet's health, so I had to follow through. So we went back to Sick Bay, Lily up and pacing sadly. She had obviously started talking to them when I'd left, and she didn't like what she was hearing.

"Can you make them stop going through memories?" Lily asked hurriedly when she looked up to see us enter.

"Their mating ritual is a lot more pleasurable than ours. They have so many more sensations." Jim said. "It's fantastic."

Lily sighed. "Things to this effect have been going on since you left."

I nodded and showed Janet to a console in Sick Bay that she could use, Spock and Jim sighing. They made kissy faces at each other and then smiled, Spock and Kirk making pained expressions as the entities were extracted. I lowered the force fields quickly as they fell to the ground, Lily going over to Spock as I made my way to Jim. I checked them with the tricorder, both of them in pain, but intact.

"You held up your end of the bargain, Leonard." Janet said, and went to lay down on the hospital bed. "Take care of her."

I hurried over to the hospital bed as Jim rubbed his head, the entity leaving Janet and exiting the hull of the ship. I scanned her with the tricorder, breathing out a large sigh of relief as it showed brain activity. Janet stirred, groaning a little, and I felt the tears in my eyes. The woman I loved was waking up…I had to show her just how much I loved her when she did.

"Son of bitch my head hurts!" Janet said loudly, pressing her hands to the side of her head to make the pain stop. "What the fuck happened?"

Lily laughed as she cried tears of joy. "That's our Janet."

_Our_ Janet…she most certainly was. She was the Janet that the McCoys loved, and there was no way that any of us were ever going to take her for granted again. Janet…my Janet.

"God, I love you." I told her suddenly, kissing her lips softly.

"I love you too." She told me with a laugh, returning the kisses, cringing a little as she tried to laugh a little more. "Just…I need a pain killer."

****

**Lillian's POV**

Everyone was excited to have Janet back—but no one as much as Leonard. He had insisted that she stay in his quarters that night, and she had no reason to refuse him. Then Spock and I had gone back to ours, Kirk and Spock not even looking at each other since the entities had violated their bodies and kissed each other. I paced the quarters as Spock looked at me from the bed, and he took a breath.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me.

"Of course you're scared to be a father…I shouldn't be upset about that—I'm scared to be a mother." I said out loud, not directly pointed at him. "Still all those things that she said while she was in you…which is dirty in its own way…do you seriously think that Uhura and I are similar?"

"Not in the way that she was meaning it to sound." Spock replied. "Back when you first started coming onto me I thought that you and Lieutenant Uhura were both forward in the same respect, and both highly intelligent—that was before I started to realize that you were your own person, and I turned the tables on you."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah…I just…I did not like that she was in you."

I sat on his lap and sighed, resting my forehead on his as he slipped his arms around me and held me there, my hands locking together behind his head, careful not to stroke his ears. That was another thing…he didn't like feeling the urge to do something. He liked making the choice to do it all on his own.

"You should have just told me that you didn't like the ear stroking thing." I told him, looking him in the eye.

Spock sighed. "It is not that I do not enjoy it…it is that sometimes I feel like I am a slave to my urges."

I nodded. "I'm sorry…I've gotten a little carried away lately with what I wanted, that I didn't think about what you wanted."

Spock stroked my hair. "I feel violated."

"Would you like to feel violated in a good way?" I asked him slyly, kissing him softly. "I mean I wouldn't mind being violated as long as I know for certain that there's no annoying female entity inside of you."

"I do not believe there is such a thing as being violated in a good way." Spock told me, lifting my shirt up a little and smiling as my hands went up above my head.

"What about feeling embarrassed about giving in to your urges?" I asked him with a giggle.

Spock nodded. "I do…but today was a trying day for both of us."

I kissed him softly, getting off of his lap to slide off my skirt, Spock sliding off his pants, and then pulling his shirt off over his head. Spock laid down on the bed, me climbing back onto him and sitting on him, tucking some hair behind my ear. I smiled a little and then laughed, Spock raising one of his adorable, slanted eyebrows.

"What?" He asked me.

I shrugged as I laughed, running my nails along his stomach a little. "I just…for not liking to give into urges you certainly enjoy experiencing this with me."

Spock rested his hand on the indent of my side, running his thumb along my stomach. "Since I love you, Lily, it is only logical that sometimes I do things for you."

"Are you justifying desire right now, Spock?" I asked him, leaning down and running my nose along his. "I don't think that's very Vulcan of you."

Spock kissed me softly and turned us over in one fast movement, pinning me to the bed. I giggled and kissed him passionately as he opened his mouth to respond to me, and I ran my leg along his, nibbling on his bottom lip a little. Who cares how Vulcan of him this was? I was enjoying that he used logic and wasn't flicking his wrist like a girl anymore. I enjoyed that behind his eyes was the Spock that I was in love with.

"Can we drag this out?" I asked him, pulling away a little.

"How very human of you." He replied, swooping down to nibble on my ear. "You may touch my ears if you'd like."

I smiled and slid my hands into his hair, stroking his ears happily, nibbling on them as he kissed my shoulder. If this was what he called being human, then I was going to be human a lot more often. I enjoyed this, and though it seemed to be a large part of our relationship, I also had hormones to blame.

"I love you…" I whispered as he moaned softly, kissing my collarbone and unhooking my bra at the same time.

"I love you too." He replied.


	25. Stubborn, Sexually Frustrated Vulcan?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**And this chapter and the next couple are brought to you by me and SasoriKun9.**

**Pon Farr was her idea to bring in.**

**The idea of it makes me giggle uncontrollably, so here's my attempt at it.**

**Enjoy the urges, people…from BOTH POVs.**

**=P**

****

**Spock's POV**

I woke up two weeks later to a strong mix of feelings in my stomach. I groaned a little because I was aware of what was happening to me, and I didn't like it at all. This was not something I had wanted to ever have to show to anyone, but seeing as I had a full schedule today, I had no choice. I turned over, hoping to alleviate some of the feelings by engaging in Lily's and my normal activity, but she was already up.

"What was that groan?" She asked me, fixing her hair and smiling. "Someone sounded just a wee bit like they needed to be satisfied."

I didn't want to admit to her that I in fact did _need_ to be satisfied, but the feelings grew as she flipped her hair and laughed a little. I must have looked like I needed her, because she walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. This wasn't fair—I did not like feeling helpless to emotions…helpless to urges. I just wanted the feeling to go away. In order to do that though, I had to be willing to give into the urge, and I wasn't going to.

"How about tonight, you and I can make that expression on your face right now turn into a satisfied smile? You don't normally show the lust on your face, Spock…it's normally just in your eyes." She told me, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

I tried to shy away, but my body wanted to be touched. I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek against her hand a little, pulling away and shaking my head. I was not going to do this. I loved her, I did, but most of the time that we indulged our physical needs, was because she wanted to, and logically since I loved her, it was my job to help make her happy by fulfilling that need. This time though, it was my raging hormones, and it was embarrassing for me to give in illogically.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" She asked me.

I shook my head and stood up. "Everything is fine."

She nodded as she watched me go into the bathroom. "Yeah…because you hungrily rubbing your face against my hand isn't unusual at all."

When I didn't answer her, she sighed and knocked on the bathroom door. What was I supposed to tell her? Just up and explain to her what was going on with me? No. This would pass. These urges would pass and he wouldn't have to feel as if he was giving into everything…he needed to keep himself rooted in the logical world—it kept him sane.

"Are you okay, Spock?" Lily asked me lovingly, truly concerned about me.

I nodded. "I am fine…go on ahead without me."

"If you want me to." She said, still standing outside the bathroom door, waiting for my answer.

I didn't want her to…I _needed_ her to so I wouldn't have to give in.

"Go." I replied, and she did, leaving me to get dressed on my own, parts of my body aching to be touched.

Trying to ignore the sensations, I went to meet with Leonard, Mr. Scott, Jim, Sulu, Pavel and Lily for a meeting. Jim wanted to go over some important issues before our next Away Mission, and all of the main personal were all required to attend. I took my usual seat between Jim and Sulu, Lily on Jim's other side next to Mr. Scott as well, Pavel next to him, Leonard coming in and sitting on my other side. Jim smiled when we had all gathered, and though we both still felt a little awkward about two weeks ago, he clapped me on the back and told me it was good to see me.

"So let's get started shall we?" Jim asked, rubbing his hands together and sitting down. "The first item of business is the shields. How are we coming with ideas on how to get our shields to withstand more?"

"Actually, quite nicely." Mr. Scott replied. "Megan and I have been working nonstop for the last three days, and we're pretty sure we've come up with a way to make them work 70% more efficiently. Right now, that's the best we can do."

Jim nodded. "Excellent—Bones. How are we doing as far as your medical supplies are concerned?"

Leonard nodded a little and then shrugged. "I could use some more herbs for the gardens and more specimen to study, but the instruments are fantastic. If we get into anymore trouble, I'll be ready to take it on."

"Perfect." Jim said with a grin, smiling in my direction and then directing his attention to Sulu. "Sulu, are you Chekov where you need to be?"

"I feel more confident about my flying, and Chekov and I have been working out some kinks as far as the communications are concerned." Sulu replied.

Pavel nodded. "Ve are confident that ve are running as efficiently as possible."

Jim smiled and then looked at Lily and winked. It wasn't normal for me to feel this jealous of the way others looked at her, but I was—why was he winking? They were supposed to just be friends, but there was a past there. Why did she have to roll her eyes and smile at him? Wait…that was rebuffing right? God forsaken urges…they had to stop. Jim had to stop with the looks he was giving her.

However, as I reached up to stop him, my fingers hit his hair…it was soft. Soft was a texture my fingers seemed to want to feel, so as Lily rambled off about how her sessions had been going well, I found myself stroking Jim's hair. Leonard poked me in the leg with his foot and I realized what I was doing, standing up and excusing myself from the room. Lily watched me go, a furrowed expression on her face, but I couldn't be there—this was too much. I had to go and lock myself in my quarters.

****

**Lillian's POV**

Spock was acting strangely. I had expected him to act a little strange after the entity inside of him kissed Kirk…but he had just touched his hair and looked like he was enjoying it. I held a finger up and Kirk nodded, motioning for me to go ahead and follow after him. I could only imagine what Leonard was thinking right now, and I couldn't help but laugh a little about it as I hurried out of the conference room, Spock getting into the lift. I jogged down the corridors a little, Spock shaking his head, but since he'd done it to me once, I was entitled, and climbed into the lift anyways.

"I think you need to tell me what's going on." I told him. "You are acting completely out of character. You're not controlling yourself, you're forcing the logic, and I just…what's going on with you that you feel you can't tell me about it?"

I reached out to stop the lift, Spock groaning a little when I did it—there it was again. It was the groan that I did when I was feeling like I needed to be serviced in the way only Spock could service me. I reached out to stroke his hair but he shook his head and pulled away, making me frown. Oh, so he could stroke Kirk's hair but I couldn't stroke his hair? Since when did _that_ happen? Holy shit…was he changing orientations on me?

"Do we need to talk about Jimmy?" I asked Spock suddenly.

Spock gave me a look. "I am not attracted to Jim, Lily. I am simply not feeling entirely efficient today and I need to retire to the quarters…alone."

I nodded. "You know what normally helps when you're feeling urges? To satisfy them."

Spock shook his head. "I do not go around satisfying urges, and you are aware of this. You know me well enough to know that I do not simply cave to cave, and this is one of those times that I must ignore the feelings and go with logic."

"Fine…but I am here to help you when you decide to help yourself." I replied, letting the lift go.

A weight I hadn't realized he was carrying seemed to be lifted as I gave him hope that we'd make it out of the lift fully clothed. I frowned a little, wishing he'd just learn to sometimes give in, but then he wouldn't be the Spock that I knew and loved. So I let him go, and then went to Sick Bay, sitting down on a hospital bed and smiling when Leonard walked in. Janet had been recuperating still, her hours in Sick Bay low until tomorrow when she returned to her station.

"So…wanna tell me why your boyfriend was stroking Jim's hair?" Leonard asked me.

I shrugged. "I don't know. He's just full of urges he won't satisfy."

Leonard nodded and then he laughed a little. "Maybe you should be more persuasive and make him act instead of think. Normally I wouldn't ask that of my baby sister, but he's acting strangely and it would be nice to have him back to normal."

I smiled. "Yes it would be. Still…I feel like I should know what's going on."

"You could research. Janet isn't back in here until tomorrow, and Matthew is off doing God knows what right now…so it's a little _too_ lonely." Leonard admitted to me.

"I'll stay and look things up from here." I assured him, starting to research as he fiddled with some mold he'd picked up from a random planet—my brother was weird—and then I found it. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Leonard asked. "And try not to freak me out like that again—I almost touched it with my bare hands."

I rolled my eyes. "Then wear gloves. Do you want to know what I found or not?"

Leonard looked up. "I can't believe that I of all people didn't think about gloves—_everyone_ is off today."

"Focus, Leo—this is about Spock and Vulcans, not you." I told him and then laughed as he sent me a look.

"What did you find?" He asked me.

I smiled. "Pon Farr."

Leonard looked up at me. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that? It's completely normal for Vulcans…and apparently quite embarrassing for males."

I laughed a little. "It's like they go into heat."

Leonard chuckled himself. "Yeah…that's a way of putting it. I dunno if that helps out a Vulcans ego though to tell him he's just in heat and it'll pass."

****

**Spock's POV**

I sighed as I laid on the bed, trying to suppress the urges. I needed to be able to function in a work environment—to get things done diligently and efficiently. I blamed Lily for this—she was the only who had gotten me to give in. I was certain that if she hadn't broken me down so much already, I'd be handling this a lot better. Still…it wasn't logical to blame Lily for something that happened to Vulcans from time to time.

"Spock? Why didn't you just tell me?" Lily asked me, getting into the room because it was hers as well.

Suddenly the double bed seemed incredibly small. Why did she have to bite her lip when she thought I was cute? It made me want to kiss her, but the kiss would become heated touching, and heated touching would lead to succumbing to temptation. Temptation was illogical…temptation was illogical. Lily, stop cocking your head to the side. Don't come closer. Seriously, Lily, you have to stop…

"You could have just explained to me this morning that you going through Pon Farr." She said. "Trust me it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Nothing to be ashamed of?" I asked her, knowing I was getting irrationally angry. "Nothing to be ashamed of? I am half Vulcan, Lily! I grew up Vulcan! We are supposed to suppress our emotions and trust on logic to make our decisions! We are definitely not supposed to simply give in to urges!"

"You are completely yelling at me right now." She told me sternly, putting her hands on her hips. "I did not come in here to try and insult you, I was simply telling you that you could have told me what was going on instead of lying and telling me you were just fine when you're clearly not."

I closed my eyes to try and get her image out of my head—I loved those hips of hers. She was touching them and _I_ wanted to touch them. I wanted her hands to touch me, and I wanted to make these feelings of desire go away…I wanted my body to cool down. The nerves were on fire, almost as if she _was_ touching me. I had to change the subject…I had to get her to go.

"I can take care of this myself." I told her stubbornly, knowing I was acting illogically, but I could fix that once she left our quarters.

"Not according to what I've been reading—you need to mate to get the urges to subside." She replied.

"Then you read wrong." I said.

Lily sighed. "You are being difficult right now, and I understand that."

I scoffed and opened my eyes. "You have no idea what kind of shame I feel right now."

Lily scoffed this time and crossed her arms over her chest—another place I wanted to touch. Close your eyes, Spock. Just let it go…deep breaths.

"Oh I don't, do I? I think I do. Maybe you haven't noticed lately, but I'm pregnant. I feel like eating all the time, I get nauseous at the most inopportune of moments, and we're not married and we're living together. Oh, and you know what else? I get sex urges too, Spock. My hormones are raging inside of me more than ever, and I don't get it?" She asked me angrily. "Do you think I like feeling like the only way to make me feel better that morning is by getting you to cave and satisfy my ungodly human urges? Think again."

I swallowed—she was right. I had helped to make her the way she was now, and she had to live with those urges for much longer than I was going to have to endure. In all of this, I hadn't even stopped to think about how she was feeling. She was trying to hard to just be normal, but she was never going to feel normal again—never feel the way she had felt before the baby.

"I just can't deal with having you here right now." I told her slowly. "We can talk when I'm more rational."

"This is only going to get worse and you know it." Lily warned. "I know it makes you feel like less of a Vulcan, but it's better to just give in."

"That's easy for you to…Lily…" I told her, knowing I was raising my voice just a little bit. "Please…"

Lily sighed. "Fine…I really don't like you when you're sexually frustrated, Spock. You're impossible to reason with."

Did she seriously think that I didn't know that? I opened my eyes as she headed for the doors, stopping at it and turning to me.

"You know, giving in will make it all stop. You won't have to feel like you have urges, you won't be irrational, and your brain will be clearer for logical thought." She told me. "You're cranky because you're sexually frustrated…and that feeling only goes away if you give in to temptation and satisfy what needs to be serviced."

I groaned as she left the quarters and turned over to try to go to sleep—I really couldn't deal with this right now…I had a point to prove.


	26. Just Give in to the Urges Spock

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Poor Spock and his sexual urges.**

**How can Lily ever help him?**

**Well…wouldn't you like to know?**

**Now, perhaps?**

**Well all right…**

****

**Spock's POV**

Lily was right—it was just getting worse. Every seven years a Vulcan would go through Pon Farr, and if they didn't give in the results could be disastrous because violence could ensue. It didn't help that Lily had chosen to come in after a good hour and tried to take a nap herself. Her body was warm, her skin soft, and though she didn't touch me because she was still upset, I wanted to touch her as I smelled her hair.

"Ready to give in yet?" She asked me, her back to me as I leaned in to breathe in the scent of her hair some more.

"I'm not giving in." I replied stubbornly.

Lily nodded, and turned over onto her back, moving her head to face me. She wanted to reach out and stroke my face that much I knew, but she chose not to. Having both of us be stubborn was going to be an interesting experience. She smiled though, and it made me groan a little because she was so beautiful just laying there, smiling at me like that. My hands suddenly had a mind of their own, and I rested one on her knee.

"You want me to satisfy, Spock?" She asked me, not showing any evidence of being pleased with the way my fingers were running along her skin.

I shook my head. "No."

She nodded. "Then kindly remove your hand from my knee."

I heaved a sigh. "This is not easy for me, Lily."

She bit her lip as my fingers slid a little higher…such soft skin. I needed her…but I wouldn't give in. Could I? What would make it logical? The urges would go away, but they would only have been quenched because I had illogically given in to the first one. I sighed again and Lily shrugged.

"I do not appreciate that you're trying to arouse me when you're not going to act on anything." Lily told me calmly, removing my hand from her leg.

"You're right, Lily…I apologize." I told her.

"Thank you." She replied, and got up to use the bathroom.

I took a couple deep breaths, trying very hard to calm myself as the urges kept building. I needed to be at peace…I needed to just give in. I didn't want to feel irrational anymore. I just wanted to have a logical reason. Lily! Lily was always willing to make something sound logical so I could cave! She was always getting me to cave and it felt logical while it was happening! But was just feeling like it was logical enough? Was it?

Lily sighed as she came out of the bathroom. "I really need you to give in—I'm in need."

My eyes lit up. "_You're_ in need?"

Lily nodded. "I hate making you do something you don't want to do, but—"

The minute I realized there could potentially be a loophole, I practically jumped her. She was just rambling so attractively, and I had to have her. This feeling of not being able to control any of my feelings was much more intense than it had ever been before, and I didn't want to feel like this, but as she touched me I felt like she was easing some of the pleasurable pain that I was feeling.

"Are you sure?" She whispered, tugging on my shirt.

"I love you therefore since you are in need it is my job to service you." I told her.

"Then service away." Lily said, pulling my shirt off.

As her hands ran along my torso, I shivered pleasantly, eagerly helping her out of her shirt and letting her drag me down with her onto the bed. She kissed me softly, nibbling on my lip, and I moaned a little but started to notice something else…she was acting different. Normally when she wanted me to help ease her urges, she acted with passion and with quick, erratic movements as she tried to ease the sensations, but right now she was in total control.

"Perfect." She breathed as I kissed her soft, warm neck. "That's better."

I pulled away from her and shook my head. "You're tricking me into caving."

She gave me a look. "Are you serious?"

"I can not just give in to give in." I told her angrily, and got off of the bed, groaning because I had wanted to stay and continue.

****

**Lillian's POV**

"Vulcans in heat are annoying!" I exclaimed when Janet let me into her quarters. "He is seriously infuriating me right now! So what if I didn't really feel horny right that second? He needs it! What if he starts getting violent, Janet?"

Janet laughed. "Okay…slow down and explain please."

I smiled at her. "Fine. Um…every seven years Vulcans go through this thing called Pon Farr. It's pretty much a time where they can't control themselves, and in order to ease their discomfort, they have to mate. Spock is going through Pon Farr right now, and he refuses to give in to the urges because it's illogical. Isn't it logical to just give in and make the feelings stop if that's what he wants so badly?"

"Maybe he's just embarrassed about sex." Janet said with a shrug. "I mean…he never just does it on an urge unless you force him to with your ears."

"But we have sex…a lot. Granted, it's normally because I want to and he justifies it like that. See, he's always saying that since he has to keep me happy to keep me, it is logical to do what I want him to do to keep me happy. Still…he can't make me happy right now without compromising his need to be in control of urges." I said sadly.

"Be less subtle with the seduction." Janet suggested. "Pin him to the bed and rape him if you have to."

I laughed as she said it. "Rape him, eh? I dunno if I should do that, but I'm willing to pin him to the bed until he caves."

Janet laughed loudly. "Sorry…I just pictured Spock screaming 'rape' and it entertained me to absolutely no end."

"I can imagine." I replied. "It _is_ kind of a funny image."

"So just…Vulcans in heat." Janet said with another laugh. "Sorry…look, if you want him to be logical again, you have to come up with a plan, and you have to get him to give in. If anyone can do it, you can."

I nodded. "Yeah…true."

Janet looked at me. "So it's going to happen every seven years?"

I groaned. "Oh God…I'm so glad. If he's seriously going to be this stubborn and obnoxious it had better happen only every seven years."

Janet smiled. "Then I think you know what you have to do."

"I just feel so bad compromising him when he doesn't want to be compromised—when making him compromise makes him go against all of his Vulcan teachings." I said stubbornly.

"Well, think of it this way—he made you pregnant, he's driving you crazy, and he's kind of obligated to compromise to make you happy with him." Janet tried.

"Your boyfriend threw a vase." Megan said coming into Janet's quarters unannounced. "He's not happy."

I sighed. "That's because he's incredibly horny."

Janet laughed. "Yeah, didn't you know? Vulcans go into heat."

Megan giggled. "Heat? I'm sure that's not what _they_ call it."

"No, they call it Pon Farr, but it's the same thing." I replied with a smile. "I'm going to ask Leo for some advice and then I'm going to go and see Spock about his irrational behavior."

Megan and Janet nodded, both of them setting to chatting as I headed to Sick Bay. Part of me wanted to just rush to our quarters and talk to him, but I really needed a medical opinion. Spock was still Vulcan. He had pride, and he had dignity, and he was afraid of what it meant to lose control over something as small as a sexual urge. I sighed and Leonard looked up when I entered.

"Should I make him cave?" I asked him.

Leonard laughed. "I'm a doctor not a counselor, Lily—_you're_ the counselor."

I smiled. "I know, but I can't counsel myself on my own problems. Am I a bad person for making him give in? Or is it medically advised that I put his hormones in check?"

Leonard sighed. "That's a hard thing for me to decide for you, Lily, but medically I would say you need to put his hormones in check. The more violent he gets, the more of a threat he becomes."

"I was afraid of that." I sighed loudly. "Fine…I'll go work my magic."

"Too much information, Lily." Leonard told me with a shake of his head, laughing a little.

"Oh well…see you soon, Leo." I replied, and headed back to the quarters.

****

**Spock's POV**

I hadn't meant to throw the vase, but I was starting to get angry about being so unable to ease the feelings inside of me. How long was this going to last? It seemed like it was going to last forever, and I was wondering why I wasn't just caving. This happened on Vulcan all the time, and I wasn't _on_ Vulcan. I hate a mate…so why couldn't I just give in and satisfy myself with her?

I picked up a datapad and chucked it across the room, growling at the anger I was experiencing. Why was this happening to me now of all times? Why did I have to be behaving so terribly? Why were the human emotions taking over? I'd never been this out of control before. I had to get myself back to my normal, logical self…I had to.

"I am not taking 'no' for an answer this time." Lily told me, entering the room and pulling off her shirt.

I watched as she discarded the top, taking a deep breath, her chest rising and falling. Everything about her was almost magical—I had never felt this way about anyone before. She came up to me and placed her hands on my bare torso, me realizing that in all of the contemplating and the anger, I hadn't gotten dressed again.

"Lily…" I warned as she ran her nails down my torso and traced the waistline of my pants.

"Spock, just give in. It is logical to ease the sensations so that the rage and the violence subside. Besides…aren't you curious as to how this is going to feel when you're experiencing all of these urges and emotions?" Lily asked me.

"It doesn't feel logical to—" I tried.

"—nothing about lust _is_ logical, Spock. It's just a sensation that can be eased by pleasing the sensation until it's exhausted and in turn subsides." Lily explained. "Now don't make me work on your ears, because I will."

I gave her a look but sat on the bed and let her climb onto my lap. She ran her hands along my arms and I closed my eyes and moaned a little at the way her hands were massaging me. I felt like I couldn't control the urge to rub against her, so I just placed my hands on her hips and tried to bring her against my hips as the sensation settled there.

"There we go…giving in doesn't feel that bad does it?" Lily asked me, kissing my lips lovingly.

I shook my head as I kissed her, stroking her hair as she brought herself down against me, making me moan again. She slipped her tongue into my mouth, and I found myself experiencing my lust for her ten times fold. She was trying to get me to cave, and it was working. I couldn't feel this way anymore, I couldn't. So I gave in, kissing her passionately as I pinned her to the bed.

"Ease it, Lily." I told her softly, wishing I wasn't begging.

"I will." She promised with a nod, kissing me softly and wrapping her legs around me, the balls of her feet running along my legs as she moved her body up against mine.

I hadn't expected the feeling of her body moving against mine to feel as pleasing as it did. I found myself moaning a little into her mouth as she squeezed a little with her hips against me, and I suddenly felt like I needed to pull her in closer to me. For a moment, needing to feel pleased and satisfied didn't feel so bad, and I wondered if this was what it was like for normal earth men…if this is how they felt when they saw _their_ mates. If this was what they had to have done to them to ease it all. This sexuality thing was new…usually I just eased Lily's need.

That wasn't to say that I hadn't felt pleased during the act…it was just that normally I was in better control of what level I felt things at. I had worked so hard to control my human half—to keep it suppressed—and this woman had made me actually want to feel. This woman had made me realize that feelings though sufficient when controlled, were also sometimes meant to be shown. Still, Pon Farr was in no means on my list of things to have to go through again. As pleasing as the sensations were right now, this was not control—this was not the Vulcan way of doing things.

"Pants off." Lily whispered to me, bringing me out of my tangled mess of thoughts.

I nodded in compliance, taking them off, and closing my eyes as felt the urge to rub against something again as she stroked my skin again. How did humans deal with this? How did they accept the weakness of being controlled by urges? Why did they want to go through this? What was the point of feeling all of this…and why did it feel so good?

"Hey…are you okay?" She asked me softly, running her nose along mine.

I just nodded for fear that she'd pull away and stop helping the ease of the lust growing, and I entered her as she kissed me passionately, insanely thinking that getting the act over with would help. I realized that her moans just made me feel the need to move my body against her harder, which was at least helping to satisfy the needs a little bit. She just stroked my hair and held onto me, whispering endearing things to me to try and help me along, which seemed to work, but as I withdrew and a low moan escaped her lips I sighed.

"Baby, just do what you have to do." She whispered, and I thought she was smiling at my frustration, but her loving touch reminded me that she was trying to help.

"I need more." I told her dismally.

She nodded as she tried to take even breaths. "Then we go again…just give me a second to catch my breath."

I nodded, needing this so I was more than willing to compensate for what she needed as well. She smiled at me, letting out a pleased, muffled cry into our kiss as we merged once more, once again helping me through the motions and telling me everything I needed to hear to ease the need. I was close but Lust's hunger wasn't entirely satisfied, and though growing tired, she agreed to a third and final try, and I found myself feeling calmer, and more in control as I pulled out and rested my body against hers to regain my strength.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I stroked Spock's saturated skin as he stroked my hair. Satisfying his urges had made him a lot calmer, and we were both exhausted. His body was resting on top of mine, and I smiled at him, running my fingers along his ears just a little, and then stopping when he closed his eyes and his head lulled a little at the pleasing sensation that went through his body. He smiled though, and rested his forehead against the crook of my neck.

"Better?" I asked him softly.

He nodded against me and kissed my collarbone. "Yes…thank you for dealing with me through all of this."

I smiled—truth of the matter was that as far as sex was concerned, that was pretty much the best we'd ever accomplished. Maybe it was because he was finally experiencing all of the feelings with me. Lust he'd experienced before—but never at this magnitude where he couldn't control his reactions to it. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy it all, it was just that it was never something he had to do—never something he felt compelled to do. For once I felt like I'd actually 100% satisfied his urges…this time he let out more than the usual sounds, actually thanked me for my performance, and I could tell that the filter on his emotions was a good 90% shut down even though he was regaining his rational thought.

"Besides the crankiness that came with your sexual frustration, I kind of enjoy what comes out of you being in heat." I told him with a giggle.

"In heat?" Spock asked, lifting his head and looking at me. "Why are you calling it that?"

"I'm sorry—I didn't think before I spoke." I said.

He got off of me. "I am not just an animal."

I looked at him sadly. "I didn't mean it like that—I know you're not an animal."

I sighed as Spock went into the bathroom in a huff, and I sighed—I should have thought about what I was going to say before I said it. Leonard was right—Vulcans did not like to have their mating season referred to as heat…especially while they were still _in_ their mating season.

"Baby, I'm sorry." I told him, gathering the sheet up around me and wondering how in the world he could hide away in the bathroom when I was hardly able to drag myself out of bed at this point. "I didn't mean to insult you…you had fun didn't you? Experienced some things you didn't hate?"

"Yes." Spock replied after a pause.

"Then can you open the bathroom door please?" I asked him in a tired voice.

Spock opened the door a little. "Don't call it that again…I'm ashamed enough as it is that I had to give in and lose control."

I held my hand up. "I promise. Now you've worn me out so can we please go to sleep right now…preferably curled up together?"

"I am exhausted myself." Spock admitted, and I nodded.

We went back over to the bed and curled up together under the sheet, Spock pulling a blanket up too and sighing just a little bit. I smiled and stroked his chest, kissing his peck softly. He ran his hands over my arms and kissed my forehead.

"To be honest…I'm surprise I could even stand." I said with a small laugh.

Spock tensed up a little. "I am sorry I spent our energy like that."

I rolled my eyes. "Relax…that was a compliment."

"But—"

"—just take the compliment." I told him with a laugh, and as I stroked his torso lazily his muscles relaxed. "Seven years and this will happen again."

"Yes." Spock nodded.

"Promise me that you'll just give in then, please?" I asked him. "I mean saving all the pent up lust turned out incredible in the end…but I could do without the fighting."

Spock laughed just a little. "I promise."

**NOTE: I will still make this up to you as far as the smut is concerned…some of you have noticed that this chapter has changed just a little. I'm less distracted by the hotness of Nimoy Spock, so I added more for those of you that needed more Spock smut. I also added more to the Lily and Spock chat about his 'Vulcan heat'. So hope it was enjoyed…now go read the new chapter too.**


	27. Aiming For Normalcy

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Vulcan heat over.**

**I know…sad, right?**

**I added things to the last chapter as far as smut was concerned.**

**There are also a couple added lines to the Lily/Spock conversation about his 'Vulcan heat'.**

**If you're not interested in reading it over you don't have to, it's not like it furthers along the storyline too much, lol.**

**This chapter focuses on some of Lily's newer problems, and there's a cute little scene from a lovable couple some of you miss.**

**=P**

****

"So looks like Spock is back to his old self." Megan told me one morning in Sick Bay.

I nodded. "That he is…I feel kinda bad for his whole…"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair before I crossed my arms over my chest and sat on the hospital bed, waiting for Leonard to show up. Megan had come with me to check up on the baby, and I was still feeling bad about how Spock's whole Pon Farr had gone down. I didn't know how to make him _not_ ashamed about it, and so I'd just let it go…well at least I wasn't talking to _him_ about it all.

"He's pulled away a little, hasn't he?" Megan asked me.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah he has, Meg…I dunno. I guess I'm kind of upset, but I know I don't have any right to be because he has every right to feel the way he feels. He's spent so long trying to suppress his human half, and I've worked so hard to unleash it and…I guess I feel like he deserves better."

"Oh pish posh." Megan said all cute like. "I am sure that if you talk it over with him, he'll feel better about all of it."

"If only that were true…I don't think he wants to talk about Pon Farr at all." I told her with a shrug. "And who can blame him? I referred to it as 'heat' and it got him all flustered."

"Lily!" Megan scolded.

"It's not like I actually _meant_ to say it out loud!" I protested.

"It's not like you meant to say what out loud?" Leonard asked me as he waltzed into Sick Bay.

I sighed but Megan beat me to the punch line saying, "She called Pon Farr 'heat' in front of Spock."

Leonard laughed and shook his head. "Bad move, Lily."

I nodded. "I know, Leo. Now…I'd like to check up on the baby please."

"Where's your post heat Vulcan?" Leonard asked me.

"Megan's here, and you're here…that's enough for me." I replied as I laughed a little bit at the way Leonard had said 'post heat Vulcan'.

Leonard merrily came over with the tricorder and scanned me, telling me all of the baby's stats—the baby was healthy and fine…but I could do without all of the stress. I laughed at the prospect of my life having no stress, and then couldn't help but smile just a little when Megan started talking excitedly about the kinds of things we could get for the baby, and the things we could probably pick up at the Federation Stations or the colonies, and about possible names.

My heart did sink a little though at how excited Megan was—even how excited Leonard was—and I realized that Spock hadn't acted excited about the baby once. He said he was happy, and he got worried about the baby when the explosion had happened, and he felt weird about satisfying me when I had a baby in my stomach, but he was Vulcan…and he wasn't going to show me his excitement, whether he was excited or not. Then I started thinking…was _I_ even excited? It was a baby…my baby…mine and Spock's baby. Of course I was excited—I'd just been busy lately dealing with everything else that was going on.

"Lil?" Megan asked me.

I turned to look at her and smiled a little. "Sorry, I spaced out a little bit."

Megan kissed my hand. "Talk to him."

I nodded. "I will."

I took a deep breath and then I left to go into the lift smiling a little at Kirk as he got on with me at the next deck up. He smiled at me and I rolled my eyes and he did his approving, flirting 'Kirk' nod, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"How are you, Jimmy?" I asked him.

He shrugged a little. "I'm good, Lily…fantastic. How are you?"

I smiled. "Good…the baby too."

"Good." Kirk replied, and touched my stomach. "What do you think it is?"

"I hope it's a boy." I admitted. "I really do."

****

**Megan's POV**

"So…how's the hubby?" Janet asked me, nudging me with her elbow.

I blushed. "Are you insinuating what I think you're insinuating?"

Janet laughed and nodded. "Yes I am—how's the adorable in the sack?"

I blushed even more. "Come on, Janet…"

Janet's eyes widened and in a surprised voice whispered, "You two haven't even slept together yet, have you?!"

Pavel and I had both been really busy in the last two weeks working. We had hardly had any 'us' time at all, and I was kind of looking forward to spending an entire night with him just the two of us. Kirk was letting him off early, and so I was finally going to see him for more than just going to sleep.

"Not yet." I replied, feeling my face burn up just a little bit in slight embarrassment.

"That is adorable that you are still a virgin—and I mean that, I'm not poking fun." Janet told me sincerely. "Its way more adorable than Lily being frustrated about sex, I'll tell you that right now. Poor girl…her man finally gives in and then he's ashamed of it."

"He's a Vulcan—she can't take the shame personally." I protested.

Janet gave me a look. "No? How would you like it if Pavel was ashamed of his feelings for you? Ashamed of sleeping with you? Ashamed of having sexual urges for you?"

I sighed. "Fine, fine—I'd be feeling terribly. _Especially_ since she's going to have his baby."

Janet nodded. "Exactly—on top of being upset, she's hormonal."

"Well…I'd discuss this further, but I have a husband to get back to." I told her, and rolled my eyes, blushing some more as Janet whistled. "Oh give it up."

Janet laughed as I hurried to the quarters, me getting there before Pavel, so I changed into a nightgown and sat on the bed waiting for. Call it what you will, but I wanted to sleep with my husband. I loved him…and I was curious as to what it was like. Everyone around me seemed to be getting some, and I just wanted to experience it too.

"Megan?" Pavel asked as he entered the room.

I smiled. "Hey."

Pavel swallowed a little and smiled. "Apparently ve are on the same page."

I blushed. "Well it has been two weeks."

"Yes it has." Pavel agreed.

I stood up, realizing my hands were shaking, but I kissed Pavel back as he kissed me tenderly. He slowly ran his fingers through my hair, and I found myself lifting up his shirt. He let me slide it off, and then took my hands and kissed my fingertips as I shook a little. I didn't know what I was doing…and he just smiled and stroked my skin softly.

"You're safe vith me, Megan." He told me, kissing me again.

I believed him, and so I let him lay me down on the bed, and I smiled a little as he started to kiss my neck, moaning just a little at how nice it felt. Chekov was shaking a little too, and I smiled and stroked his hair, wrapping my legs around his waist and nuzzling his nose with mine when he looked me in the eye.

"You know…you're safe with me too, Pavel." I whispered.

Pavel smiled and nodded, kissing me again as he slipped out of his pants, and I slid my nightgown off, blushing as Pavel ran his hands along my skin. I was naked in front of a male—sure he was my husband, but this was a new situation for me. Then I was reminded that he was naked too, and I blushed even more, especially when I felt him warm between my legs.

"I love you." I whispered to him.

"I love you too." He whispered back, and I bit my lip as I felt his flesh enter mine.

I kissed him passionately as he moved his body against mine, helping me move past the pain and enter the realm of pleasure. I gripped his shoulders as he took in a sharp intake of breath, I moaned ever so slightly, and then kissed him again, both of us trying to figure it out together, and succeeding.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I sighed as I laid on the bed, my left hand behind my head and my right hand's fingers along my stomach through my tank top. I wished whole-heartedly that I was feeling excited right then, but I wasn't—I was upset. I was upset and I was trying to feel better. Spock came into the room and saw me lying there, but I avoided his eyes as he sat at the table to type things into a datapad.

"I've been thinking." I told him, watching my fingers as they slid my tank top up a little and ran along my flesh. "This whole living arrangement is illogical."

Spock took a deep breath. "And why have you suddenly come to that conclusion?"

I shrugged a little. "Because it's the right conclusion to come to. We're not married, we're not engaged, we're just living together."

"We're having a baby." Spock replied, still typing away.

I sat up. "Yeah…let's talk about that."

Spock looked over at me. "What exactly has you in a sour disposition?"

"Never mind—let's just play chess." I said dismally. "I want to play chess."

I fixed my shirt as I got up, loosening my pajama pants ever so slightly, and sitting down at the table with him and the three layer chess set. I was really terrible at the practically 3D chess, but I needed to get my mind off of my bad mood. So what if he was going to beat me at this? I needed to focus my anger and my sadness into something more than just picking a fight with him.

"You make the first move." Spock told me after I set the board up.

I did, looking up at him as I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow, sighing when he made a good move. I never won this game against him so why did I want to play it? There were plenty of other games we could have played that I could have won—poker, checkers, truth or dare even. I sighed loudly and made a move, Spock frowning.

"You're trying to lose." Spock said.

I shrugged. "It seems to be the only thing I'm good at."

Spock stood up and came over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I tried to push them off but he started to massage my shoulders whether I wanted him to or not. He knew just where to apply pressure, and I groaned a little pleasantly as I gave in and relaxed as his hands worked over my shoulders.

"It is better if you just address the problem and then calm down. Stress is not recommended for the baby." Spock told me and I shrugged him off of my shoulders and stood up.

"My stress levels are just fine, thank you very much." I replied.

"Why are you upset with me?" Spock asked me.

I sighed and took a deep breath. "I'm just hormonal…sorry."

"You are not just hormonal." Spock replied. "You are upset, and I would appreciate it if you discussed 'why' with me."

"I'm upset because we never actually talk about the baby…and I'm upset because apparently every emotion that you feel makes you ashamed, and that means you're ashamed to love me, you're ashamed about sex, and you're ashamed of the baby." I told him.

"To be fair, Pon Farr is supposed to be a mating ritual, and most Vulcans who enter into it are married." Spock explained.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. "Wrong answer."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Wrong answer? Lily…I am trying—"

"—trying to make up for Pon Farr by being overly logical? Yeah…I am quite aware of that." I told him. "Just…I'm going to sleep."

"Lily…" He begged.

"Goodnight, Spock." I told him.

"Lily." He said strongly. "We have to talk this out. I am trying to be loving and accommodating for your feelings, but logic is a part of who I am."

"Do you want me to sleep at Janet's?" I asked him suddenly, snuggling into the covers. "Because I can't sleep at Megan's—she and Chekov probably have sex now."

Spock sighed. "Goodnight, Lily."


	28. Lieutenant Goldman

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Awww!**

**Last chapter ended with a lover's quarrel…kind of.**

**Well let's see if they make up.**

**And what storyline do I have up my sleeves now?**

***laughs***

****

"Stop touching me." I grunted before I realized that Spock's fingers were caressing my stomach. "Are you…stroking my stomach?"

I turned onto my back and looked at him, smiling a little. I hated going to bed angry, so I was glad that he was trying to rectify the situation. He kissed me softly, running his thumb along my stomach and I stroked his hair. I hated being grumpy with him—_hated_ it. He was trying to cope and I knew it, I just didn't feel reassured about anything right then…and that had been happening a lot lately.

"I'm sorry I got so frustrated with you, it's just that Megan got so excited about the baby and about what it was going to be like when the baby came and…we don't actually talk about the baby. Sometimes you tell me that stress is bad for the baby when I get upset, but we're having a baby, Spock. There's more to having a baby then just keeping me distressed." I explained.

Spock nodded. "I want this baby…I want you to have our baby."

I smiled a little. "I want this baby too."

"I apologize for not making it clear to you more often." Spock said, running his fingers under my top, over my bare skin. "I want to be a father."

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked him.

"Of course." He replied, stroking my hair.

I took a deep breath. "I have been hoping that our baby was a boy because I've thought that you were pulling away a little. I figured if Vulcans are anything like humans, then there was a good chance you'd stay if you had a son to raise."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "You wanted a boy just to keep me around?"

I shrugged a little as I nodded. "Yeah."

"Lily…I'm not going anywhere." Spock told me softly, running his nose along mine. "Seven years from now when I'm going through another embarrassing…'heat' as you called it…there is no one else I would rather have satisfy the hunger of my lust. I enjoy waking up to you, and though ashamed I have not been in control of my emotions lately…I am _not_ ashamed to be in love with you. I'm not going anywhere…not if that means being away from you."

"Romantic Vulcans…totally not something I expected to see." I admitted.

"Well in all fairness…I am only half Vulcan." He replied. "Besides…I very well can't let you raise it alone."

I laughed and nodded. "Very logical decision."

Spock kissed me swiftly and then got up. "New recruit from a Federation Outpost arrives today and I am supposed to show her around."

I sat up and nodded. "Do you think Jimmy will let us do this whole shore leave thing here?"

"Knowing the captain, he will allow the crew to go down." Spock replied.

"Perfect…except you won't be going down…you'll be staying up here to train a new recruit." I said, getting up and going into the bathroom to brush my teeth. "Have fun with that."

"You have Janet and Megan to keep you company." Spock reminded me, but I laughed.

"You mean Janet who's all awake and aware and with Leonard who will take her down there just to please her, and Megan and Chekov who finally have a chance for a honeymoon? I'm going to be hanging out with Jimmy _if_ he goes down. If not, I'm going to be on my own." I explained.

Spock came and stood in the doorway of the bathroom and I looked at him as I brushed my teeth, realizing he thought I was guilt tripping him into going down. I smiled and spit out the toothpaste, shaking my head.

"Stay up here its fine, seriously—no guilt trip, I promise." I told him. "I should make new friends."

"Perhaps." Spock replied, and with one more assurance about not minding him staying back, he turned to go and meet the new recruit.

****

**Spock's POV**

Lieutenant Goldman had been reassigned to the Enterprise and it was my job to welcome her on board and show her around. When I got to the Docking Bay, I watched as the pastey young woman came over to me, Jim joining me as well and smiling at her, holding out his hand. He smirked a little and I couldn't help but display the amusement on my face. Jim would never change, and I wouldn't have him any other way.

"Welcome to the Enterprise, Lieutenant Goldman!" Kirk exclaimed. "This is Commander Spock—he will be your guide and your direct superior officer. I hear you have special skills in deciphering messages?"

Lieutenant Goldman nodded. "I've been stationed on Beta II for two years now, and seeing as no one visits anymore, it was time for a new venue."

"Logical." I told her with a nod of my head.

She smiled at me. "I certainly thought so."

Jim cleared his throat. "It is standard procedure that all new personal report to Sick Bay for a routine check-up and then check in with Counselor McCoy to make sure you are mentally fit for duty."

Lieutenant Goldman nodded. "I guess we should start the tour then, Commander."

"You are correct." I told her, and she followed me out into the corridors as Jim watched her leave, cocking his head to one side to watch her rear end as we departed.

"So how do you like living up here?" Lieutenant Goldman asked me.

"It serves its purpose." I replied as we climbed into the lift.

She nodded. "You're quite the conversationalist, Commander."

"Is there a certain topic you would like to discuss?" I asked her.

"Up here in a ship…there is little space to move around in." Lieutenant Goldman pointed out. "I hope there are plenty of chances for Away Missions around here."

I looked at her. "I assure you there are an abundance of Away Missions."

"Good." Lieutenant Goldman said. "I'm looking forward to being able to stretch my legs every once in a while."

"We are here." I informed her, and followed her out of the lift and into Sick Bay.

"Holy Shit!" Lieutenant Goldman exclaimed as Janet pulled away from Doctor McCoy and smiled awkwardly. "There's some very friendly doctoring around here."

Janet smiled. "Hey—just here for a check-up. Newbie?"

Lieutenant Goldman held out her hand. "Devon Goldman, new tactical officer, here for a check-up."

"Bonesy!" Megan exclaimed, coming into Sick Bay excitedly. "There's a new girl on the ship and we get to go down for leave and—hi!"

"Hello." Lieutenant Goldman replied, amused at Megan's hospitality. "I'm Devon Goldman."

"Megan McCoy. Bone—Doctor McCoy's youngest sister." She told her, shaking her hand. "You'll meet Lily when you go to see her."

Lieutenant Goldman nodded. "Very nice to meet you, Megan."

"I will return shortly." I informed her, heading to my quarters.

Lily looked up and smiled at me, pulling her hair back and laughing a little. "Jimmy told me I had to meet with Devon today."

I raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you call her Lieutenant Goldman? That would be the professional way to address her."

"Oh Spock…I am as unprofessional as they come, and I really can't wait to meet her. She seems a lot like you on paper." She told me.

"Agreed." I told her and smiled a little as she stroked my cheek.

"So…I have to work today so you might have to not be here when she gets here—it would be unprofessional." She said.

I returned her kiss as she kissed me softly. "I may make it onto the planet for leave."

She smiled. "Only if it's logical for you to make it down."

****

**Lillian's POV**

I was rather excited to meet a new member of the crew. I needed to make new friends, and if she was anything like Spock, we would be fast friends. So I smoothed down my uniform and when the door beeped, I opened it up to a medium dusty brown haired young woman, with bright ocean colored eyes. She smiled at me as I invited her in, and sat down.

"Welcome to the Enterprise, I'm Counselor McCoy." I told her.

"Devon Goldman." She said. "I got through my medical examination and I'm here for a mental exam to make sure I'm fit for duty."

I smiled at her. "So I take it Leonard was professional."

She raised an eyebrow. "Leonard?"

"Doctor McCoy." I told her.

"Oh very professional." She replied.

"Well Lieutenant, I suppose we should go ahead and get down to it." I said. "What made you want to come onto the Enterprise?"

Devon looked me directly in the eye and I knew she was strong willed. "Being down on a planet is all right and all, but my skills are much better served on a spaceship, encountering new life and learning about other civilizations."

I smiled. "True…according to my logs you have never exhibited any mental behaviors that would make you unsuitable for duty, so I don't see why I should assume that you are. This is simply a formality, and I feel I have fulfilled my duty. I'm looking forward to working with you, Devon."

Devon smiled too. "You too, Lily."

"I am in one of the first leave parties to go down on the planet, so Commander Spock will be in shortly to show you around the rest of the ship. I hope you enjoy your time here." I told her, and pushed my bangs out of my face as we stood up.

"That must be him now." Devon said as the door beeped.

I opened the door for Spock and smiled at him, both of us saying our goodbyes with our eyes and me heading to the transporter room and smiling at Chekov and Megan. Megan waved a little when I got closer. It was nice to see them both so happy together, and I was glad that she had picked the kind of man that she had picked.

"You look less upset." Megan told me as I stood next to her.

I shrugged. "Yeah I do."

Megan nodded at me. "So…I take it you two made up then?"

"Yes we did." I said happily. "He and I actually talked things over and he's accepting everything, just in his own special way that I have to deal with."

"I'm glad. So…who's your planet buddy?" Janet asked, showing up without Leonard in tow.

Having Janet walking around and not possessed by an entity was nice. She was her happy, joyful self, and it was nice to have her so alert and playful. Megan and I had had to explain to her what had happened with the entities, and she was upset she'd missed the fun, and so wasn't about to not beam down on a planet…even if just for shore leave.

"I don't have one—Spock is training Devon." I replied.

Janet nodded. "The new girl—she walked in on Mansex and me making out."

Megan rolled her eyes. "How professional."

"I'm sorry I can't control myself around Mansex, all right?" Janet said, shrugging.

"Well I guess that makes you my planet buddy unless Leonard is showing." I told her.

She smiled. "You can be my planet buddy—Mansex is playing with his molds."

Megan laughed. "Bonesy likes his molds."

It was true—whenever we went to new planets Loenard was always the most excited to get to bring back vegetation and study it. He was going to be at it for the next few days, so since Spock was going to be training a new personnel, it was going to be me and Janet just like old times—before boys got all involved.

"Planet—let's go to the _planet_." I said excitedly as it was our turn to leave, and we all stepped onto the platform and beamed down.

**Note: Sorry this chapter is short! Not only am I distracted AGAIN by Nimoy hotness, but I have people over and they all want to read this story, so having time to write is kind of non-existent. I swear to all that is good, that the next two chapters will be longer than my normal chapters.**


	29. Blood is Bad, Right?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Before we start, I wanna take a minute to defend my Spock.**

**1) If you've seen the original series, you understand that even Spock Prime shows emotion. I have not seen an episode where he doesn't. He shows happiness, concern, annoyance, care, sadness, **_**anger**_**—everything. He just goes about everything in a logical way and puts logic above his emotions.**

**2) That brings me to Quinto's Spock—he shows his emotions more readily than the Nimoy Spock, but they both show emotions. Also since this Spock is based off of the emotionally compromised Spock who lost Vulcan and his mother in the J.J. Abrahms movie, he is more receptive to emotions and love.**

**3) Spock (Leonard's) does in fact show his love, care and concern for his friends. Vulcans understand the logic in keeping relationships going, so give him a little credit and remember that Spock is also half human, so he expresses himself more. (Even in the series, I am not making things up—go watch it if you don't believe me.) Besides…one of that Spock's biggest regrets was that he never told his mother that he loved her, and that same regret is shown with Quinto's Spock when he finds out his father loved his mother very much. (I adore Sarek—he's so understanding and accepting of humans, and his character for me is lovable in everything he's in.)**

**4) In the series' and movies, Vulcans do in fact show emotions—they are just in control of them in public, and put logic over them. They do in fact show affection for their offspring and mates, and for all of these reasons, Vulcans have been my favorite alien in all of the Star Trek series—not counting Enterprise because I personally thought that overall sucked soooo much it wasn't even funny.**

**5) Why does Spock act so human in this? He may be half human, but he shouldn't be this romantic/affectionate/verbal in his love. Understood, and have faith in me people—I do have a plan and an explanation you just have to keep reading and trust me, okay? Okay. *grins***

**Now, the next two chapters are kind of interesting.**

**Hope you enjoy them, and I hope you enjoy the new character like I do.**

**=D**

****

Once down on the planet, Janet slipped her arm through mine and we both smiled. The planet was lush, with rolling green hills and a forest off in the distance. There were flying creatures overhead that sang in their own special way, like birds only not exactly. There was a ridge on the opposite side of the forest, with a waterfall running over the cliff and creating a nice pool of water. Near us there was the outpost and Janet pointed to the cliffs.

"I think that looks less dangerous than trekking through the forest." Janet told me.

I smiled. "Fine."

Janet grinned and we hurried along the lush grass towards the cliffs. The sun was out and the planet was warm, a slight breeze on the air. It was perfect summer type weather, and I knew that eventually, we would end up jumping down into the pool after climbing the rocks in this heat. So I pulled Janet over towards the pool when we got there, and we looked over into it.

"How deep do you suppose it is?" I asked her.

She shrugged deeply. "No idea. Should we test it out first?"

I nodded. "Better then jumping in later to cool ourselves off and dying don't you think?"

"Oh where is your sense of adventure?" Janet asked, but got into the water and dived down, coming up after a moment or two and climbing out. "It feels fantastic, and I'm sure we could dive in and not die."

I laughed. "Good. Let's climb."

"You know…you seem pretty happy—I take it you and Spock are at more of a permanent understanding?" Janet asked me.

"He's on board and that's all I really wanted to know." I told her with a smile as we started the trek up the hill.

Janet nodded and we decided to conserve our energy as we walked by not talking to each other. The ground was hard beneath our feet, and as we neared the top, my feet were in just a little bit of pain. My ankles hadn't actually gotten swollen yet, but I was still kind of achy in places occasionally. Normally when I exercised I felt a lot better, but the sharp pain of the rocks was making the balls of my feet heat up and throb.

"Finally to the top!" Janet exclaimed merrily, and plopped herself down on the rocks before letting out a howl and standing back up. "Hot rocks!"

I laughed. "We totally did not plan this right—there's a patch of plants right there. We can just sit on those."

Janet smiled. "We're ruining their vegetation—Mansex would be so upset."

I laughed again as I nodded. "It's completely true. I'm really glad you guys are happy, by the way."

"I am too." Janet agreed as we sat our bottoms down on the plants and were genuinely pleased that they weren't as hot. "I don't think he'll ever think of marriage again though. He was really hurt by his ex wife, and though I know that he knows that I'm not here…he's scared of it and I don't blame him. All I want is for him to be around as long as he's meant to be around."

"He'll stick around—even if you never get married, he'll grow old with you…unless you die on us again." I told her, nudging her shoulder with mine.

Janet smiled. "Once your brain has died there's just not any way you can beat that."

I laughed. "Unfortunately, that's very true."

"So how's your half Vulcan anyways? You two don't talk to each other in public unless you have to, you don't hold hands—he's becoming his old self in the outward appearance." Janet said.

I nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's weird, actually. I know that he loves me, but he wouldn't say it nearly as much as he did if he didn't know me well enough to know that I need to hear it."

Janet looked at me. "Elaborate please."

I laughed at the mock Spock tone she used to say it. "Spock may be half human, and he may have some regrets when it comes to actually expressing his love to people, but he isn't the kind of man—or Vulcan—to say it just because he can, or he feels like maybe he should at the time. Me though? I say 'I love you' all the time—and I like to hear it returned. He loves me, I can feel it, but most of the romantic things he does he only does because it's logical to keep the relationship going."

"Doesn't that bother you?" Janet asked me. "Knowing that he only says 'I love you' all the time because you want/need him to? Knowing that he only reassures you with kind, romantic words because he knows it's what you would ask of him?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No. He's Vulcan—he was raised to suppress his human side and he has mostly succeeded. If it weren't for the destruction of his whole planet, the murder of his mother and me trying to unlock and crack him…he'd be in better control than he is. Just knowing he cares s enough."

"But you don't mind hearing it, do you?" Janet asked with a laugh.

I shook my head. "No…I _love_ hearing it."

Janet laughed and I joined in as we both noted my use of the word 'love' again. I was grateful for Spock, I really was. If he didn't have a hard time expressing himself humanly, he really wouldn't be the man I was attracted to, or the man I fell in love with. I rested my hand on my stomach and Janet rested her hand on mine, smiling at me. We were still best friends, and it would always be that way, even if I was nearing motherhood and she was in a relationship with my brother.

"So it doesn't bother you that Leonard's cooped up on board the ship with his molds and not down here in paradise with you?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "Nope—it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I mean playing with molds is just part of what makes Mansex, Mansex."

I snorted. "That nickname."

Janet was about to retort when we heard a blood curdling scream coming from the direction of the woods. We exchanged nervous looks and then stood up, brushing ourselves off. It really wouldn't be time on another planet if _someone_ didn't get hurt or die. It was really just our luck, and we had to go and see what the problem was and then communicate back up with the ship.

"Down the cliffs or into the pool of icy cold water" Janet asked me.

I smiled. "Well which one do you think will get us down there faster?"

****

**Devon's POV**

"I think that I have gotten this pretty much under control." I told Spock as he watched over my work.

After being shown around the bridge and the brig because I was trained in communications and security, Spock had tested my knowledge of subspace frequencies, and alien encryption codes. I was doing fairly well if I did say so myself, but it was only logical that I wait until my superior officer agreed with me. He nodded over my work and then placed his hands behind his back in Military fashion, smiling at him merrily as a slight smile crept onto his face.

"You are very good at what you do." He complimented. "Now if we were in the middle of a red alert?"

"Then I would send my findings to Lieutenant Uhura or you, unless I was on the bridge. Then I would simply get the captain's attention and explain to him my findings—easy question, Commander." I replied.

He nodded. "Perhaps, but it is sometimes the easy questions that end up having the hardest answers."

I raised an eyebrow. "You are the weirdest Vulcan I have ever had the pleasure to meet."

"You have met other Vulcans?" Spock asked me.

"Only one." I admitted. "He was rather…terse."

"Most are." Spock agreed with me. "You have this under control, so I am going to head down to the planet and we will converse at a later time."

I smiled and nodded, watching him as he left the security console in the brig. He was one puzzling specimen, and I felt that I had something in common with him. We were both more interested in doing our jobs, then forming relationships. That was fine with me—I loved what I did, and I did it well. All I needed now was a friend or two to keep me entertained when I wasn't on the clock—maybe Spock could be one of those friends.

"Commander Spock just told me that you're amazing at what you do." Kirk told me.

I nodded. "Well Spock is too kind—I'm good…not 'amazing'."

Kirk nodded and stood over the console as I tried my hand at some more simulations, and I started to tense up a little bit. Why was he here watching over my shoulder? Did he want something? He was the captain so he was allowed to do anything he wanted to do, but maybe I should ask? Was it my place? I was new to this particular hierarchy of power, so I just kept my mouth shut.

"I take it Spock showed you everything that you needed?" Kirk asked me when I ignored him, trying to make conversational small talk again.

"Yes he did. So Spock—" I tried.

"—is completely taken." Kirk cut me off.

I raised an eyebrow and looked directly at him for the first time since he'd walked in. Why did he think that that was the first question I was going to ask? More importantly, why did he think that I needed to know that? He was slightly agitated, I could tell just from the way his eyes were looking at me. I shook my head and looked back at the console as he assessed the look I was giving him, and decided to just go ahead and try to get to my question again.

"That was not what I was going to ask, but consider me informed." I told him. "I am a professional, Captain—I don't go around asking people for advice on the relationship statuses of my superior officers."

"Understood." Kirk replied. "So how do you like the ship so far?"

"I like it just fine." I told him. "There's a lot more to do up here I'm sure, than down there."

Kirk nodded. "I should certainly hope so. It seems to me that in joining us, you've entered into a very powerful position—it's nice to know that you can deal with it."

I smiled at him. "I appreciate the compliment, Captain. I do believe that I shall go back down to the planet and obtain some of my belongings now that my training is complete. So if you will excuse me."

"Dismissed, Lieutenant." Kirk told me nodding.

I nodded back and left the brig, heading back to the Transporter Bay. When I got there, Spock as discussing some things with Lieutenant Commander Scott, a man I had met briefly an hour before. I smiled at them, glad that someone would be accompanying me on the way back down to the planet, but when Spock looked at me a little troubled, I nodded slowly. It would be my first problem to help them figure out—and it would hopefully make me feel a little more like a part of the team.

"Lily just called up and said there's a crew member missing—apparently they heard a scream coming from the forest, and whatever dragged her off, there was some blood." Scott told me.

"What do you think the best way to approach this is, Commander? Shouldn't Doctor McCoy be in tow?" I asked him.

"Nurse Ferris is down there right now, but if we need Doctor McCoy, we will send for him." Spock replied.

I nodded. "Understood, Commander."

I followed Spock as we stood on the transporter, and I felt the sensation of a transporter for the first time. It was like a tingling sensation, followed by a brief moment of lightheadedness, and then I was standing on the planet and smiling—it was a beautiful planet. I was just so bored here that I really didn't know what to expect—we mostly stayed inside the outpost, so this was new.

"Thank goodness you're here, Spock! I tried to stop her, but Lily ran off with Janet into the forest to track whatever it is." Megan told Spock. "Scotty says he's ready to start beaming parties up."

"Lily is stubborn." Spock said dismally. "Which way did she go?"

He addressed as Lily, huh? She must be the one he was taken by.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I wrung my hair out for the fourth time since Janet and I had made it into the forest. We had waded out into the water at the top of the cliffs, and gone down the waterfall. Once down we splashed each other a little bit, and then remembered that we were supposed to be figuring out what was going on. Megan had tried to stop us, but finding the source of the screaming was the most important, so I'd gotten a hold of Scotty, and let him know what was going on so he could tell Spock and Kirk.

"Whatever it was…Ensign Denver couldn't have been _too_ seriously hurt—there's not a large enough trail of blood." Janet told me.

"Well that's a relief." I said.

"Yeah…but not the adventure I had hoped we were going on. Speaking of which—you sure you should be trekking out into untold danger?" Janet asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "Janet, I am pregnant not an invalid."

Janet rolled her eyes too, but we both knew I should probably have more than just her and our phasers as backup. I had an unborn baby to think about, and a Vulcan lover that would be just a little upset at my lack of logic. I sighed and pushed my bangs back, putting my hands on my hips as she used her tricorder to scan for more traces of blood. I desperately wished in that moment that she'd find something now.

"Weird." Janet said, turning to me and pointing to a path further into the forest. "I just suddenly picked up a very strong reading—we need to go that way."

"Fantastic coincidence—I was just wishing you'd find something." I told her. "Phasers ready?"

Janet nodded. "Of course they are but seriously…I'm not jumping in front of you if you get shot at."

I laughed. "I don't expect you to, Janet."

Janet sent a wink in my direction to let me know that she had my back, and we headed down a path that went deeper into the woods. At first I thought that this was just the kind of scenario that people got into in horror movies, and Janet was thinking the same thing when she started humming the music in 'Psycho' that occurred when he stabbed someone. I laughed and Janet put her finger to her lips, making me quiet myself and nod—we had to catch whatever this was by surprise.

"I wish we had back-up." Janet said in a whisper, sighing loudly.

"Lily?" Spock's voice called out, just the cavalry that Janet and I were sure that we needed.

"You were saying, Janet?" I asked her.

Janet rolled her eyes. "I should have suspected this was one of those magic planets."

I laughed a little and when Spock called my name out again, Janet stood up and motioned for them to come over, and we all hid behind a large tree that had bushes around it. Spock gave me a look when he got there, and I nodded, knowing from the look in his eyes that we were going to talk about my gallivanting off into danger when we got back to the ship. Janet leaned over to Devon, who had shown up with Spock, and showed her the readings she had gotten off of her tricorder.

"To top it off…this place grants wishes." I said.

"That is highly unlikely." Spock replied.

"As improbable as it sounds, every time you wish for something, you get what you want—and I swear if you test it out by wishing me back to the ship, I'm going to get exceptionally testy with you, Commander." I told him, trying to be upset and professional at the same time.

"Actually, come to think of it, there's a wishing well at the center of the outpost. Legend has it that if you toss a coin in and make a wish, you're wish will come true. I'm pretty sure that's true of every legend, but people here have pretty unnatural luck." Devon admitted.

I smiled—this was one cool magic planet. Then again, there was always the chance that a wish could go wrong depending on how it was worded. That was why in the earth culture, genies were depicted mostly as devious entities. It brought a whole new perspective to the saying, 'Be careful what you wish for'.

Spock nodded. "Then I wish I had something substantial to eat."

The minute he had said that, we heard some snorting around us and when Janet and Devon peered out, they quickly hid again. Janet reached over across Devon since Spock and Devon had come and squeezed in between us, and smacked Spock in the arm. He just ignored her and Devon was the first to open her mouth to tell us what was going on and I was thankful for that.

"You wanted something substantial to eat, Commander? Have fun wrangling up and killing your own wild boar." Devon told him sarcastically.

I laughed softly. "With tusks and everything?"

Devon nodded. "Tusks and everything."

"I saw we let Spock take care of it—there is no way I'm going out there to get killed when Mansex and I haven't had a romantic day together in the last few days." Janet told us.

"Mansex?" Devon asked, laughing out loud and then apologizing and covering her mouth to laugh.

It became quite clear to me that Devon was enjoying the prospect of fitting in with all of us. She'd already been in the company of some of the most colorful and intriguing people and it was only a matter of time before we accepted her. She had a good head on her shoulders, and she fit into the blue uniform of hers quite nicely—like she belonged on the ship with us. Now the only thing we had to do was keep her away from Kirk—he always got weird around new meat.

I smiled even more when Spock took the next few moments to look me over for cuts and bruises. It was sweet that he cared, but we both knew it was more for the sake of the baby—that was the logical thing to look out for. The baby couldn't fend for itself, but I certainly could—not that he wasn't worried about me too. He cared…he just had to be Vulcan in this particular situation and stay as professional as possible—no matter how worried about me and the baby he really was.

"You honest to God call him Mansex?" Devon asked her, controlling her laughter now.

"What? It's easier to say than 'Sex on a Stick'—that's what I used to call him." Janet admitted with a shrug.


	30. Whatchu Talkin Bout Spock?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Yes I know—not as much planet as you wanted.**

**Well the last chapter was the longest yet, so be happy.**

**=P**

**This one will be just as long, and you get to learned more about the planet.**

**I hope you liked being in Devon's POV—that will happen again.**

**In fact, this chapter is made up of exactly three different POVs, starting with Janet and ending with Lily.**

**I hope you like my made-up magic planet.**

**I love the magic planets on Star Trek.**

**They make for the most entertaining Away Missions/episodes.**

**The cliffhanger has to do with original series Spock, and applies to new movie Spock…and will be explained next chapter, swear to God.**

**Also, I was replying to a review and wrote 'Sex on a Stick' as 'Sex on a tick' and was going back to change it when I said out loud, "I just did 'sex on a tick'!"**

**And my sister replied, "That's gotta be kinda hard."**

**Thought I'd share.**

**New chapter………………now.**

****

**Janet's POV**

"All right, so I think that Spock and I should head out to check out the monster—we're pretty much where the blood ends. Besides douche…you're killing the boar." I told him.

Spock looked at me. "I think it would be best if I stayed with Counselor McCoy."

I smiled. "As sweet as that is, Benedict, Beatrice needs to stay here with our new tactical officer, and you need to come use your Vulcan brawn to save Ensign Denver."

I don't know why I was surprised when Spock understood my Shakespeare reference to one of my favorite couples in _Much Ado About Nothing_. It made me like him more, and though I wanted him to feel like he was protecting his offspring, I knew that he knew that my plan was more logical than his chivalry. He nodded at me, and then Devon took a deep breath and nodded and I raised an eyebrow—did she want to be paired up with Spock? Sure he was a hottie, but he was Lily's.

"So I suggest that we head in and figure out what happened." I told him.

Spock looked at me. "Don't you think it would be easier to simply wish for the solution?"

I sighed. "Are you going to ruin every bit of fun that we could have here?"

"I do not believe that a kidnapped crewman constitutes as fun." He replied to me.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine—I wish that we knew the solution."

Lily looked up suddenly. "I know where to look for the answer—you save Beth. Devon and I will go back up to the ship and radio down later."

"Be on the lookout for danger." Spock told Lily lovingly, and as she winked at him, I couldn't help but put a hand on his shoulder and give it a good squeeze.

Spock and Lily were perfect together—there was no way that I was going to let her let him go ever again. Granted, the baby had made them face their problems head on a little more, but it wasn't just the baby. Lately, the two of them seemed much more on track just because they were more willing to talk to each other—and they'd seen each other at their weakest moments and still loved each other more than they thought they could.

"Come on, Devon." Lily told her, both of them heading out of the forest.

"I think that Devon's the only one on the ship that doesn't know Lily's pregnant." I told her.

"Why did you let her come out here?" Spock asked.

I smiled. "Love the concern—focus on the crewmember."

Spock nodded at me, knowing he was more upset with Lily than with me. So the two of us hurried into the cabin and when we saw Ensign Denver making-out with the hairy looking beast man thing…Spock and I both did a double take. What? She did have claw marks in the arm of her uniform…but she seemed pretty content to me. Why were we looking for her again? Cause if she and that ugly walking carpet started going at it, I was fucking leaving her here.

"Ensign Denver?" Spock asked.

Ensign Denver pulled away from the ugly walking carpet and it growled. Oh great—now we'd pissed it off. Whatever. She could go at it with the gross, hairy thing all she wanted—she didn't need our help. I just shook my head and raised my hands up in surrender, putting my phaser back where it belonged at my side.

"Doesn't look like you're dead or in need of assistance so…" I told her.

Ensign Denver blushed. "Hi…um we were just…"

"Gonna go at it like rabbits? Yeah, I'm aware." I said. "Go ahead and go back to what it was you were doing."

"Actually, Ensign—would you care to tell us how you ended up in this…predicament?" Spock asked her.

Ensign Denver had to get the walking carpet to calm down and go and stand away from us, walking over and nervously rubbing her hands together. She laughed awkwardly and Spock nodded at her for her to tell us what was going to happen, and I tried really hard not to laugh. Why was she even _attracted_ to that giant hairy thing? He was gross, he grunted, and he was ugly as fuck.

"I was walking through the forest and I found myself thinking that it was like something out of Beauty and the Beast, and I wished that I had my own beast." She said with a blush. "Then out of nowhere he came and I—he startled me but he's fine."

I couldn't help but laugh. "And _definitely_ a beast."

When the walking carpet growled at me, I sent him a look and then I rested a hand on Ensign Denver's shoulder. She was one weird woman, but I was okay with her. She got her wish, she was enjoying her wish, and it was about time they went about their own leave. Spock wanted to get back to the ship with Lily, and I wanted to convince Mansex to get his ass down to the planet and have fun with me—maybe jump into the pool from the cliffs and splash each other.

"Have fun—and don't let him bite you." I told her.

She nodded, and so Spock and I headed back out into the forest and I looked him over. He wanted to talk to me really badly about what Lily and I had been talking about, but he was trying to be professional. I laughed a little and he looked at me, and raised his weird Vulcan eyebrow—or lack there of, of an eyebrow. I smiled and motioned for him to talk to me, so he took a deep breath and let it out.

"Why is it that you let her come out here when you did not know what you were chasing?" Spock asked me, concern in his voice.

"Lily and I have been running off recklessly for a long time, Spock. At first we didn't think about it, and then when I did she got very upset, and I just let it go. Don't worry—I would have taken a bullet for her." I told him. "I may joke about not caring and her dealing with her own responsibility, but I love that baby inside of her almost as much as you do."

Spock sighed. "It is not that I am angry with you—you were simply trying to make her happy, and I understand I just…she is being reckless lately."

I nodded. "Normally she isn't reckless unless she's sensing something is wrong…is something wrong, Spock?"

Spock shifted uncomfortably as we walked. "Lily will explain to you in a little while, Janet."

****

**Devon's POV**

Lily seemed rather joyous considering everyone was so against her being out in the action. Was it because she didn't have combat training? That couldn't be it…she went on Away Missions. Maybe she was just really bad at the fighting thing. Maybe?

"You're lost in thought." Lily told me.

I looked at her. "I'm just thinking about everything that happened on the planet."

She smiled as she crossed over to a console and grabbed a datapad in her quarters, and I looked at the double bed—she shared this room with someone else. She and Spock had to live in here together. There was something that I was thinking about, and I didn't know what to ask. Why was I even caring? Because I was going to be with these people for a long while and I wanted to know what was going on.

"What exactly is your question?" Lily asked me and then smiled at my confused expression. "I am half Betazoid, Devon—I can feel the conflict inside of you."

"This may seem out of line but…why is everyone so against you running off to help? It seems to me that you and Nurse Ferris had it under control when we showed up." I told her.

Lily smiled a little. "I am pregnant, Devon…so I'm not sure we had anything under control."

I was surprised—she was pregnant and gallivanting off into danger? What was wrong with her? Didn't women have a motherly urge to protect their young? Didn't that mean not running off into untold danger? Still…this woman seemed incredibly strong-willed and that little indiscretion not included, I was impressed by the way she carried herself. Illogical or not, she seemed to be together.

"Here it is—the history of your planet. Do you know about Qu'atres?" Lily asked me.

"They were of legend." I replied, sitting down next to her as she thumbed through the information.

"It says here that they were a very intelligent species that used their minds to communicate with each other. They all died out mysteriously, but it seems that they may have left a psychic residue on the planet itself." She explained.

That seemed logical…maybe. Then again, how logical could you really get with magic? It was one of those things you either had to accept or ignore. The most logical thing to do would be to figure out what happened to the species, so when I asked for the datapad, she handed it over and stood up to go into the bathroom. I found myself thumbing through it, smiling a little at the information that it held, and trying to figure out what could have caused the destruction of an entire civilization—an entire psychic civilization.

"Could it have been some kind of implosion? What is the planet made out of?" Lily asked me as she came back out and sat next to me.

"It could be—the core of the planet is made up of a metallic alloy. If it was exposed to the psychic energy during an emergency of some sort, it could make the planet exhibit it's 'magical signs'." I told her, using my fingers as quotations.

Lily smiled. "Then we've figured it out—I just don't think that we can fix that."

I shook my head. "Me neither. I suppose the logical thing to do would be to find Commander Spock and see how the search went."

"Agreed—my God you two are so alike." Lily told me.

I smiled because it was a compliment, glad that she approved. The truth was I felt incredibly close to Spock already when it came to the way we thought about things. He was the only one on the ship so far I felt like I could have an actual conversation with, but the McCoys and Janet seemed like people I could spend time with and feel accepted. I stood up and started to leave, turning to look at her before I went.

"Do you feel like heading back down and wishing at all?" I asked her.

Lily shook her head. "No…I pretty much have everything that I could wish for, and what I don't have, I don't need, I just want."

I nodded. "Logical."

"Not something I hear ever." Lily told me with a laugh. "I'm one of the most illogical, unprofessional people you will ever meet."

I nodded. "That shall bring us some good conversation topics."

She smiled. "Agreed."

We parted ways and I headed into the lift, sighing mentally when I ran into Kirk. He was checking me out in the lift which was rather strange and made me rather uncomfortable. What the Hell was his problem? I was not just another piece of meat. On top of that, he was the captain of the ship! This would be the absolute _worst_ kind of affair! It was bad enough that people on the ship were hooking up left and right!

Granted, it was a long mission—there had to be romance somewhere. I was glad that people could find happiness on the ship and not let it interfere with their work, but the captain? He had a much more important job than anyone—he was supposed to be in complete control. Besides—his reputation proceeded him, and I was _not_ that kind of girl. Look all you want Kirk—you're not getting any of it.

"As I understand it, you and Lily came up to figure out what was going on." Kirk replied.

"We figured out that the planet grants wishes—good or bad, vague or un-vague." I told him simply. "There is nothing that we can do."

Kirk nodded. "Then I guess it is time to leave if you have obtained all of your belongings."

I looked at the lift doors as they opened. "I am on my way to do that right now."

"I am looking forward to your addition to the crew." Kirk told me.

I nodded and quickly left the lift, automatically covering my ass to make sure he didn't swat my ass. I'd been around men like him enough that I had grown accustomed to saving myself from the physical abuse that was the ass swat. I smiled a little at Mr. Scott as he welcomed me back to the Transporter Bay, transporting me down to the planet to bring the rest of my belongings to my new residence.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I rubbed my neck as I sat on the couch, smiling as Spock came into our quarters. He noticed that my neck had a kink in it, and he reached out to massage my neck. I let him do it, sitting down on the couch next to me, running his fingers through my hair as well. I grunted in happiness that my neck was feeling better, and yet when he spoke to me, I knew it was coming.

"Why did you run off into danger, Lily?" He asked me.

I took a deep breath and reached up to stop his hands, smiling at him sadly and turning to face him, holding his hands in my lap after kissing them softly. I didn't know why'd I'd run off entirely—I knew I shouldn't have. I knew that I had a baby that I had to protect, but I knew that something was wrong with him too. He hadn't been pulling away, but he wasn't being completely honest.

"I have no answer for you." I told him. "I really don't. I know I shouldn't have run off with just Janet and two phasers…but I wanted to help."

"It is not logical to put yourself in danger—not when you are carrying a child." Spock said, and I nodded.

"You want our baby but…every time you talk about our baby there is something you are not sharing with me." I told him.

He nodded and I could see the hurt in his eyes clearly—there was something that he was keeping from me. He wanted badly to tell me something he wasn't sure that I could handle. He wanted me to understand, and I nodded because I wanted him to understand that I was going to be there for him.

"Our child would not be welcome on Vulcan." Spock told me.

I swallowed. "Care to elaborate on that?"

Spock paused. "Our child is not only, only ¼ Vulcan, but we are not married, and on Vulcan our child would be shamed."

I took a deep breath and then stood up—I had figured that since marriage was a huge deal on Vulcan, our baby would be shamed. I didn't want our baby to be shamed, but I didn't want to get married to prevent that. I wanted to get married because I wanted to get married—because Spock wanted to be married _to_me. I felt terrible for our baby, but I just couldn't bring myself to ask him to marry me because it felt too much like we covering up a mistake if we did it for these reasons.

"Well then our child will just never go to Vulcan." I told him with a shrug. "I mean we didn't plan to have a baby, but we're going to, and if all else fails we can live somewhere else."

"Vulcan is my home—I want our child to know it." Spock replied.

"Of course you do…but you just said that our child would be shamed. Why would you put it through that?" I asked him.

Spock gave me a look and I knew that he had meant that he wanted his child to know Vulcan—not that we had to take our child _to_ Vulcan. Still…he was holding something else incredibly important back and he still had yet to come clean and tell me about it. What were we ever going to accomplish with our new closeness if we kept holding back? And what was he holding back? Had he expected me to inquire about marriage? Should I? It didn't seem logical for me to do so when I didn't want to get married just for the sake of trying to make our child less 'shamed'.

"What is it that you're hiding from me?" I asked him.

Spock just shook his head and kissed me softly. He was trying to keep me safe—trying not to hurt me by ignoring it. He wanted this baby…he wanted me…but he was feeling conflicted and ashamed more now than he'd ever seemed before. So what was wrong? Should I pry? Should I let him tell me in his own time? I was seriously not prepared for this right now.

"You feel ashamed." I told him, stroking his hair as I pulled away.

Spock nodded. "I knew you would see right through me—you feel everything I'm going through."

I shrugged a little and smiled. "You are not entirely an open book, but it's nice to know when you're going to get all ashamed and weird on me."

Spock stroked my hair sadly. "I was talking to Jim today, and he asked about the baby. He wanted to know what I wanted and how I was feeling about it, and how my father really felt about it all, and I had to give him honest answers. Then he made me think really hard about our situation."

"You're not pulling away." I told him when he paused, bringing my body closer to his and looking him in the eye. "But you are so sad."

"May I finish?" He asked me.

I nodded. "Of course—sorry."

Spock brushed my bangs out of my face. "Lily…I have to make a trip to Vulcan. There are things that I need to take care of in order to give our child the life that it should have."

"Spock, I don't want to get married just because the baby is 'shamed' apparently. I love you, and I would love to be married to you someday…but I cannot for the life of me marry you just to right a wrong. I know the baby was unplanned, but I don't want to act like it was a mistake that needs to be rectified." I explained.

"I know you well enough to know that, Lily—but on Vulcan our child would be known as a kre'nath, which has a literal translation of 'the shamed one'. I cannot live with our child having that hang over his or her head their entire life." Spock told me.

I bit my lip. "The _shamed_ one?"

He nodded. "On top of that…I helped to create this baby when I shouldn't have."

I let go of him. "I don't want to talk to you about the baby if you're going to treat it like a mistake—it's a living being that we created, and I love it."

"Lily that is not what I meant." He protested.

"Well that's the way you're making it sound!" I exclaimed, raising my voice a little.

"Lily! Please let me tell you this in my own time! I am trying to formulate the words in a way that won't hurt you, but I cannot!" He told me, raising his voice a little too.

I nodded slowly. "Well I don't want you to sugar coat anything for me, Spock—just tell me what is going on with you lately."

He took a deep breath. "I want to be with you, Lily—I want to marry you, but I cannot."

I swallowed. "Why is that?"

He looked me in the eye. "Because I am married."


	31. Coping With Secrets

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Those of you that are familiar with the original series know about Amok Time, and Spock's sort of wife.**

**HaHa.**

**There is going to be some more magic planet!**

**Yay!**

**And yeah, so the suspense is killing you, I know.**

**To make the angst up to you a little, there's a tiny smidge of Bones/Janet smut.**

**Go ahead and read on now.**

**=P**

****

Excuse me? He was married?! _Married?!_ I stood there for a minute completely stunned at the words that had spilled out of his mouth. Why hadn't he just told me he was married—told any of his other love interests that he was married? So what? He was a cheating, lying bastard? And I was his knocked up mistress?

Not in control of my hand, I slapped his face. The moment my palm made contact with his face, I gasped a little at what I'd done. I mean he'd deserved it, but he had to have a plan. I had to give him a moment to collect himself and explain what was going on. I had to let him tell me what it was that he was trying to say.

"You're married?" I asked him, running the hand I'd slapped him with over my hair like nothing had happened.

"When I was seven, going through my first Pon Farr, my parents betrothed me to T'Pring. It was more than a betrothal because we were joined by our minds. During my Pon Farr, eventually I would have had to go and finish what our parents started—however you eased the feelings before the violence could take over and in turn force me to go to New Vulcan." Spock explained.

"So…she's not _exactly_ your wife?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, not entirely."

I sat down and stared blankly at the other wall, resting my chin on my hands. "Why in the world did you have to say you couldn't marry me because you were married?! Do you know how sick I feel right now from all of those emotions you put me through?!"

Spock sat down next to me and reached out to take my hand but I pushed it away. I didn't want him to touch me right now—not when I felt like the other woman. Not when I felt like our entire relationship was based on a lie. Why didn't he tell me before? Why was he telling me know? Couldn't he have come clean about T'Pring when I had told him that I was pregnant? If he was so logical shouldn't he have told me that so I could go about my own business?

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked him.

"I was not entirely sure that she had survived the destruction of Vulcan, and when I told my father of my intentions for you, he told me to return to formally meet with her." He explained. "To be honest, I did not tell him before about the child."

I closed my eyes. "Of course you didn't. Your father would much rather have had you formally 'divorce' her—that would have been the 'logical thing to do'."

I knew that I was starting to raise my voice again but I really couldn't help it. The entity had told me that he had secrets, but I hadn't expected them to be this big. We were having a baby—and he had a woman he had to let go. Did he love her? Did she love him? If he did, why did he join Star Fleet? If they cared for each other…why were they apart? She must have been fully Vulcan. They just must be simply betrothed—not in love.

"Lily…" Spock told me and sighed deeply. "I didn't know how to tell you. I fell in love with you and then you told me you were carrying our child and I was excited and then during my Pon Farr, I knew deep down I knew that I would have to leave…but I caved. I caved for you, and I knew that I had to finally own up to all of this when I realized that I wanted to marry you."

"Right." I told him. "Well…I think I'm going to go ahead and sleep at Janet's."

"Lily…" Spock protested.

I stood up and instead of crossing my arms over my chest I hugged myself a little around my waist. I was trying very hard not to cry in front of him, but I didn't know what else to do. I was more upset with him right now than I'd ever been before, and as the tears started to leak out, he was holding me. He was holding me close to him and stroking my hair and all I could do was cry. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't I have just stayed with Kirk?

I pulled away, avoiding his eyes. "I can't stay here right now, I can't. Don't you understand? I am not kicking you out of the quarters, but I need you to go to New Vulcan—I need you to do what you need to do and give me space."

Spock nodded and let go of me, taking a step back. "I understand, Lily."

"Do you know what's going to happen when you confront her?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I do not…but I have to try and fix this."

Looking up at him made me feel the need to kiss him. When I did, as sad as I was, I felt like that was where I belonged—with him. I was incredibly upset, and I didn't want to be near him, but I still felt like I was his. I didn't want to be the other woman, and I didn't want to be feeling this vulnerable and betrayed, but I wanted him to make me feel better. He normally always made me feel so much better.

"You are vulnerable." Spock told me as our lips parted.

I nodded. "I know."

"You should go to Janet's." He said.

"I should go to Janet's." I replied and hurried out of the room, going straight to Janet's quarters.

When she opened the door, she saw the look on my face as I bit my lip and she let me in. She took a deep breath but didn't say what she was going to say, because she needed me to tell her first. She needed me to be the one to come clean. So I sat on her couch and kept the tears at bay as I took a deep breath.

"Spock is kind of betrothed and has to go to Vulcan to rectify his human errors." I told her in a breath. "I had to get out of our room."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse me? Betrothed? What?" Janet asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah—T'Pring. He freaked me out and told me he was married, but he might as well be. They're all bonded and he was supposed to marry her during his Pon Farr, but I satisfied him before it got too bad."

Janet sighed. "Well then you need to keep your space from him and think everything over rationally while he's gone. He has to go and get out of having to marry her, and then he can come back and marry you—I mean that _is_ what he's doing, right?"

"He said he wanted to marry me." I told her with a shrug. "I assume so."

"You just don't want to be around him right now?" She asked me.

"I just don't want to be around him right now." I replied.

****

**Bones' POV**

I wasn't quite certain what I was going to do with the molds I'd found on Beta II. One of them seemed poisonous, which gave me a chance to make a vaccine for it since there was none that was recorded. Just the prospect of that made me want to immerse myself in my work, but then Janet walked in. She looked upset, and so I took the gloves off and cleansed my hands as she came over and threw her hands up in the air exasperatedly.

"Did _you_ know that Spock was betrothed/married?!" She asked me angrily.

I raised an eyebrow. "No…I assume this is some girl that isn't Lily."

She gave me a look. "Don't try to be cute right now, Leonard—this is serious! Your sister is sleeping my quarters tonight because she can't sleep in hers and Spock's! Your sister is in emotional turmoil because the father of her baby has to go and meet up with the chick he was supposed to marry! On Vulcan there are rules to follow! Even if it's New Vulcan! What do you think is going to happen to her? What if Spock is forced to marry this T'Pring chick? What then?"

I let the words sank in and found myself growing quite upset myself. This was Lily that we were talking about—if she lost Spock I didn't know how she'd get through it. She was so attached to him, and she was having a baby. She needed him to be by her every step of the way, and if he was forced to marry his betrothed on Vulcan, then what was she going to do? She needed him, and she was in more need of him now than ever, but there was nothing I could do about it—that anyone could do about it.

"Leonard?" Janet scolded me, smacking my arm hard. "Leonard! Go talk to your sister!"

I couldn't help it—I kissed her hard. There was something about how she wasn't afraid to yell at and manhandle me that made me want her even more. Add on that we hadn't slept together since _before_ she went brain dead and was possessed by an alien, and it was inevitable. I was in need—and though I needed to talk to Lily, she also needed to have her space.

"Leonard not here." Janet told me, pushing her palms against my chest. "What if a patient walks in?"

"Janet…it's been way too long." I replied, kissing her again and bringing her hips against mine. "Besides…Lily needs to have some time to herself to think, don't you think?"

Janet groaned. "I'm really not into this kinky thing, Mansex."

I smiled and stroked her hair, kissing her again—she was quirky and I loved her that way. She didn't like that she was caving, but we were both very much in need of this right now. We both wanted it, and we both thought that Lily needed her space and so if we could satisfy the urges and then go and talk to her, that was the choice we were going to make. I smiled as she wrapped her arms around me, grunting and nodding a little.

"That's my girl." I told her, and hoisted her up onto a medical table.

"A medical table?" She asked me.

I kissed her neck and shrugged and she shifted her skirt up a little and moaned slightly as I kissed down a little to her collarbone. She slid her hands into my hair and stroked my hair as I used my hands to make a little more room for us on the top of the table. She laid back and pulled me up with her, kissing me passionately as I skipped the foreplay and brought my hips to hers, and grinned in satisfaction at the sound she made.

"I love you, Janet." I whispered, moving against her, my flesh in hers.

"Shhhh. Less talking and more kissing." Janet replied with a small laugh.

I nodded and tried to satisfy her needs, smiling when it was over as she smoothed down her skirt and laughed. She leaned against the table a little and grabbed my shirt, kissing me softly. I kissed her back, pleased that she was pleased, and wishing I knew where to go from here. I'd almost lost her, and still I couldn't seem to bring myself to ask her to marry me. Did I even want to get married again? It had turned out so terribly in the end?

Janet laughed. "Next time you want sex, we're doing it in quarters like normal people."

I smiled. "Agreed."

"Sex on medical tables, eh? At least _someone's _having kinky fun." Lily said dismally, trying to sound happy. "Sorry to just walk in unannounced—and please disinfect that table before you get new molds."

Janet groaned. "Son of a bitch this is your mold table!"

I cleared my throat. "So, Lily—need to talk?"

"Ass!" Janet told me, hitting my arm. "Why the Hell didn't you think about that first?! I want an inoculation now!"

I rolled my eyes and kissed her, smiling into it as she kissed me back. I loved her very much, and I didn't mean to take her on the table I normally played with my molds on. I gave her an inoculation, and then she smacked my ass on the way out of Sick Bay and I turned my attention to Lily. I took her hands in mine and kissed them, trying to figure out what exactly was going through her mind.

"I don't want to lose him." She told me. "He loves me, and he wants to marry me, but I just…why didn't he tell me about his betrothed? Why? I mean he loves me, so shouldn't he have told me about her?"

I hugged her, stroking her hair. "I am very mad at him…but I think its in everyone's best interest that he do this."

She nodded into me. "I agree with you…I need him to go and talk to her."

"Do you think that…that maybe you should meet her?" I asked her.

"I don't think that I could handle that." She told me. "I really don't think that I could. Besides…I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be welcome down there."

"You could always stay with Spock Prime." I tried, but I couldn't finish my thought because I got a radio up from Megan, who was still with Chekov on the planet overseeing some things. "Yes, Megan?"

Megan took a deep breath. "It's Beth, Bonesy…she's dead."

****

**Devon's POV**

There had been so much blood—so much. Apparently these wishes weren't so fantastic after all. No sooner had I beamed down to get my belongings, had Megan come to find me. She dragged me off into the woods and I found myself face to face with the remains of Ensign Denver. Apparently her little tryst with the beast had been her last. It was sad really—she had seemed like such a nice girl. Weird…but nice.

I shook my head slowly, the blood everywhere, and covered my mouth as we found a some teeth too. Megan covered her mouth as well, trying hard not to vomit. I really didn't think that I could handle it if she threw up around me. The blood and the body pieces I could deal with—it was the smell of the acidic vomit that would make me uncomfortable, and I had a job to do.

"Maybe you should wait outside." I told Megan.

She nodded and stepped out, leaving me and Chekov to look for any signs of the beast. Neither of us actually wanted to be here looking through the remains, but we had no choice. Spock was on his way down, but for now it was just me and Chekov, and when I heard him grunt in displeasure, I knew that he'd found the beast. Unfortunately, the beast was dead and mangled as well.

"Fantastic." I groaned. "What the Hell did this?"

"I do not believe that the beast vas to blame for Ensign Denver's death." Chekov told me. "I believe there is something else here."

I nodded. "I think you're right."

I bent down to look at the markings on the beast—it had been shot by something. His skin was scarred, and he was badly mangled. Something had done this _to_ him and Ensign Denver—but what? What would kill them? Why? What exactly had it accomplished?

"I will take over from here." Kirk told us, and I groaned a little without turning around as Chekov had.

Why was he down here? He was the expendable one—he was the one who had an entire ship to run. What the Hell was he doing? I turned to him and plastered a fake smile on my face, shaking my head as he motioned for me to follow Chekov. There was no way in Hell I was leaving yet! Though not living outside of the outpost, this planet had been my home for two years, and I intended to figure this out.

"Don't even think about ordering me…Captain." I added as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Why would you want to stay down here?" Kirk asked me.

"Because I am determined to figure out what is going around here—this was my home, Captain…and I want to help." I replied.

Kirk smirked a little and nodded, and I rolled my eyes—smirking was so not going to get him anywhere with me. I turned to look over the beast's body again and sighed, heading out of the cabin. There were small traces of blood around I noticed as I checked my tricorder, and I pointed them out to Kirk when he came to stand next to me. Come to think of it…he was _way_ too close to me right that second.

"Get down!" Kirk yelled as firing started.

He pulled me down on the ground, his body landing against mine. I let out an 'oof', and then looked at him as he looked down at me. What the Hell was wrong with him? Why the Hell did he think it was _his_ job to save _me_? _HE_ WAS THE FUCKING CAPTAIN! It was _my _job to protect _him_.

Then I saw it as the firing ceased—Kirk was leaning down. Was he going to _kiss_ me?! Hell no! Hell no! I shook my head vigorously as his lips came closer to my face, turning my head to the side and closing my eyes, praying to God he didn't touch me with his mouth. I let out a soft sigh of relief as I felt his body getting off of mine, and when he held out his hand I refused it and stood up on my own. I was a big girl…I didn't need his chivalry.

"What the Hell did you think you were doing?" I asked him.

Kirk cleared his throat. "I didn't actually mean to try and ki—"

"—I meant what the Hell did you think you were doing trying to save me?! I can take care of myself!" I told him, adding, "Captain."

"I just saved your life." Kirk protested.

"But you're the captain! _I'm_ the expendable one!" I protested. "Let's just find this thing—and kindly do not touch me again."

I stalked off ahead of him with the tricorder, trying desperately to focus on finding the being—and not of Kirk and his attraction to me. Oh shit…what if he was checking out my ass right now?


	32. Orders and Logic

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Before we start, I wanted to share with you the weirdness of my brain:**

**So this dream I had last night, had to do with some famous person (dunno who) giving this interview and everything with his like 6 children, and me and my friend Dani were helping him out. It was in this really big place with different buildings and stuff, and guess who was the guide? Zachary Quinto.**

**And so my sister and I kept running off away from Mom, and she kept asking Zach to help her find us, and he'd just walk along with her until he got her to where she needed to be, and helped other people along the way. And like he and Mom found me, and I had been trying to hit on him the whole time but hadn't had the courage, so I was all pretending I had to talk to Mom while we went to find Aidan (my younger sister) and I reached out to grab his hand to keep up and he held it. And his hand was warm, and I felt my cheeks flush, especially when I moved my hand in his and our fingers interlaced.**

**Then we found Aidan by one of those big buildings, and I complimented Zach on his shirt: it was a Sylar shirt and had written on it "Sylar is a psychopath" but the "a psychopath" had large red writing over it that said "SEXY". HaHa. And he was gonna go leave and go back to his post, when I asked him how far it was from the big building, all the way across the place to the beach on the other side.**

**He was stumped for the first time that day so he leaned over a little so I could hop on his back, and then Mom told us to have fun and Zach and I headed for the beach so we could calculate the time so he could answer some other person's question about it if it came up. But we ended up going down these stone steps into a forest, and in that forest, we were lead under this dark, metal structure with some monster.**

**Zach had gone through first to make sure I didn't get hurt, but the monster tried to eat me cause I was all "left behind" and so he came barging back to save me, and took my hand and we ran out to the beach, and the monster wasn't dead, and on top of that, we had to fight a giant, naked Ken Doll. (You know it's REALLY a dream now, lol.)**

**So I went to drive a stake into Ken's heart cause there was a stake lying on the beach, but then I saw a sword and went, "Well this would help more." So with a good eight stabs cause apparently I couldn't aim, I killed the giant Ken Doll attacking us and then saved Zach right when he was getting a little overpowered by the ugly hairy, monster thing.**

**But like most of my dreams with hot guys, though the thankful making-out was all nice and good, the second we laid down on the beach and the clothes started coming off, I woke up—this time to the lawnmower outside.**

**Thought I'd share.**

**=D**

******

**This chapter has a lot to do with Spock/Lily and Devon/Kirk.**

**Hope you guys are okay with that.**

**And I hope you like chapters that have semi-happy endings.**

**=P**

****

**Spock's POV**

Jim had ordered me to stay on the ship, so I was following orders. He and Lieutenant Goldman were both taking care of the problem, and would radio up for help if they truly needed it. I looked up as Lily came back into the room, and I stood up from the couch. She shook her head though, and I sat back down as she motioned for me to listen. She was finally showing more anger, and I was grateful—before she had just accepted and left.

"I am so pissed at you, you can't even begin to imagine." She told me. "How the Hell am I supposed to trust you again? How? I mean you couldn't have told me when we started dating? What the Hell is up with that anyways? You've had more love interests than just me."

Spock nodded. "I feel ashamed about it too…we were seven, Lily—it is not like we want to be with each other.

"So what? Isn't marriage and betrothal sacred or something on Vulcan? She's your fiancé!" Lily exclaimed. "You can't tell me you just forgot she was out!"

"I did not—" I tried.

"—I mean you told me that you're all bonded to her!" She yelled.

I sighed. "I haven't been thinking about anyone but you. It's not an excuse, and I am not trying to justify myself when I know I am in the wrong."

Lily ran her fingers through her hair and then closed her eyes and put her palms together, her fingers against her lips. She was trying to figure out how else to yell at me, and I was going to take it. There was absolutely no good or logical reason for me keeping anything from her at all—I just wanted to pretend that T'Pring didn't exist. I knew that was not a logical thing to do, but I was finally happy, and I didn't want to ruin it by mentioning an archaic betrothal I never wanted.

"Hand." She said softly, holding out her hand for mine.

I lifted my hand up, nodding as she rested my hand on her stomach. I ran my thumb along it and took a deep breath—I had a baby to think about. The baby had been the first to make me think over what I was going to do with my future. I wanted to fix this and fix this now—I did not like thinking that Lily would never trust me again, but it was only logical. In my illogical fear of driving her away with the truth, I had made an illogical decision to hide it from her. I had not been honest with her for selfish reasons, and I had to deal with that.

"I need you around to help me with this baby…I want to keep yelling and fighting but the fact of the matter is that you don't want to be with T'Pring, and you were betrothed when you were seven—you did not want to be betrothed. You _are _betrothed and you didn't tell me and that makes me very angry but…I want you to raise this baby with me." She told me. "I could do it on my own…with Janet's, Megan's and Leonard's help…but I don't want to. I want you to be around for your baby like my mother was never around for me."

"What can I do to get you to trust me again?" I asked her.

Lily shrugged slowly, stroking my hand as I stroked her stomach. "I want to go down to New Vulcan with you."

I looked up at her. Go to New Vulcan with me? I didn't think that, that was allowed. Then again, she was the Counselor of the Enterprise—maybe she could get away with going there for diplomacy reasons. New Vulcan after all was trying to thrive with only ten thousand Vulcans, trying to rebuild their entire race. If Lily wanted to go with me…then she was going to go with me.

"I am surprised that you do not wish to spend time away from me." I told her truthfully.

Lily nodded. "I do want to spend some time apart, but I also have to be there when this all happens—this doesn't just affect you, Spock."

She was right—this didn't just affect me. The outcome of this affected both of us…and our child. Lily had every right to be down there while I tried to talk to T'Pring and the Counsel, and she had every right to be there when the verdict was made. Part of me felt scared again—what would happen if I was forced to marry T'Pring? New Vulcan needed to be repopulated—a point Lily had broken up with me over…and a point that had made sense to me, and I almost did go back to New Vulcan to do just that.

"You are welcome to accompany me to New Vulcan, Lily." I told her.

She smiled a little. "Good—your other self is already informed of it."

"You contacted him before asking me?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Like it or not, Spock, I was going down there whether you let me or not. Leonard—who might come and try to kick your ass—brought up with me that it was in my best interest to be there and to associate with your new home world."

"I wish that I could show you New Vulcan without having to go down to get out of a marriage." I told her, pulling her down onto my lap, even though it wasn't logical to do so.

She nodded. "I do too."

I stroked her hair. "I am so very sorry."

"I know." She replied. "I know that you are sorry for what you're putting me through right now, I do. I am just so mad at you."

"I know." I told her. "I am very much aware of the anger you feel towards me right now."

"If I wasn't so tired…I'd probably throw something." She said with a laugh, kissing me softly. "But I'm tired, and I'm trying to forgive you because you're trying to make it up to me."

I kissed her back, knowing that she was still upset, but that she was trying very hard to be put this behind her. I didn't want her to ignore this—I wanted her to lash out anyway she felt she needed to, and then forgive me if she could. I loved her…and I loved our child…and I really wished we could have gone through all of this in a much more logical way.

****

**Kirk's POV**

I smiled at Devon's backside as she used the tricorder to scan for evidence of the being that was killing. Beth had been a weird girl…but I'd appreciated looking at her. Now she and her 'wish' were both dead, and Devon and I had been shot at. I'd tried to save her and been berated, and now I was staring at her ass. Such a nice ass she had…if I could just stroke it…

"I don't think that the entire Qu'atres race was destroyed—are you checking my ass out right now, Captain?" She asked me.

"What?" I asked her, jerking my head up to look at her. "I was thinking."

Devon laughed. "You do that, then?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What exactly are you insinuating, Ensign?"

"I am picking up some high energy readings coming from a cave a little farther in—it would be nice if we headed that way, maybe? Shouldn't Doctor McCoy be here by now?" She asked me.

This woman intrigued me—she was so willing to talk back, but she still tacked 'Captain' onto the ends of her sentences to try and sound professional. She was just a little jumpy that I was hitting on her, and I had no idea why I couldn't control myself right now. Maybe it was her spunk—maybe her logic. She was an amazing addition to the crew…and I was attracted to her with no explanation for why.

It wasn't that she wasn't attractive—she _very_ much was. It was that she had absolutely no interest in me. She was a smart, capable woman, and she had absolutely no reason to fall for me when she'd been part of the crew for less than 24 hours. Still…eventually she'd see what I had in me. Eventually.

"Captain? The aliens killing your crew?" She asked me, snapping her fingers to get me to snap out of it.

"Which way to the cave?" I asked her.

She sighed. "I know I have a huge ass, Captain—doesn't help that you keep staring at it. The cave is that way—I've said it twice now."

I just nodded and followed her, wondering why I was so off of my game lately. I was the captain—I was supposed to be focusing on saving my crew. Focusing on figuring out what was doing the killing so I could stop it. This planet was magical, but it had to have a reason behind it, and Devon and I were going to figure out what that reason was. It was only a matter of time before someone else died.

"Your ass isn't huge." I told her suddenly as we trekked along the path.

Devon laughed. "Thanks for the lie, but I don't believe you."

"No really—it's nice." I shrugged.

Devon turned to me. "Okay, 1) you're the captain, so don't flirt with me. 2) You've known me for _maybe_ 14 hours, so don't flirt with me. 3) We're hunting a killer, so don't flirt with me. Got it?"

I held my hands up in surrender and she nodded, walking ahead of me, and I found my eyes going back down to her ass. Yes we had a killer to hunt, but why couldn't I also enjoy the view from behind? That was my right as a man walking behind an attractive woman, wasn't it?

"Stop staring at my ass." She told me without turning around.

I sighed and then looked up as we got to the cave, and she showed me the tricorder—her hair smelled nice. Still, pulling myself out of that thought, I looked over her readings. There was definitely a _lot_ of energy inside the cave, so we equipped ourselves with our phasers and we went in. It was dark, but not dark enough that we couldn't see. Devon stayed in front of me, trying to protect me so I could go back to the ship, and I smiled a little—she still didn't get it.

I may be the captain, but I had Spock to replace me should I die. It was my job as captain to protect my ship, and protect my crew. Now that Devon was part of my crew, it was my job to protect her too. She wanted to be independent and I completely understood that, but I also wish she could understand how I felt about protecting my people. I opened my mouth to try and explain myself about saving her before, but she held her hand out to stop me and I looked up.

There were four beings standing around a large rock that looked like an altar of some type. Around the rock seemed to be a small river of what looked like some type of metallic alloy, and I looked at the tricorder as Devon showed me the readings. The energy inside the cave was more than we had read coming from it _outside_ the cave. These beings glowed a little bit, and they didn't look entirely human—they had two eyes and a nose and a mouth, but their mouths were large, their noses two slits in the middle of their faces, and their eyes entirely white.

"Why did you kill Ensign Denver and her beast companion?" Devon asked the beings.

"Devon!" I chastised.

"You weren't saying anything." She whispered back.

I sighed. "I was figuring out what to say."

The beings turned to look at us, and one cocked its head to one side. They did not show any emotions on their faces, so I did not know whether they were going to be hostile or not. In a swift movement I pulled Devon behind me, even though she was protesting with her body. She started to move in front of me, but I gave her a look, and then I said the one thing I knew she'd heed.

"I order you to stay back, Ensign." I told her.

Devon's eyes flashed at me. "Son of a bitch."

I smiled at the feistiness of her exclamation that was directed more at the situation than at me, and I looked at the alien, suddenly feeling a tingling sensation inside of my head. It did not hurt, but it did not exactly tickle either. The being, was trying to talk to me…through my mind.

"_Leave our planet, James T. Kirk. We do not appreciate having our planet's energy used in the frivolous wishes of your people._" The largest being told me telepathically as it stepped a little closer to Devon and I.

"_Is that why you killed one of my crew members?_" I asked back.

"_She was making wish after wish, after wish and her beast tried to protect her. Those inside the outpost understand that wishing does not always bring you what you need._" The being replied.

I nodded slowly. "_I cannot just leave you here without revenging my crewman's death._"

The being's head cocked to one side again. "_I suggest you do…or we shall destroy your ship of inferior beings._"

I nodded and took Devon's hand, leading her out even though she didn't want to leave. We headed back up to the ship and then we set a course for New Vulcan when Spock told me he and Lily had to leave for it.

****

**Spock's POV**

Lily and I had been on New Vulcan for only a day, and were staying with Spock Prime. He and Lily had been talking to each other nonstop practically, and I was nervous about meeting with T'Pring. Being on Vulcan made me feel like I could feel her in my mind, but mostly all I could do was think about Lily and about what our futures were going to be. She was still upset with me, but she was making the best of it. This morning she was eating breakfast, and Spock Prime was waiting on her hand and foot as he had since she'd arrived.

"You are very kind Spock—really I'm almost quite full." Lily told him with a smile.

Spock Prime smiled at her. "Just making sure you're keeping yourself in prime condition…for the baby's sake."

She took his hand in hers and I felt a little sad. "I feel fine, and the baby's fine. Thank you for keeping me under surveillance though, I appreciate it."

I was trying to figure out why Spock Prime was so worried about her. He'd been more than excited about her and I having a baby, but he didn't seem too happy that I'd let her come with me. When Lily kissed his hand and ate some more fruit, Spock Prime motioned for me to come outside, and I looked at him as he looked through a window back at Lily as she stroked her stomach.

"You seem worried about her." I told him.

Spock Prime nodded. "I am…how far along is she now?"

"Ten weeks." I replied.

Spock nodded and ran his hand down his face, smiling a sad smile. I tried think back on what he had told me before, and I couldn't figure it out. There were too many thoughts running through my head, and I suddenly felt at a loss of control again. I sighed and Spock Prime rested his hand on my shoulder, and I looked into those sad eyes of his.

"I know this is not the same timeline…but Lily miscarried almost twelve weeks into the pregnancy. I really do not believe she should be running around and getting stressed out right now." Spock Prime explained. "You need to take care of her."

I looked through the window. "Do you believe she may miscarry?"

"I do not know." Spock Prime replied. "I just wish to save her from that heartache again."

I nodded, and then with a nod in his direction to carry on as he was, I headed to go and see T'Pring. I had not seen her for many, _many_ years, and when she invited me into her place of residence, I put my hands behind my back in military fashion. She was still very attractive—with dark, meaningful eyes and soft skin and manageable hair—she just wasn't Lily. I hadn't really thought about what I was going to say to T'Pring when I got there, but I knew I had to say something.

"Sarek informed me of your arrival." She told me before I could say anything. "So you have come to marry me? You do not look like this is the time we should be discussing this."

Vulcans did not discuss their Pon Farr with each other, but she could tell by my rational behavior that I was not going through mine. Had I gotten more violent, all of the feelings would have built up and lead to eventual death had I not come here to marry and mate. Since Lily had helped to calm me down, and fed my hunger, I had not needed to come down and carry out any duties. I looked her in the eye and she stood there completely un-phased by me—showing me absolutely no emotion.

"My father and I believed it was only fitting for me to come down here in person to talk to you about ending our betrothal." I explained.

She nodded. "It is illogical for you to exit such an engagement when Vulcan needs to be rebuilt."

I nodded as well. "I am aware of that, T'Pring, but it seems to me that the logical thing to do would be to have what is left of the Vulcans, assimilate new cultures into our own."

"I need to think on your suggestion." T'Pring replied. "There has been a time that I did not want of you, Spock…but it is only logical that we rebuild our species if we can."

I swallowed, knowing that this was exactly what I was afraid of. We were already meant for each other, and so it was only logical that the two of us mate and preserve our race. However, I did not want of T'Pring, and she seemed to not want of me, but it was only logical we go through with a marriage. I wanted to bring up the child, but I knew that it would only bring shame to my offspring, and that was what I was here to prevent.

"I want of another…but as always, it is the female's decision." I admitted to her.

T'Pring nodded. "My father did not survive the destruction of Vulcan, but my mother did. She believes our betrothal to be in our best interests, whether we want of each other or not. I shall need some time to think it over. I suggest you go and do the same, returning here in two days."

Two days? I would have to wait for her answer for _two_ days? Lily was not going to be happy about this in the slightest. She was already mad enough at me as it was, and to have to wait for two days to figure out if she and I would be able to be together or not was going to devastate her.

"Two days." I told T'Pring with a nod, and left to go back to Lily.

She was sitting outside with Spock Prime, the sunlight making her dark hair seem shinier than normal. She had a large grin on her face that made me smile a little, wishing that there was something that I could do about all of this for her. I needed T'Pring to let me out of this engagement, because neither of us wanted the other. Still, it was her choice and I would have to go with whatever she chose.

"What is the verdict?" Lily asked me, coming over to me when she saw me standing there.

I stroked her hair sadly. "T'Pring told me she will have an answer for me in two days."

Lily swallowed and her entire face grew sad. "Two days? Do you think that she will let you off of the hook? God I sound so terrible for asking you that."

I kissed her softly. "We do not want each other…so I do not seeing her making me stay in the agreement."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her cheek on my chest, sighing a little. I held her back, wishing we didn't have to be in this predicament. I also wished that there was something more that I could do, but I'd have to wait…I'd have to wait and see what T'Pring chose to do.


	33. Marry Me Now

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**What a cliffy.**

**Well, this chapter should give you all some ease.**

**And you'll get more interaction from the couples you miss soon, I promise.**

**=D**

****

**Lillian's POV**

Spock Prime had been kind enough to set up a guest bed for Spock and I. We had both refused to make him leave his own bed—well more like I had and Spock was siding with me because he was trying to make me feel more comfortable with him. I had fallen asleep to Spock's fingers running along my stomach, and I had woken up to it. Either he hadn't slept, or he had fallen asleep after me and had woken up before me.

"Did you sleep at all?" I asked him.

He nodded into me, his lips brushing across my shoulder. "For a little while."

I held his hand to my stomach and snuggled into him a little more. "You and your other self are both worried about the baby…is there something you need to tell me?"

Spock stroked my stomach a little more. "We are just trying to make sure you are going to be all right."

"I'm not fragile." I replied. "Women in worse spots than me have had children just fine."

"Noted." He said.

"Hey…Spock?" I asked him.

Spock held me closer to him and though still upset he never told me about T'Pring until a few days ago, I was glad he was here with me. At first I had thought that I had needed some space from him, but I really felt the need to have him near me. Angry as I was, I needed him to be here, and I needed badly for T'Pring to let him out of his so we could go back to trying to fix things between us. I just wanted him and I to be able to get things back to normal, and then we could get our relationship back on track.

"What is it, Lily?" He replied.

"I want to marry you." I told him slowly. "I do…and when T'Pring lets you out of this betrothal, you and I can go to a Federation Colony and then we will say vows and exchange rings and make everything official."

"It is illogical to assume that T'Pring will simply let me go." Spock said.

I turned over in his arms and stroked his cheek. T'Pring had to let him out of it—she just had to. There was no reason why any woman would marry and procreate with a man that she didn't want—even a Vulcan woman who would have the logic to help repopulate her species. I kissed him softly and smiled as he kissed me back, stroking my hair. I just had to remember that I loved him—that I'd do anything to keep him, whether he never told me about T'Pring or not.

"Even though she's a Vulcan…she's a woman. Women would rather have love over logic if that is their choice. I have absolutely no idea why she doesn't want you…but it is that reason alone that will make her choose to let you go." I told him.

"And you are certain of this, why?" He asked me.

I smiled. "Call it a woman's intuition."

Spock did not entirely believe me, but he did in fact kiss me back when I kissed him again. I really did not want to lose him, and I really had to hold onto the belief that T'Pring would let him go. Part of me wanted to meet her, and the other part wanted to just stay with Spock Prime and find out more about how he liked his life on New Vulcan.

"What are we going to do today?" Spock asked me.

I shrugged a little. "I was thinking about helping your other self make a garden."

He nodded. "I may take the shuttle back to the ship and see if there is anything else that I can do for the next two days."

I smiled at him and nodded—leave it to Spock to need to drown himself in work in order to pass his time. I kissed him swiftly, getting up and smiling at Spock Prime as he came into the room and went to start making breakfast. Spock Prime had been nothing but accommodating since we had gotten there, and I was starting to feel like I was a hindrance—like I needed to help him.

"You know, I can make us breakfast." I told him with a laugh.

He smiled. "Would you like pancakes? I'm sure I could make them for you."

I laughed a little more. "I'm surprised you even know how to _make_ pancakes."

As we started to try and find ingredients to even begin to make pancakes, Spock got up to get ready to head back to the ship. Spock Prime decided to just make something else, and so I helped Spock with his belongings that he had brought, and smiled at him, kissing him swiftly. He was freaking out to have to wait this long for an answer, and so was I. Still, he stroked my hair and then stroked my stomach, looking me in the eye.

"Be careful." He told me. "I will be back soon."

"I will be fine—your other half is probably going to fatten me up at this point, so if you come back and this house is actually made of Gingerbread, don't be surprised if I've been eaten." I joked.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I will just assume that was a joke."

I laughed and nodded. "It was. Go."

Spock nodded and left, me heading outside after breakfast and smiling at Spock Prime as I tried to give him gardening advice. I felt like taking a break, and then I smiled at him as he started to tell me about my other self. She was very interesting, and apparently very into gardening as well—it was how she passed her time. She blamed Leonard because of his mold obsession…and I blamed Leonard too.

"I have been informed that Spock is staying here." A Vulcan woman told me.

I stood up and held out my hand. "I'm Lillian McCoy and you are?"

Spock Prime stood up and answered for her, "T'Pring."

****

**Megan's POV**

"It's about time _someone_ told Leonard he was going overboard with his molds." I laughed as Janet told Devon and I the medical table sex story.

Devon nodded with a grin on her face. "You should have paid more attention to were you were letting him lay you down."

I nodded too. "You _do_ know that he loves playing with his molds."

Janet rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I just wanted to share a funny story."

I smiled at her, glad that we were including Devon in our circle now. When she had come up from the planet I had immediately made sure she was all right. After all…we'd all seen how Kirk was looking at her. She said she was fine so I'd invited her to have lunch with Janet and I the next day and she'd accepted. She had inquired after Lily and Spock, but they were on New Vulcan sorting out some things.

"So what happened to you on the planet with the psychics?" I asked Devon, then taking a bite in my sandwich.

"Your captain tried to kiss me." Devon said.

Janet laughed. "Only a matter of time. Did he grab your ass?"

"Thank God not yet." Devon replied.

I nodded—we all knew exactly what Kirk was capable of. He was very much into new women, but at the same time, he was very in control of himself. Just the fact that he tried to kiss a girl he barely knew that was spurning his affections, meant that he was completely intrigued by her. It was kind of cute…Kirk could use a strong woman like Devon. Still…there was no reason to condemn her to him until he learned some more manners.

"Well I think that it's about time we got down to the real nature of this lunch." I told them.

Janet looked at me and took a large bite of her sandwich. "Why exactly did you get us all together?"

I smiled. "I think we should throw Lil a baby shower—but keep it small. Lord knows how Spock feels about it all right now."

Devon just nodded, but I knew that she wanted to know exactly what was going on. She was still not aware of whether or not she was allowed to ask us personal questions. We were trying to make her feel welcome, but we also knew that she felt the way that we had felt when we arrived—alienated. We both smiled at her, Janet opening her mouth to talk to her, Devon looking her in the eye as she spoke.

"You see, Lily and Spock never planned for the baby—they're not even married yet. They want to be, but Lily's got it in her mind that getting married just because they got pregnant when they didn't mean to is no way to get married." Janet explained.

"Well it isn't…but it is part of her responsibility to the baby." Devon said.

I nodded. "I agree with you, Devon."

Janet shrugged. "What I was getting at was that Spock—though not ashamed of the baby itself—is ashamed of how things went down. So he went to Vulcan to correct some things, and will hopefully come back engaged to Lily. We'll see."

"And you're invited. I know that you're knew and all, but Lil thinks highly of you, and we'd like you to come." I told Devon.

Janet nodded eagerly, both of us glad to have another female on board we could actually talk to. Lily only confided in certain people, and mostly we all kept to our…'clique'. Devon was very spunky, and we enjoyed the addition potential she had to our 'clique', so we smiled at her and she nodded slowly. I grinned when she agreed to do this for me, and then Spock came waltzing in. He was supposed to be down on New Vulcan, but if he was here, then that meant that he was back and things were back to normal.

"Spock!" I called over, motioning him over.

"Where's Lily?" Janet asked him as he came over to the table.

Spock took a deep breath. "She is still down on New Vulcan with Spock Prime."

"Spock Prime?" Devon asked.

Janet and I had completely forgotten that Devon had no idea about what exactly had gone down with Nero. Most people didn't—Spock Prime was kind of a strange thing for all of us to accept, but we did. So Janet smiled at Devon as she looked at us all with questions in her eyes, but I stepped in.

"Spock Prime is Spock's future self. Nero came from the future to change his past, and in turn changed our lives creating an alternate universe. Spock Prime was brought back and he helped us to defeat Nero and save Earth." I explained.

Devon nodded slowly as it kind of sank in. "Oh…interesting."

Janet nodded and then looked at Spock. "So why is she still down there?"

"Things did not go entirely as we both had planned." Spock told us.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked him.

He took a deep breath. "We do not know if I will be coming back to the ship in two days or not."

****

**Spock's POV**

No sooner had I sat down to talk to Megan, Janet and Devon, had Lily contacted me and asked me to come back. So I got into the shuttle and went back down to the planet, Scotty still working on the teleporters for now. When I got there, I went into the house Spock Prime had for himself, and stopped as I saw Lily sitting at the table with Spock Prime and T'Pring. She had given me two days but had come to talk to me? Illogical.

"Welcome back." Lily told me, and stood up. "I need to talk to you."

She motioned to outside, and so I followed her outside and looked at her. I was trying to assess the look on her face, wishing I knew what exactly was going on inside her head. She didn't look entirely upset, but she didn't look happy either. She looked like she was trying to figure out how to say what she was going to say, so I reach out and stroked her dark hair, glad she didn't pull away.

"She is here because she has made her decision." Lily said with a sigh. "She won't tell me what that decision is because she wants to talk to you, but she knows who I am."

"Does she know anything else?" I asked her cautiously.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to shame our child on purpose—she has no idea about it."

I gave her a look because that was not what I was asking about—but good to know. She ran her hands along my uniform, looking me in the eye. She smiled just a little and I smiled back, stroking her cheek with my fingertips. Her skin was just as soft as it always was, and her deep brown eyes sparkled more today than they had in a while.

"What has you in such a good mood?" I asked her.

"T'Pring doesn't love you. Sad for your ego, I'm sure, but good for me." She replied, taking a step back. "Now go talk to her and figure out what her decision was."

I nodded and headed back into the house, Spock Prime heading out back to talk to Lily. T'Pring stood up and I put my hands behind my back, waiting for her to speak first. This entire situation was in her hands, and it was her choice to let me out of it. I had been promised to her first, and though I did not want it, I would have no choice. If it came down to it…I would have to tell her of the child.

"I have already come to my decision." T'Pring told me.

"I surmised as much." I said with a nod. "May I inquire as to why you have come to a decision before the two days you allotted?"

T'Pring swallowed. "I want of Stonn…and he and I can be together with no more delays today if you are willing to let me go, which you are still, I assume?"

I smiled just a little. "So this was all a test of a sort? Now Stonn is ready to take on marriage and fatherhood and you are willing to be his?"

It pleased me to know that Stonn was going through his Pon Farr, so he needed T'Pring in order to fulfill himself. I did not want of her, so I was more than willing to just leave now that she did not want me. As she nodded at me and stared at me with no emotions written on her face, I nodded as well. This was exactly what I needed to hear—I was thoroughly pleased that she was letting me go.

"Then it is settled—we are free of each other." I told her. "In my time to think I have not reconsidered my position. I want Lily."

"I can understand why—you have always been more accepting of emotional beings." T'Pring said. "I will go…our situation is resolved."

I nodded at her and let her leave, smiling at her as she headed out. This was a happy moment—a moment to be celebrated. Lily came in with Spock Prime, having seen her leave, and Lily bit her lip and looked me in the eye, waiting for me to tell her what T'Pring had said. When I opened up my arms and smiled at her, she closed her eyes and grinned, opening her eyes up and giving me a look.

"I swear to God, Spock—if you have anymore huge secrets, I'm going to be very upset." She told me.

"I have no more secrets from you." I replied honestly.

She nodded and then hugged me, me wrapping my arms around her and rubbing her shoulders. Finally this was over for us—finally there was nothing stopping us from being practical about our futures. Now I just had to convince her that the sooner the better—and Lily was stubborn. Just remembering that made me kiss the top of her head, and she laughed and looked at me.

"What do you say we take the shuttle to get married before we go back to the ship?" Lily asked me. "There is a Federation Outpost very close to here, and we could make it there and back before our two days were up."

"Is that what you want?" I asked her, stroking her hair as she looked up at me.

She nodded. "Yes, Spock…that's what I want."

**Note: You guys choose the next chapter. Fluffy…or the next situation?**


	34. You May Protect the Bride

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well, well, well.**

**Who is happy with me right now for giving you a NICE cliffhanger?**

**Hmmm?**

**Yeah, I thought so.**

**=P**

**So when does anything I plan to do actually ever get 100% written down that way?**

***ponders***

**Never.**

**So here is the next chapter…with some changes that don't affect you guys, but it's coming out differently than **_**I**_** had planned it.**

**FYI, fluff won the vote, but I'm adding in a little of both, right at the end.**

***sniffs***

**Yeah, I smell a cliffhanger….**

****

**Lillian's POV**

Spock and I had gotten to the Federation Outpost and even bought a white dress and a tux with a tie and the wedding bands, but Spock could tell my heart wasn't in it. It was _not_ that I didn't want to marry him—because I _really_ did—it was that it just didn't feel right to do it without Megan, Leonard, Janet and Jim. Spock could just see that I wanted to get married on the Enterprise, so we headed back, and smiled at Janet, who was the first to meet us in the Shuttle Bay when we got back.

"I take it his being here means that T'Pring let his ass off the hook?" Janet asked me.

I nodded. "Yes it does."

Janet pumped her fist in the air and then hugged me, hugging Spock after that and punching him in the arm as she pulled away. I laughed a little as she threatened him lovingly, and then I took his hand and we both looked at her. We were pretty sure that she knew exactly what was coming, but we wanted to tell her anyways. So she nodded slowly and crossed her fingers, making me laugh.

"We want to get married asap." I told her. "I have to talk to Jimmy, and I don't need a wedding march or anything—I just want you guys there."

Janet laughed. "Leave it to you to fantasize about a big wedding your _entire_ childhood, and then rush to the altar."

"Your _entire_ childhood?" Spock asked me.

I waved it off—nothing about my life had gone as I had tried to lay it out when I was little. For one I wasn't marrying any of my famous actor crushes; two, I wasn't a billionaire with a hot pool boy; and then three, I wasn't marrying Admiral Pike—don't ask, weird school girl fantasy. Looking back on it…he still looked mighty fantastic for an old man. Anyways…not the time or place for _that_ trip down memory lane.

"All I want right now is to be your wife." I told him. "So can we please go and talk to Jimmy?"

"Lily…what you want is ultimately what I want so…" He said, trailing off so he could let me change my mind.

I smiled and kissed his hand, Devon and Megan showing up, but I left them to entertain Spock while I went to go and talk to Jim. No matter what, Jim had always been there for Leonard, and he'd always treated Megan like a little sister. We'd had our ups and our downs, and we were exes, but in the end we just wanted what was best for each other. It only felt right that Jim marry us—even if Spock would probably rather him be his best man.

Wait a minute—Spock would rather Jim be his best man. Great…now what was I going to do? I stopped in the middle of the corridor and sighed because as much as I wanted Jim to marry me, I couldn't think of a single man on the ship better suited for Spock's best man. There had to be someone else on board who could marry us—_had_ to be. But who? Who other than the captain was better suited for it? Forget it—I'd figure out who was going to marry us later. Jim deserved to be Spock's best man.

When I'd made it to Jim's quarters, I pushed the button and then smiled when the doors slid open and he was standing there. Just looking at him made me remember why I adored him so much—it was that God awful smirk he always had on his face. James T. Kirk was notorious for his smirk and his reputation with the ladies, and none of us would have him any other way—except maybe a little more settled down. He opened up his arms to me and I hugged him, smiling as he whispered in my ear.

"Welcome Back, Lil—how did it go?" He asked me.

"I want you to be Spock's best man. Who do you know on the ship who could drop everything and marry us today…preferably pretty much right now?" I asked him.

We pulled out of the embrace and Jim laughed and looked me in the eye. He was amused by my sudden proposal, but he wanted me to know that he approved. On top of it all—I think he was flattered to be considered for best man. I knew it was what Spock would want, seeing as he knew the human customs, and I rested my hand on Jim's cheek.

"Best man?" He asked me. "I'd be honored…Scotty could marry you."

"Really? That would be fantastic!" I exclaimed, hugging Jim again. "Thank you so much! Now let's get you in a tux and head down to Cargo Bay 2."

"Not 3?" Jim asked me with a laugh.

I gave him look. "No—because if a problem happens, then there's going to be an explosion, and people will die and…I'm good with no death today."

Jim laughed his hearty laugh and nodded, sending me to go and talk to Leonard next—which was on my list of things to do. I hurried into Sick Bay and smiled because not only was Leonard on his own, but the look on his face made me believe that Janet hadn't been here to tell him yet. I wanted to tell him…he was my brother. So I walked over to him and took his hands in mine, kissing them softly.

"Will you walk me down the aisle today, Leo?" I asked him.

His eyes lit up. "Walk you down the aisle, Lily?"

I nodded. "I want you to give me away—please?"

Leonard kissed me swiftly and pulled me close, stroking my hair and holding me tightly. There was nothing that he would like more than that, and I was glad I could make him so pleased. Both of his little sisters were going to be married now. He had been our mother hen for a long time now, and now he was going to be an uncle and have grown up sisters all in less than a year. He pulled out of the embrace and kissed my forehead, stroking my hair a little more.

"I'd be honored, Lily—just let me get cleaned up and dressed up." He told me.

I smiled and threw my arms around his neck. "Thank you, Leo."

****

**Devon's POV**

I had been avoiding Kirk as much as humanly possible lately. I was so embarrassed that I had gone off and blurted out 'son of a bitch' on the last Away Mission. It wasn't supposed to be directly at him, and though he hadn't thought that it was, it was inappropriate. I was still getting used to having an actual superior officer, and I wished that I was handling the transition better. It was just that he was pretty much missing the whole point of being a captain—being there for his crew. He was taking it to mean that his life was more forfeit than ours, and it was the other way around.

"You look as if you are deep in thought." Spock told me.

I looked up at him and smiled a little, remembering that I had told him that I'd keep him up to date on what had been happening lately while he got some things set up in Cargo Bay 2. I was kind of looking forward to being a bridesmaid—it was sweet of Lily to ask me. The thing was though, I still wasn't sure if I was allowed to just come out and blurt things out to them. I guess they were trying to be my friends…

"I said something inappropriate in front of the captain." I told him, pocketing the datapad and helping him move some large cargo.

Spock nodded. "The captain hears inappropriate things a lot, I am sure."

"But that's not the point." I protested. "The point is that I acted unprofessional around the captain, and _he_ has been acting unprofessional around me. Doesn't a meaningful work relationship mean anything to anyone anymore?"

I really didn't understand why there weren't more boundaries. Sure it was nice to find someone—everyone wanted that—but they couldn't put their lives on hold for four lousy years? I mean it was just four years. People could do college in four years. In fact, most people had to give up on relationships while they focused on a major. Hell when I went through Star Fleet, my boyfriend and I broke up because we had no time for each other anymore. There were more important things than relationships of the romantic kind…weren't there?

"Love does not often wait." Megan said, walking up to us and looking around.

She was dressed in her dress for the wedding, and I looked down to realize that I still had to go and change. I had been so distracted with my own problems while helping Spock move things around for the small congregation that I hadn't even thought about getting dressed. I excused myself as Megan and Spock started to talk about some quick decoration ideas, and I got into the lift. It seemed though that every time I got into the lift, I ended up being stuck in there with Captain Kirk—this was in no means an exception.

As soon as it stopped the next deck up, Kirk came into the lift and I tried to hide my sigh. What exactly had I done to God to deserve this sort of harassment? I mean maybe it was a sign that I needed to apologize—I figured it could be a sign that Kirk and I were always going to be running into each other so we had to get past the weirdness. Or it was just God baiting me—why the Hell was he stopping the lift? It's not like I could protest…he _was_ the captain.

"I wanted to apologize." Kirk told me.

I looked at him. "For what, Captain?"

For what? Or he had plenty to apologize for, and he was just lucky he was the captain so I had to be civil with him. Let's start with the eye fucking, and the almost kissing, and how about the checking out of my huge ass? Yeah we could start with those. Then we could down to the sheer unprofessionalism he was exhibiting—yeah, you apologize…_Captain_.

"I was out of line the other day when I tried to kiss you on the planet, Ensign. I should have been more professional, and I apologize." Kirk explained.

I swallowed—now I felt guilty. I had some things to apologize for too, but I didn't really get the chance to when he started the lift again and got out on the next deck. I started to say something as the lift doors closed behind him, but I didn't say anything loud enough for him to hear. At least he knew that he was being unprofessional, I gave him that. Still…just thinking about him made every part of me tense up in anger.

Shrugging thoughts of him off, I stepped out of the lift and headed down the corridors on the residential deck, going into mine and looking at it. It was simple, with some drawing utensils on the table and an area set up for me to work at, with enough room for me to take a meal at the same time. I didn't actually eat in front of anyone—the only reason I'd gone to lunch with Janet and Megan the other day was because Megan had made it seem like it was important. Certainly a baby shower was important to them and to Lily…but I could have gotten work done in that time.

It wasn't that I wasn't pleased that they were accepting me—I was—I just didn't know Lily and Spock as well as they did, and I wasn't sure at all what I was going to get for a baby. Especially a part Vulcan baby. A part Vulcan baby that was Spock's. Wasn't he supposed to be logical? What was he doing bringing a ¼ Vulcan into the world when his species had practically been wiped out? Love. God, that stupid word!

It's not that I didn't love things…I loved my parents and my work…but what was so important about love? Couldn't you have love without running off and getting married, or reproducing? Couldn't you just do your damned work and stop thinking about Colin? Colin…what the Hell was I thinking about him for? Love…Colin was exactly why love was stupid. Still…I was going to support Lily and Spock on taking responsibility and giving their baby a stable environment.

Trying to stop thinking so much, I changed into a dress and then went back down to the Cargo Bay, smiling at Lily as Megan fixed her dress while she fixed Spock's tie. I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow—wasn't it bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding march had played? Still…Spock seemed quite pleased as Lily babbled away and fixed his tie—his face didn't show his love for her…it was all in his incredible emotion-filled eyes.

****

**Lillian's POV**

"I think we should do this fast enough for me to rip your suit off of you." I told Spock as I smoothed down the tied tie.

He raised an eyebrow. "I have never understood the human female's fascination with suits and 'ripping them off'."

I smiled. "You don't need to understand it—you just need to accept it."

Jim came up to us and put his hand on Spock's shoulder, and then Scotty showed up too. Jim showed Spock over to the altar, me giving a wave to Devon as she helped Megan to help Janet who seemed to have tripped over herself—that happened sometimes. Scotty smiled at me and I smiled back, squeezing his hand softly. I was so incredibly grateful that he was doing this for me…especially since the two of us had only talked to each other briefly all those times I checked up on Megan in Engineering.

"Thank you so much for this, Scotty—I really appreciate this." I told him.

He smiled. "No problem. Now how exactly would you like it done?"

"The simpler the better. 'We're gathered here today', 'Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded spouse', 'Present the rings', 'I now pronounce you man and wife'—simple and short." I said and then blushed. "It's not that I want this over and done with it's just that…we're on a starship that gets attacked quite a lot."

"You're not wrong there." Scotty agreed, and then he headed up to the 'altar' to wait with Jim and Spock as I left the Cargo Bay, smiling at Leonard.

I straightened Leonard's tie and felt tears come to my eyes—this was my big brother. He'd taken care of me when I hurt myself, when I was sad, he'd been there to cheer on my accomplishments…I owed him so much. Even though Spock was about to be my husband, I wanted so badly for things between Leonard and I to stay very much the same. Whether that was dreaming too big or not, I didn't know yet. All I knew was that there was no better man to walk me down the aisle.

"You look beautiful, Lily." Leonard told me softly.

"Don't you dare cry." I scolded him lovingly, the tears coming to his eyes as a tear or two splashed onto my face.

I wiped it away and threw my arms around his neck, nuzzling my face in his warm neck. He held me tightly, letting me know I'd always be safe in his arms, and I kissed the nape of his neck swiftly and pulled away, letting him fix a section of my hair that had fallen out of place. He kissed my forehead and then cupped my chin, making direct eye contact with me.

"I am so very proud of you, Sis." He said.

I took the hand that was cupping my chin and kissed it softly. "I'm proud of you too, Bro."

I wiped away another fallen tear and then I took his arm, the wedding march starting. Devon went down the aisle first, then Janet with Chekov, and then Megan with Kirk. Then Leonard and I walked down the aisle and I smiled as he kissed my cheek at the end, placing my hand in Spock's and nodding at him to give him his blessing. I was kind of sad that my parents weren't here, but this group of people was perfect too.

"Who gives this woman away?" Scotty asked as Spock smiled at me and I at him.

"I do." Leonard told him and then leaned in to whisper, "That's what you say when he asks you if you take her," to Spock as he took his place besides the groomsmen.

"We are all gathered here today to witness the joining of Lillian Grace McCoy and Spock of Vulcan together in Holy Matrimony. If there is anyone that would object to this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace." Scotty said out loud.

Leonard had to poke Jim rather hard in the ribs when he started to playfully raise his hand, and I couldn't help but laugh a little and shake my head, Spock not entirely aware of what was going on around him. I did hear the loud sigh from Devon though—one that was not only in annoyance of Kirk's behavior, but in wishing she knew why he was joking around like that. Spock raised an eyebrow at the probably puzzled look on her face, and then Scotty continued.

"Since there are no objections, will the Maid of Honor please present the ring?" Scotty asked.

Megan handed me the ring and I took it, smiling at Spock, whose eyes sparkled back at me.

Scotty looked at me. "Do you, Lily McCoy, take Spock to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

I nodded. "I do."

"Then repeat after me, Lily: I, Lily McCoy, take thee Spock of Vulcan to be my lawfully wedded husband." Scotty said.

"I, Lily McCoy, take thee Spock of Vulcan to be my lawfully wedded husband." I repeated.

Scotty smiled brighter. "To have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part."

I smiled as I slid the ring onto his wedding finger. "To have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part."

Scotty smiled and turned to Spock. "Will the Best Man please present the ring?"

Jim handed Spock the ring and winked at him, making me roll my eyes and then smile at my 'Almost Husband' as he looked at me, the ring in his right hand.

"Do you, Spock of Vulcan, take Lily to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Spock nodded. "I do."

"Then repeat after me: I, Spock of Vulcan, take thee Lily McCoy to be my lawfully wedded wife." Scotty told him.

He looked me directly in the eye. "I, Spock of Vulcan, take thee Lily McCoy to be my lawfully wedded wife."

"To have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part." Scotty said, starting to tear up himself, the big adorable softy.

"To have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part." Spock repeated lovingly, sliding the ring onto my wedding finger.

Scotty nodded at both of us. "I know pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Right as Spock and I leaned in to kiss each other, the Red Alert went off and Jim was already on his way to the bridge, Leonard heading to Sick Bay. Spock and I nodded to each other, knowing the kiss would have to wait, so we all left the Cargo Bay to go to our emergency stations.


	35. What are YOU Thinking About?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Before I start in on the chapter I just wanted to say: have you guys SEEN the original series.**

**I admit that it's been years for me—and watching it over I KNEW I wasn't retarded when I saw Spock/Uhura in the movie and went, "Wtf? No."**

**If anyone's getting together it's Uhura and Jim.**

**They touch, they talk, and they kissed.**

**So whoever pulled Uhura/Spock out of their ass needs to pull out better ideas.**

**Yes, I know, I'm off topic, but seriously—though kind of cute and mostly just hella weird, I have decided that I am not on board with that particular pairing, no more Vulcan or no.**

**Watching the series I am more into Spock/Christine than any other relationship on the show besides Spock/McCoy slash.**

***laughs***

**Those two are adorable.**

**Just wanted to say that I am no longer on the "Awww, Spock/Uhura could be cute I guess" ship.**

**Not at all.**

**Spock and Christine actually understood each other, and she cared for him, and he was intrigued by her but too Vulcan to do anything about it…and Spock/McCoy would just be like the perfect love/hate relationship ever.**

**And all those ideas and watching the original series give me a fantastic Spock story idea when this is over.**

**No…not Spock/McCoy slash—I'm not good at writing slash…but you'll see**

**=P**

***coughs***

**As to THIS story…wow…if Janet and Bones get married someone might die.**

**lol**

**Sorry, just making fun of myself and my wedding cliffhangers.**

**Next chapter is now, and you get to see aliens from the Star Treks.**

**Hope you enjoy it.**

**The Red Alert idea came to me from DeansLover1918, and Miss Dani Dodge, my bff (and my inspiration for Devon), came up with the name of the planet and the leader alien's name for the planet aliens being taken over by the actual Star Trek alien I'm bringing in.**

**Oh, and hope you don't mind the POVs I'm focusing on this chapter.**

**=D**

****

**Kirk's POV**

The second the Red Alert started, I knew my duty—protect my ship. I wanted to stay and be there for Lily and Spock but we had no time because the Enterprise was in danger. They were married now, which was just what they'd wanted, and it was time to see what the threat was. So I got onto the bridge, Spock behind me, and Lieutenant Uhura looked directly at me.

"Captain—there's a Klingon Warbird in the planet's orbit." She informed me. "We intercepted a distress call coming from the planet's surface about ten minutes ago."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. We will send down a landing party and then retreat to a safe distance. Spock—you and I will come up with a rendezvous schedule and then you will stay here."

"Understood, Captain." Spock told me.

I nodded and I stood up—I had to pick the perfect team to go down. It was a distress call so I would need a medic, and since Janet hadn't had much action in a while and was itching for it, I'd take her. Then there was Chekov, who could act as our communications officer, and Devon had not yet gone on an away mission and she and Ensign Stelloc were trained in combat, and two of my chief security personnel. Though unprofessional that I found myself smiling at the prospect of Devon going down on the planet with me, I decided to go ahead and make my plan be known.

"Lieutenant Goldman, Ensign Stelloc, Lieutenant Chekov and Nurse Ferris shall accompany me to the surface. Meet me in the Transporter Bay." I said over the ship wide intercom, and I headed down myself.

There was something about the idea of helping and getting in the middle of a fight that made my blood pump faster in my veins. I loved finding new civilizations and trying to help out. There was something fulfilling that came out of mingling with other species and helping them to progress with minimal disruption to their everyday lives. I smiled at Devon as she entered the lift, rolling her eyes ever so slightly.

"Hello, Lieutenant." I told her with a smile plastered on my face.

"Captain." She told me curtly, trying to still show me some respect.

I really couldn't blame her for her reaction towards me—I had been incredibly unprofessional towards her and to top it off, I didn't think she was really a fan of people in general. She seemed to be getting closer to Megan and Janet, but it was easy to get close to Megan, and once Janet inducted you into the group, there was no going back. I looked at her and felt her shy away a little under my gaze, and I couldn't help but cock my head to one side.

Even pulled up professionally, Devon's hair was obviously soft to the touch. Even when she frowned, she was beautiful. She was determined and strong-willed, and I wanted more than anything to get to know her better. It wasn't just her outward appearance—her soft brown hair, her ocean blue eyes, her warm, moist lips—it was her determination and resilience. She was beautiful inside and out—and scorned…I could tell that much.

"Thank you for picking me over Mansex." Janet told me and I smiled.

"Of course, Nurse Ferris—nice to know you were available Ensign Stelloc." I told the tall, burly man in the red uniform as he entered the Transporter Bay.

"Are you sure you can't use me for any diplomacy?" Lily asked me, coming in with Ensign Stelloc. "I really think I could help with the Klingons—you could at least let me try."

I shook my head. "There is absolutely no way that Commander Spock would ever forgive me if I let you go down with us. Besides…if we need diplomacy done, then it is best that you are here on the ship where we can use the Conference Room."

Lily nodded. "I needed to at least try."

I smiled at her. "Go onto the bridge with your husband and try to keep things professional. Come back into orbit for us in about 2 hours. Understood?"

"Understood, Captain." She told me, saluting me playfully and then heading out.

"Beam us down, Scotty." I told Scotty.

Scotty nodded and then the landing party stepped onto the Transporter Pad and I felt the familiar sensation of tingling insides and slight light headedness, looking around as we all landed. A small group of native looking people showed up, dressed in only enough clothing to hide the parts of them that were necessary to hide, and the leader held out his hand to me. I shook it in formal greeting, and smiled to signal that we were friendly, having the landing party lower their phasers.

"Welcome to Maultann. I am Traalsec." He told me, shaking my hand.

I nodded. "I am Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Starship Enterprise. We received your distress call."

"Yes—the Klingons have tried to get us to bow to them, and we are in need of back-up to defeat them. Let us continue this conversation in the labs." Traalsec told me, and I nodded.

We followed him over the dirt road, and then into a large group of buildings, and I looked around as more members of the tribe could be seen. For a primitive looking species of humanoids, they were very advanced. Their lab was made up of test tubes and new technology that was controlled by highly sophisticated computers, and I was impressed. Janet made her way over to one of the tables, and right as I told her to be careful, she tripped and knocked over a stack of test tubes.

"Janet!" I scolded.

Janet shrugged a little, as the white smoke that appeared on contact, engulfed the entire landing party, the natives to the land scattered and hurried out of the room.

****

**Devon's POV**

I hadn't quite realized just how clumsy Janet was—she'd just tripped on herself. _Herself_. Absolutely nothing was obstructing her path—just apparently her feet. I looked down as the white smoke rose from the ground and simultaneous coughing ensued. The cloud of smoke seemed to enter through our pores and when it cleared, I found myself suddenly only thinking about Spock.

Spock was interesting to me. I had only met one other Vulcan before, and he had showed absolutely no emotions at all. Though still embarrassed about it, I had seen Spock show emotions. I was certain that Lily had seen plenty more of his range of emotions than I had, and just thinking about the two of them drove me to my most surfaced thought—how does a Vulcan…even a half Vulcan…fall in love and not be afraid to show it? What was it about Vulcans that I didn't understand? I needed Spock to explain it to me.

"Ooops." Janet said.

I opened up my communicator as Chekov let out a hollow scream and headed for the nearest corner of the room, suddenly realizing that Kirk was eyeing me. He was abnormally close to me, and when I looked up as Spock's voice came through my communicator, Ensign Stelloc looked restless and like he was going into blood lust—he wanted to kill. Who fucking cared?

"Lieutenant?" Spock asked me for the third time. "We came back to check on the party—the Klingons have spotted us and we are to beam our people up."

"What is it like to show emotions?" I asked him firmly.

Kirk smiled. "It's wonderful—it's like being filled with this feeling of warmth and accomplishment."

"I was asking Spock." I told him, trying to take a step away from him.

I was really not all right with Kirk following me wherever I went. What was wrong with him? Why was he following me? I had to figure out Vulcans. I had to figure out how they could possibly love. Love was illogical. There was no rational reason for it—it was just a feeling that got in the way of duty and made humans act in strange ways that could potentially put people in danger. Why would a Vulcan enter into willingly when he'd spent so long trying to suppress his human emotions?

"What exactly has happened?" Spock asked.

"What has happened is that this place is still running inefficiently. They need warp coils—maybe a new frequency to set the computers to so they can get more accurate readings." Janet replied. "I need to talk to Scotty—better than that, beam me up!"

"What about the Klingons?" Spock asked us.

"Who cares about the Klingons?" I asked Spock hurriedly over another of Chekov's screams. "I need to know about those buried emotions. How do you feel when you let them out?"

I sighed loudly as Chekov started freaking out as Janet went over to him to try and telling him how soothing warp cores were. He didn't want her to touch him though, and Kirk's hand reached out and he stroked my ass under my skirt. What was he doing? Son of a bitch!

"Captain! Stop that!" I told him, slapping his face automatically.

"I order you to kiss me!" He demanded.

I stared at him. "You _what_?!"

"We're beaming you up now." Spock informed us, and I had to put my hands up to keep Kirk at arm's length.

The minute that we got into the Transporter Bay, I pushed Kirk off of me and the security personnel came to check on, Bones in tow. He came at us with tricorders, but Spock wasn't there. Where was he? Only he could tell me how Vulcans could possibly love. Was I wrong about them? Was there more to them than just stoicism? I had to know!

"What happened down there?" Bones asked us. "What's wrong?"

"Engineering!" Janet yelled over a scream from Chekov.

"Get that avay from me! Avay! Vhat is that machine? Get avay!" He yelled. "No! No! No closer!"

"Where is Ensign Stelloc?" Bones asked suddenly.

"He went off of our sensors, sir." Scotty told him.

In all of the confusion, no one had noticed that Ensign Stelloc had run off out of the labs. I knew I should speak up about it, but I wanted to see Spock. Right now the only thing my brain seemed to want to think about was Spock and getting him to get me to understand. I needed him. I needed him to listen to my questions and answer them. I needed him to explain and make me understand.

"Stelloc." I tried and furrowed my brow as Bones looked at me.

"Yes?" He urged me on with his hands and his eyes.

I swallowed. "Blood lust."

"Blood lust?" Bones asked. "Where did he run off?"

"Where is Spock?" I asked him, tired of forcing other thoughts. "I need to talk to him."

****

**Spock's POV**

Lily and I headed directly to Sick Bay and the look in her eyes was that of her being concerned and yet completely intrigued. She was concerned for her friends, but she was more interested in how exactly this happened, and how they were going to fix it. Her multi-faceted attention span made me want to smile, but this was serious, and McCoy kept having to slap Jim's hand as he tried to touch Devon inappropriately.

"What exactly happened?" I asked them.

"Where is Francis?" Lily asked.

"All I have gotten out of them is cloud, test tubes and blood lust." Bones replied.

Lily and I nodded and I felt like my personal space was being slightly invaded as Devon came up to me. Janet was yelling about how being strapped down was inhuman and she just needed to go into Engineering, and Chekov was screaming about people touching him, Jim struggling against the security personnel to get to Devon. Something had happened down there that had made the landing party act completely irrationally, and we needed to send down another party to figure it out.

"Is there anything in their blood that could identify the problem?" I asked as Devon peered at me with her blue-green eyes.

"How do you love? How do you love without the feeling destroying the essence of who you are?" Devon asked me.

I swallowed. "You should talk to Counselor McCoy about that."

"No—I want to know how _you_ deal with it." She explained.

McCoy sighed and Lily walked over to Janet, trying to calm her down. I thought about trying to contact Megan to get her to calm Chekov as he had a nervous episode, but McCoy sedated him and Kirk, then he reluctantly sedated Janet, and it was only Devon who was left. I tried to figure out why she wasn't kicking or screaming or touching inappropriately—she was just asking questions.

"Blood seems fine." McCoy said. "Though it seems that their temporal lobes are more active than normal."

"That would explain why they are so focused—but why are they all focused on such different things?" Lily asked me.

I looked at her. "Your knowledge of biology is intriguing, Lily."

"See? There!" Devon told me pointing, her finger wagging in my face. "You talk to her and your eyes soften. You love her, but Vulcans aren't supposed to show love! How did you fall in love? How can you trust it?"

"Love, though a very human emotion, is felt by every species." I tried to explain to her, wishing I didn't have to try and explain like a Vulcan in front of Lily.

"You're holding back!" Devon protested. "I just need to understand, please! I can't understand why I can't trust love but you can and you have every reason not to feel it because you're Vulcan!"

As she started protest and get closer to me, even though I could tell she didn't want to be in my personal space like this, McCoy gave her a shot, and she passed out in his arms. I helped him to carry her to a bed, and I headed out of Sick Bay, Lily behind me. I knew that she knew what I was going to do, and I knew she wanted to go down to the planet too. I looked at her as she got into the lift with me and I shook my head.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say to you." She told me, her hands resting on her hips.

"Yes I do—you cannot come." I said. "You are carrying a baby you have to look after."

She nodded. "I know that, and as much as I want to help, I am staying behind. I need to get used to not being able to go on Away Missions anymore. Besides—if the Klingons need to meet with us, I need to be here to conference with them."

I nodded and she followed me into the Transporter Bay, stepping onto the pad with me as I told Scotty that he was in command. Scotty left the Transporter Bay to the Lieutenant assigned to take to the bridge, and she took my hands. She kissed them, and she smiled at me and I raised my eyebrow a little—it wasn't like I was going to die. Still, the fear of a loved one going down on an Away Mission was quite common among those on the ship. I wouldn't want Lily to go down into unknown danger even—especially now.

"Please be careful." She told me, kissing me softly. "Please."

"I am simply going down to find out what happened." I assured her.

"Yeah…by yourself. You couldn't take a party down with you?" She asked me.

I smirked. "My body does not react as human bodies do."

She smirked too. "It does in some ways."

I knew she was trying to joke using innuendo, but I let it go as she kissed me again. She was quite aware that my physiology was different, and that whatever happened to the landing party, I was the most suited to go down and investigate. I stroked her hair to reassure her, and then with one last kiss, she stepped off of the Transporter pad and I beamed down…right into a pack of Klingons standing over Ensign Stelloc's body and two injured natives of the planet.


	36. You Promised No More Secrets

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**What a cliffhanger.**

**I'm good at those, eh?**

**Here is part two, with more Klingons, an explanation of the white gaseous cloud, and just a smidge of fluff.**

**=P**

****

**Spock's POV**

There was absolutely no point or logical reason to go for my phaser, so I held up my hands a little in surrender, and the three Klingons pointed their weapons at us and I opened my mouth to speak. I needed to know why they killed Ensign Stelloc, and I needed to know where they were taking us and if they would let me send a communication back to the Enterprise. Lily would start to worry, and Scotty needed to be aware of what was going on.

"A crewmen of my ship has been killed—why?" I asked the largest Klingon of the three.

He looked at me. "Come to finish the job, Federation?"

"If by 'finish the job' you mean kill you that is not my intention." I replied.

He scoffed and grunted, and I looked at the two tribal members as one held his bleeding abdomen and the other one tried to walk on his leg as the Klingons marched us along. I wanted to know what had happened with the landing party—maybe the tribal members would know. After all, the landing party had been down with them, and then come up to the ship infected with something.

"What happened to the landing party?" I asked the one with the injured leg.

He looked at me. "Your people were infected with fars'ket. It is a rare gaseous liquid that comes from a rare plant out here. It brings their first subconscious thought to the surface and they can only focus on that for the next 12 hours."

"I don't think I told you, you could talk to each other." The largest Klingon grunted.

They were actually quite fascinating—Klingons. They were strong and disgruntled, and always appeared to be ready for battle. They were a race that was made up of fighting and honor, and though more violent than humans, they seemed much more prepared for war. I studied the larger one—he was large and incredibly in shape. I was certain I could apply the Vulcan grip to his neck, but that still left two armed—my odds were not good.

I would have tried to develop an escape plan with the two men that I was being held hostage with, but they were injured. Back behind us a little ways laid Ensign Stelloc's dead body, and at this rate, we were going to be taken aboard their ship as prisoners. I went to reach for my communicator, but the Klingon behind me saw my movement and hit me, knocking me off guard and taking it. So much for communicating with the ship.

"What's the commotion back here?" The largest asked.

"He was reaching for this." The other one replied.

"It is simply a communicator—it seems only logical to let my ship know about the kind of situation that I am in." I tried.

The Klingons looked it over and found my statement to be true, but refused me communication with the ship. They were taking the three of us to a place on the plant where they took prisoners, and I knew that this was not going to turn out well. The odds were not in my favor, even with a fair amount of natives helping me. Most of them were probably injured and/or sick, and I was trying to formulate a plan in my head.

I could render at least two of them unconscious and possibly get away only injured, but I had no communicator and could not leave the two natives behind. The more logical decision would be the one that left me in custody to better understand my surroundings. There would be an opening and I would take it—and Scotty could always track my signal and beam me up when the Enterprise came into better range. All I needed to do was be patient and wait.

"You will be staying here with the others." The largest Klingon explained. "Phaser."

He held his hand out and though I fought him off to try and render at least two unconscious, the fighting didn't help, and the native near death seemed to be even closer to it than he had been before. I bent down to check him, knowing he had very little time, and then was shoved roughly into a cell with a couple more natives. The building was primitive, but it would hold. It was made to be sturdy, not exactly impressive.

"Are you from the Enterprise?" A man with tribal paint on his face asked me.

I nodded. "I am Commander Spock."

"Traalsec." The man replied. "Leader here…at least I was. Your people—they were infected. It is only temporary, but best that you have them contained in a medical facility."

"They are on board the Enterprise now, in Sick Bay with our chief surgeon." I replied.

Traalsec smiled at me and nodded, running his fingers through his long gray hair. He was rather aged, but he looked strong and fit to run these peoples. However, no matter how advanced in technology they might be, they were still no match for the Klingons. The Klingons were skilled at war—and if they wanted to take over these people than the only way to defeat them would be to combine the Enterprise's power of weaponry with the weaponry of these people.

"We lost a crew member…I assume that his reaction to the fars'ket was partially responsible?" I asked Traalsec.

Traalsec nodded slowly. "He came running out of the labs waving his weapon and yelling about how he had to kill the Klingons. He ran off into the forest before we could stop him and render him unconscious so we could return him to you, and he was ambushed, my two men there being ambushed in the process trying to bring him back."

"I apologize for your men having to suffer." I told him sincerely. "Do you think there is anyway to get in contact with my ship?"

Traalsec looked at me with sadness in his eyes—an emotion I could easily distinguish now. It seemed to me that ever since Lily came into my life, I was more able to distinguish between which emotions were which. She showed hers so easily, and slowly, though still very Vulcan, I was less and less embarrassed to show her mine. Still…I wanted to continue the conversation with Devon privately. She had been hurt so terribly by the men she'd come in contact with before…when she spoke of love, her eyes showed the same emotion that Lily's eyes showed when she talked about her biological mother.

"We are most likely going to be here until the Klingons decide to release us." Traalsec explained. "Unless of course…_you_ have some sort of plan."

****

**Lillian's POV**

No sooner had Spock beamed down, did the Klingons hail us to tell us that they had Spock prisoner. Scotty called me up to the bridge, and I smiled at the very upset looking Klingon. If they didn't naturally have ridges on their forehead, I would have thought he was just really upset to see us. Still…he was Klingon…so he probably still _was_ upset to see us.

"What is the meaning of attacking us? This is not your planet to govern." The Klingon growled angrily.

"I assure you that we are not trying to pick a fight with you." I told him calmly as Scotty looked at me to give me a chance to negotiate.

The Klingon snarled. "One of your men opened fire on us—we take that as a sign of war."

I swallowed. "Our landing party was infected by something while they were down on the planet—we have several in our Medical Bay right now, and our doctor is trying to figure out what happened and see if there is a cure. If you could kindly hold off until then—we lost a man down there and in his crazed confusion, he shot at you. I assure you it does not directly relate to us."

The Klingon furrowed his brow more—if that was even possible, and I found myself smiling even though I shouldn't. Klingons were almost as fascinating as Vulcans—where Vulcans suppressed their emotions, Klingons were very in tune with their anger. The Klingon looked at me and I tried to make the smile disappear—as fascinating as they were, this was serious. I had to negotiate the safe return of our crew members—the safe return of Spock.

"If you can prove our story about our infected crew…will you let our people go?" I asked him.

The Klingon looked at me. "I will prove your story—but you must take your crew members and leave if what you say is true."

"Perfect—agreed." I said, and Scotty sent me a look.

Of course I wasn't supposed to agree to that—I was just worried about Spock. Devon was right…love was illogical and it put people in danger. Still…there were advantages to it. Its warmth, safety, forgiveness, loyalty, belonging—but I still had just agreed to not help the people of Maultann. They'd sent out a distress signal for help, we'd come to aid them, and I'd just sold them away for Spock? Who the Hell was I becoming? They were an entire civilization.

"I'm sorry, Scotty—I can fix this. Just…let me go down there and peace keep." I told him when the Klingons turned off their view screen.

"Commander Spock gave me very strict instructions about you not going down to the planet." Scotty said plainly.

"Scotty—this is about our crew. Now are you sending me down or not?" I asked him.

Scotty looked at me sternly but we both knew that with Kirk and Devon incapacitated and Spock captured by the Klingons, it was up to me to go down and talk to them. It was up to me to see how we could help the Craultrans, and save Maultann from being overrun by Klingons. So I went into the Transporter Bay, Lieutenant Steeples manning it while Scotty was on the bridge. I smiled at her, and couldn't help but think about all the things that I knew from my counseling the people on the ship.

Lieutenant Amanda Steeples was not only Scotty's right hand woman when it came to keeping this ship running, but she was in love with Scotty. Scotty had absolutely no idea, but I thought it was adorable—then again I thought that was love was adorable. I gave her the signal and she beamed me down, me sighing sadly when I found Ensign Stelloc's body just laying there. I knew it was only a matter of time before something happened to someone else, but it was still shocking and sad every time it happened.

"What exactly happened to you, Francis?" I asked out loud, making sure his eyes were closed and then heading towards the labs that were marked on my tricorder.

When I got there, I found that there were very few Craultrans there, and when they saw me coming, they smiled sadly. I was here to sell them out—I couldn't do that. I had to figure out a way for them to fight the Klingons, and then I had to talk the Klingons into letting Spock go. I was a double agent—well that wasn't very honest. Then there was seeing Spock when I got there. He had gone out of his way to try and keep me safe and away from the planet, and I had gotten myself here. Granted there was no other choice, but still—what in the world was I thinking?

"Welcome." One of the natives told me.

I smiled at the tall, strong man. "Thank you. I'm Counselor McCoy from the Enterprise—I came to try and help you to put together some chemical weapons to use against the Klingons."

The man smiled and I helped them for the next little bit to put some weapons together, wishing Spock could see me then. Blame Megan—she was a science genius practically. I was always copying notes from her in classes—and Janet's notes too come to think of it. Sciences though I was good at them…I never seemed to have the time. Still…when the weapons were made I frowned a little: wasn't this going against the prime directive? I mean they knew how to make the weapons themselves, but wasn't I interfering with the way that they were developing?

"I need to meet with the Klingons." I told the lab of men and women I was helping to make weapons. "You must come up with a plan of attack all on your own."

They seemed to understand that well enough, so they pointed the way to the Klingons' stronghold, and I took a deep breath before walking right into their camp, my hands raised up. The Klingons looked at me and I smiled a little, trying to show them that I was friendly. They knew me by uniform, and the largest of the three made the other two lower the weapons, and then he motioned for me to hand over my phaser and communicator. I didn't want to but I did, and the larger one nodded at me.

"I'm Lily." I introduced myself. "I have come to take my crew member back to my ship."

"Karn told us you would come—your story checks out. Kindly leave this planet." The Klingon told me, and had his men bring out Spock.

Spock was very upset, I could tell just by the look in his eyes. His face really didn't have to show it. They gave us back our communicators but kept our phasers, and we asked Lieutenant Steeples to beam us up. I knew there was going to be Hell to pay, but when pain shot through my abdomen, my cringing made the anger become fear in his eyes, and he forced me to go to Sick Bay.

****

I knew that it really wasn't okay at all what I did—any of it. I wasn't looking forward to Jim finally getting over the effects of the substance from the planet, and I was feeling sick. Everyone's over active emotions were making me want to vomit. I needed to make them stop. Jim was wishing he was with Devon right that moment, Chekov was less scared of everything but still upset, Janet was in need of Engineering, and Devon needed understanding. To top it all off, Leonard was off on a quarter call, and so we were waiting for him and I needed to have Spock _not _yell at me anymore…or at least not almost yell at me right now.

"You completely went down there even though you shouldn't have!" Spock told me, starting to lose his temper.

"I _had_ to! Don't get mad at me!" I said, cringing ever so slightly. "I need more than anything for you to calm down."

"Calm down? Lily! What about the baby?!" Spock asked me in a firm, angry whisper.

I took a deep breath and told him to grab me a tricorder. He did, but he started to scan me himself, Leonard walking in and wondering how Janet was even up. I hadn't even realized Janet had somehow gotten out of her restraints, and as Leonard went to go and restrain her and convince her that she was where she wanted to be, I smiled. Janet wanted to be in Engineering—now that she had Leonard, didn't need to stalk him anymore.

"Jimmy?" I asked as Spock started to go over the tricorder readings. "When can we talk? Jimmy?! Stop checking out Devon! Eyes on me! Hey! Eyes on me! Thank you."

"I am sorry, I…I need to go to the bridge before I do something I'm going to regret." Jim told me, and headed out of Sick Bay, Leonard hurrying after him, Janet following him.

"Look at this." Spock said as I watched as Megan tried to touch Chekov and he fought to let her.

I turned to look at the tricorder and breathed out a sigh of relief—the baby was alive…I was just incredibly stressed and it was hard on it. I tried to take deep breaths and Spock rested his hand on my stomach and I rested my hand on his, trying to look hi in the eyes. He avoided mine though, because he was so very angry with me. I wished there was something I could say to make it better, but there wasn't—I'd run off and he was going to actually argue with me when we got back to our quarters.

In fact as soon as Leonard came back and checked me over, sending us back to our quarters, Spock made me get into bed and then he paced back and front in front of the bed and I sat up straight, leaning a little on the pillows. I bit my lip as I waited to see what was going to come out of his mouth. I could feel the rage and the fear and the love and the confusion, and when he finally opened his mouth, there it was—a fight.

"No more stress, Lily." He told me firmly. "Which means no more Away Missions."

"For you either, then." I said.

"_That_ is highly illogical." He replied.

Oh was it? Every time one of us went off, something terrible happened, and it was stressful for me. Alleviate my stress since it was hurting the baby? Then no more Away Missions for either of us until Leonard gave us the 'okay'. They seemed perfectly logical to me. There was plenty of other science officers who could go down to a planet—plenty. It wasn't like he was the only one who was smart enough to go down to a planet on a mission and then come back.

"I don't think it is—every time you go down to a planet into untold danger, I freak out because you may not come back. So until Leonard says I'm going to be all right, I think we both need to stay on board the ship to help." I told him frankly.

Spock shook his head slowly. "Part of my duties on this ship—"

"—why are you freaking out so much? Stress happens! Sometimes pain even happens—even spotting can happen and the baby gets along just fine! What aren't you telling me?!" I asked him angrily.

He had promised no more secrets—_promised_. What was he keeping from me? I knew he was keeping something important from me and it made me feel like I couldn't trust him again. If it had to do with me, then he needed to tell me so that I could help to fix it or at least change it. Did it have to do with Spock Prime's weird behavior too? Maybe it had something to do with the other timeline. So what was it? Why was he being so secretive again?

"Fine…you realize that this trust thing between us is being shot to Hell right now, right?" I asked him.

He sighed heavily. "In the other timeline…you miscarried around twelve weeks."

I was going to open my mouth to say something else but I stopped—miscarried? No wonder they were freaking out over me so much. Even though a different timeline, I didn't want to lose my baby. So I decided right then and there that I needed to be less stressful—the baby came first. Mine and Spock's baby came first. No matter what happened in this timeline, I was going to have this baby.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked him. "I mean you could have, couldn't you? It might have made me more receptive and less stubborn."

"It also could have worried you incredibly." Spock told me. "So I kept it to myself and tried to keep you out of danger."

I smiled and got out of bed, walking up to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. "I love you for that, I do…but we're married now, and you have _got_ to share these things with me."

I kissed him as he nodded, wishing I could just take him then and there but I had been through a long and trying day and needed to make more decisions with the upstairs brain. Spock held me tight and I ran my fingers along his back, smiling as he pulled away and rested his forehead on mine to show affection towards me in the human way that I wanted him to. I wondered then if Spock and I would ever share a mind link. That was custom for married Vulcans…but I was not a Vulcan.

"I would like to show you something." Spock told me, holding up two fingers. "This is how Vulcans show affection for each other. There will be times when we will be on New Vulcan, or we will be out where it is not proper for me to show you affection in the human way…press your fingers to mine like this—it's the Vulcan way of showing affection."

I nodded and did as he asked, kissing him as he opened his mouth to explain more. Forget explaining—I hadn't gotten to actually kiss my husband today. I was married—holy shit I was married. This was going to be weird…but in a fantastically amazing way.

"You may continue to kiss the bride." I laughed, kissing him again as he internally rolled his eyes, but was amused by me.

Unfortunately, I found our moment ruined when Jim's voice came over our room intercom and we pulled apart.

"Lily? It has been brought to my attention that you went against the prime directive." Jim told me in a tone I knew I would regret.

**Note: There will be flashbacks to other's POVs with the gaseous liquid later. I know this was kind of a short storyline and I'm sorry. It's been hella effing hot and it's like the ideas aren't coming out. If I make it up to you, will you still love me? Will you? Oh…and this planet and the Klingons? Not entirely done yet. Just the whole…being on the actual planet is done. Still more to this particular thing…just…yeah. Please still love me?**


	37. Trips Into Minds

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Sorry…had to get it out.**

**Anyways, guess what?**

**I have a preview for you of the story Aidan and I shall be posting this weekend at the end of this chapter.**

**Hope you like it!**

**Now…onto the chapter!**

**Prime Directive, shmime directive…**

****

**Kirk's POV**

I was still feeling like I needed to be near Devon, but I had retreated to the bridge to save myself. It had been 11 hours and I was much more in control of myself but something troubling had happened. I'd gotten a 'thank you' message from Traalsec for Lily—a 'thank you' message from Traalsec to Lily about her help with making them chemical weapons to use against the Klingons. By interfering in their war, she had gone against the prime directive, which put me in a very uncomfortable position—I had to make her go through a hearing.

Why did she have to go and help the Craultrans with weapons to destroy the Klingons? How did she even know how to _make _chemical weapons? That wasn't what was troubling to me—what was troubling to me was that Spock and I were going to have to speak against her. How could I make him do that? Testify against his own wife? I knew that as my friends I had a duty to them…but I had a much more important duty to my ship and to the prime directive. Lily had violated the prime directive…and she had to have a hearing.

"You look a little upset." Devon told me as she entered the lift I was in.

I was surprised…ever since we had woken up in the Sick Bay the first time, Devon had been completely enraged by me. Still…we were all under the influence and since she was logical, she knew she could not hold that against me…and she was curious, so she had to ask me what I was concerned about.

_I was groggy when I woke up—groggy and in a little bit of pain. I knew I had been gripped tightly on the arms before, but it was all worth it to get to see Devon. Her beautiful pale skin, her dark, soft hair—the way she even looked at him in disdain. It was only a matter of time before I got what I wanted, whether she liked it or not. Of course I wanted her to like it…and even want it, but if that didn't happen, then how was I going to quench my thirst for her? I had so much lust for her, and yet there was something else…I admired her. Had to have her…_

"_Devon." I told her as she stirred, sitting up and shying away from me._

"_What, Captain?" She asked me._

"_Kiss me." I said. "Just please kiss me."_

_She stood up and backed away from me, making me sigh. Why was she resisting me? What was so terrible about me? Why couldn't I stop going after her? Was it too much for her? Who had scorned her? I didn't understand, and I just wanted to touch her…hold her…comfort her._

"_I order you." I told her, knowing it was wrong and wishing I hadn't said it, but needing her touch._

"_That is a low thing to do." She said, but took a step towards me._

_I smiled when she didn't resist me to much, my lips touching hers. Her lips were softer than I had ever imagined them to be, and I smiled even though she wasn't entirely responding. I could tell that she was repulsed by me, but at the same time, she wanted more than anything to not completely feel this as a negative memory. Slowly…ever so slowly…her lips started to move against mine but I couldn't anymore—she didn't want this._

_I pulled away, feeling as though there was nothing I could do to ease the sadness inside of me. I wanted her more than anything right now, but she did not want me. How was I supposed to deal with that? A girl I shouldn't be falling for that I was in fact falling for, but she wanted nothing to do with me. Still, I wanted to make her happy—make her feel welcome. She was part of my crew, and therefore I had to keep her safe. And that, was all that I could do for her._

"_Is that all, Captain?" She asked me._

_I just nodded. "Yes…that is all."_

I looked at Devon sadly. "I apologize for what happened earlier—I never should have ordered you to kiss me, and I never should have kissed you."

Devon nodded. "No you shouldn't have…but I forgive you because you weren't yourself. We were under the influence of a foreign substance and you were only acting as it made you act. Lord knows I did things I wasn't proud of either so…it's fine."

There was a slight blush in her cheeks, and I couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope in my stomach. Maybe there was hope—maybe I had just been coming on too strong. It was just that she was different than other women. She was the kind of woman that I always dreamt I would meet as a boy—the kind of girl that I would be able to actually fall in love with. Still…I had to back off because she was not the kind of girl that enjoyed being pursued when she had made her position against it known already.

"I will need you to be in charge of the Enterprise when we make it to Meticon in two weeks for Lily's hearing. Commander Spock and I have to go down to the planet to meet with Admiral Pike to testify…against her." I said, wishing I didn't feel so guilty about saying it out loud.

Devon looked at me. "What? What exactly happened?"

"I will fill you in at the right time, Devon…for now just be aware that I will need you to fill into your position around here. When we brought you onto the Enterprise, you knew what place in the hierarchy you would fit into—this will be your test to prove yourself." I told her, smiling a little.

I knew that she would be able to do it, but something about the twinkle in her eyes made the pride swell up. The Enterprise was my lady, and I knew that even though I had to go and do something I really didn't want to my ship was going to be in the right hands. Even though she was new to the ship, she loved it almost as much as I did, and as I stepped off of the lift to go and check on Megan and Chekov, I noticed a flicker in Devon's eyes that I hadn't seen before.

****

**Megan's POV**

"You can tell me what happened, Pav." I told him, sitting on the edge of the bed in our quarters.

Pavel shook his head. "I'm too ashamed."

I sighed and took his hand. "Please, Pav?"

Ever since Pavel had come back to the quarters, I'd been trying to get his side of the story out of him. He had been freaking out a lot more than the rest of them, and I was worried about him. I understand everybody else's freak-outs…but not Pavel's. He had been so scared and so paranoid and now that he was calm, I wanted to know but he was being stubborn. He felt ashamed…why?

"Please do not make me explain." Pavel told me.

I just nodded and stood up, wishing he was making this easier on me. We were married, and though a little weird at first, we normally had quite the envied relationship. Right now though? Right now Pavel's eyes just showed fear and shame. I wished that he would just come out and be truthful with me because as far as I was concerned, his problems were my problems.

I opened my mouth to say something else but shut it, knowing that he had to come to this on his own…or did he? I was his wife, and so I had every right to see what was wrong with him so that I could help him with it. I had to help him—I loved him. I hated seeing him upset and ashamed and confused—I hated seeing him sad. I turned to him and crossed my arms over my chest, looking at him as he put his head in his hands.

"I need to know what happened with you if I'm going to help you—as your wife I have every right to ask." I told him.

Pavel sighed. "Megan…I vas so scared."

I sat next to him again, taking his hands in mine. "Scared of what, Pav?"

Pavel looked me in the eye. "The moment that Janet knocked over the test tube substance, I kept thinking about how terrible Away Missions become. Someone always ends up dead and I just…I do not want to end up dead. I am not ready to die, and I am not ready to leave you. I am not."

"Pav." I told him softly kissing him.

It made me feel amazing that his subconscious thought, though one that could render him completely paranoid, was one with such heart behind him. I was not ready for him to leave either, and I was delighted that I had such a man for my husband. Though afraid of dying—which I could not blame him for—his outburst was far less selfish than the others. Someday when this was all over, Pavel and I would be able to settle down and have children, and we wouldn't have to deal with such matters as Klingons and fighting aliens and exploring the galaxy.

"I am a coward, Megan—and for that I am sorry." He told me.

I rolled my eyes as I smiled. "You are _not_ a coward, Pav! As far as I was aware, the substance fed off of your first subconscious thought. Do you know what that means, Pav?"

"Megan—" He tried.

"—it means that you're incredibly brave. You may be afraid of death and of leaving me…but you do your duty and you help alien races." I explained. "You, Pavel Chekov, are one of the bravest men that I know, and I am honored to call you my husband."

I kissed him again, smiling as he kissed me back, his fingers sliding into my hair. I just wanted him to realize his worth, loving that he was so adorably ready to belittle himself. I wasn't pleased that he _did_ belittle himself, but it was adorable that he never put any blame or shame on anyone except himself. He always put everyone else first, and I didn't know of a more decent man than the one in front of me.

"The door, Megan." Pavel told me, both of us a little upset about the intrusion.

I got up though and let Kirk in. He was worried about Pavel and I thanked him for that, but at that moment I felt like a normal woman—I just wanted to be with my husband. He'd just been through an ordeal he wanted to forget, and what better way to distract him than by performing my wifely duties? I couldn't think of a better way, but I also adored Kirk for coming to check up on Pavel the way that he was.

"How are you holding up?" Kirk asked him.

Pavel nodded. "I am quite fine, Captain. Thank you for checking on me. How are the others?"

"They are doing quite well, Mr. Chekov. I just wanted to make sure you were all right before I headed to my quarters. It has been a long and trying day on us all." Kirk explained.

I smiled. "Thank you for checking on him—I'm sure when the substance has completely run its course, he will be fit for duty again."

Kirk nodded and we said our goodnights, and I sat on Pavel's lap as he sighed a little. He wanted the substance to run its course, and I understood that. I smiled at him and I kissed his forehead, then his nose, and then his lips, smiling as he slipped his arms around me. Pavel Chekov was a beautiful, loyal, brave man…and I wanted to be with him forever.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I took a deep breath and I rubbed my temples as Spock paced some more. He was incredibly upset with me for what I had done on the planet. As upset as he was though, he was more upset that he would have to testify against me in two weeks—not that I'd gone against the prime directive. I watched as he paced, his brow furrowed, and I couldn't help but feel the need to explain myself—to defend myself.

"In all actuality…all I did was plant the idea of war in their heads. They already knew how to make the weapons, I just helped them to move it along. Wrong, yes, but…okay so it was wrong." I told him. "Does it help that in planting that idea in their head we were able to aid them? I mean we beamed down because they went out a distress call, and by telling them to fight, they went up against the Klingons and caused them to retreat because they were outnumbered and out matched."

"Lily…that is not the point." Spock pointed out.

I sighed. "I know, and I am sorry. I really have nothing else to say about it, you know? I know that what I did was wrong, and since Traalsec called up to thank me…I have to pay for it now."

Spock sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, and I knew he was trying rather hard to come up with coherent things to argue with me about. I didn't want to have to go through a hearing, and I did not want to have to make Jim and Spock testify against me. Still, he was trying to cope with our marriage and now my impending release from Star Fleet. What if I did get kicked out of Star Fleet? What if I was sentenced to death? Fantastic…my poor baby had a really idiotic mother.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking…I know that I know what _I'm_ thinking, and it's not good." I told him.

Spock looked at me and he smiled a little bit. "As illogical a time as this is to do this…we can link minds. We have two weeks until your hearing, and it is a Vulcan ritual—the linking of minds."

I nodded and turned to him. "I do remember you saying something about linking minds with T'Pring."

Spock reached out and he touched my face, his fingers moving seamlessly to the points on my face he needed to touch for a mind meld. I wasn't quite sure if I was ready for this—to be in Spock's mind like this…for him to be in mine. How was this supposed to work? I wasn't even a Vulcan, so the mind link wouldn't be the same. He'd just be surfing through my memories and letting me view his. It wouldn't be the same as how he and T'Pring had been, but I would take it.

"We will drift in each others consciousness." Spock explained to me. "We will drift through memories, and be able to converse in our minds."

I looked him in the eye, swallowing as I began to feel as though I was out of my body a little bit. I closed my eyes as Spock did, feeling myself start to drift in and out of memories. My memories…his memories…it was exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time, both of us finding ourselves experiencing the same memories at the same time.

"_We owe it to ourselves to see where this goes." I told him._

"_And if something goes wrong?" Spock asked me instead of creating a counter point._

"_Tell me you haven't thought about the idea of the two of us since you left my quarters." I said._

_Spock turned to me as I stopped stroking his ear and rested his hand on my bare knee._

"_I can not tell you that because I have thought about it since I left." He admitted._

_I nodded and crawled onto his lap, straddling him. "Don't you think it would be a bigger distraction for us to wonder what could have been? We're both doing it right now."_

_Spock nodded slowly. "I do want to feel what it would be like."_

_I smiled and leaned in. "Then give in, Spock…you can't test a hypothesis if you're not willing to dive right in and take the risk of being wrong."_

_Spock slowly smiled as he realized the logic of what I'd just said, and when his lips touched mine this time, I knew he wasn't going to pull away._

A fond memory for the both of us, I smiled just a little as we drifted into one of his.

_Her body fit right into mine, and the sensation in my stomach grew as she slipped her hands up my body. Every nerve her fingers stroked tingled in a pleasing sensation, and the rhythmic movement of our lips made my pulse race. I felt like my tongue suddenly had a mind of its own, happy that she parted her lips so I could taste more of her. This was the closest I'd ever been to her, and I felt like it still wasn't enough._

_Suddenly, she moaned and I realized what I was doing—I was giving into my lust. I couldn't do that. I worked with her—I saw her everyday. Everything about this incredible moment was illogical, unprofessional, and I couldn't let it continue. I pulled away, feeling her body heave a sigh of protest, and looked her in the eye—I had to apologize to her for everything I was doing._

"_If you apologize or say this is unprofessional, I'm kicking your ass." She breathed, stroking my hair with her fingers, and I remembered what my future self had told me about doing myself a favor._

"_Noted." I replied, and pressed my lips to hers again trying to figure out how to satisfy the urges I was feeling in the pit of my excited stomach._

I hadn't realized how much he wanted me until that particular moment and I felt empowered and flattered.

"There are more thoughts…would you like to see them?" Spock asked me.

"Of course I would." I replied.

"_Love is illogical." I said before I could stop the words from coming out._

"_Do you love me?" Spock asked me after a very long, pregnant pause._

_I smiled sadly. "Of course I do."_

"_Then why are you pushing me away? Spock Prime talked to both of us, Lily, and even my father told me to hold on if we were in love." Spock explained._

"I love you." I told him as the memory surfaced.

"I love you too." He replied.

"_Spock? Why didn't you just tell me?" Lily asked me, getting into the room because it was hers as well._

_Suddenly the double bed seemed incredibly small. Why did she have to bite her lip when she thought I was cute? It made me want to kiss her, but the kiss would become heated touching, and heated touching would lead to succumbing to temptation. Temptation was illogical…temptation was illogical. Lily, stop cocking your head to the side. Don't come closer. Seriously, Lily, you have to stop…_

"_You could have just explained to me this morning that you going through Pon Farr." She said. "Trust me it's nothing to be ashamed of."_

Spock's fingers left my face and I opened my eyes as Spock stroked my hair. There was more he had wanted to show me—more to delve into—but he had stopped. I had expected childhood memories and possibly painful memories…but it was all times that we had shared—significant moments that we had shared that had helped to create our relationship. It was romantic I supposed, and more suitable for a marriage link, and so I was all right with it, smiling as he kissed me.

"I am not ashamed to show _you_ my feelings." Spock told me.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. "Let's make the best of our two weeks."

**Note: Originally Devon's explanation about how she acts about love and how she needs understanding for it was going to be in this chapter…but things took a mind of their own and you'll get your Devon answers next chapter instead. Oh…and I love the care and concern that Uhura has for Kirk in the series—it's freaking cute, just saying…especially in the episode where she thought he was dead and she mourned him…I like those two as a couple. *shrugs***

******

**PREVIEW:**

The sun rose that morning as it always did, bathing the arena in a bright, warm glow. Alexandra Carmichael was already awake, her skin soaking in the rays as she checked on her armies. Every day when the sun rose high into the sky, Alexandra was up and wiping her men into shape. As she did so, Cassandra Carmichael was waking up in a bed of utter brilliance, and smiling as the sunlight hit her face. Then she would turn over and look at the other bed, where Richard Dreyfuss laid still sleeping.

"Disgusting pig." Cassandra muttered under her breath and then she would get dressed and hurry out of the room, leaving her 'king' behind.

As Cassandra left the room, she pulled back her long dark hair, and wished she had the sense to pull it back as neat and tight as Alexandra did hers. Both had long dark hair and bright, espresso colored eyes, but both though alike, looked quite different. Cassandra was taller and her legs were longer, but though faster, Alexandra was the most cunning. The two of them had been putting their heads together for six years trying to get out of their lots in life, no matter how privileged or blessed their lives seemed on the outside.

Ever since the U.S.S. Demeter had landed on the planet of Carthos, the crew members had been picked off one by one. Eventually Captain Richard Dreyfuss had found a way to be King, appointing his first officer Cassandra Carmichael to Queen, and his chief of security Alexandra Carmichael to the head of his armies, and they were now all that was left of their Federation Ship. For six long years, the three had been in charge—Alexandra and Cassandra simply surviving as Richard let the power go to his head, in turn breaking the prime directive and making Cassandra and Alexandra realize that their allegiance no longer lay with their captain.

Cassandra hurried down the stone steps of the palace, Alexandra praising the good warriors, and egging the others on to be better. When she'd made it down, she smiled as the men sparred, shirtless around her, wondering when exactly she'd completely succumbed to the illusion of a horny queen, while Alexandra furthered her independence and feminine strength. Still, Cassandra had found something that Alexandra had not thought to look for, and she had to share it with her younger sister.

"Alex!" Cassandra called to her.

Alexandra smiled and turned to her sister. "Good morning, Casey. You seem rather excited for someone who has to actually sleep in the room with the king. Hey! Did I tell you to stop sparring? I didn't think so—ten laps around the palace."

Casey giggled as the man ran past her, contempt on his face. He did not want to run, but since he had in fact broken his morning training, he knew the penalty. After checking out his incredible hind quarters, Casey turned to Alex and smiled pleasantly. Just that morning as she got dressed, she had seen something in the sky—something familiar. A starship. Ever since they had been stranded there, Casey and Alex had prayed for a starship to come and rescue them…now they just had to go about this the right way.

"I saw something, Alex…something amazing and fantastic and—Sir Broslin is looking incredibly sexy in his Spartan-esque outfit." Casey said with a giggle and then groaned when Alex rolled her eyes. "Why did I have to play my part so well, Alex? I was never this whoreish before."

Alex laughed. "Comes with playing a part for 6 years…let us talk of this over there. You—Sir Broslin—you are in charge until I get back."

"Yes, Milady." Sir Broslin replied.

He watched as Casey and Alex retreated to a safe distance to discuss without being overheard. The sun was a little higher in the sky and as Casey pointed to the figure in the sky, Alex smiled—it was definitely a starship. Alex took her sister by the hand and dragged her along in the soft grass to their secret nook. Right along the side of the castle 5 years ago, Alex and Casey had found a secret passage that Richard still knew nothing about. They went through the passage and walked a little in the dampness along the stone floor and walls, smiling as they made it to the tiny room that only they knew about.

"How do we go about this? We have to be smart." Alex told her sister softly.

Casey nodded. "Eventually Dick will contact them and kidnap some, forcing them to fight in the arena. When that happens, you and I will need to grab the most loyal of the fighters and propose a plan."

Alex took a deep breath. "You understand that we have technically gone against the prime directive as well right, Casey?"

"Yes, Alex…but to be fair, we have only been surviving. We thought about starting that rebellion, remember? But we didn't—because we are true followers of the Federation" Casey told her proudly.

**NOTE: So yeah, there's a preview of the story Aidan and I are coming up with that has a twist. =P**


	38. Love is Kind of Just Love

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I hope you enjoyed the end of the last chapter—I enjoyed writing it way more than you even know.**

**I was pretty much jumping up and down in my seat when the idea came to me and I wrote it down.**

**This chapter is fluff and explanation and the next chapter is Lily's hearing with Admiral Pike!! (Anyone paying attention to the Admiral Pike stuff in here? *coughs*)**

**=D**

**On another note, I apologize profusely for being too exhausted yesterday to post.**

**So…two chapters will go up today, I promise.**

**Here is this one…and it has Lily/Spock smut that you all miss, just to make up for my lack of a daily post yesterday.**

****

**Spock's POV**

Lily's back was pressed against my chest as we lay in bed under the covers, my fingers running through her hair. She'd joked about how it was our honeymoon the night before, and once the stroking of the ears began, it was only a matter of time before I found myself caving. Normally I'd be upset about the having to cave due to urges, but with the hearing on my mind and only 13 days away, I was thinking about what Lily wanted. I nuzzled her neck with my nose, smiling at her as she held up two fingers and I pressed mine to hers, oddly loving how happy she was about the Vulcan customs I was sharing.

"So is pressing all of fingers together like…finger sex?" She asked me, giggling as I smiled my lips against the base of her neck.

While sifting through some more of our memories, I'd found out that she loved the feeling of my body convulsing in lust and pleasure against hers, and I loved it when hers moved against mine as well. I didn't know if it had to do with love or lust yet, but I knew that I loved having her body next to mine—even if it had nothing to do with satisfying our sexual needs. If she wanted something, I was more than willing to do it for her, and I wasn't sure if that was foolish or love. I knew I loved her…but I was afraid I was becoming more and more illogical as the hours to her hearing wore on.

"I dunno exactly how much finger sex turns me on." She told me, turning over in my arms and pressing her lips to mine.

"We do not call it finger sex." I said as she stroked my cheek.

"No?" She asked me. "Well I'm going to start referring to mind melds as 'mind sex' because honestly…just being in the memories of yours where you want me make me feel the need to jump you. This closeness…I really love it. You're thinking about me right now—and I can tell by more than just feeling your love for me."

I smiled. "That would be the mind link. It's not a complete link…but its there."

She nodded and I could feel her sadness. I hadn't ever realized just how good at masking her pain Lily could be when she tried. Luckily even though she wasn't Vulcan at all, Lily was Betazoid. Even just have, Lily was telepathic so the mind link had served its purpose. We were now much closer to each other, and that served as a blessing for both of us. Still, I did not like that she was feeling sad, and I wondered since she felt so much—how would this in turn affect me when she was feeling a great surge of emotions and I could feel her emotions through our linked minds?

"I would like to be in your mind again." She told me, and though not entirely what she actually wanted to say, I knew that she was trying to make up for her momentary lapse of judgment down on Maultann.

"We have yet to share childhood memories." I said.

She laughed. "How appropriate—surfing through each others childhood thoughts while we're lying in a bed together, wrapped up in each other after satisfying urges. It's kind of dirty, Spock."

I looked her in the eye. "I find it only logical to next focus on childhood memories, if that is what you wish to view, since we have not yet shared them."

She nodded and kissed my fingertips, making me start the mind meld before she could say the sexual joke about fingers she was going to say. I decided to start off by showing her a childhood memory of mine, smiling at her as she welcomed the merging of our minds. I wanted her to understand me, and know everything about me, so I picked a painful memory first, and waited for her reaction to it.

"_You followed the lesson to perfection." A Vulcan teacher told me, a Vulcan child of ten. "It is time for you to reflect and review."_

_I nodded at her to signal that I understood and then proceeded to my own corner as I began to work on the assignments for the next day. I had always been incredibly talented, but it was never appreciated in the way that it was with the other Vulcans. I turned as I heard footsteps behind me, nodding at a group of Vulcan children that came every day to try and get a rise out of me._

"_His ears aren't even the same as the rest of ours." The tallest one taunted._

"_Quite the contrary, my ears are those of all Vulcans." I replied. "Do you wish to insult me more?"_

"Kids can be mean." Lily said lovingly. "You were exceptionally adorable by the way."

I smiled. "Your turn."

"_Have you always been somewhat of a know-it all?" McCoy asked her, no more than thirteen._

_Lily looked up at him and smiled, her dark curls loose and bouncing as she moved. "Have you always been somewhat of a smart-mouth?"_

_Lily had been very accommodating when it came to McCoy, but she also still found that he got on her nerves—only because she got on his. Their mother came out of their house holding a very small Megan and Lily smiled—Megan liked her, Megan was only three, but she liked her. McCoy sighed and rolled his eyes, going inside as Lily began to play with Megan and her adoptive mother, teaching Megan how to read._

"You taught Megan early." I told her with a smile.

"Yes we did." She replied. "Megan was ready and willing and it took absolutely no time at all. What else would you like to share?"

I smiled. "A defining moment in my life."

_I had been accepted into the most prestigious academy and turned it down because they were so against my mother. I did not understand why the Vulcans were so bigoted when it came to other cultures, no matter how superior to other races we were. It only seemed logical to me that in order to evolve as a culture, we had to assimilate other cultures into our own. How else would we grow and mature? How else would we become better?_

"_Your father would like you to reconsider your position." My mother told me._

_I nodded. "What do you want me to do?"_

"_I want you to search yourself and find what __**you**__ want, Spock. No matter what you do, I will always love you and be proud of you. You have to find your own path…and someday…maybe you'll find a woman to share it with." She said._

I pulled my fingers away from Lily's face and looked her in the eye as hers fluttered open. In all this time I hadn't even remembered that particular memory—I hadn't even remembered that my mother had wanted me to find love as she had. I had simply joined Star Fleet in my rage at the Vulcan Counsel, and ignored everything in my own blindness. Then my mother had been murdered and I'd found comfort with Nyota, and now? Now I was married to a woman I could not stand to be away from, and we were going to have a child we had to pass our knowledge down to. A woman that I loved…a woman I wanted to share my path with.

"Mind sex stopped so abruptly." Lily told me with a laugh and a smile.

I rested my forehead against hers. "Thank you for sharing my path with me."

****

**Devon's POV**

Kirk's order to kiss me and my reaction to the said order were all that I could really think of at that moment. Why was I still dwelling on it? I mean it wasn't like he was a terrible kisser—but I hadn't expected him to be with all the action he got. I mean there had to be _some_ reason women flocked to him that wasn't his good looks or his absolutely annoying personality. Or the way he thought that _every_ woman enjoyed having a man pursue her that she barely even knew. Still…his lips hadn't been terrible to kiss.

"Great, I'm getting distracted by that stupid kiss!" I told myself dismally.

I had no idea why I was even still thinking about it anyways. What was so fantastic about Captain Kirk? Who cared that he was loyal and he cared about his ship? Who cared that he liked to save people and he found pleasure out of the safety of his ship? Wait a second…did I care? I mean I had to…he was pretty much the best captain I had ever seen. I just wasn't…I just didn't love him. I couldn't.

To take my mind off of Kirk, I went into the medical labs on the Enterprise and I smiled a little when I saw Spock in there. I had needed to find him and apologize for what I had put him through while under the influence of the substance. I hadn't meant to invade his personal bubble or ask all those questions about love, but I felt like he might have been the only one who'd understood. I crossed over to him and he looked up at me and I could tell that something about him was off.

"You look a little out of it." I told him.

He looked at me. "I am perfectly capable of doing my job."

I nodded. "I never said you weren't."

"I apologize for my short words…I may be exhausted." Spock replied.

I nodded at him and it dawned on me—he was probably tired because he was on his honeymoon. Lord knew what kinds of things Lily was putting him through…especially since there were only two weeks until her hearing. I really wished that I felt close enough to him to spill my mind, but I was no longer under the influence of anything so I was thinking logically. I had to work my way into his circle of friends, and then I would be able to talk to him about everything…explain to him everything.

"Love is illogical…but necessary." He told me.

Or I could just wait for him to understand the look on my face. He had been waiting for me to come to him, and he had been waiting to talk to me. What he wanted to say he didn't think that Lily would understand, and so he was waiting for me, and I was grateful. I had not been expecting a discussion, but I was going to welcome it if it meant forgetting about Kirk and his soft lips and firm arms. Damn…now it was his lips _and_ his arms?

"Why is it necessary?" I asked him.

"Following a path alone has its advantages…but I have found that following your meant path with someone else is rewarding in its own way." He explained to me. "The question is, Devon, why do you close yourself off from love? It is a logical decision...unless something illogical has made you shut yourself off from emotions. You are human—you are expected to fall in love."

I laughed a little. "Expected to? Love is ridiculous, it's—unnecessary. You can live without it, so why go about trying to live with it?"

I knew that I should try and understand what he was saying…in fact I did. I understood that as easy as it was to go through life only having to worry about yourself…humans were social beings. Scorned or not, I understood the need for companionship, I just didn't see the point in it. A need was just an urge, and following urges was irrational. Love just complicated everything that shouldn't be complicated, so why fall into it?

"If you would like a logical view on what happened to you…I am willing to give it. I know that you were under the influence of a strange plant, but you sought out my help and I am willing to listen and offer my advice." Spock told me kindly.

I took a deep breath and nodded, knowing that I needed someone other than myself to look over the situation and figure out what I should do. I used to be more accommodating to people, and more in tune with my sensitive side, but Colin had ruined it—ruined me completely and forever. Most men were just like him, and so why did I even feel like I had to understand just because Kirk was following me around like a lovesick puppy? Why was I suddenly not focused like I used to be?

"It happened three years ago…" I began.

"_I think I might maybe, sort of love you." I told Colin, watching as he ran his fingers through his short dark hair and smiled._

"_Devon, I love you too." He said._

_He gathered me up in his arms and pulled me to him, kissing the top of my head. I'd never thrown around the "love" word, but I knew that I wanted to be with him, so I wanted him to know how I was feeling. I wasn't quite sure exactly what love was, but this felt like it. He was always there, he made me laugh, he comforted me like no one else could, and I liked being in his arms. It had to be love…it was how Mom had always described it._

"_How about we go to the Cheesecake Factory tonight? You up for that?" I asked him._

_He kissed my head again. "I can't make it tonight, Dev, but we can set something up for tomorrow night."_

_I smiled. "Tomorrow night it is."_

I looked at Spock. "But see, the night after that didn't go so well, and neither did the year after that. I'd found out that not only was I not his only girlfriend, but he didn't even want to be a man anymore. What does that say about me? As a woman, what exactly dies a man getting a sex change tell you about me as a woman?"

Spock stood up and came over to me. "Devon…it is not your fault that he found himself changing."

"But how do you know that? How do you know that it wasn't me?! How do you know that I didn't push him into it? I mean I had only told him that I 'might maybe, sort of love" him! That couldn't have been good for his ego! And Kirk? Kirk is a womanizing bastard too! So how am I supposed to trust him?!" I asked angrily, knowing I was becoming irrational just thinking about it.

I knew that Kirk had many more redeeming qualities than Colin, but I couldn't seem to help but hate him no matter how much good he did. I couldn't trust love—I wasn't the only one that it had scorned. It worked for some people and I envied them, but it wasn't for me. I didn't need anyone to tell me that. I was good alone—I preferred it that way. Didn't I? Why was my subconscious thought about love? Why did I need to understand it? Did I actually care? Did I _need _love? Please, God, say 'no'. I couldn't live with being betrayed again…not again.

"It seems to me that you're problem is simply fear of the unknown. He hurt you…but you need to learn to trust yourself before you can trust others." Spock told me and I nodded slowly.

He was right…I needed to get my act together and learn to be 'me' again.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I smiled at Spock as he drew in a ragged breath, his nose running along mine. All of the drifting in and out of our fond memories and our Pon Farr memories had made me incredibly…horny for lack of a better word. Since Spock was gallivanting around in my mind and me in his, we were both feeling what we were feeling _and_ what the other was feeling. It was only a matter of time before one of us broke, and it had been me, followed by him. Still though…he wasn't completely broken, so it was up to me to finish things off for the time being.

"Please?" I asked him as he laid his body on top of mine, kissing me softly on our bed.

He shook his head. "I've already practically caved to urges I shouldn't be experiencing right now."

"My Pon Farr memory just isn't going to get me what I want, huh?" I laughed.

He shook his head again. "I refuse to cave to urges. When the urges pass, I will service you as my wife because _that_ is logical."

I rolled my eyes and kissed him again mindful of his ears because he was already right where I needed him. It was just that without all of the actual Pon Farr urges running through his body, he was a lot more in control even though he was feeling more urges than normal just being connected in my mind in that memory with me. I was also incredibly bored because since I was being taken to a hearing, I had been put under quarters arrest by Leonard. Not only was he worried about the baby, but I had to be confined, and so I pretty much only saw Spock now. It was like prison with visitor hours and Megan, Leonard and Janet had been so busy that I pretty much never saw anyone.

"You know…you enjoyed satisfying the urges—whether it made you feel ashamed or not afterwards. It was kind of like sinning…so ignore the comparison." I told him with a laugh, my fingers running down his torso to the slight bulge in his pants. "But then again…someone is stimulated so you should just give in."

Spock took my hand and pinned it above my head, shaking his. "The urge has not quite subsided yet."

"What happened to not being ashamed to show emotion around me?" I asked him.

"Urges are not entirely emotions, Lily—so you will wait." He said, kissing me softly to muffle my protest.

I didn't know why, but I was completely on fire right now. Spock normally set my nerves on fire with passion and desire, but we hadn't even really been touching earlier. He'd just simply mind melded with me because I wanted to. Being linked to him was brilliant in so many different ways, but I was feeling a little addicted to actually getting to move with him inside of our minds. Besides…Pon Farr for me had been completely beneficial when he had finally given in.

"_Hey…are you okay?" I asked him softly, running my nose along his._

_He seemed lost in thought, and just nodded, his insides raging with conflicting emotions. I smiled and kissed him passionately, taking a moment to take in a breath as he entered me and felt the need to get it over with. He wasn't very happy that he had to, but he needed to get back to his old self and I was more than willing to help—especially when he let out actual sounds of pleasure and happiness. Normally, he just got the job done. I could feel that he was pleased and he enjoyed it, but he never physically showed me through verbal sounds because that would not be very Vulcan of him at all._

"_Just think about me." I told him softly, catching my breath and stroking his hair. "It's just us, and you're helping me."_

_I knew he needed to focus on something other than the fact that he had lost his control, and smiled a little as he kissed me again, feeling his feeling of satisfaction. I just wanted to help him, and if that meant sex, then so be it. I loved him, and I hated seeing him like this—seeing him suffering and not being able to help himself. Being Vulcan was such a huge part of him, and being the kind of person who acted first and then thought later, I hadn't understood it all—and I still had more to learn about Vulcans. I also hadn't meant to let out a low moan as he withdrew, but I couldn't help the pleasing sensation and satisfaction of the act—but now he was conflicted again and he sighed._

"_Baby, just do what you have to do." I whispered, stroking his hair when I felt his frustration, smiling more when the frustration eased._

"_I need more." He told me dismally._

_I nodded, trying to take even breath. "Then we go again…just give me a second to catch my breath."_

_He nodded and I just stroked his cheeks with my thumbs and rested my forehead to his as I tried to regain enough strength for another go. When I had, I smiled at him and nodded, and kissing him to muffle my pleased cry as we merged once more. I knew he needed me to stop responding so he could stop feeling the need to have to continue, but I couldn't help it—I couldn't hide the feelings. I stroked his hair, trying to satisfy his needs as well as my own, kissing the hollow of his throat softly._

"_I'm here…I'm not going anywhere…you can always count on me." I whispered to him, feeling the strength leaving me._

_Unfortunately, Spock was not finished after the second go, and since it was so pleasing and I was helping I nodded tiredly at the need in his eyes, and I felt him calm down and I knew from the lack of flux in his emotions that he was finally in better control than he had been before. He pulled out and rested his saturated body on top of mine and I felt happy, I felt closer to him, and I also felt exhausted._

"Maybe it's your husbandly duty to just act on an urge." I told him, smiling at him softly.

He stroked my hair. "I do not want to put your body through anymore stress than I have to…I worry about the baby."

I nodded and kissed him. "I know…I do too now."

We were both feeling a little strange right that moment—we both knew we wanted to sleep together, but we were both worried about the baby. It was our honeymoon, but too much exertion was going to wear out my body, and since we'd already gone that morning and the night before, we knew it was time for a break. I needed to stop asking for mind melds, and just accept that he and I were now part of each other—that in creating a link, we were both a lot more in tune with how each other felt. It was the most romantic thing he could have done for me…and it was so completely Vulcan.

"I love you…I love you so much." I told him, stroking his hair.

He smiled and nodded. "I love you too, Lily. I was going to give you permission to stroke my ears because I know you like that but…"

"Yeah…I know _exactly_ what that leads to." I said, and actually thought about going ahead and stroking them anyways, but instead simply kissed him lovingly and wrapped my arms around his waist, content with just holding and kissing my husband.


	39. Pardon Me, Please?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I am SOOOO sorry you haven't had a daily update in like two days.**

**I have been so exhausted this weekend you don't even know, and I've been a little sick, so I've been updating the other stuff that I had already written, or that was really short and I worked on between naps.**

**So since this one had so many daily updates, I let it sit—I also couldn't get the hearing to come out the way I wanted it to.**

**I've been working on it, and here it is.**

**Hopefully there will be two chapters up tonight.**

**I hope you've all enjoyed the fluff too.**

**Because though there will be some in this chapter, this chapter is pretty much more dramatic cause it's the…HEARING.**

**So enjoy, because I've fun putting in the little fluff and the humor.**

**As well as figuring out the arguing parts for Miss Mrs. Spock of Vulcan.**

**HaHa.**

****

I tried really hard to not be _too_ nervous about the hearing. Spock had to put together a testimony about what had happened to him on the planet and about the Klingons and what he had seen while he was down there. Jim had his information all prepared because he, though under the influence of fars'ket, he had met with Traalsec and he was my captain. It was going to be a difficult day for all of us, but I felt worse for them than I felt for myself—baby or no, in a moment of weakness I had helped to go against the prime directive which was pitting my husband and friend against me.

"I can't do it!" I exclaimed angrily, using my fingers to fluff my hair and mess it up a little. "I can't get it to look professional or anything!"

Spock came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, watching me closely as I blew the bangs out of my eyes and pouted. He pushed my hair off of my shoulders and handed me a brush and I found myself oddly turned on by it all. He knew me even better since the mind link than he had before, and he knew I was more frustrated at the situation than at my hair. I took his hand and kissed his fingertips, sighing a little and then looking at him as he fixed his shirt.

I wished that I had more to say to him—wished I had some sort of apology—but I didn't. I had nothing I could say on the subject of my hearing that would make any of what I did go away, so I just bit my lip and brushed my hair. I pulled it back like I normally did and fixed my uniform, taking Spock's hands in mine as he came over to make sure I was ready to go. I kissed them softly and closed my eyes, really wishing that he wasn't feeling so upset about what could possibly happen, but smiling a little at how he wasn't showing his pain on his face.

I looked him in the eye. "They're not going to sentence me to death—I have you to thank for that."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Explain."

"Well the baby didn't get here on its own." I told him with a laugh as I rested my hand on my stomach. "I could still get kicked out of Star Fleet though."

"The captain and I are aiming for suspension." Spock informed me. "It is unprofessional for us to take sides, but the baby will need both parents."

I nodded. "I would definitely like that."

I stroked his cheek and then kissed him lovingly, wrapping my arms around his neck as he kissed me back. There were only a couple hours left until my hearing, and Janet was going to escort me down. Admiral Pike had come just to be there for it, and Jim had been pacing while Spock was thinking of ways to tell the truth and still get them to understand my condition and the condition of the planet. I pulled away and smiled at him, placing his hand on my stomach telling him to rub it for luck. He of course thought that I was being highly illogical, but he did it anyway just for me.

Janet entered our quarters as Spock grabbed the datapad with his facts on it, and Janet grabbed my hand. Spock headed out before us to meet with Jim and Admiral Pike, and Janet nudged me softly. I shook my head at her, giving her a look, but she was already opening her mouth to say something. I didn't want her to say it out loud and make me think about it, because then Spock would know he wasn't the only one that I adored—just the only one that I was truly madly in love with.

"So you're old but amazing Sex-on-a-Stick is here!" Janet gushed as we headed out into the corridors and people stared.

"Shhh! Hey! Not everyone knows about that! In fact no one outside of you and Megan do!" I told her.

Janet laughed. "How awkward is it going to be to stand in front of them to give your testimony and be like…picturing Pike naked the whole time?"

I elbowed her. "I do _not_ picture Pike naked!"

"Pike's naked?" Megan asked, joining us in the corridors as we headed for the Conference Room.

"In Lily's head he is anyways…what is it with you and old men?" Janet asked me.

Megan laughed. "And now Pike's in a wheelchair—your fetishes are funny."

"It is _not_ a fetish!" I urged.

I rolled my eyes and mimed not listening to them as we headed into the Conference Room, Megan breaking off from us to head into Engineering. Janet took her seat as a witness for the Craultrans, and I smiled at Admiral Pike as he smiled at me. I had always been one of his favorite students at the academy, and I had loved him to death when he'd come to do seminars and taught a class or two. He was amazing, and one of the reasons I actually got myself into Star Fleet.

The look on Spock's face made me realize that he knew that I was thinking about Pike, so I tried really hard not to. Still, I was glad that Pike was there, but I was scared at what was going to happen. Admiral Pike looked directly at me and then he looked around the room before he began. He introduced himself and why we were here, and then he looked at me like he had something else to add—of course he did. It was quite flattering that he had come just because I was his most promising student though…very flattering.

"We are quite aware of your situation, Lillian." Pike told me. "Top student of your year or no, you have to answer for your behavior on Maultrann."

I nodded. "Yes, Admiral."

"So…why?" He asked me.

I smiled—that was the exact question I'd needed him to ask in order to present my point, so I'd just start at the beginning.

"The Enterprise came into orbit around Maultrann to respond to a distress call. We went to our battle stations when we saw that a Klingon Warbird was also in orbit. It was only logical to conclude that the Klingons were trying to take them over, and it was our job to save the people since we had already given our word that we would." I explained.

Pike looked at Lieutenant Uhura. "Is that correct, Lieutenant?"

"That is correct, Admiral." Lieutenant Uhura replied. "So we sent down an Away Team."

"And was Counselor McCoy part of the Away Team?" Pike asked her.

Lieutenant Uhura shook her head. "After the Away Team came back infected, we sent down Commander Spock and then we sent down Counselor McCoy when the Klingons kidnapped him."

I knew that we had gotten all of the facts out of the way and it was time for us to focus on what is what that _I_ did exactly. I took a deep breath as Jim explained about the fars'ket and then Spock explained about being captured. As soon as they were done the questions would come back to me and I'd have to have some damn good answers. Was I ready for this? Hopefully Pike just asked me some yes and no questions at first, and then I'd be able to explain myself and wait for the blow of the decision.

****

**Janet's POV**

I was just as worried about Lily's hearing as Lily was. Leonard had to be in the hearing to give his medical report on the fars'ket and so I was bored and hanging out with Matthew since I'd said my short piece and left already. He was filling in for Leonard at the moment, but I still would never want him to operate on me. Sad really, but I so didn't trust Matthew Mars with medical tools. I think it was because when he was nervous his hand spazzed—or maybe it was because I thought he was fucking crazy. I can't really tell ya.

"Don't touch that! Mansex has no idea what kind of plant that is yet. God!" I exclaimed as Matthew went towards Leonard's mold table.

"Oh…why does he keep these?" Matthew asked me.

I shrugged a little. "Because it's just part of what he does that makes him who he is."

Matthew rolled his eyes and I sighed—I needed to switch to Engineering so that I didn't have to deal with Matthew thinking I was the favorite. I really wasn't—Nurse Chapel was. I just slept with him—that didn't make me the favorite…that just made me the easy one. Even though in love with him, and sleeping with him, I still didn't get to do any of the good stuff—Christine got to cut into people!

"So…I'm gonna head out. I thought I was going to be _not_ bored here, but you are boring me." I told him and then sighed. "Would you care to maybe do a funny dance or something please? Everyone's at the hearing except for me."

"You're not gonna…cry are you?" Matthew asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh I am so leaving you here to get poisoned by molds!"

With that, I left the Medical Bay and headed down to Engineering. I had wanted to be an Engineer on a Starship my entire life, but then Leonard decided to be a doctor. I had no idea why I decided I had to stalk him, but I did. I needed to stalk him, and now that I had, and I'd successfully wrangled him in, there was no point in staying there when my heart was in Engineering. But how was I going to tell Leonard that I didn't want to work by his side everyday anymore? How was I going to tell him I was leaving him and his molds for Scotty and his machine?

"I take it that you wish you were here?" Devon asked me.

I looked at her. "Not at the hearing?"

Devon shook her head. "No, not at the hearing—for Lily's statement, they have to go down to the planet so I'm acting captain when that happens. Right now I'm just trying to keep busy."

I smiled at her—Devon wasn't all that bad at all. I actually kind of enjoyed her company because I wasn't the only one that got made fun of anymore. I had clumsy feet…Devon had a huge ass…we should have been in the circus together. We probably would have made a whole shitload of money had we come up with our own act. Maybe we could have used a talking monkey, or a flying elephant.

"You look amused." Devon told me with a laugh.

I nodded. "Highly."

"Care to share?" She asked.

I laughed a little and thought about it—I didn't want to just come out and tell her that I thought she had an abnormally large ass. I mean it fit her, but it was large compared to others. Then again, if she was going to be my friend we had to bond someway, didn't we? I wanted so badly to just tell her, so I figured out the nicest way to put it and looked at the Warp Core. God I loved that Warp Core. The soothing sounds, the calibrations I could come up with to make it run more efficiently—I belonged in Engineering…not in Sick Bay.

"I was thinking that you and I should be in the circus." I told Devon.

She laughed. "You with your clumsy feet and me with my fat ass? I bet we could have used a talking monkey too and make a whole shitload."

"That's what _I_ was thinking!" I exclaimed.

I was so glad that she had absolutely no problems talking to me about my clumsy feet—granted it was way less rude than me talking to her about her fat ass. It wasn't even fat…it was just big. The two of us were also the funniest ones around here so it was about time I found someone who would appreciate my jokes _and_ be able to shoot some good ones back at me. Devon had to answer her communicator though, and headed to the bridge, so I headed to my quarters and sighed—Lily was down with Pike and Spock and Kirk, giving her statement.

"Come in." I said as my door beeped and I looked up and smiled. "Good afternoon, Leonard—I'm not really up to a booty call at the moment."

Leonard smiled at me. "I'm not up to one either—I'm too worried about Lily."

"Were things going well before you left?" I asked him.

"They looked good—we just have to see if they will pardon her for helping make the weapons—that's the only thing they're mad about." He explained.

I sighed—I got that it was wrong what she did and all, but she didn't teach them how to make weapons. She had helped them to make more which is why they were all so pissed off at her, but I understood it. By helping them she supplied their upper hand. Apparently mentioning war to them was not what they were upset about in the slightest—Spock had explained that war would have been inevitable. They were upset that Lily had tipped the scales and did not feel any remorse about it. If she'd only just change her plea…but then she'd be lying under oath and that was not allowed…and she would never do it.

"Ice cream? It'll help with the wait." I offered.

"All right…but don't trip in the way there." He joked, and I smacked his arm and then got ice cream for us both.

****

**Lillian's POV**

The trip down to the planet was actually kind of fun. The outcome was looking a lot nicer actually, and I was thankful for that. Spock, Jim and Leonard had all given their testimonies and now I just had to give my statement and wait for the verdict. So I went with Admiral Pike into a solitary area and Spock and Jim waited outside. Admiral Pike looked at me and I took a deep breath, watching as he wheeled over to me a little and I tried not to blush when he took my hand.

It wasn't that I was in love with Admiral Pike—I'd just always crushed on him and he had been my mentor and my hero for a very long time. So to have him take my hand and smile at me like that sent me into a school girl-like state and I had to blush. He smiled and then pointed to the equipment and I knew that it was my time to say my statement. I took a deep breath and then I started and Admiral Pike stood there as the witness, making sure I didn't tamper with anything even though he knew that I wouldn't.

"On my trip down to Maultann, I became involved in a war between the Klingons and the Craultrans. After hinting to them about starting the fight early, I helped them to make their weapons while waiting for the right moment to get Commander Spock back from the Klingons. I did not in any way engage the Klingons in battle, nor did I use any of the weapons to fight the Klingons. I rescued my crewman and beamed back to the ship, the Craultrans starting battle and driving the Klingons away." I said, and then I nodded at Admiral Pike and he shut it off.

Admiral Pike looked me in the eye. "That is all, Lily. You should return to your ship and wait for the verdict of the counsel."

I nodded and then smiled at him and squeezed his hand, following Spock and Kirk back to the ship. Once back in our quarters I took a seat on the couch and Spock looked at me and I smiled awkwardly. I knew that he wanted to ask about my fascination with Admiral Pike, but he had no idea if he wanted to _actually_ hear the answer or not. He was learning a whole bunch of new things about me, and I was trying very hard to learn just as many new things about him.

"I first started crushing on Christopher my first year in the Academy." I told Spock since he refused to open his mouth.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "You were attracted to him, then? It makes sense—he is a very capable and intelligent man."

I nodded slowly. "You are not even jealous…I kind of like that and kind of don't."

"Jealousy is a primitive emotion." Spock replied.

I smiled and nodded, standing up and standing in front of him. He wasn't jealous, but he wasn't entirely happy about my feelings for Admiral Pike right at that moment either and showed it by placing his hands behind his back in military fashion. I didn't want him to shut down, but I did want him to say something. I smiled at him and I pointed to his Vulcan instrument on the wall. I had not yet heard him play it, but I had heard that he had played it before for some of the crew.

"Why don't you play it?" I asked him.

Spock looked over at the instrument. "I do not know if I am in the mood."

"Please?" I asked, and he nodded.

He headed over to the wall and took the instrument off of the wall, and began to play it, me sitting down on the couch. I smiled at him as she strummed it, focusing on what he was doing with it. Since it was a Vulcan instrument, I was pretty certain that his father had taught him how to play, and he was very good at it. I hadn't played an instrument since my mother had gotten me a flute, but I was content on listening to Spock play. He smiled a little as I thought happy thoughts about him, and I smiled at him and lay on the couch watching him and running my fingers over the cushions.

"You are very talented." I told him. "Is it soothing?"

"Very." He replied.

I nodded. "For all three of us."

Spock looked up at me and nodded, knowing that the sound of the instrument was so pleasant that I was feeling calm. I was no longer feeling stressed or worried about the verdict, whether I should or not. All I could do was simply state what I had done and hope that Admiral Pike would understand and in turn convince the counsel to vote in my favor—in my favor and my family's favor. I turned onto my back as Spock started to strum out another tune, and I closed my eyes and simply listened to him.

"What verdict do you believe that they will come to?" Spock asked me curiously?

I shrugged a little. "I think that it is quite possible that I will be put on probation."

"Why do you believe that?" Spock asked.

"I believe that because Admiral Pike seems to not only be on my side, but he thinks that I have somehow been influenced by my hormones—thank Leo. On top of that, I was not entirely engaging in war or helping them with their war. I helped them with their weapons which was wrong, but I know that. We'll just…we'll see." I explained.

Spock nodded and strummed a little bit more stopping as I sat up and looked at him. I motioned for him to continue and he nodded, me sitting in a different position and thinking about it—what if I was dismissed from Star Fleet? That would mean that I had to get off of the ship and go back to Earth. If I had to go back to Earth, I would not be around Spock, and he would have to wait until his mission was over to come and see me and our baby. How fair was that to him? It wasn't—that was the answer…it wasn't fair to him at all and it was my fault that this could be happening.

"Why did you even pick me?" I asked him.

"Because there was no one else to choose." He replied.

I looked him in the eye. "Nice to know I was the last pick."

He set his instrument down and came over to me, kneeling on the ground and taking my hands in his. "You misunderstand, Lily—you were the _only_ choice. No one else fit me because we were supposed to be together…it is the only logical explanation."

I smiled at him and kissed him softly, stroking his ear ever so softly and laughing a little at his grunt of annoyance. He didn't mind me showing my affection, but he really liked it a lot better when I only stroked his ears when he told me I could. Still, he let it slide because I was his wife, and I stroked his hair, pulling away when a beeping came from the console in our room. Spock was the first one to it, and he pressed the button, addressing Jim who was on the other end.

"Admiral Pike and the counsel have reached their conclusion." Jim told us.

"Which is?" I asked him impatiently, joining Spock at the console.

Jim laughed a little. "It's not quite funny that you're on probation, but I thought it was a nice touch that you've been banned from Away Missions until after the baby is born and Bones gives you the okay, Lil. That obviously doesn't count when we need you for diplomacy, but you're stuck on the ship for the next almost seven months."

I grinned. "Just probation?"

"Just probation." Jim repeated.


	40. No Boys Allowed

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well, I think it's about time we had some more fluff and some Devon/Kirk.**

**What do YOU guys think?**

**Oh, and the end of this chapter is totally gonna take you guys for a loop.**

**The cliffhanger is neither good nor bad.**

**It's just kind of…wow.**

**HaHa.**

**And I know that some of you are getting REALLY antsy, wanting to know what the sex of the baby is.**

**You will get to know…in two chapters…not counting this one.**

****

I was now officially 19 weeks along in the pregnancy and though I only had a small bulge, I simply felt bloated when it came to my clothes. I was sitting in the quarters in the bed, reading Shakespeare out loud to my stomach. Spock had been feeling rather cooped up on the ship so I'd told Leonard to let him go on a few Away Missions, and he returned from such a mission with a scratch or two that Leonard had fixed. Reading Shakespeare helped keep me calm, and I was reading as he entered.

"O good Iago, what shall I do to win my lord again? Good friend, go to him; for, by this light in heaven, I know not how I lost him. Here I kneel: if e'er my will did trespass 'gainst his love, either in discourse of thought or by actual deed, or that mine eyes, mine ears, or any sense, delighted them in any other form; or that I do not yet, or ever did, and ever will—though he do shake me off to beggarly divorcement—love him dearly, comfort foreswear me! Unkindness may do much; and his unkindness my defeat my life, but never taint my love. I cannot say 'whore': it does abhor me now I speak the word; to do the act that might the addition earn not the world's mass of vanity could make me." I read, smiling at Desdemona's words.

"Othello." Spock said.

I looked up as I came to Iago's line and nodded. "It is my favorite of Shakespeare's tragedies."

"I do not see why you would read a play about a man killing his wife to our unborn child." Spock told me.

I smiled. "I am simply versing our child in literature while it is still in the womb."

I looked up as Spock came over to me and sat on the bed too, taking my book from me that I had replicated and looking it over as I set my right hand on my stomach then used the finger on my left hand to turn the pages and pointed to a passage. He looked at me quizzically, wondering why I'd picked a passage so much farther along in the book. I had read the book so many times that I almost knew it by heart, and I wanted to hear him read Othello's part out loud. I had never heard a Vulcan read before, let alone read Shakespeare, and if he was willing to read out loud to the baby too if only just to humor me, I was going to let him do just that.

"Behold, I have a weapon; a better never did itself sustain upon a soldier's thigh: I have seen the day, that, with this little arm and this good sword, I have made my way though more impediments than twenty times your stop: but, O vain boast! Who can control his fate? 'tis not so now. Be not afraid, though you do see me weap-on'd; here is my journey's end, here is my butt, and very sea-mark of my utmost sail. Do you go back dismay'd? 'tis a lost fear; man but a rush against Othello's breast, and he retires. Where should Othello go? Now, how dost thou look now? O ill-starr'd wench! Pale as thy smock! When we shall meet at compt, this look of thine will hurl my soul from heaven, and fiends will snatch at it. Cold, cold, my girl! Even like thy chastity. O cursed slave! Whip me, ye devils, from the possession of this heavenly sight! Blow me about in winds! Roast me in sulphur! Wash me in steep-down guffs of liquid fire! O Desdemona! Desdemona! Dead! Oh! Oh! Oh!" Spock read out loud, and I smiled at his portrayal of Othello.

"You know if it wasn't like incredibly weird, I'd want you to be the Othello to my Desdemona…just without the you killing me part…and then the having to stabe yourself when you realize I've been true and you've been a jealous bastard, betrayed by his one 'loyal' friend." I told him with a laugh.

He smiled a little and I shifted so that my head was in his lap and he right hand instinctively went to my stomach as he held the book with his left hand. I ran my fingers along his beautiful hands, and I nuzzled his stomach with my nose, waiting for him to read in character voices, acting out a whole scene for me, but he set the book down and looked at me instead. I wasn't quite sure why he wasn't reading, but I appreciated the love in his eyes and smiled back. I turned my head a little and kissed his shirted torso, smiling even more as he squeezed my hand with his.

"You know in about a week, you'll get to know what the baby is going to be." I told him.

He nodded. "Do you not mean 'we'?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to know what the baby is until it's born."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "It seems only logical that we find out what it is so that we may pick out names and let Megan know so she can tell the people coming for the baby shower."

I laughed a little and smiled at him as he mentioned the baby shower Megan wanted to throw me. Since I was going to be pretty much not doing anything unless I absolutely had to, Megan knew that to cheer me up a party could be thrown. I was actually looking forward to a baby shower, but at the same time I wasn't sure how Spock was going to react when it happen. He didn't actually see the point of it, but he was going along with it because I was bored to death. Apparently he'd already learned that a cranky pregnant wife is not a fun thing to have to live with.

"You can tell her—I don't care if you know." I told him with a shrug, still running my fingers along his as he ran them along the bulge of my stomach. "I just want to be surprised. I mean women used to just let the baby come on its own and then name it all the time…I'd like to do that too."

Spock nodded. "Maybe I should not know either."

I laughed. "Then who is going to tell Megan so she can spread the word?"

"If the word is spread, then how will you be kept from knowing?" He countered me.

I groaned—he was going to turn on the lust switch if he started playing our game. It was completely not fait that I had gone an entire two months without sex already, and I was trying to get over the urges. We waited until after when I'd miscarried in the other timeline, but since I was still a little stressed, Leonard had frowned upon it—be he a little biased or not. I was bored and little in the mood, but I was doing what we thought was best for the baby, and his logic and his arguments with me turned me on. I couldn't help it—the Vulcan in him was sexy. Tack on that he had just read me Shakespeare, and you can only imagine how badly I wanted to jump him right then and there.

"Ah yes, but you are completely underestimating the ability to keep a secret." I told him.

He nodded. "Yes, but in my defense, the humans I have come into contact with have all favored gossip over secrecy."

I sighed. "It's true—humans are social beings. However, you underestimate my friends abilities to keep the knowledge in our circle of trust. You're either in the know, or you're out of the loop with them."

"I will—" He began.

"—service me now?" I asked him, cutting into his sentence.

I was pretty much desperate at this point thinking about him using that sexy brain of his, and remembering how hot I had found him as he read that Othello monologue. I wanted to take my husband right then and then, tiny baby growing inside of me or not. I was just shy of five months, and I just wanted to feel him before I grew far too large to be able to do things the way we normally did them. Being Vulcan I wasn't going to make him try any new things for me—but I could use a good service at the moment. Please say 'yes', Spock…what could it hurt? Act on an impulse.

"I do not act on impulses." He told me, recognizing my feelings and the look on my face. "However if that is your wish—"

"—it is!" I said, sitting up and kissing him. "It really, really is."

He nodded and slid his fingers into my hair. "As you wish."

****

**Devon's POV**

With Spock having to stay on the ship mostly due to Doctor McCoy's orders, I had been getting to go on lots of Away Missions and this was certainly no exception. Kirk, Chekov and I were beaming down to the planet Estro'hen to get our ship's computer updated. We were supposed to meet with Lady Kara, who would then barter with us for various literary works and possible items that wouldn't violate the prime directive if we traded them. When we beamed down though, I was really the only one who wasn't completely and utterly 'in heaven' as it were.

"Vow—there's a lot of vomen here!" Chekov exclaimed.

Kirk nodded. "I could enjoy my time here thoroughly—heaven on earth."

"I really wish that I had beamed down with girls…try not to sexually harass anyone while we're here, okay guys?" I said, and then smiled at Lady Kara as she walked over to us with an entourage of four women.

"Welcome to Estro'hen. I am Lady Kara—and who is this beautiful lady among men?" Lady Kara asked me.

I couldn't help but blush because I honestly didn't like to be complimented so much. I'd heard compliments as a child frequently but I just didn't take them well, and probably never would. I smiled at her though and stepped up to her, holding out my hand to shake hers. She reached out and grasped my hand, squeezing it more than shaking it, and I nodded and little and laughed an awkward laugh—I was pretty sure there were no men around to see because there weren't any. I should have guessed that with a name like 'Estro'hen' this was a lesbian planet.

"Lieutenant Devon Goldman." I told her, noticing that Kirk and Chekov really hadn't noticed that the girls were not interested in them at all.

That was so like men—too focused on the lack of clothes on a girl to notice that the girls were checking out other girls. Even if the girls were checking out other guys, they wouldn't have noticed what with Kirk's ass fetish, and Chekov apparently trying to remember that he had a wife. It wasn't so much that he was trying to remember, but more like he was trying to look without mind cheating. Good luck with that, Chekov.

"I brought a list of items for trade that you can go through." I told her, amazed that even though this was a routine job no explosions or anything had gone off.

Lady Kara smiled at me. "I will show you to the manor, and we shall discuss further. Come and enjoy your time here."

"We most certainly will with this kind of hospitality." Kirk replied, swooping to grab up Lady Kara's attention.

I didn't really mind him taking her attention off of me—I was certainly not a homophobe, but I wasn't really flirty either. If it was up to me to flirt my way into a better deal instead of Kirk, I was pretty sure that we were out of luck. I had never been one of those outgoing, vulgar people around those that I did not know—you'd have to get to know me for me to be more like that. I simply did what was logical and what was needed of me to assimilate, feel comfortable and do my job—I didn't have it in me to flirt.

When I had been with Colin, he did the majority of the flirting. I flirted a little bit, but we had been in the relationship for a good year before I started being incredibly forward with him. Since my forwardness in the flirting department had led him to become a woman…I was pretty certain that I shouldn't try that here. Still, it would be only logical to get the best deal for our computer upgrade since the ship controlled everything and it was my job to keep the crew safe. Also…they were kind of already women, and already homosexual.

"I find this place fascinating." Chekov said. "Vhere are all of the men?"

I laughed a little as he tried to ignore the short skirts and the almost bra-like tops of the beautiful women, and caught one of Lady Kara's hand maidens eyeing me. It wasn't that I wasn't flattered—I just didn't swing the way of the ladies. I was still trying to settle my stomach about Kirk because we'd been thrown into so many Away Missions together. He'd been mindful to save me only when I wasn't really pay attention, or when it wasn't really a big deal for him to do so. I hadn't really been yelling at him much lately either…which was kind of strange for our relationship. We'd actually been getting along…I wondered why that was.

"We do not have need for any men." Lady Kara explained.

Kirk looked at her with a confused smile on his face. "What about reproduction? Keeping the species alive?"

Lady Kara laughed. "Those of us that are native to this planet reproduce without another sexual partner."

"You mean like asexually?" Chekov asked.

As Lady Kara nodded I found myself wondering what it would be like to reproduce. I could actually grow quite accustomed to the life here—no men to worry about. Then again, surrounded by estrogen all the time could get incredibly old incredibly fast and I wouldn't want to be stuck on a planet with a whole bunch of moody females. Those that were not native would either decide they wanted children and run off to find a man, or they'd get bitter about their decision. I kind of liked being in the company of testosterone—it just depended on the company.

"Where is the fun in that?" Kirk asked with a hearty laugh.

Lady Kara smiled at him. "Reproduction is a necessary action—it does need to be 'fun'."

"I agree." I told her with a laugh. "Sex just complicates things anyways."

Lady Kara smiled at me with her big blue eyes and then showed us into a waiting room and took me with her into another room with the datapad that I had brought. I started to ramble off the types of things that we could trade her, and found her reaching out to stroke my hair. Normally I would shy away, but I was much too stunned that the leader of a planet was coming onto me, so I just blushed and laughed awkwardly as I sat there. She smiled when I laughed and then I realized that she was going to kiss me. Some random chick that I didn't even know was coming in for the kill and all I could do was sit there—I was doing it for the ship.

"I just wanted to check on—oh!" Kirk exclaimed a moment after Lady Kara's lips had touched mine.

Lady Kara pulled away. "We will take an archive of your romantic literature, Captain, and then update your computer so you may be on your way."

Kirk nodded and watched her leave, turning to me as I took a breath. "I am so sorry I forced myself on you! I didn't realize that you didn't…I didn't know you were a lesbian!"

I shook my head. "I'm not a lesbian captain—I just didn't refuse her advances. We only have to share our romantic literature with them, so I guess win-win."

Kirk nodded and came up to me and I sighed—if he kissed me too I was going to need some serious therapy. I would like to come down to a planet and not get kissed or groped by someone, thank you! Couldn't this ship be professional for once?! I just wanted to work, and I just…why was he smiling at me? Was I still red from blushing? Did I have a visible booger? Just thinking that I instinctively covered my nose and mouth with my hand, and furrowed my brow as he chuckled at my discomfort—asshole.

"So you're straight?" He asked me.

I blushed some more. "Yes."

"Good." He replied and turned to walk away.

"Yeah, for you." I said, and then instantly hoped I hadn't said that too loud since it had only slipped out…please I couldn't like Captain Kirk…God be merciful.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I had pretty much melted right into him before—he had been able to recall random facts that I asked for, the entire act practically. It was strange, but I think he rather enjoyed focusing on quantum physics and psychology instead of on the act itself. For me, I did not mind it at all that the focus for him had been his sciences—I was turned on by his genius talk. Besides, I'd got what I wanted, and he hadn't felt as if he had caved to anything so we both ended up coming out of it rather nicely.

I had snuggled into his arms when we were finished and he'd fallen asleep, already a bit tired from his last Away Mission, but I had slept already before and so I pulled one of the smaller blankets around me like a towel, and got up. After fastening it up so I was covered, looking like I'd just stepped out of the shower, I pulled my hair back and grabbed a sketchbook. I had never actually been good at drawing anything other than animals, but I needed to do something while Spock slept, completely naked under the sheet he had draped over his bottom half. Grinning at his form as he laid there, an arm out that would normally have my body on it, draped over the side; I decided to draw his ear.

I picked the one closest to me, and started to draw the outline. As long as I had something to look at that wasn't too complicated, I could get it rather well. So I spent the next 20 minutes drawing his ear and then I set the sketchbook down and went to look through the ship's logs. I was only allowed to look into certain things before, but now that I was on probation, that list of things I could skim through was now considerably smaller. I did, however, find some things about the planet that Kirk, Devon and Chekov had beamed down to and laughed a little—Estro'hen. That had to be some sort of joke.

"Or not…asexually reproduce, eh? Where is the fun in that?" I asked out loud.

"Reproduction does not have to be 'fun'—it is a necessary act for every species." Spock replied.

I looked over at him and smiled. "A certain Vulcan should be sleeping and not telling me about the non-necessity of sex."

"You said reproduction—not sex. Besides, I have rested." Spock replied.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, going over to the bed and resting my knees on it, looking down at him as he lay there and looked up at me. He really was beautiful. Even infatuated by him before, I had always at first thought him pale and rather disgruntled, but every feature from his nose, to his Vulcan eyebrows, to his amazing ears and his emotional eyes were beautiful. He didn't really blush, but he was a little embarrassed by my thoughts. I rested my hands on my stomach and then went to my sketchbook, grabbing it and climbing onto the bed with him.

"What did you sketch while I was resting?" He asked me.

I laughed. "I was completely intrigued by you while you were _sleeping_."

He nodded. "So you drew me?"

"You mistake me for an artist, Husband—I drew your ear." I replied with a laugh.

I flipped open the sketchbook to show him and he nodded at it. He was my husband so he wasn't going to blurt out that it was terrible—even though he was also a Vulcan and he was supposed to be honest. Thinking about that made me laugh a little—Vulcans weren't supposed to be able to lie, but Spock _did _lie sometimes. Maybe it was because he was half human…that could explain it couldn't it? Or maybe Vulcans really could lie and they just didn't tell anyone. That would actually be ingenious of them—they could totally rule the world if that were the case.

"How bad is it?" I asked him as I snuggled into his strong arms.

"It is not bad." He replied. "Though I do not understand your infatuation with my ears. Are there anymore pictures?"

I nodded. "There are animal pictures."

"May I see them?" He asked.

I handed him the sketchbook and let him flip through them pleased that he was impressed. I was actually highly impressed with my own animals, so to have him impressed was a compliment. There were pictures in it from even when I was little, and though some pictures were more cartoony than others, he seemed to enjoy them—especially the dragons. I was most impressed by my large and small cats, but I was glad that he had a favorite. He stopped back at the sketch of his ear though and he kissed the top of my head.

"Perhaps our child will be skilled in the arts as well." He mused.

I smiled. "Maybe you could teach it that instrument of yours."

He nodded. "Perhaps I shall."

"I would kind of love it if you did…I'd actually like to learn it one of these days as well." I admitted.

Spock smiled and set my sketchbook down, me sitting forward a little as he moved his arms and got out of bed. He pulled his pants on and went to get the instrument off of the wall, sitting down and motioning for me to come over as well. I sat down in the chair next to his and listened to him as he played a little, talking out the pitches as he did so. He explained about the variances of each other notes, and then played a song his father had taught him when I asked for a song, and then handed the instrument over to me. I just kind of picked at it a little, and then tried to feel my way through it, wishing it would sound as nice as it did when he played it.

"Understand the pitches…become one with it." He tried when I raised an eyebrow at his first explanation.

He stood up and came behind me as I sat in the chair, guiding my fingers with his. I would have been able to try and convince him that it was time for another service, but he wouldn't have gone for it, and our console beeped. Spock headed over to it and pressed the button to receive the transmission, Scotty's voice coming out. I was trying to figure out why he had called us—was someone hurt? If Jim was hurt or dead, Spock was the next in command before Devon. Megan and Leonard were still on the ship so he wasn't going to talk to me.

"Lily?" Scotty asked.

Or maybe he was.

"Yes, Scotty?" I asked him, going over to the console myself.

"There is a Betazoid woman here to see you—she claims she's your mother." Scotty replied.

**Note: Yeah so Aidan and I have pretty much finished the series now and have to go watch all of the Star Trek movies over…and let me just say that Spock Prime was a little dirty himself. He and that one blonde chick in the floating city totally almost 'mated' outside of his Pon Farr because he was highly attracted to her and her to him, but then he found out she was prejudice and kind of a bitch and like that *snaps fingers* he was over lusting for her. But yeah…Spock Prime not only shows emotions, but he'll go at it on table if you stimulate him and his brain…and you don't get interrupted…and you have the same morals as he does…just wanted to share. =P Then there was that Romulin and what I dubbed finger sex…Spock is hot…every version of him. God I love him. =D**


	41. Leona Crae

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I have had some fun days lately and as you can see, I've been doing really well with updating all of my stories.**

**Or at least most of them.**

**HaHa.**

**So here is this chapter, and I hope you enjoy it.**

**Sadly…there is no finger sex in this one.**

**=P**

****

**Spock's POV**

Lily was very distressed and feeling her distress was making me uncomfortable. She didn't understand how her mother was here, or how her mother knew she was here, and I found myself incredibly curious. The woman that had birthed my wife was on the ship looking to talk to her, and I wanted to know her, even though I knew that Lily was feeling completely unnerved by the whole thing. Even though she would frown upon it, I was determined to know her. Our child was related to the Betazoid woman in the Transporter Bay, and it was only logical to meet her and see what she wanted.

"I'm not talking to her." Lily told me defiantly. "I am just not talking to her."

I pressed the button on our wall. "Keep her there, I will be down momentarily."

"Understood, Commander." Mr. Scott told me.

Lily's mouth gaped open. "You're going to go talk to the woman that abandoned me?! What kind of husband are you?!"

I knew that she knew that I was being logical, but she was still particularly upset with the entire situation that was occurring. She did not want to have anything to do with the woman that had left her on her father's doorstep and never talked to her again. No matter how much I tried to get out of Lily to get to know her better, she had never really talked about her mother. Even exploring our memories together, she never let them rise. She kept much about her and her mother hidden from me, as I had done with my father and I from her. Ultimately it was not important to our relationship, so I let it slide since I could sense logical thought entering Lily's brain.

"Lily, it is only to see what it is that she wants." I assured her. "I am in no way going there to make small talk with her."

Lily sighed. "Fine—go see her…but I am _not_ going."

"You are being stubborn and unreasonable." I told her.

"And you love me no less for it—I mean you of all people know what it's like to be childish around your parents. Your father, though actually around was estranged—I have more cause than you did to completely ignore my mother." She protested.

She had me there—when my father had shown up to give me the blood transfusion, I had found myself feeling rather childish myself. I knew that I should accept Lily's decision and be her husband by doing as she told me, but I was curious, and Lily always told me to fulfill my curiosity. Also, I had never met a full Betazoid before, and I was rather looking forward to interacting with her. Still, this link was Lily was making me feel a little bit of hurt, and so I hugged her and she slipped her arms around my waist and held me close to her. I kissed the top of her head and she laughed a little and I ran my hands along her back and it seemed to calm her down a little.

"I would very much like to meet your mother…but only with your consent—let me remind you that I am first in command and the captain is on the planet." I said, and she looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"Go." She told me.

I nodded and headed out of our quarters after I placed a quick kiss on her temple, and I made it to the lift, Janet looking at me and rolling her eyes. I did not quite understand why she was upset with me, but I could only guess. If Lily knew her mother was here, then Leonard and Megan were probably aware of it too, which meant that Chekov and Janet were aware as well. I wondered what Janet was doing in the lift, but before I could inquire, she had already opened her mouth to speak. I was quite fond of her, but sometimes I would have appreciated being able to get a word in edgewise.

"I cannot believe you're going to meet her!" Janet exclaimed.

I nodded. "What are you doing here?"

Janet sighed. "Going to meet her."

"Then it is only logical to accept each other's decisions and go about this meeting with Lily's mother in a professional way—do I make myself clear, Lieutenant?" I asked her.

Janet made a face at me and I knew that it was my calling her 'lieutenant'. It was a very new development, but Janet had just switched from Nurse to Engineer, and had yet to tell McCoy. He had grown quite attached to having her in the Med Bay but she insisted that Engineering was where he heart was, and since she was most suited for it, I helped her to switch her profession. She turned away from me to let me know that she was no longer speaking to me if I was going to address her so, and so the rest of the lift up was me listening to Janet mumble things to herself. I distinctly remember hearing, 'stupid Vulcan' and 'tap that if I didn't have Mansex'…whatever that meant.

"There you are, Commander!" Mr. Scott exclaimed.

The Betazoid woman smiled warmly at me and I knew as she approached that she was definitely Lily's mother. She and Lily had the same eyes, and they both lit up entirely when they were happy. I did not know if that was simply genetics, or some learned behavior Lily had the fortune to pick up on even without her mother around. Their hair was the same shade even though Mr. McCoy's hair was slightly darker, and their noses crinkled up a little in the exact same way when they laughed. She got her mother's beauty—and hopefully her mother had a similar personality to Lily.

"You didn't tell me there were Vulcans on this ship!" The woman exclaimed and looked me over. "My, my, my—you have some layers to you, don't you?"

"Welcome to the U.S.S. Enterprise. Captain Kirk is currently down on the planet so I am first in command—I am Commander Spock." I told her.

She smiled at me. "Leona Crae. You must be one prime specimen Mr. Spock—how is it that you know my daughter?"

It was only logical to tell her the truth, but I was also very certain that Lily would cave and wish to see her mother. In that case, Lily would be very cross about not being able to tell her mother herself, and so I held my hand up as Janet started to speak and she sent me a look. Janet was all spunk, I gave her that, and when she nodded and backed off for Lily's sake I had more respect for her. When I remembered that Lily's mother was a Betazoid, I found myself suppressing my thoughts so she could only skim the surface ones for information.

"Lillian McCoy is a very important part of our crew—she serves as the ship's counselor and is currently unavailable." I told her mother.

"As I was telling you Miss Crae, Lily is a cherished member of our crew." Mr. Scott gushed.

Janet smiled and held out her hand. "Janet Ferris—Lily's best friend. Have been since she was very little."

Leona nodded. "Then you'll be the one to give me straight answers, Janet. Is my daughter hold up in her quarters right now?"

"Where do _you_ think she is?" Janet asked her.

It was slightly defensive, but at the same time Janet already liked her—they were both very 'get to the point' kind of people, and they didn't take any kind of attitude from anyone. Leona smiled at her and started to compliment her on her many achievements, Janet annoyed at the invasion of privacy in her mind, but still flattered nonetheless—especially when Mr. Scott became involved in the conversation. He began to tell Leona about the various things that Janet could do with warp cores, and I realized that Leona was actually interested in all of it. She even began to tell us about the ship she'd come on with her people, getting upgrades from Estro'hen as well and then came the question we'd all been waiting for.

"So who is going to take me to Lilybean?" Leona asked.

****

**Devon's POV**

No one even understand how badly I wanted to get off of this planet. I was being hit on practically every second that Lady Kara had to hit on me, and Kirk was now offended. It wasn't that he wasn't being hit on either—it was that the females were all growing more and more attached to me. I was at the point where I had to start explaining that I was here simply to get the computer upgraded, but that didn't seem to be an acceptable answer. Hell at this point I was thinking about making out with Kirk and seeing what they did then. Would they still be attracted? I certainly didn't think so.

"Lady Kara has taken quite a liking to you." Her main hand maiden told me.

I smiled awkwardly. "I'm flattered, but I'm already spoken for."

She looked at me. "Oh? Well that won't bode too well for her."

"I'm sorry it interferes with her plans." I told the woman sincerely.

I certainly _was_ sorry that it interfered with her plans, but I was not some doll on a shelf to be looked over and bought. I was a woman who liked me some men, and that was just the way that I was. I had always been attracted to men, but at the same time never with men because something always turned out wrong for me. I had never been good at love and I never would be, which is why I had just given up. Of course deep down I wanted it, but I couldn't admit that or focus on it because it would get in the way of my job.

"She could ask for the match." The woman told me.

I looked her in the eye. "What match?"

She smiled at me. "You have such beautiful eyes."

I sighed—no point in thanking her. I honestly felt like this was just a planet full of incredibly lusty women. What did she mean 'match' anyways? Were things going to get violent? Because it would be really beneficial if no one fought and got hurt on my behalf. All I wanted to do was make the trade, beam back up to the ship, and move on to the next planet—hopefully a planet with men on it that would look at my huge ass and run. Now that would be a planet I could live on forever…just thinking about it made me smile.

"Devon?" Kirk asked, coming into the room.

The hand maiden sighed. "The male comes."

She left the room, Kirk checking her out as she walked away and I rolled my eyes. Men. Even if a woman was a lesbian they wanted to have their fill in the way of looks. They were perfectly content with looking at a rack and an ass and fantasizing about it…they didn't necessarily have to have the woman with the said rack and ass. Still I was feeling a little uncomfortable that I was upset with him for looking—he could do whatever he pleased. No matter what he was still the goddamn Captain…and that meant that for him, practically anything could go.

"What is it, Captain?" I asked him standing up.

"Lady Kara has asked for you and I have refused to let you stay." Kirk told me.

I blinked. "Wait a second…what?"

Kirk nodded. "She has officially challenged me to a duel for you. It is set up like this—that not in need of a sexual partner for reproduction, the natives here fight for their mates during the breeding season. They then join in matrimony and raise the offspring together."

"Oh Hell no! I'm not staying here to be a mother!" I exclaimed.

It was flattering, it was, that Lady Kara wanted me to stay to be her mate, but I was not going to stay here to raise her baby with her. One, I was straight, no matter how sweet I thought most homosexual people that I encountered were. And two, I barely knew her and did not want to be a mother yet. I still had life to live and love to find—because I was not entering into parenthood without love, that much was for certain. I did not even have a prospective mate that I had selected on my own, so staying to marry Lady Kara was just completely out of the question.

Kirk nodded. "I figured you would feel that way…unfortunately, refusing her will result in death. It is their custom, and so I am driven to follow it, or go against the prime directive."

I sighed. "And God knows we've had our fair share of hearings…I hate this, I really do. You're the captain, Jim! You shouldn't have to stick your neck out for me! In fact…you should just leave me here."

"I'm not leaving you here, Devon—you are part of my crew now, and that means that I have an obligation to fight for you. We need you on the Enterprise, and so the match must take place." Kirk explained. "Though I hate to do it, hand to hand against a woman should prove easy enough that I do not have to strike her."

I sighed loudly and felt the need to hit something as he spoke about it—he was actually going to have to fight someone for me, and I hated that. I looked up as Kirk did to the hand maiden coming back to get us, ushering us out to the ring. It looked a lot like an arena, but the women were wrestling each other. Chekov was already here taking down information for the ship's computer so it could log information about the planet, and he seemed like every other human male—pleased. What male wouldn't be pleased with the image of two women fighting each other? Hair pulling, biting, scratching—all that was missing was the mud.

"Lady Kara will spar the male, Captain Kirk, for the right to take Devon as a lifelong mate." The main handmaiden announced as the fight before us ended.

"Thank God—it looks like it isn't a fight to the death, Captain." Chekov informed him.

Kirk nodded. "That should provide useful."

I closed my eyes in emotional pain as Kirk stepped into the ring with Lady Kara, the handmaiden explaining that it was hand to hand, no weapons, no killing, and anything goes. I hoped that Kirk would know to guard his family jewels since anything went, and yet I found myself torn. I wanted to root for Kirk because he was my captain and he was doing this for me, but Lady Kara had been nothing but nice to me and was completely outmatched. Still…there was no way I wanted to be married off, so if Kirk won, it would be better for me in the end. So I guess I had to root for Kirk—the outcome I wanted depended on his victory, so it was the only logical side to be on.

"Ow! The captain was left hooked!" Chekov exclaimed and I sighed—it was like he was _letting_ her beat him. "It seems she has a lot of strength on her!"

"You don't think that she'll…_beat_ the captain…do you, Chekov?" I asked him.

Chekov shrugged and then cringed when Lady Kara administered a kick to Kirk's jewels. "At this point, either of them could still be the wictor…if he vould get up off the ground."

I closed my eyes and squeezed them tightly, opening them only when a loud cracking noise could be heard. There was a lot of commotion, and people standing over someone, making me hold my breath until Kirk emerged from the crowd incredibly angry. He had some blood on his lip and he was limping a little, in serious need of some ice for his throbbing crotch. He walked past Chekov who was a little impressed and a little appalled by Kirk having to punch Lady Kara in the face as she held his face into the ground and applied pressure to his crotch with her knee, and I saw the angry in his eyes. Kirk had never _ever_ wanted to hit a girl, and it was slightly my fault that he had to.

"Captain…" I tried, but he shook his head and flipped open his communicator.

"Scotty? Three to beam up." Kirk said.

****

**Lillian's POV**

It annoyed me that I wanted to know about my mother. I knew that she was part of me, and I had her genes, but I was mostly afraid to like her. I had grown up so mad at her over the years, and then just ignored the notion of her as my actual mother, that I had never thought that maybe now she was a little more grown-up. Maybe now she was trying to make amends and I wasn't letting her do that. It was all so jumbled and confusing, and annoying when Spock walked right into our quarters, me unprepared.

"No signaling or anything?" The woman next to him asked.

Spock swallowed. "Counselor McCoy is currently on probation, and since you are her guest, I am under regulation to bring you to her."

"She could have been indisposed." The woman protested.

I knew my mouth was agape when I stared at her, but I couldn't help it—all these years Dad swore that I looked just like her, but I had never believe it. I could faintly remember her, but I hadn't expected to be as similar to her as I was. She and I had the same hair shade, the same eyes, the same nose, different foreheads—she really was my mother. But why was she here? What did she think seeing me would accomplish? I was fairly certain that there was no way that I was going to off the bat forgive her but if Spock had brought her here and was amused and intrigued by her…then I would have to give her a shot.

"Lilybean!" My mother exclaimed and came to hug me.

I put my hands up instinctively and she just smiled and stopped going in for the hug. She was aware that I needed my space to assess, and then she started to circle me. She was trying to figure out what I had been up to, and I knew she could just skim through my memories for that, but she was determined to know me as I came off. That at least made me respect her a little more, and so I let her circle and then her eyes went wide as she realized that I was pregnant. I couldn't help but laugh a little as she gasped and then gave me the 'mom' look that Mom had always given me, and that unnerved me slightly—so did her calling me the nickname that Megan had used for me.

"I'm much too young to be a grandmother!" She exclaimed.

I nodded. "And I too young to be a mother, but it is just something the two of us will have to live with—at least _I'm_ married."

"Good choice." She told me, and I nodded. "I hope it wasn't to…Mr. Vulcan over there."

She told me, lowering her voice and pointing a little at him at an angle he couldn't see. I could sense that she was making a joke, but at the same time I could understand why that would make her feel slightly awkward—Vulcans weren't known for their feelings at all. Vulcans were known for their stoicism and their logic, and I was half Betaziod—a slave to my feelings. Our child was going to be so strange, but hopefully with all of our experiences, Spock and I would be able to raise it in such a way that it would understand every culture it came from—and never have to pick just one…which would be harder with the Vulcan part.

"Really? The Vulcan?" She asked me.

I shrugged. "I do not need your approval, Mother."

She held her hands up in surrender. "I never claimed that you did—my God you got your father's stubbornness."

"I am going to take that as a compliment." I told her.

I gave her a look when she said, 'you would', and then looked up as Spock shrank to the corner of the room to play chess against himself, so I motioned to my mother to sit down. She was already here so I might as well let her sit and talk to me since she wanted to so badly. What I didn't understand was why she was here—why she was here suddenly and had never been compelled to see me before I was going to have to ask her about. That was just the thing—how did you start a conversation like that? 'Why have you been absent my whole life, Mother'?

"You are wondering how I came to be here, aren't you, Lilybean?" She asked me.

I nodded. "Honestly, yes."

She smiled at me. "I took a shuttle to get a computer upgrade since Estro'hen is the perfect place to get that sort of thing done—however when I got there I found out that the U.S.S. Enterprise was here as well and since your father gushes about how proud he is that you, Megan and Leonard are all on the Enterprise—"

"—Dad has contact with you?! Does Mom know?!" I asked her suddenly.

I hadn't even stopped to think about how she would feel about me calling Megan's and Leonard's mother 'Mom', but that's what she was to me. Mom had been there for me when I skinned my knees, when I fell off my bike, when I got the flu, when I got straight 'A's, when I became captain of the debate team, when I graduated Star Fleet Academy with flying colors—my mother could not be mad at me for how I felt about Mrs. McCoy. Still, I felt a little bad that she thought I was judging her, because even though I was not at all okay with Dad talking to his mistress, I was aware that she had every right to know about her only daughter…if I _was_ her only daughter.

"David has been updating me on you for years, Lilybean." She told me.

I nodded. "Oh so you don't mind hearing about me, but you never wanted to see me?"

My mother sighed. "Lilybean, it is a long and complicated story that I do not have time to discuss with you—I just wanted to see what a beautiful and accomplished woman you grew up to be, and I have. Your captain has actually given me license to stay for a month or two."

"Great—Spock can show you to some quarters then." I said bitterly.

I didn't know why I was so angry—I mean I did, but I was more hurt than angry. All this time she'd been aware of where I was and what I was doing, but she'd never once felt the need to see me. Now here she was in my life trying to be part of it like nothing had happened, and that wasn't okay with me. I could admit that the two of us were a lot more alike than I wanted us to be, but for now that was as far as I would allow to go. She gave birth to me, and I appreciated her for it, but I was learning things right now that I didn't want to know.

"I will see you soon, Lilybean…may I?" She asked me.

I sighed and nodded, letting her hug me and then regretting it. I liked being able to hug her—to breathe in her scent. Even though I was made at her and needed to understand why she did what she did, I had always wondered what hugging my mother would be like. She smiled and I felt her happiness as I slipped my arms around her to hug her back, and she shook her head and pulled away as the tears came. She wiped a fallen one off of my cheek and then stroked my hair, walking towards the door and grabbing Spock's ass as she left, Spock stunned as he was supposed to go after her to show her to her quarters.

"Yeah…I am definitely related to her." I said, and then couldn't help but laugh at how awkwardly funny that moment had just been.

Spock cleared his throat. "I can certainly see the resemblance."

"Try not to grab my husband's ass again okay, Mother?" I called out to her.

"No promises, Lilybean!" She replied.

I laughed a little and then tried to wipe the look off of my face as Spock sent me a look, and then I motioned for him to take my mother to her quarters and he did, leaving me to contemplate things…I was in for one strange experience with my mother on board.


	42. Things Everyone Should Know

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**All right so this chapter is fluffy AND it has a sad twist.**

**I want to take the time to give Arbitrary Blackness props for giving me the idea about the baby shower.**

**I loved it, and am using it, and I hope that it will be what she hoped it would be—expect the baby shower next chapter to offset the sadness.**

**This chapter is broken up into only two different POVs, but you'll get a favorite next chapter—Spockieboo.**

**Don't ask why I just called him that.**

**=P**

**Oh, and thank you Danger aka Dani, for the planet idea.**

**I came up with the name, but she came up with the idea for the all female planet.**

**Oh and…LONGEST CHAPTER YET IS THIS ONE!**

**=)**

****

I turned over ran my hand along the side of the bed Spock should have been occupying before I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Sitting up, I realized that he was already up and about so I sighed and laid back down. Even though he was spending considerably less time going down to planets to potentially be put in danger, he hadn't been around for me to wake up to in the last two weeks. He had been trying to get to know my mother the last two weeks and at first I thought they were having breakfasts together, but she actually stalked him at work. She wasn't romantically attracted to him or anything, she was just highly intrigued that I'd picked a Vulcan as my mate—no matter how many times I tried to tell her that he was only half, as I was only half Betazoid.

"Ah-ha! You've let your mother steal him!" Janet exclaimed, coming into my room.

I propped myself up on my elbows. "Excuse me, what?"

Janet shrugged and plopped herself down on the bed as I sat up more. "It was easy to get into your room, meaning you two aren't having any sex, meaning you've strangely let your mother have your husband."

I rolled my eyes at her as she laughed, and got up to get dressed while Janet told me about how Leonard had reacted to her switching her profession. He wanted her to do what she loved, but they were spending a little less time together now. Janet was worried also because he'd heard from Scotty and not from her, and he seemed to be putting up barriers again. If I knew Leonard like I thought I did, then he was just trying to protect himself from how bad it would feel to lose the woman he loved. He really should just up and marry her already—she was already pretty much my other sister, so why not make it official?

"So have you talked to anyone about Leona?" Janet asked me.

I shook my head. "No…I don't want to start a huge family fight between the McCoy's…but Dad is supposed to contact me today. I'll try not to get _too_ pissy with him, but I can't promise anything."

Janet nodded. "Hey, I'm not even officially _in_ your family, but _I'm_ pissed at your father. How could he keep all of this from you? And why the Hell is she here now and was never here before?"

I sighed because those were exactly my questions as well. Since Megan was the kind of person that she was, she had already tried to befriend her, but Leonard was weary of her. I didn't want to bring up anything about her talking to Dad, because I didn't want to start a fight. I just wanted to get the answers to my questions and then deal with it however way I saw fit to deal with it once I knew what was going on. No matter what, I wanted to know what was going on, and once I knew, I would be better equipped to handle the situation.

"I really need Dad to contact me." I said dismally. "And I need my husband to be here when I wake up."

Janet smiled. "He's just trying to keep busy."

"He could play me at chess or something—I'm seriously going out of my mind with boredom around here lately because I'm not allowed to counsel anyone for another month. I sit around and write, read, watch logs and think about the baby…I don't even really sleep with my husband anymore, because he's respecting my space and I'm trying not to force him into anything he doesn't want." I told her and sighed, lying back on the bed.

"Speaking of the baby…I agree with Devon." Janet said with a laugh.

Devon had reminded me that in everyone _but_ me knowing the sex of my baby, I was bound to get gender specific gifts from the attendants at the baby shower. I ad reminded Megan that even though everyone would know I _didn't_ want to know, and though annoyed because she had a specific gift for both genders in mind, she agreed to let everyone attending know that I was being stubborn. Still, there would probably be those few people who forget about the gift, get one last minute, remembering what the baby's going to be, and then I'd know. Oh well…I didn't want to know before it came out, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

"Wait! Spock's going to know!" I exclaimed, sitting up as he came into the quarters.

"Hey, speak of the Devil." Janet said, and stood up. "I'm going to leave you two along—remember, Spock: Lily's gonna start looking like a whale soon, so you better get sex out of the way before too much longer…she gets bigger everyday."

I rolled my eyes as she laughed and Spock raised an eyebrow. "Get out, Janet."

She knew that the tone was loving so she let it slide, and left our quarters, me getting up and going over to Spock who was standing next the table looking over his datapad. He and Janet and Devon had all somewhat become their own little clique of friends, and even though he was closer to Leonard and Jim, I felt like everyone else got to see him more since I was on probation. I mean I saw him every evening, and when things were slow, but lately I never saw him in the mornings. So I rested my hands on his sides and smiled up at him, biting my lip a little and frowning as he continued to work.

"Good morning, Spock." I told him with a smile, expecting a kiss.

"It is actually afternoon." He corrected me, and thumbed through the datapad.

I raised an eyebrow—that was it? He comes in from not seeing me all morning, thumbs around on his datapad and corrects my greeting? Where was the kiss or the compliment? Granted Spock didn't just go around throwing out compliments, but still. The last two weeks had been trying for me and he knew it because he'd subjected himself to have to feel what I was feeling, and I'd expected at least an, "I apologize for not being here this morning" and there it was! Though a little surprised, I welcomed the kiss, wrapping my arms around him as he stroked my hair.

"You are distressed—I apologize for working during our first moments together this morning." He told me.

I smiled. "You know me a little too well…what are you working on?"

"I would like to research it a little further before I talk to you about it." Spock replied.

I nodded but was a little _too_ intrigued now—what could he possibly need to hide from me? Later today we were going to find out what the baby's sex was, so he couldn't be working on anything like that. My curiosity was seriously going to end my mental health—that much was for sure. Sighing, I sat at the table and set up the chess board, planning on playing against myself, but Spock took a seat and chose the white pieces since he'd learned I liked the black ones. He made his first move and I frowned—he had a few different strategies that he liked to playlist and this stupid 3D game was a lot harder than the original version.

I looked at him and our eyes met. "Why did you fall for me?"

Spock smiled. "You wouldn't have it any other way."

"Oh, so funny." I said, rolling my eyes. "You're worried, so can you please just tell me what you're looking up?"

Spock took a deep breath. "I'm looking up Betazoid diseases."

****

**Megan's POV**

"Wait, wait, wait—your mother has a terminal illness?" I asked Lily.

Lily had come bursting into my quarters and Pavel though dressed, wouldn't have been a good five minutes earlier. She was in hysterics because Spock knew before she did, but also not completely aware of what was going on. She needed to talk to her mother about it, but she wanted to talk to Dad first and I wasn't quite sure why. Lily had been quite secretive where her mother was concerned, and though sad that Leona was ill, I was not entirely happy with the woman. She was friendly, and she was kind and entertaining, but she had made _my_ mother incredibly sad when she'd showed up to drop off Lily and admitted to sleeping with a married man…I guess I should have been more angry at Dad for that, but still.

"Spock inquired about her because apparently as upbeat as she is, she has moments of fatigue and pain." Lily explained. "So she told him about her illness and now I just…Dad hasn't contacted me yet so I feel like I have to go to her instead."

"Maybe you should—only she can explain her sickness to you." Pavel said.

I sighed. "Pav's actually right…you need to talk to her. I selfishly want you to wait for Dad because at least you know you can trust what he has to say but…she's your mother and it's _her_ illness."

I knew that I had no right to be angry with Leona, especially because of how genuinely happy she was and how proud she was of all of us McCoys, but my entire childhood, Mom had always been on edge. She had forgiven Dad and I had no idea why, but he had tried to make his in discrepancies up to all of us—especially Lily. I had always found Lily to be my favorite, but I'd be lying if I hadn't been jealous of her when I was a teenager. Lily was his illegitimate child and Mom always stood up for her and Dad always favored her—but Lily was my big sister, and she'd always put me first. I had to be on her side now more than ever, no matter what my personal feelings on the matter were.

"Meglet? What's got you disgruntled?" Lily asked me.

I smiled sadly. "I just think I hate this whole situation…but I honestly can't wait to have it all resolved. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting Mom's battles for her against your mother, but your mother came to spend time with you."

"Yeah," Lily said sadly, "because she's dying and feels she has to make it up to me."

"Lilybean, you don't know that." I told her honestly.

We had absolutely no idea _why _Leona was here—even though most signs pointed to that. There was just something strange about Leona showing up out of the blue. Also, Lily had yet to explain anything about her—I had to know. Should I ask her straight out about it or just let her come clean in her own time? I mean normally I was carefree and I minded my own business, but in all reality, Leona was in the middle of our family. It wasn't that she was completely in the way, but her presence honestly affected all of us.

"I just…I need to hear Dad's side of the story." Lily sighed. "Thank you for the advice, Meglet."

I told her to wait as she turned to leave and swallowed. "Tell me why you're upset with Dad, Lily—I'm not a little girl anymore you know."

Lily sighed again. "Megan…Dad has been in contact with her since she dropped me off on his doorstep—he tells her about all of us."

My jaw dropped and I couldn't control it—what?! How could he do that to Mom? How could he tell Leona all of this stuff about all of us and then tell her all these years that her mother didn't care? That her mother simply didn't have contact with her? And if Leona was so aware of everything, then why didn't she ever come to see her? To see us? Did _she _know that Dad was lying to all of us? Wait, was _she_ lying? No…she couldn't be because she knew too many things she couldn't know without someone having told her. So…why did Dad lie to us all these years? Lie to Lily?

Lily had always been his favorite and yet all of these years he had up and lied to her about everything. How could he do that to her? She'd looked up to him her entire life, because no matter how much she loved Mom, Dad was the only biological parent she had grown up with. I found myself having to sit down, anger flooding into every pore as I thought about Dad's deception. He may have thought he was doing her a favor, but why? Did he know that Leona was dying? That wasn't something he should keep from Lily.

"Hey, hey—I'm sure Dad has a good explanation." Lily said.

I looked at her. "Are you serious?! He can't have a good reason for lying to you all these years! How can you be so calm?!"

"Because he betrayed your family in the worst way possible—he fathered _me_! This is the only thing I really have to be mad at him, but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt until I talk to him!" Lily exclaimed. "I wish this wasn't so hard!"

I sighed and hugged her tightly, stroking her hair as she stroked mine. She was my older sister and she'd taught me practically everything that I knew. She had helped to teach me how to read, how to ride a bike, how to flirt—she was my role model. Sure, though excited to be an aunt I wasn't entirely excited about the pregnancy before marriage, no matter how happy Lily was. I was going to cherish my niece or nephew, but I had wished Spock had made an honest woman of her first. Still…she was my sister and I was her baby one and I had to be on her side no matter what.

"Why don't you go talk to your mother, and I'll talk to Dad and get back to you, okay?" I offered. "He's forgetful, so he prolly just hasn't gotten back to you yet."

Lily nodded and then left the quarters after saying 'good day' to Pavel as well, and I went over to the console on our table. I opened up a channel to try and talk to Dad, and though there was a busy signal for a few moments, Dad finally accepted the link and got to his panel to answer my urgent calls. He smiled at me and I couldn't smile back at him. He was doing Lily an incredible injustice and I had to figure out why. Pavel took my hand when my lip started to quiver, and I took a deep breath, cutting off Dad's 'there's my girl!'

"How could you lie to Lily about her mother?!" I asked him.

Dad stopped smiling. "What? What are you talking about, Megan?"

I rolled my eyes. "Please, Dad, like you have no idea that you've been in contact with Leona since Lily was four—Leona's here you know. Here on the Enterprise trying to get to know her daughter."

Dad sighed and closed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair and I felt all respect for him leave. He was supposed to do what was best for us, and keeping Lily and her mother separated was _not_ what was best for Lily. Lily was half Betazoid, and she had been completely cut off from her mother. Still…why was Leona only here now? And why did Dad look like he didn't know Leona was going to see her? Or maybe he _did_ know that Leona would show up? God my family was completely messed up. I wondered how much Leonard knew.

"It was only a matter of time." Dad said, and then rummaged through his desk and held up a data disk. "Leona has been logging log for Lily since she left her with us, but I didn't have the heart to tell your mother because your mother became so attached to Lily. Leona…she's dying, Megan…I knew it was only a matter of time before she sought Lily out. Try to understand—"

"—that you've been lying to her for 22 years?!" I asked her angrily. "I can _not_ understand that, Dad! I just can't! Does Leona know that you haven't been showing Lily these logs?"

Dad nodded. "Yes…in fact I just told her a few weeks ago."

I nodded and ended the transmission to Earth, running my fingers through my hair. This was the first wedge my father had ever put directly into our relationship, and I wasn't sure how he could fix it and that thought made me sad. My father had always been my hero but right now I felt like I didn't even know him. I understood his need to make mother feel all right with the situation because she had gotten the short end of the stick, but this was not the way to do it—not at Lily's expense. No wonder no matter what he always let her get away with things—he was feeling guilty about what he'd done. Well try to fix it Dad…just try.

****

**Lillian's POV**

I wasn't quite sure how to go about talking to my mother about all of this stuff, and I wasn't at all surprised that she knew I was outside her door. The door slid open and I smiled at her a little—in the last two weeks I had tried hard not to like her, but it had been hard. She was actually really sweet and a lot like me, and now that I knew that she was dying, I was feeling like I had to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had some explaining to do, and I was willing to listen to her…I was willing to try and create a relationship with her.

"Spock says that you have Pallitosis—and he says that you have to explain it to me." I told her.

She smiled and nodded. "I told your husband not to mention it to you because it was my place to tell you."

I shrugged and walked in when she motioned for me and I sat down as she stood there and looked at me. It was kind of strange to be in the presence of another Betazoid because she was completely aware of my emotions and I was aware of hers. She was holding back something important, and she was also trying to compensate with my feelings of betrayal, love, sadness, and intrigue. My mother sat down next to me and took a deep breath and then looked me in the eye, smiling sadly.

"I left you on your father's doorstep 6 months after I found out that I had it, Lily." Leona explained and I swallowed a little. "I did not want to leave you there, but the pain was unbearable, and I needed you to be raised."

I took a breath too. "All these years, Mom…how could you stay away all these years?"

"Pallitosis is a sort of cancer that Betazoids get—it's carried on the X chromosome, and once it becomes active, the symptoms show themselves. For the last couple years I've been able to manage the pain because there are new ways to treat the disease, but not a way to cure it yet." Leona explained.

I bit my lip not just because of my own sadness, but because I could feel my mother's too. I had not been abandoned because my mother did not want me—she was simply not able to care for me. That explained almost everything, and since Betazoids—even half Betazoids—could tell when someone was lying, I knew she was telling the truth. That 'fun' ability was hereditary, and I found myself hugging her because I knew she was telling me the truth. I also knew that she was not telling me completely everything that I needed to hear.

"What are you holding back, Mom?" I asked her.

Leona pulled back and looked me in the eye. "There are things you need to talk to your father about so that he can explain things to you further but…Pallitosis is a hereditary disease, Lily…you have it too."

I stood up suddenly. "You knew you had it and you procreated?! Oh my God! My baby will have it!"

She knew that I was not upset with her for having me—I was upset because I should have known that I had this disease. _Someone_ should have told me! I had just involuntarily given my baby a hereditary Betazoid cancer and doomed Spock to watch his wife die a slow and painful death. Fantastic! What else this fantastic could possibly happen to me?! Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't Dad tell me? Did he know? Did he know that his my mother and I were sick and he just hid it from me?

"Your father knows—and you were supposed to." Leona told me. "I have been making logs addressed to you ever since I left…but David thought it would be too hard for Helen to accept, so he never told her. He told me of you, but I assumed you wanted nothing to do with me—I didn't know until about a month ago that he had never even told you about me."

I closed my eyes. "I have an appointment for the baby with Spock and Leonard…want to come to the baby shower Megan is throwing for me in a few days? I want you to be there."

Leona smiled at me. "I would love to come, Lily."

I nodded and hugged her again, whispering that I was sorry, and then heading back to my quarters. Spock stood up from our paused game of chess and I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't. He just nodded sadly because he knew from his research, and wrapped his arms around me. He was quite aware that I felt like I was dooming our child, but I could feel that he was quite hopeful in his research about the diseases, even if he wished he had more of the future findings about it. I held him tightly and then looked up at him, welcoming the kiss.

It was strange and sweet how he knew that him kissing me made me feel better. He knew me even better because of the mind link, and I was aware that he was aware that I had changed my mind. I wanted to know what the baby was—besides I was pretty sure that if he knew, I would eventually know, and even though I had wanted the happy surprise at the end, I knew it would make me feel better. Besides, I could plan ahead for either one and give Megan her wish at knowing what it was for more themed gifts. It seemed like a win-win in that moment, and I shook my head a little as Spock pulled away.

I slipped my arms up around his neck and put some pressure on his shoulders, smiling as he gripped my hips and lifted me up a little, sitting on the chair by the table as I wrapped my legs around him. He wanted to tell me how much I meant to him because he was afraid to lose me and this was the only place he could show emotions—the safety of our quarters—but he also didn't want to show too many emotions for fear of spitting in the faces of all of his Vulcan teachers. Still, we were so close now that he felt the need to tell me, and I didn't want to hear it before we went to see Leonard—I didn't want to think about it.

"Shh…just kiss me." I whispered as he pulled away to speak. "I'm fine."

Spock frowned a little as I kissed him again. "I know that to not entirely be true."

"Spock…please?" I asked him.

I closed my eyes and Spock wiped a tear away, kissing me gently. I just wanted him to kiss me and hold me, and he nodded into the kiss as he felt my need for his closeness. We both knew that kissing and touching was all we could do at the moment because we had to meet up with Leonard, but I planned to have my husband that night for no other reason than that I loved him and I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I also felt like I needed to talk to Spock Prime about all of this eventually—he had to have known. Everyone but me knew, and with all of these complications about my mother and my father, I just needed to have some control of my own life. I couldn't lose Spock…I really couldn't. Our poor baby…what had I done to it?

Spock stroked my hair. "We should go to see Doctor McCoy."

I smiled and stroked his cheek, looking him in the eye. "You know, you're his brother-in-law so you can call him Leonard or Leo or something."

"I suppose that could be logical, but he is still my colleague." Spock replied.

I rolled my eyes and kissed him swiftly, getting off of him and following him to Sick Bay. We had been very good about keeping our relationship professional outside of our quarters, but today Spock held my hand, and I smiled a little as he kissed it once the doors to the lift closed. We were both worried about the Pallitosis, and yet excited about the check-up, and we were trying to balance it out. Leonard also wasn't aware, so when we stepped in he simply smiled at us and got right down to the check-up, me smiling at the love and excitement Leonard was experiencing when he knew. I was quite excited myself, and Spock and I looked at him in anticipation.

"Would you like to follow me, Commander?" Leonard asked him.

I smiled. "Actually, Leo…I want to know what it is too."

Leonard nodded. "You sure?"

"Positive." I replied.

Leonard took a deep breath and smiled. "It's a girl."

I smiled and then smiled more as Spock rested his hand on my stomach, happiness pooling inside of all of us. We were having a little baby girl…I was going to have a daughter. My excitement seemed doubled when I realized how happy Spock was we were having a girl too, but I think he was mostly just happy that we were having a healthy baby. I rested my hand on Spock's and we both ran our thumbs along my stomach as Leonard set his hand on my stomach as well.

I looked at my stomach fondly. "Hello, Baby Girl."

**Note: Those of you reading this that knew my original plans, I have to do a little bit different funny things for the baby shower. I argue with my characters sometimes, and Lily wanted to know, so she does. Don't worry…I always have a plan…even when the plans change. =P**


	43. Gifts of all Kinds

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**All right so here is a fluffy chapter for you guys.**

**=P**

**I think I will be making most of you happy with this chapter…we shall see.**

**Dani aka my inspiration for Devon, wrote a couple lines in the Devon/Lily/Spock scene where she mutters and leaves.**

**Also, I want to plug KyleenaCloud1790.**

**Find her and read her stuff.**

**Oh, and there are 4 POVs…all different.**

****

**Spock's POV**

For the last two weeks, I had been getting up early and doing work as usual, as well as getting to know Leona. This morning, however, when I woke up I simply stayed where I was because I knew that Lily had been feeling lonely lately. What with her mother showing up, and being on probation, as well as her lack of being able to do her job, Lily was also feeling overwhelmed and I decided it was best for me today to be with my wife. So I stroked her hair and watched her sleep, smiling a little when she stirred.

"Do I look as exhausted as I feel?" She asked me with a smirk, her eyes still closed.

I slipped my arm around her, stroking her stomach with my thumb as I rested my palm there. Neither of us had planned to have a baby when we did, but it was turning out to be a rewarding experience. I was not entirely sure how our child was going to fit into the worlds that Lily and I came from but one thing was for certain—she was never going to feel abandoned or ashamed. I had always been taught by my Vulcan teachers that my human emotions were shameful, and Lily had been abandoned early on. Still, she grew up in a loving home and my mother loved me and was proud of me no matter what—and that was how I wanted my daughter to feel…proud and loved.

"You know…Janet had a point." Lily told me, running her fingers along my arm.

I smiled at her some more. "So you are insinuating that we should completely give in to carnal urges and lust?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well if you're going to call it that, then no."

I looked at her fondly with my eyes as she turned to face me, her eyes fluttering open. She stroked my cheek and kissed me softly, slipping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer to her. She just wanted to be with me, and I knew that, but the reasons for trying to engage in such behaviors were illogically based. I did, however, continue to kiss her, knowing she was aware of my intentions not to take this further at the present time. We would have our moment later, but for now we were simply going to try and spend time together since I had more work to do soon—after the baby shower this afternoon.

"So…we're having a daughter." Lily told me, propping her head up on her hand and resting her elbow on the pillow. "What are your actual feelings on the subject?"

I stroked her hair. "We are having a daughter—I am happy that we will be having an offspring."

"I spent so much time hoping we'd have a son, and somehow I'm almost happier we're having a daughter." She told me with a smile. "I have absolutely no idea what we're going to name her though. We could name her after your mother."

I shook my head, pleased that she would even think to honor my mother by naming our daughter after her, but I truly wanted our daughter to be given her own name. It is not that I did not want to honor my mother, but our daughter was to be a child of Betazoid, Vulcan _and_ Earth. It only seemed logical that she enter into the world and be given her own identity with which to venture out into the world. I tried to shake away the thoughts that I was being a little too sentimental about it, but I couldn't seem to help myself.

"Then perhaps we should wait until she comes out and name her on the spot." Lily replied and then made a face. "I'm really _not_ looking forward to most of that."

I raised an eyebrow. "I do not find it logical to simply rely on luck to name our daughter."

Lily smiled. "It would not be luck—I am quite sure that after hours of pain and then some pushing and screaming, I'll have come up with a suitable name…or you will have."

"Perhaps, though that does not resemble sounds logic either." I explained.

Lily rolled her eyes and laid back on her pillow, stroking my tunic and sighing a little. She then proceeded to get up and after going to use the bathroom she came out and leaned against the doorframe. I knew what she was thinking, but I simply thumbed through my datapad for a moment or two, shifting as she sat on my lap and played with the bottom of my tunic. I raised an eyebrow, and when she pouted I sighed and raised up my arms, letting her lift up my shirt tossing it down on the ground and kissing me softly as she slid her arms down my sides and then slipped around my middle. She rested her forehead against mine, and then she kissed me swiftly and slowly pulled her hands back and rested them on my shoulders.

"We have to get ready for the shower." She told me.

I nodded as she got off of my lap. "Are you in need of my assistance?"

"No, I am not, but thank you for the offer—why don't you play chess?" She offered, and then went to go and start tidying up the already tidy quarters for our guests.

****

**Lillian's POV**

"Can you even imagine what kinds of gifts we're going to get?" I asked Spock as he played some chess against the computer.

He shook his head, focusing more on a move than on what I had to say. I smiled at him though, loving that he was engaging himself in a game of chess instead of listening to what I was saying. I was simply trying to make small talk, and I was in no need of attention at the moment. There were going to be people in our quarters any time now, and I simply needed to talk out loud.

"I very much think it's time for finger sex." I told him, just wondering if he could hear me.

"I would believe that you do." Spock replied.

We had not realized that Devon had entered our quarters, and I could immediately feel all the confusion within her but I couldn't organize any of her emotions other than her face which showed panic. She seemed to be in quite a state of panic, and I was going to open my mouth to say something when she muttered under her breath what I thought sounded like 'That's so wrong! Get out of my head!' I raised an eyebrow, and she closed her eyes and then opened them again when I spoke to her.

"Lieutenant, what's wrong?" I asked urgently embodying her distress against my will.

"Oh! What?!" She asked seeming to react to her surroundings. "Oh no, I'm not in my quarters, I apologize I seem to have confused your room for mine at this time."

She readjusted herself showing composure but all her insides were still churning. I privately commended her for that cover up but something was wrong and I'd have to find out—it was just my nature. I exchanged a look with Spock after she left in a flustered flurry, still muttering to herself. I smiled ever so slightly, and then studied Spock's reaction of her outburst. She seemed completely unaware that Spock was void of his tunic, and he raised an eyebrow in her direction as he ignored my thoughts on _that_ subject.

"Fascinating." He said aloud.

"She'll be fine I'll counsel her at a later time." I laughed and sat down next to him. "How is the game going?"

Spock motioned to the chessboard and I sighed and looked it over. I was smart, whether that was vain to say or not, but this version of chess still seemed to elude me. I started to look over the chessboard, and the only thing I was sure of, was that a draw was inevitable. I pointed to one of his knights and he shook his head, which made me completely aware of why I was never ever going to beat him at this game. As much as I understood it, there was still too much about it that caught me off guard.

I looked up as the door beeped. "You should put a shirt on now that guests seem to be arriving."

He nodded. "That would be logical indeed."

"Well I mean…unless you _want_ to be pretty much naked while everyone's here." I said with a shrug. "I'm sure that no one would mind."

"Jesus Christ he's naked!" Janet exclaimed her and Leonard walking into the quarters.

Leonard hurriedly rushed to cover his face as I laughed, Spock grabbing some clothes and disappearing into the bathroom. Leonard sent me a look as a blush rose in his cheeks and Janet nodded approvingly before having to let Leonard know he was the only one for her when he gently smacked her arm. There was absolutely nothing wrong with looking, and as long as she didn't act on anything—which she wouldn't—so I was perfectly fine with her checking out my husband. I also found it incredibly adorable that Leonard was not attracted to Spock in that way, but thought Spock was an attractive man and he was struggling with that thought.

"So what'd you get me?" I asked her.

Janet rolled her eyes. "Don't you mean, what did I get for the baby?"

"Remember in the academy when Mary Grant got pregnant and we gave _her_ a baby shower? You gave her those fuzzy handcuffs for her and her boyfriend to use before she got too pregnant…I'm not expecting handcuffs, but I know how you think." I said with a laugh.

"Fine…I got _you_ something, but you have to wait until everyone else arrives." Janet told me defensively, clutching the gift bag to her. "And I want you to open my present last."

I rolled my eyes as I laughed at her, Spock coming out of the bathroom clothed as I got the door and ushered in Megan, Chekov and Devon. I was still trying to figure out what was up with Devon, but that would have to wait until later. Devon was also the only one in the company wearing her uniform besides Spock—he was wearing his uniform shirt. Everyone else was lazing around with me, and we were dressed in our civilian clothes, Janet _beyond_ enthused that she got to wear pants for a few hours. Then Kirk showed up, Scotty and Amanda in tow behind him and Kirk thrusted his gift at Spock.

"Well…open it." He said.

****

**Devon's POV**

I was happy to be included in the small baby shower, and intrigued by Amanda Steeples. I had worked with her a little bit, seeing as she was pretty much Scotty's right-hand woman besides Megan, but I had never actually spoken to her. Her crush on him was completely evident from the look on her face even though he didn't seem to notice, and I was glad that I didn't look at Kirk like that or he'd know. Wait a minute? What? What the Hell did I just think? Did I just think that I liked Kirk?

"That's so wrong! Get out of my head!" I mumbled to myself, Janet looking at me as she sat down next to me and raising an eyebrow.

This was exactly what had happened earlier today. I was quite aware that I was a little upset about him ignoring me after having to fight Lady Kara for my 'honor', but I _liked_ him?! I couldn't like him! He was the Goddamn captain! He was in control of the whole fucking ship and a relationship with him was out of the question! Why was I even _thinking_ about a relationship with him? What was I, retarded?

"Jimmy! Thank you!" Lily exclaimed, and I looked up to see her holding up three onesies, one after the other, and they seemed to each be a different size so the baby would grow into them—he was certainly thoughtful.

"It is not logical to assume that she will be…'Daddy's Little Girl', or that she will automatically love me." Spock told Kirk as he read some of the sayings.

Once of them said, 'Daddy's Little Girl', one 'I Love Daddy' with a heart instead of the word 'love', and the other read, 'Princess'. 'Princess' was so typically cliché, but just the fact that Kirk had picked the gifts based on Spock, his best friend, was sweet. Kirk had it in him to be completely charming and loyal, and that was probably why I was attracted to him. He was also physically attractive, with his brown hair and his incredibly hot hands…hands I was starting to wish were touching me lately…God fucking damn-it! Why did I want him to touch me?

"Thank you, Amanda." Lily told her, looking over some booties and some hats. "And thank you Scotty for the scotch…though I am pregnant and will not indulge, and I do not believe that Spock will be drinking any—it would dull his Vulcan senses."

Scotty smiled and I tried to clear my thoughts as Megan and Chekov handed over their joint gifts. Everyone was getting the gifts out of the way so that we could eat and mingle with each other, and Amanda asked Lily if she and Spock had picked out any names yet as Lily unwrapped the large box. Lily shook her head, grinning as she pulled out the mobile and then started to try and figure out how she was going to hang it. That's when Chekov stepped in and said they'd bought the crib too, and would be putting it together for her and Spock very soon, and that was what the mobile hung onto. I looked over at Kirk and found myself suddenly flushing very warm—even if I hadn't seen the entire fight, I was very, very grateful for what he had done for me.

"I think you'll _love_ my gift—Leonard can go last." Janet said, thrusting the bag towards Lily.

Lily laughed and peeked inside and then her whole face flushed. "Janet…thank you."

"What is it?" I found myself asking.

"It's…um…I mean I guess we're all adults here…" She said.

I blushed a little myself. "You know what? If it's more a gift for your husband to rip off, you can leave it in the bag."

She smiled a nodded, and I knew she was silently thanking me. As forward as she was, Lily did seem to be shy when it came to certain things. I handed her my gift, trying desperately not to think about Kirk's eyes on me, and I blushed as she opened it and pulled out a set of books I had picked up at a settlement, and she smiled at me. I didn't know if she was just being sweet or not, but she seemed genuinely happy to have books to give the baby when she was older. I told her I was glad she liked the gifts, and then I watched as she opened up the teddy bear from Leonard, and found myself standing up as Kirk did.

"I would love to stay to eat, but I really need to look up some things and then go back to my post." Kirk announced.

Lily stood up and hugged him. "Come by later—I would love to see more of you."

Kirk kissed her forehead. "You'll see more of me, I promise."

She nodded and he left the quarters, Chekov and Spock discussing the crib. I couldn't help but follow him out, trying to explain to myself that this would be easier if I just talked to him about it. He had been the one to go after me first, so these feelings were easy for _him_ to deal with and understand. If I just explained to him that I wasn't sure, but I needed to talk to him, I could do this—I could face what was happening to me. God…why was this so hard for me? Why did I have to have feelings for him? This was all James T. Kirk's fault.

"Come in Lieutenant." Kirk told me, answering the door when I pressed the panel on the wall.

****

**Kirk's POV**

I was completely surprised that Devon had followed me to my quarters. I had just settled down to research some calibrations when my door had beeped and in she'd strolled. I smiled a little at her, still a little upset about the Lady Kara incident. At first I had felt flattered that Lady Kara considered me a rival as Devon's mate, but then I felt like a woman beater when I had to fight her in the ring. Punching her had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do…even if she was choking me to death and it was self defense. I just hated it…women did not deserve to be physically hurt by men…it was just wrong in so many ways.

"You look distressed." I told her as she paced.

"You just don't understand! I thought that coming here would make sense because you understand about feelings and about pursuing people and I don't know anything about that! I don't understand what it's like to pursue because I've always been _pursued_. I know that sounds completely vain, but it's true! Then suddenly I felt like you weren't going to be around anymore and I thought I loathed you! I don't loathe you! For some reason that I personally cannot begin to fathom, I like you following me around!" She exclaimed.

I was flattered and highly concerned because this speech of hers was making her make a pained expression on her face. She didn't seem to want to be saying any of this out loud, but she just couldn't keep it in anymore. I smiled a little though, but tried to make the smiling stop when she made a face at me, not liking that I was enjoying her rant when she certainly wasn't. I started to chuckle though, not able to contain my joy that she enjoyed having me around, but was more surprised than her when she kissed me.

Her lips were soft, and she seemed to fumble just a little with her intent on my mouth, so I wrapped my arms around her to assure her I was fine with it. The frenzied attack slowed a little as the kiss became more caring, and she cupped my face with her hands as I stroked her hair, smiling a little against her lips. She pulled away suddenly though and I knew I let out a small noise of protest, watching as her hand flew up to her mouth.

"Oh my God, you're the captain. You're the captain!" She told me in what sounded like sudden realization. "You're the captain. Oh my God, you're the captain."

Each time she said it, she seemed to come to even more emotional distress and she fled my quarters. I stood there, not aware of what to do next, and then I sighed a deep sigh when I realized that there was nothing else I could do on the subject. I wanted to pursue her because her rant had made me realize that she needed to not have to push herself like this, but at the same time I hated that just my status in life was bringing her distress. If anyone knew anything about pursuing and pulling away when they needed to, it was Lily. I wanted to talk to Spock about it, seeing as how he had definitely stolen Lily from me when I was with her and how he seemed forward where she was concerned, but Lily was the one who was most in tune with feelings.

I hurried back to Lily's and Spock's quarters, smiling ever so slightly at how many people were still there eating and talking, and Spock was playing Bones at chess. Lily came over and shook her head as she laughed, obviously amused at my speedy return. I was just feeling co conflicted and she nodded, making me feel a little more comfortable even though it still weirded me out that she was so able to sense emotions. She took my hand and led me over into a corner of the room, and I sighed.

"Okay, Jimmy…what is it that you need from me exactly?" Lily asked me.

I looked her in the eye. "Devon kissed me—she kissed me and then she kept mumbling that I was the captain and took off. I feel like I have to go after her but…she's so distressed by me."

Lily smiled. "Don't take it too personally, Jimmy—she's like Spock in the respect that she has to do what is professional. Spock and I hit quite the roadblock with that."

"But what should I do? I know that I am the captain, but I have an obligation to my heart just as much as I have an obligation to my ship and my crew." I told her. "Don't I?"

Lily smiled at me and grasped my hands, nodding at me. She knew better than I did that some people were better off left alone for a little while, so I knew I had to let Devon cool off. She would come to me if she wanted to, and if I felt I needed to, or felt she wanted me to, I would pursue her when she was calmer. I was certain that I could explain to her where I stood on the subject, and that eventually she would understand. I may be the captain of a starship, but I was allowed to fall in love and she was allowed to fall in love too…didn't she understand that?

"I think you cheat!" Bones said, and stood up from the table.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Cheating is neither honorable nor logical, Doctor."

Bones scoffed as Janet laughed, and I looked at Lily as she stood up to go and play her husband. It was funny to watch because I knew how Lily felt about that sort of chess. I was occasionally able to beat Spock, so whenever Lily and I had played, she had always lost. I loved that she was so in love with Spock—they both deserved the happiness that they were trying so hard to have, and though I was happy to look on them, I looked at the door as Devon came back in, Amanda and Scotty smiling at her return.

"I—um—may I talk to you, Counselor?" Devon asked her. "Strictly as friends?"

Lily smiled. "Well my probation says absolutely nothing about giving my friends advice."

"Yes, well…privately?" Devon asked her, avoiding my eyes.

I sighed a little…I was going to have her…sooner or later I was.

**Note: This is not the end of the baby shower, don't worry…and if you want a preview of my new Spock story that I will be updating when this one is through, I suggest you check out the story "More Than Words" once the first chapter goes up today.**


	44. New Discoveries

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Number one, I have to say that I am finally a Kirk fan.**

**I totally never appreciated him when I was little, but I love that beautiful whore.**

**That being said, this chapter is pretty much some fluff and realizations, and you guys want to know what's in the bag, don't you?**

**Hope you enjoy it.**

**Also, I'm very sorry I didn't update yesterday or the day before.**

**The day before I got a really bad headache and then yesterday I tried to focus on updating all of my other stories.**

**I'm hoping to update two today, though, so cross your fingers.**

****

**Devon's POV**

I hadn't expected Kirk to show up in Lily's quarters again at all—in fact I had thought that running here would be the only place I could go to be safe from Kirk. I had just completely embarrassed myself in front of the captain and I was in complete emotional turmoil and I hated it. I was not the kind of person that enjoyed at all having to admit that I actual had emotions. I mean sure I smiled and I made jokes but I hated being vulnerable and that was how I was feeling right then. Lily knew more about emotions than anyone—she was half Betazoid—so she was my only hope right now.

"Would you like to wander the corridors or go to _your_ quarters?" Lily asked me. "I can tell you really don't want to talk about all of this with all of these people around."

I smiled at her. "We can go to my quarters—thank you for understanding."

"No problem." Lily said, waving it off. "I've got all the time in the world—at least that's how it feels lately.

I couldn't help but smile a little when she had said that—she hadn't been resentful about it at all. She was aware that she'd entered into this whole baby situation all on her own and she needed to own up to it. Lily was genuinely happy that she was going to be a mother in four months, and I was thankful that even with the baby shower going on, she was willing to help me. Oh my God, the baby shower! How could I possibly be so thoughtless as to take her away from her own baby shower?! This was the time she was supposed to be spending with her friends to celebrate that she was going to be a mother!

"What's with the feelings of guilt?" Lily asked me, resting her hand on my shoulder. "Do you feel guilty about the kiss with Jimmy?"

I turned to look at her. "You know about that?"

Lily nodded. "I'm the ship's counselor—everybody comes to talk to me about things."

"Fantastic! First I feel guilty that I had to ruin your baby shower to talk to you about something stupid, and then I feel even guiltier for making him run to you!" I exclaimed as the lift doors closed.

How could I possibly have been so blind as to think that Kirk actually _enjoyed_ that kiss? I mean sure he had responded, and he'd touched with those God made hands…but then _I_ ran off. Maybe he thought he was really bad at it. Ha! Yeah right, like _that_ was it! James T. Kirk was _completely_ aware of what an amazing kisser he was. He probably had women practically lining up just to tell him they wanted him to molest their faces with his lips—and I really couldn't blame them.

Lily smiled at me. "Look, he liked it—in fact it's all he can think about right now."

I looked at her—excuse me, what? He liked it? I was so sure that I had screwed something else since the kiss hadn't been planned. I had simply been rambling and then he had to smile that stupid attractive smile, and then start laughing. Good laughs had always seemed to me to be a sign that a man had a good sense of humor—or maybe that was what I wanted it to mean—but the point was that his laugh had made me do it. It had made me practically attack him and I'd liked it until I felt like everything about it was unprofessional—and it totally was.

"I just can't go there…even if I'm starting to believe that I want to." I told her with a sigh. "It's not that I don't enjoy his company for some odd reason it's that…it's that he has so much on his plate and I can't add myself to it. His first and only duty on this mission should be to Enterprise—Enterprise should be his only leading lady."

Lily nodded and we stepped out of the lift and headed into my quarters. She seemed impressed with how simple it was, and I blushed a little and went over to straighten out my little work area. It was where I worked _and_ where I ate, and I had abandoned it the last couple days in terms of cleaning it up. I knew it made me somewhat of a recluse, the most important thing to me now that I was here was getting my work down as efficiently as possible. I needed to prove to myself and to the crew that I could do this—I was doing well because I was good at what I did and not because I was dating the captain.

"I think the problem for you and Jimmy is finding a balance—if his status is an issue then maybe you just shouldn't tell anyone about it." Lily suggested.

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that we date and then _lie_ about it? When is lying ever the rational choice?"

Lily shrugged a little. "I think that if you're both willing to dwell on it this much then it means something and if it means something…then you both owe it to yourselves to try it out. If you want another opinion, I'm sure Spock would be willing to talk it over with you—he is after all the most logical one of this ship."

"He really is." I told her with a slight smile and then it faded and I blushed when I found her studying me. "What?"

"You really care about Spock…don't you?" She asked me.

What kind of question was that? I admired him for his logic and for the way he handled himself so professional outside of his personal life with Lily in their quarters. He was much more of my mentor and I really hoped she didn't think that I was trying to steal her husband because I wasn't—I wasn't that kind of woman. Still…I _did_ care about Spock. Ever since I'd met him I'd know that we had a lot in common and over the months I'd gotten really attached to him and to his logical advice.

I nodded at her. "Yeah, I do—but trust me, he's all yours."

****

**Spock's POV**

Megan sat down across from me at the chess set when Lily left, and she smiled at me. I actually had talked to Megan very much in a while and it was only polite to see how she had been. She set the chess set up again and took the first move and I nodded at her, then wondered why she was looking at me the way that she was. Had I done something wrong? Was I supposed to be saying something? Humans were fascinating and I was still learning so much about them.

"Pav says you're not going to let him assemble the crib." Megan said with a laugh. "Honestly, I don't blame you. I mean he could do it—don't take it the wrong way—it's just that it's your baby, so you should do it."

I watched her make the next move. "I did not mean to imply that Mr. Chekov could not have done a satisfactory job."

Megan smiled. "I am quite aware of that, Spock."

"You are rather skilled at this game." I told her as I made a move and she captured a piece.

Megan shrugged. "I've been a little bored lately too but I've been practicing my chess skills, not reading to a baby in my stomach."

I looked up at Megan as I realized that she was implying that I had implied that Lily was very bad at chess. It was not that Lily was bad at chess—she simply did not concentrate on learning the entirety of the rules of this new form of chess. I had played her twice in the 20th century version, and while we drew once, she did in fact beat me. She had the mind for chess; she was simply occupied with trying to stimulate the brain development of our child growing in her stomach. Perhaps Megan had simply stated that she was only better because she had the time to learn all of the rules—still she had mentioned Lily.

"If Lily took the time to learn all of the rules, she would be a formidable opponent." I told Megan, making another move. "Eventually she will find something else to do with her time other than read out loud—I do encourage that though."

Megan smiled at me. "You are going to make a terrific father, Spock—your baby will have no choice _but_ to love you."

"I still do not believe that we should assume that." I told her, still wondering about the purpose of the one piece infant clothes from Jim.

"It is simply one of those silly Earth customs." Megan replied with a shrug, knowing what I was referring to. "Checkmate."

I looked at the board and then a smile crept onto my face—Megan was _definitely_ a worthy opponent. I had not been defeated in chess for a very long time, and it was refreshing to try and learn a new strategy to defeat a new opponent. Megan was grinning and asked if I wanted to play again, so we set the board up again and she made a first move that had been different from her first move last game. She was one of those people who apparently did not _have_ a set strategy—she simply made moves as she saw fit to. That would make learning how to beat her, a challenge—a challenge that I was gladly going to accept.

"I can't believe she beat you!" McCoy exclaimed.

"Perhaps he decided not to cheat this time." Janet told him in a loving mocking tone, and then she laughed a little bit.

McCoy shot her a look. "The man usually never loses!"

"That's because he's logical and his brain can naturally calculate outcomes. Then all he has to do is make the most logical move and then wait to see how his opponent reacts." Janet explained.

I knew that as much as he loved her, McCoy was not taking kindly to the support that Janet was throwing my way. She had practically just called him irrational, and though I agreed, I knew how he must be feeling. I looked up after I made another move, noticing that Amanda and Mr. Scott had come over to watch as well. Mr. Scott was cheering Megan on much to Amanda's displeasure and I realized that I was really the only person in this room with a handle on my emotions. This was how it was going to be with me from now on—the only one in control, surrounded by humans. I did not mind so much either…they had all become quite dear to me, which was a scary emotion all on its own.

"Wow…Megan's really good." Amanda said. "There were two other moves I would have made, but hers were much better."

Megan smiled at her. "You beat those couple times though last week, Amanda—I'm sure if I was your opponent I wouldn't come off as being so good."

Amanda smiled. "Thanks for the compliment, Megan."

"Anytime, Amanda—checkmate again, Spock." Megan told me, beaming.

I nodded to her. "Congratulations—that was a very stimulating and rewarding game."

Lily laughed as she came into the quarters. "So Megan won, huh?"

Janet hurriedly waved her over, slipping her arm through Lily's as we all nodded, and then Mr. Scott announced that he had some engineering to do, and Amanda and Megan both said they had to help him out with it. Lily hugged them all goodbye and I thanked them for their gifts once again, Chekov leaving to head back to the bridge. It was officially only me, Lily, Janet and McCoy and Lily laughed with Janet about how bad she was at chess compared to Megan. McCoy mentioned that he needed to be getting back to Sick Bay as he rubbed Lily's stomach softly, and Janet decided that if everyone was leaving then she should too.

"Enjoy the gift." Janet told Lily with a wink and she blushed.

I gave a nod as Janet and McCoy left mine and Lily's quarters, and then turned to Lily. She smiled at me and ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it back up into a ponytail using a hair band she had on her wrist. She sighed a little and then kissed me swiftly, picking up some of the food trays. I helped her with the cleanup and then sat down on the bed next to her as she plopped down and then laid back. She laughed a little bit and I smiled at her, knowing that she was thoroughly pleased with the turn out, and happier than ever about the baby. I was also sensing some extreme want and needed for her, and it made me raise an eyebrow as she propped herself up on her elbows and looked at me.

"You wanna see what's in the bag?" She asked me, referring to Janet's present.

"It _is_ the only present I have yet to see." I told her, not resisting the curiosity.

She blushed a little but smiled as she grabbed the bag and headed for the bathroom. "All right—I'll be back in a jiffy."

****

**Bones' POV**

I turned to face Janet in the lift, returning her kiss as she kissed me softly. She wanted to be with me but we both had work to do, and I wasn't quite sure what else was behind the kiss today. It wasn't that I wasn't enjoying it—even if she'd completely dismissed my ability to have rational thought just a few minutes ago—it was just that she wasn't all there. She was worried, and I knew that if she was worried, then I needed to figure out what was going on. She was wrapping arms around my neck though, so I reached out to stop the lift and she laughed a little.

"Someone's thinking naughty thoughts." Janet told me as I grunted a little.

I nodded and picked her up pressing her against the lift wall as she automatically wrapped her legs around my waist. She smiled and kissed me a little more, aware that I wasn't actually going to take her then and there because I knew she wouldn't like it. Well…it wasn't so much that she wouldn't like it—she just wasn't the kind of girl that liked to be taken up against a wall. Besides, I was _still_ trying to live down the mold table incident, so I was being cautious. Janet kissed me swiftly, and then let go of me with her legs and planted her feet firmly on the ground.

"You should get to Sick Baby and start trying to find a cure." Janet told me as she fixed her uniform and started the lift up again.

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Janet took a deep breath. "I was going to let Lily tell you and Megan because she begged me to let her, but this is kind of serious. You guys are all giving your father the silent treatment and I completely understand that, but I think that with Leona a little too ill today to even make it to the baby shower for her only daughter, you need to know what's going on."

"Janet, please get to the point." I told her as the lift doors opened.

She sighed and started to get off onto her deck. "Lily has Pallitosis just like Leona."

I wanted Janet to stay and talk to me about it, but the lift doors closed and I knew she was going to be busy once she got to Engineering for Scotty to give her work. I ruffled my hair a little in nervous confusion, and then the second I got to Sick Bay, I looked at Nurse Chapel. She was well aware of the look that came onto my face when I meant business, and she was suddenly quite alert. I really couldn't ask for a better nurse—even though I loved Janet, Christine just knew better what she was doing. Engineering was where Janet belonged whether I missed her or not, and Nurse Chapel would be the perfect candidate for helping me to find the cure to Pallitosis.

"Pallitosis—it sounds like something I've studied before, but I need to double check." I told her.

"Yes, Doctor." She said with a nod and went to search the database for it, looking up at me as I came over to her. "It's a Betazoid cancer. It says here that it's hereditary, and it kind of gestates in the body until its ready to activate."

I found my heart sinking when I thought about what this meant for Lily—it meant that she had a disease that our father never had the courtesy to mention to her, and now that she knew she had it, she knew she'd given it to her unborn child. That had to have been why Leona was around to talk to her daughter…she knew she was dying. It really didn't make up for all of the lost years, but I'd have to talk to Dad about that later. Right now I had to focus on somehow finding a cure—that meant finding out how the cancer worked. Did it start off as a bacteria? As a virus? I needed to know the chemical properties of it.

Nurse Chapel looked at me. "What can I get you, Doctor? I have a feeling you wouldn't have had me look it up if you weren't trying to find a cure for it."

I smiled at her a little. "I need you to go to Leona Crae's quarters and bring her to me so I can run some tests on her. I have a feeling that if I can figure out how it started in her and what the cancer actually attacks, and then I can figure out how to stop it from occurring in Lily. So…bring me Leona and then we'll go from there."

"Right away, Doctor." Nurse Chapel complied, heading out of Sick Bay for me.

I sighed a little as I realized that I could lose one of my baby sisters to a disease I didn't really know. I wanted to cure Lily of it, even if it was too late to save Leona. Leona was Lily's only tie to her home planet, and her biological mother, but my first duty was to save my sister. Lily had always been there for me no matter what, and it was my turn to be there for her—even if she hadn't told me about it. And why hadn't she? I knew she was feeling overwhelmed, but she certainly wasn't busy at all. She had had a lot of opportunities to bring it up with me and she hadn't used a single one.

Then again, if I had a serious illness I wouldn't tell anyone about it except for Star Fleet because that was regulation. Lily had probably already told them, and though she wanted to tell Megan and me, she hadn't found the right way to do it. That meant that I couldn't run to Megan about it, because I needed to respect that Lily wanted to tell her. I knew that Janet wanted to respect her so I wasn't mad at her—I was thankful. Knowing gave me more time to figure out a cure for her, and Lord knew I was going to be the one to find this cure if it was the last thing that I did…I just needed to run tests on Leona before I could begin the rest of my research.

"You wanted to see me, Doctor?" Leona asked me, smiling weakly as she walked into Sick Bay.

I nodded to her. "Yes I did, Leona—it has been brought to my attention that you have Pallitosis, and I would like very much to run some tests on you to see if I can find a cure."

"Be my guest, Leonard." She replied as she smiled at me some more. "If you think that you can spare Lilybean from this fate then I am willing to give you all the information that I have to give."

"Thank you, Leona." I told her with a breath of relief.

With Leona's cooperation I would be able to figure this out—I would be able to find a cure. Even if it took years to do so, I wasn't going to stop trying to find the cure until I found it. So I helped Leona up onto one of the medical beds and pulled out the tricorder, frowning a little at how weak her life sign seemed to be right then…I was going to need to work pretty fast.


	45. Doing Things Differently

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well, well, well—Bones is in kind of a conundrum at the moment, isn't he?**

**Well this chapter has a little more of his efforts, as well as the last of the Lily/Spock smut for a while…so you'll get to know what's in the bag.**

**They'll still be fluffy sometimes, but their sex lives are becoming pretty much non-existent at the moment as we get closer to the birth.**

**How happy are you guys that there are **_**two**_** chapters today to look forward to?**

**Oh, and don't forget to check out "More Than Words".**

**As I write it, it's becoming a Spock/OC/Bones, with Kirk/OC/Chekov on the side.**

**I dunno how it started coming out that way when it was simply going to be a Spock/OC with Kirk/OC on the side, but oh well.**

**Bones and Chekov rock my world too.**

**=P**

****

**Kirk's POV**

I always felt a lot better about life when I was on the bridge of the Enterprise. People were either sitting still and doing their jobs, or they were bustling about waiting for orders from me. On the bridge I was in control of my ship and in control of my life—and even sometimes in control of other people's lives. I quite enjoyed being the captain, especially since my word was practically law around here—and I got to go about my business without worrying if someone was going to come up and kiss me and then run off. Up here things ran my way…and I liked being able to say that about _something_ in my life…because this ship was my constant.

"Captain? I am picking up a trace of dilithium crystals—Scotty vould be mighty pleased if ve stopped to pick some up for the Engine Room." Chekov told me.

I smiled. "Mr. Sulu, set a course for the planet."

"Yes, Captain." Sulu replied, and started to punch in the coordinates.

I smiled to myself because I was about to make Scotty a very happy engineer. He was always talking about how he wanted to have some extra dilithium crystals around in case of emergencies and getting to make decisions like pit-stopping for some was just another perk of being the captain. Maybe we'd even get lucky today and run into some alien race that needs aid, or even get to fight—I would love to have some kind of action since I certainly hadn't been seeing much in the last little bit.

"How was the Baby Shower, Captain?" Uhura asked me.

I looked at her and couldn't help but feel a little sad about the entire situation. It wasn't that Spock and Lily didn't want her at the baby shower—it was that Megan hadn't invited her. It was supposed to be a small gathering of close friends and Scotty had insisted he bring Amanda along since his other two prize engineers would be there as well, and Megan was afraid that Lily would make a hormonal scene. I actually hadn't seen Lily make a hormonal outburst, but then again I wasn't around her as much as Spock and Megan were. Mainly it was supposed to be a celebration of the baby…and no one thought that Uhura was on board about the baby, no matter how sweet and accommodating she was—Spock had definitely moved on in the biggest of ways.

"Spock beat Bones at chess and Scotty gave the expectant parents some scotch." I told her and smiled when she laughed.

"He gave them _scotch_?!" She asked, still laughing. "Scotty never ceases to amuse me, actually."

I nodded. "Nor me. Lily didn't give it back either, so maybe she expects to need it?"

Uhura flashed me a smile as I shrugged my shoulders playfully and I grinned at her—_this_ woman appreciated me. If she wanted me she would come right out and say it because she wasn't afraid of my status as captain. It just so happened that she thought I was an egotistical bastard—which I really couldn't argue with—but she appreciated that I actually cared about things. She wouldn't come storming into my quarters, lay one on me, and then leave me dazed, pleased and confused. Devon…I really wanted that girl…I admired her strength and her talent, and even though she confused me, I wanted to make something work there no matter what it took. I hadn't felt this way since…it had been awhile.

Uhura raised an eyebrow as she smirked. "Someone's thinking about a female."

I rolled my eyes. "I am not—I'm thinking about how happy Scotty will be when I bring him those crystals."

"Why they say the way to the heart is through the wallet—its about as close to diamonds as you're going to get…I hope he says 'yes' when you propose." Uhura told me with a wink.

I laughed as I rolled my eyes and she took her seat back at her post as Chekov and Sulu engaged in conversation. It was pleasant to see my crew getting along so well, and I loved that we could all make jokes and goof off with each other and still know we were all one big family. We all cared deeply about each other and we'd all been through so much together that we were able to make it all work. It was Devon's turn to become part of the family and though she was certainly making a good impression on Spock, I wanted her to be on the same page with me…I wanted her to be with me.

"Captain?" Bones said through the intercom.

I hadn't actually been paying attention to what had been going on around me while I was thinking about Devon. Every time I thought about her I seemed to tune everything else out and I wasn't quite sure what that was all about. One girl had never had my stomach in so many knots before, and it was really starting to weird me out. Why couldn't I stop thinking about her? Why did I feel like I had to be around her? The one thing that I _did_ know, was that if Bones was trying to get a hold of me, then it was something important and I needed to give him my undivided attention.

"Yes, Bones?" I asked him back.

He took a deep breath. "I need you to come down to Sick Bay…I need to show you something."

"On my way." I told him and then looked directly at Scotty since Spock was probably still with Lily. "Scotty? You have the bridge."

Scotty nodded and sat in my chair as I headed to Sick Bay, knowing Bones needed me, but feeling like I had to talk to Devon, so I stopped off on the deck her quarters were on and I went to them. I stood outside of them for a moment and then I ran my fingers through my hair to even it out, taking a deep breath as I straightened out my clothes and then pressed the button on the wall to signal that someone wanted in. The doors slid open and she sighed—she sighed a sigh that could have been good _or_ bad too, so I wasn't letting the sigh get to me.

"Of course." She said, motioning to me, and then her whole face changed. "Oh shit!"

I was a little confused by her reactions to me, but the most confused when she grabbed my hand and dragged me into her quarters. It wasn't even like she was dragging me in to have her way with me—she simply seemed to need me out of the corridors and I couldn't fathom why. I was the captain, and if that was so troubling and important to her then why was she treated me like some sort of toy she could push and pull around? She was giving me mixed signals, and now I wasn't sure what to do. I had come to talk to her and to see where the two of us stood now that she had kissed me because she had wanted to, but she still seemed so distraught that all words fled from my head.

"You're the captain! You can't just stand in the corridors outside of my quarters like you're courting me or something!" She told me hurriedly.

I smiled. "Stop yelling at me for a moment and tell me what you think of me."

Devon rolled her eyes which made me roll mine too and I gripped her arms, leaning in for a kiss, her making a face at me and I didn't understand why.

"What are you doing?" She asked me.

"I'm going to kiss you." I told her.

She made a face. "By grabbing my arms like that? I don't think so."

****

**Lillian's POV**

I really couldn't believe that I was doing this—why did Janet even have to buy this for me? She knew that Spock was half Vulcan and a little bit more prideful of his Vulcan side, so it wasn't like he was going to appreciate this like a normal human male would. Still I thanked the lord it wasn't handcuffs or a crop because then I'd be in a very awkward position of having to explain their purposes to Spock. It was simply black, lacy, and looked pretty good on even though I definitely had a bit of a belly now. It was starting to get a little awkward even thinking about trying to have sex with it, but I figured we make this night count and then wait until a while after the baby was born—hopefully the suggested three months after to let me heal from pushing a baby out of me.

The top reminded me a bit of a moo-moo because it supported my chest but simply draped from there down to an inch below my hips, pure satin with lace over it and lace straps to hold it up. Then the bottoms were like those silly small girl boxers and I felt a little stupid, but I looked a little better when I let my hair down and ran my fingers through it to make it more manageable. I was blushing furiously because I was so not sure of what Spock's reaction would be to what I was wearing. So slowly I came out of the bathroom and leaned on the doorframe, sighing a little when I saw him thumbing away on his datapad—leave it to my adorably attractive and intelligent man to be working when I was showing him what was in the bag.

"I can feel the embarrassment you are feeling so if you would rather not…" He was saying, but trailed off when he looked up at me, my face flushing some more. "That all fit in that tiny bag?"

"Be glad it wasn't fuzzy handcuffs." I told him, and then waved it off and shook my head as he raised his eyebrows. "Never mind, just…what do you think?"

Spock put the datapad down and then he swung his legs over the side, sitting on the bed and studying me. "I do not believe that I have a close enough look to logically determine whether or not the gift is satisfactory."

I rolled my eyes and started to ramble about how he was completely missing the point when he kissed me as I made it to him. The second I had gotten over near the bed, Spock had stood up and silenced my ridiculous ramble with a kiss. I sat on him, straddling his lap, and he rested his hands on my hips as I kissed him softly and then pulled back a little. So he liked it then? He was just being adorably Vulcan and giving the compliment in a way that sounded controlled? Well I certainly couldn't fault him for that when his logic strangely sometimes turned me on.

"What do you say we try something just a little different this time?" I asked him.

He raised an eyebrow and then stroked my cheek. "How different?"

I took a deep breath. "Pon Farr different."

I knew that the idea of it was going to make Spock completely uneasy, but at the same time I wanted him to hear me out at least. I knew how Spock felt about Pon Farr, and I knew that I didn't want to push him so hard, but if this was going to be the last sex for at least 8 months, I really wanted him to experience it with me like I wanted us to experience it. Still, if he said 'no', then I was going to respect that too—after all part of being in a marriage was learning to compromise, and being logical was part of Spock's charm and part of who he was—so I was willing to take the offer back.

"I am not sure that I understand." Spock told me.

I bit my lip. "I would like for you to lose a little bit of the control."

Spock nodded. "You would like to stroke my ears?"

I smiled a little and ran my fingers through his hair, not touching his ears at all. He raised an eyebrow because he was confused with what I was doing, but I knew he could feel all of the feelings swirling around in my gut. I loved him, and I wanted him, and I wanted this to be special…I was being selfish. How could I possibly out and ask him to act on urges he had been so against during Pon Farr? And how could he possibly think that what I wanted was simply to stroke his ears? I was being a bad wife…I needed to simply respect my husband.

"Never mind, I was just being ridiculous—forget I said it." I told him, holding up my hands.

He smiled. "You may do to me as you please…this is after all _you're_ last request before our child is born."

I kissed him softly, trying to silence all of the conflicting thoughts. He had just given me permission to do anything that I had wanted to do, and yet should I take him up on the offer? I knew what I wanted—I wanted him to show me the extent of this whole finger thing. So I held my two fingers up to him and he smiled a little, noting my curiosity and running his two fingers along mine. At first I thought that it was a little awkward, but all of these Vulcan powers connected with Vulcan 'finger sex' seemed to affect me even though I was human, and I was enjoying it.

My body shivered a little pleasantly, and I closed my eyes as I felt the electric-like energy from the gentle caress of his fingers on mine traveled from my fingers through the rest of my body. I was going to let hi stroke some more, but I really just needed his touch in other places, so I kissed him passionately, making a trail of kisses to his ear, nipping at it softly and smiling as I felt him bring my body against his a little harder with his hands firmly on my hips. I knew I should be giving him that kind of uncontrollable urge, but my whole body still felt tingly from the finger stroking and I had needs I wanted to fulfill. It wasn't rational, and it went against the very principles that made him Vulcan, but Vulcans mated too, didn't they? And not _just_ during Pon Farr—Pon Farr was simply the time that mating was _all_ that was on the mind.

"You looked beautiful." Spock breathed out as he started to lift the top off.

I smiled as I let him take it off and we laid down on the bed. "We should thank Janet."

Spock smiled and nodded as he kissed me, moving his body against mine softly. I knew when I started to go at his ears again that he was starting to get the Pon Farr-esque urges and I couldn't seem to stop myself from soliciting them. I wanted him to feel with me, and I was rewarded by sounds I hadn't heard since Pon Farr. I held him close to me as we moved our bodies together, both us trying desperately to calm our lustful nerves, and afterwards I found myself drifting off to sleep rather quickly, pleased that he had worn me out yet again.

****

**Spock's POV**

I wasn't actually quite sure how I was feeling right that moment was I sat up in the bed a little. Lily had drifted off to sleep and I couldn't figure out if I had just betrayed every Vulcan way or not just with my actions. I knew that I loved Lily, and it was logical to service her needs when she wanted her needs to be serviced, but part of me felt like by giving in to her plea, I'd just disappointed every Vulcan teacher I had ever had. This wasn't something that I could talk to anyone about either, so I was at a standstill.

McCoy would never humor me for the conversation because Lily was his sister, and there was absolutely no way that he would want to talk about sex with her. Jim would tell me that I should just ignore the feelings and focus on how pleasurable the experience had been—and it had been pleasurable…just completely emotion-filled which wasn't Vulcan. I could talk to Lily about it, but she'd feel so bad about asking me to do something this big that she'd feel embarrassed herself. I felt completely conflicted, and knew I should take my confliction elsewhere because Lily started to stir when she sensed it coming from me.

I got up and got dressed, going to the Mess Hall after one look at Lily sleeping peacefully, snuggled under the warm covers. When I got to the Mess Hall, I saw Janet sitting and eating while thumbing through a datapad, so I sat down next to her and she sighed. She looked up at me and our eyes met, and it was like we knew what the other person was thinking. It was not that she didn't want me to sit with her—it was that she knew what was going to come out of my mouth. That was one of the things I admired most about Janet—she was very perceptive.

"That gift work a little better than it should have?" Janet asked me.

I nodded a little. "I completely enjoyed the act—it was almost like…"

I trailed off and she nodded, knowing that I was referring to Pon Farr. She had just asked me so sweetly and I had let her stroke my ears, and I knew that I was partially to blame, but I couldn't shake the shame. Why did I always have to feel this conflicted about showing emotions, even if it was to Lily? I felt shame just bringing it up with Janet when it was a personal problem I should have been able to figure out by myself, but she was my only hope. Anyway, she had been the one to give us the gift in the first place—she had helped to the make the mess I was in, so she was going to help me to clean it up.

"Does it occur to you that maybe sex _isn't_ shameful? I mean it's not like you let the act of it interfere with your everyday life is it? I mean you say 'no' to it when you have work to do, don't you?" Janet asked me.

I nodded slowly. "That is correct, but I do not see how—"

"—your wife needs you to make sounds—to acknowledge that what she's doing is as good for you as it is for her. In order for her to know that, she needs you to be as into the act as she is." Janet explained to me.

"She knows how I am feeling through our connection." I pointed out.

Janet sighed at me and I knew that I was frustrating her but I could not help it—I was still trying to figure out how to make the shame go away. I knew that she was trying to help, but all I was getting from it was that Lily needed something from me that I felt ashamed to give because _during_ the act I felt like I was not in control of my urges when I simply felt. Lily had never complained about my taking control before and easing us through things at a less intense pace. I liked to know that somehow I could control my emotions, and she knew that was who I was and she accepted it. Part of me felt like Janet was right though—Lily was run by _her_ emotions, so it probably would make me feel less conflicted if I looked at it as her decision…after all that was how things worked on Vulcan for most important decisions—the female made them.

"Look, I know that she respects and loves who you are, and that she wouldn't love you if you were completely human because that takes away from who you are, and who you are is who she fell in love with, but sometimes you have to compromise. When you're in a relationship, you both have to be willing to cave to each other." Janet told me calmly. "So how about you go back to your wife, lay by her side, and _offer_ to go for another go."

I felt the urge to roll my eyes which in itself made me second guess things some more, but I did decide to return to my quarters. I smiled a little as I entered the room, Lily propped up on her elbows, the covers tucked around her to keep her covered and warm. The smile faded though as she looked at me and didn't smile, and then looked at her feet as she wiggled them under the covers. I knew that she was upset, and I knew it wasn't at me—even in the Mess Hall she had felt my confliction and then she had woken up to find me there. She didn't even feel hurt like I had anticipated she would given her situation—she felt guilty.

"I am really sorry." She told me, still looking at her feet.

"Why do you feel the need to apologize?" I asked her.

She looked up at me. "Because I pushed into something I _never_ should have pushed you into and now you're second-guessing yourself _again_, and I made you feel ashamed all because of what _I_ selfishly wanted."

"Lily…" I told her, sitting down on my side of the bed with her.

Lily shook her head, but let me reach out and stroke her hair, closing her eyes to simply enjoy the feeling of my running my fingers through it. She knew that I did not find the kissing or the stroking emotionally compromising and conflicting—just the satisfying of urges. I did not mind mating with my wife…I simply wished that I could ease this feeling of confliction every time I gave into the urges that half of me wanted to give into. Lily was always there for me, and she always took me for who I was, and I just had to do the same for her—and attribute our time as man and wife our time…what we did in that time was our business and as long as we conducted ourselves professionally in public, there was no reason why we shouldn't be able to enjoy our time together.

"You don't have to take your shirt off to try and make me feel better." Lily told me as I pulled it up and over my head and then discarded it on the floor.

I smiled at her. "This is how you physically show me that you love me—by letting me know that you're not ashamed to get as close to me as you can…by doing this with me and with no one else…I want to show you the same courtesy."

"Desire is illogical." Lily said.

"This is not out of desire…it is out of love." I replied.

**Note: I apologize to some of you now for the tame Lily/Spock smut because that's it for a bit from them. We need to get that baby out of her. There are other characters you can rely on for it later.**


	46. Trying to Find Cures

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Thank you very much for all of your creative and positive feedback!**

**Feedback makes me wanna write, and I adore Mama J Marie for her information because it's always hard to have to work with 5 different sources telling me differently things, but she helped.**

**This chapter is fluffy and a little dramatic.**

**Hopefully I'll kill someone off soon—sounds morbid, but I like the dramatic most times.**

******

**Funny Kyla story before we begin.**

**Okay, so I had another weird dream the other night and when I woke up, I was all, "Wow…I'm so totally going to burn for eternity."**

**And my sister, who sleeps on the bottom bunk, muttered something like, "Shut the eff up" because she was obviously tired.**

**And my mother made sure I was up to go work and asked me why I looked so nervous.**

**And I was all, "I write too much smut."**

**And she just nodded and walked away—she's always joking about my 'soft-core porn' so she just agrees with me.**

**Okay…maybe that story wasn't too funny.**

**Sorry, people…I'm not that exciting.**

***sighs***

******

**Also, there's just a smidge of the beginning of Kirk smut, peeps.**

**=P**

****

**Lillian's POV**

Pregnancy week 26: I'm finding more things out about my link with Spock and about what your back feels like when you have a baby growing inside of you. I thought that something was a little odd when I tried to mind meld with him when he was sleeping. I put my fingers in all the right positions and then just thought about things that I knew would make him smile, and they did. Now I was finally getting the hang of it, but he was getting a little annoyed with me at the same time. Pregnant or no, I was starting to abuse my newly found 'bond mate' powers, and I knew it, but I was feeling sore today and I needed him with me and not on the bridge.

_So I was thinking about these needs that I have for you…_ I told him inside his head from the Mess Hall. _And I figured that it would be best if you just met me at our quarters, maybe eased the pain in my back…_

_You would like me to rub your back?_ Spock asked me with care in his…thoughts…

I nodded. _Please? You have an amazing feel for where the right nerves are. Just don't Vulcan pinch me, all right?_

Spock was amused by my joke and I smiled and headed to our quarters, getting there after he did. I had been gorging myself on pie in the Mess Hall, and I had desperately needed my husband to please rub my back. I wasn't always in pain, actually, just occasionally and it was normal according to the baby books, but so were cravings—of all kinds. No matter what I read or who I talked to, everyone had different things to tell me about what I should or shouldn't do and it was driving me crazy.

I smiled though as Spock's hands reached out to rub my shoulders as I sat down, about to tell him where to rub but he had already sensed the tension and moved his fingertips lovingly to my lower back. I lulled my head forehead and felt his magic hands roam over my back and I felt so much better as he pressed on the right points and rubbed in all the right ways. I knew that he was pleased to be making me feel so much better, especially because we'd been fighting lately and it was making both of us a little annoyed. The other night I'd tried to get him to try something and then had to take it back because the poor Vulcan man had actually blushed and downright said he couldn't, and then we went to bed not speaking.

"Can we take the baby out now?" I asked him in a relaxed voice as his hands kept moving against my back and my shoulders.

Spock laughed a little. "No…we still have on average, two and a half months to wait."

"To be fair, the percentage of babies surviving at 25 weeks, though small is pretty good." I replied.

"Patience—" Spock began.

"—if you say 'is a virtue', I will be very upset." I cut in.

Spock was still amused by me, and he just closed his mouth and continued to massage the nerves in my back and shoulders, which was all that I needed. I had been having all sorts of weird cravings and urges and both Spock and I were trying to deal with them. He kissed the nape of my neck when he was aware that I was feeling much better for the time being, and then he headed back to the bridge to serve as the acting captain as Janet came into the quarters. She smiled at me and came over to rub my stomach, smiling more as she felt the baby moving around. Janet had been coming up with a whole bunch of names for Spock and I to name our daughter, and everyday she came by to try and elicit emotion from Spock too—lately she was happy with just the annoyance.

"So I take it from the pained expression on your face that Spock is not doing his husbandly duties?" Janet asked me.

I sighed. "Well it's not like he's going to lay on me, and my stomach is awkward to get around these days."

Janet shrugged. "Just have him lie down, sit on him, and do what you have to do—raping your husband is always an option, Lily."

I laughed a little bit. "I just wish he'd be willing to try something different but sex is already a stretch for him—so you can only imagine what trying things is like with him."

Janet heaved a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes, and I knew she was wondering why I picked a Vulcan for a husband. To be fair I was normally completely in love with the fact that he was so Vulcan because it made him who he was—but lately I was feeling a little less like myself. I loved the baby girl growing inside of me, and I was pretty fond of how much Spock loved her already, but the back pain and the swollen ankles and the need for service was starting to get tiring. I kept reminding myself that there were only two and a half months left, and then I'd get to hold my baby girl in my arms. It was all worth it just to bring that beautiful bundle of joy into the world.

"Just remind him that he helped you to make the baby too." Janet said with a shrug. "Then tell him what it is that you need him to do, and you'll be less cranky."

"I want peanut butter." I told her suddenly, nodding at her so that she knew that I had in fact heard what she had said. "I've tried to talk to him, so how about you go talk the Vulcan into it?"

Janet got up and nodded. "That's a good idea, actually, Lily."

"What are you going to do? Walk onto the bridge and embarrass him?" I asked her with a skeptical laugh.

"Yes, actually." Janet replied with a nod.

I gasped. "Don't you dare do that!"

Janet sighed and nodded, but then she got this look on her face that I'd seen her have way too many times before. Janet always got this mischievous smile on her face whenever she had some sinister plan afoot. I adored her more than she could ever imagine, but at the same time I was a little nervous when she shrugged like she was shrugging it off, but went over to the wall. Oh no she wasn't! She couldn't just hit the intercom and announce it to the whole ship!

"Janet!" I chastised, standing up as she pushed the button. "Don't you dare!"

"Spock? This is Janet and I'm with your wife in your quarters, and she'd really appreciate it if you'd touch her in inappropriate—" Janet was saying, but I cut her off.

I sighed. "You are totally and utterly unprofessional, you know that?"

Janet laughed. "He'll talk to you about it now."

****

**Kirk's POV:**

I grunted a little as Devon sketched a bit in a replicated notepad and just sat there on the couch in my quarters. She'd been coming to my quarters quite a lot—even though I was the captain. It had come to the point where she understood that I was the captain and it wasn't exactly dating that we were doing because of that—it was simply spending time together to get to know each other better. I was growing quite fond of her…in fact I was pretty certain that I was falling in love with her.

"How is the sketch coming?" I asked her, trying not to rake over her form with my eyes and not succeeding at all.

She groaned and ripped the paper out, crumpling it up. "Not well."

"Oh I bet you're exaggerating." I told her.

"I'm certainly not." She replied an eyebrow up as she looked at me.

I rolled my eyes and went over to sit next to her, her turning her shoulders a little so that I couldn't watch her sketch. I'd noticed that Devon truly hated it when people looked over her shoulder while she was drawing. I wasn't sure why since she was actually rather good at it, but at the same time it was an adorable quirk. I smiled at her and stroked her hair with my right hand as I turned my knees to face her a little, Devon rolling her eyes at me. She actually rolled her eyes at me a lot too…she completely wanted me.

Devon drew with her pencil ever so lightly. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going to cave to you no matter what you do to me."

I smirked. "Is that a challenge?"

"I think you're a completely kinky human being." Devon replied, and I smiled because she didn't tell me it _hadn't_ been a challenge.

I leaned over and kissed her neck, chuckling ever so softly when she didn't even act like it had phased her. She and I hadn't actually even had sex yet, and though horny, I was very glad that she was willing to let me try and make this at least a little fun. Every time we got near to sex, she'd leave me up and waiting because there was absolutely no way that she was going to "sleep with the captain of the starship that she was employed on". The way she said that time and time again was adorable, and I found myself wishing that she's simply give in and experience how much fun it was going to be with me—I was certain that I could make her enjoy it.

"Spock? This is Janet and I'm with your wife in your quarters, and she'd really appreciate it if you'd touch her in inappropriate—" Janet said over the intercom but it simply crackled and Devon's jaw dropped.

"Did she—did she just—that was _completely_ unprofessional!" Devon told me with a shake of her head, protesting as I took the sketchbook from her and tossed it onto the floor.

I shrugged. "Spock can take it."

"That's not the point though." Devon replied with a sigh, turning her body to face mine, letting me take her hand and run my fingers along it. "He's on the bridge right now, and his personal life should get to stay his personal life. Plus, knowing Lily like I've grown to these last five weeks, it was completely _not_ her idea."

I smiled at her and nodded, stroking her hair again. This time she didn't roll her eyes so I leaned in and kissed her. I had learned right off the back that Devon did not appreciate _any_ of the moves that I had put on the other women that had come in and out of my life. She wanted to be treated a completely different way, and I respected and admired that about her—it made her that much more unique. Things between us were good and they were different, feeling her move her lips against mine made me appreciate that she'd set me straight and let me keep trying instead of pushed me away completely the first time.

_Devon rolled her eyes which made me roll mine too and I gripped her arms, leaning in for a kiss, her making a face at me and I didn't understand why._

"_What are you doing?" She asked me._

"_I'm going to kiss you." I told her._

_She made a face. "By grabbing my arms like that? I don't think so."_

"_What do you mean?" I asked her, genuinely confused._

_I hadn't understood at all why she was simply staring at me like I was crazy, and I was a little more confused when she shrugged out of my grasp. She took a step back and I had been so sure that she'd wanted the kiss, especially when she looked at my lips…so why was she pushing me away? Every other girl I'd ever kissed had enjoyed it—even with the arm grasping. So was it over now? I'd made yet another wrong move and this was it?_

"_I dunno who that has worked on but it's not going to work on me. A kiss should not be initiated with the woman being restrained." Devon explained._

_I nodded, surprised that she took a couple steps back up to me and kissed me herself after placing a hand on either side of my face. When I responded I could feel her smile a little more into me and I chuckled, her allowing me to wrap my arms around her waist. She wasn't pulling away or rambling about my status, so I took that as a good sign, especially when she wrapped her arms around my neck and then pulled away and cocked her head to one side. She was certainly one of the most attractive women I had ever met, and I was glad that she was letting me in._

"_**That**__ is a kiss, Captain." She told me._

I put my hands on her hips, bringing her body closer to mine and laying her down on the couch. I could take this pretty far, but I would stop when she made me stop. She allowed me to kiss her again, lowering my body against hers, and she moaned ever so softly when I rubbed my hips against hers. She didn't mind the rocking action, or the way I stroked her hair and massaged her sides—she just didn't want me to bed her. I was respectful of what she wanted because I really, really wanted to be with her…I adored her more than I'd ever really adored anyone else.

"Not too far…" Devon breathed, running her fingers through my hair.

I smiled. "Not too far."

****

**Bones' POV:**

I had spent the last 5 weeks trying to figure out exactly what had caused the disease. Leona was only still on the ship to help me with my research, and I looked up from a datapad as Lily walked into the room. She and her mother had been closer than ever the last two weeks, and though I wished Dad would show up and tell us what had gone on exactly, we were all kind of just pretending like we were all fine. I looked back at my findings as Leona rested her hand on Lily's stomach, trying to figure out the link. Betazoid blood wasn't too complicated, but at the same time as familiar as I was with it, there were still a few more things I needed to figure it out.

"It could be possible that its stress induced based on the count of T cells." I mused to myself and then called Lily in and she smiled at me and ran her fingers through my hair as I worked hard. "I want to run a few more tests on your blood too—I think that there is a delay in the disease because of your human blood properties."

She nodded. "You mean like how Spock has green, Vulcan blood, but he has human properties? You think my human properties are saving me from the disease?"

"I think it's a very good possibility." I replied. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all…and hey…I think I may need your help." She told me.

I smiled at her and nodded, leading her out to sit on the hospital bed next to her mother. I would do absolutely anything for Lily and she knew that—she and Megan meant more to me than anything in the world. I grabbed a syringe and drew some of Lily's blood, healing her up and then resting my hand on her stomach for just a moment—I wanted to find this cure so I wouldn't have to lose my sister or my niece. There was a new life that also depended on me to find this cure, and I was not going to let her down.

Leona stroked Lily's hair. "Spock is Vulcan, sweetheart—there are things you're going to have to deal with. Do you think that I got to have sex while I was pregnant with you at all? Because I didn't. I know that you're used to it and you're craving it, but you can't make a Vulcan who feels weird about sex try knew things to please you—there are other ways to make the pain less intense."

I laughed a little. "That's what you need? A doctor telling Spock how to help with the dull pain all over?"

Lily blushed. "Honestly I didn't want to ask it of you at all but after that intercom message…he's going to be upset enough as it is that he won't do anything without a logical explanation. He loves me…he just doesn't love me that much."

"He just doesn't understand the human fascinations with sex or the Betazoid fascination with the form." Leona told Lily, waving it off.

As I started to analyze the blood, I smiled a little and told Lily I would try and help her out. I understood that this was her first baby and she was feeling blessed but overwhelmed, so since she had a husband to help her out, I could try. Spock was a Vulcan though, so it was going to take some very solid convincing, and I wasn't sure how I was going to do that. I knew he would want to help his wife with all of the feelings she was feeling, so I shouldn't have as many problems as I thought I would.

"It's just that I had so promised him that it would be the last of it for a while and he accepted my 'logical' deduction of the situation. I know that he loves me, and I know that he even sometimes thoroughly enjoys the act of sex its just that…he's Vulcan and deep down urges and emotions are meant to be controlled—you can't control urges during sex even though you can certainly control emotions." Lily explained and then sighed. "Never mind…I'm just going to deal with it…women have been pregnant with no men around to help out before so why should I even be complaining?"

"You just want to have sex with your husband." I told her. "When I was married the same was true for me and the ex-wife."

Lily took my free hand and kissed it, and then told me she'd talk to me in a little bit and then she headed back out and I turned to Leona. She smiled and started rambling off about babies and how happy it makes you feel to know there's a life growing inside of you that depends on you, and she asked me the question I hadn't expected—she asked me if I'd ever want children. I had thought about it once a long time ago—back when I thought that my marriage was going to last. However, I hadn't thought about it lately…I hadn't even thought about marriage lately no matter how much I loved Janet.

"I think that at this point I'm going to play my life by ear." I told her. "Planning is all well and good, but if I've learned anything from Janet, it's that I should learn to take more chances."

Leona smiled at me. "Janet is a smart girl."

"Yes she is—and her personality is completely magnetic." I added with a loving voice.

Leona smiled at me and I had to cough a get back to my research. I was very close to figuring out what was slowing down the disease in Lily, and once I figured that out I'd be that much closer to the cure that I so desperately needed to find. I was certain that it had to do with the way that the X chromosome had been activated to create the fetus that had become Leona and Lily, and with just a little more time I could do this. Besides, I had all the time in the world when I wasn't going down on Away Missions and having to heal the wounded when the ship was attacked.

"You love her very much, don't you?" Leona asked me, standing up to get ready to go back to her quarters.

I looked at her and nodded. "I do."

"Then do yourself a favor, Leonard…don't ever let her go." Leona told me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

She gave my shoulder a firm squeeze and left, leaving me to do my research for the next two hours. I had figured out that the disease was spread up by reproduction and most Betazoids who had the disease lived with it for a good hundred years if not a couple hundred more. It had been brought to my attention that most humanoids lasted a lot longer than we humans did—but since Lily was half human her lifespan had been greatly reduced as Spock's had. Still, they'd be together much longer than the rest of us would ever hope to be together.

"Doctor, may I have a word with you?" Spock asked me, coming into Sick Bay.

I looked up at him. "What exactly is it that you need, Spock?"

Spock took a breath. "Lily has brought to my attention that you need to speak with me about something."

I could tell that this conversation was exceptionally hard for him, and I couldn't help but laugh just a little bit. He knew that I was about to impart to him some very human advice. He was not at all looking forward to it at all, but he wanted to make Lily happy and that was all that I needed from him to know he was perfect for her. He was going to sacrifice feeling uncomfortable just so that he could make Lily comfortable, and I didn't know if it was completely out of love—it could have been partly out of guilt.

"Spock? These are fingers—you can do a whole lot of magic with just your fingers." I told him, half-wishing he'd blush or something.

Spock nodded. "If you are referring to stimulation by the use of fingers—"

"—that is not all I am referring to, Spock. I have plenty of knowledge to impart to you. Well…sit down." I said.

**Note: I do not have any children of my own, nor have I ever been pregnant, so I am simply going by pregnancy books and by my friend's experiences, just so you all know. Also, the baby is coming soon—I'm excited…are you?**


	47. Learning to Master

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Gah, I'm trying to get back on track with daily updates!**

**I swear I'll have it down again soon!**

**I feel like I'm losing people too as far as reviews are concerned, but that's okay.**

**I miss you, but don't review if you don't want to—I know people hate feeing pressured to do things.**

**=P**

**This chapter is kind of all over the place emotionally…enjoy!**

******

**Also weird thing about me: I love summer maternity clothes!**

**I've always actually kind of liked 'moo-moos' and like things with an empire waist, but pregnant women seriously have a lot of cute summer tops!**

**So I totally picked up a small maternity shirt the other day cause it was adorable.**

****

**Spock's POV**

I watched Lily as she laid there on her side, running her knuckles over my chest. She smiled, her eyes closed and I knew that I'd done my duty. We had both agreed—and McCoy had pushed the decision just a little—that with Lily so stressed our sex should simply wait until the baby was born. Still, Lily was getting urges and cravings, and though she hadn't guilt tripped me into anything yet, I felt guilty just feeling her feelings of not wanting to make me feel guilty. Then McCoy had to go and make me feel completely awkward giving me a talk about stimulation and I didn't know what to do but come back to the quarters and give it a try.

"I know that was hard for you." Lily told me.

I held the hand running along my chest for a moment and kissed it. "I am fine."

She took my hand and brought it to her lips too. "Can we talk about it?"

I took a deep breath and nodded, knowing that if she talked about it too much or too in depth I was going to lose it and blush. Vulcans definitely did not have this much sex as far as I was aware, and though I loved her and I enjoyed the act—whether I "should" or not—I wasn't sure how many more cravings I could really take. Half human or no, I was still trying to be completely in control of my emotions, even if Lily caught a glimpse of them more often than anyone else. I would do anything for her…but I was starting to feel less and less in control of myself as of late.

"I'm aware of that." Lily told me as she turned over and propped herself up her hand. "And I am really sorry about what I've put you through since you met me…and I _really_ appreciate you going above and beyond your Vulcan call of duty."

I stroked her hair. "It is more logical to call it my husbandly call of duty."

Lily smiled at me. "How about once a week we give Leo's suggestions a try and other than that, we stay completely within the realm of a Vulcan couple as far as stimulation is concerned, agreed?"

I nodded and couldn't help but swallow a little bit—stimulation. I could still hear McCoy's words running through my head…

"_Spock? These are fingers—you can do a whole lot of magic with just your fingers." McCoy told me, and I knew he was trying to elicit a rise out of me but I was not going to give him that satisfaction._

_I nodded. "If you are referring to stimulation by the use of fingers—"_

"—_that is not all I am referring to, Spock. I have plenty of knowledge to impart to you. Well…sit down." McCoy said._

_I nodded and sat down slowly as McCoy wiggled his fingers again and I couldn't help but swallow. I had actually been under the impression that McCoy would have too much trouble telling me how to sexually please his sister, but he was getting amusement out of trying to get a rise out of me. I was certain that I could sit there long enough to not have to show him how uncomfortable I was—I was Vulcan after all. I was trained in the art of hiding my emotions, and if McCoy wanted to tell me about stimulation…then he could certainly do that and I would sit here stone faced and listen to what he had to say._

"_Vulcans' finger stimulation is a lot different than human finger stimulation." McCoy explained._

_I nodded. "Very true, Doctor."_

"_Will you let me finish, Pointy-Ears?" McCoy asked me in an annoyed voice, and I nodded for him to continue. "Because of their anatomy, Vulcans have a highly sensitive touch in their fingers, and they can ease Pon Farr urges by stroking their fingers up against another's early on in their life cycle—even with a human if their technique is hone enough. Human women—especially pregnant ones with Vulcan husbands—are going to need you to use your fingers in a way other than simply stroking her fingers with your own. You remember how you made that little girl growing inside of your wife?"_

"_Doctor if you are not going to get to the poi—" I tried, but he cut me off._

"—_listen, Spock!" McCoy told me._

_I knew that I was irritating him, but I very much wanted to get up and leave Sick Bay at that moment. He was about to get into what I could do to bring about a pleasurable rise in my wife, and I was nervous enough about sex. My questions and statements so far had been very Vulcan, but talking about sexual intercourse and alternate ways to bring about human functions such as orgasms was going to drive me over the edge. Vulcans did not discuss such things in such a manner, and I felt as if I should just discuss this with Lily. At least Lily had seen me blush before…she would understand how uncomfortable I was and she wouldn't try to use that knowledge to make me feel even more uncomfortable._

"_Your fingers can cause a certain amount of pleasurable sensations if you push them up into her the right way." McCoy told me, smirking when he caught me smiling. "Then you just stroke and push until she verbally shows you that you've obtained the goal…do I need to elaborate on that, Spock?"_

_I stood up and shook my head. "I believe that I am aware of what to do at the moment, Doctor. If I need any further instruction, I will ask my wife."_

"_But I have more knowledge to impart!" McCoy told me as I started to leave Sick Bay not looking back. "There's more you can do for her than just using your fingers!"_

"I'm very sorry that Leo embarrassed you like that—I thought he'd be a little bit more professional." Lily told me, resting her hand on mine as she placed it on my stomach. "I appreciate the fingers though…I really feel like I have to say it again to make up for making you do it—you were very good at it."

"You do not need to make anything up to me, Lily." I said sincerely. "We are married, and there are things that I am going to need to get used to. If we ever decided to have more kids in the future, it is only logical that I should know all of this now."

Lily smiled at me. "Let's not even start discussing more, shall we? I think that one is quite enough for now, and we shouldn't think about adding in anymore. Let's at least wait until we're off the Enterprise to even think about _thinking_ about more kids, deal?"

"Agreed." I replied, and returned the loving kiss she placed on my lips.

"I love you." She told me, stroking my cheek. "Would you appreciate some Vulcan finger stimulation?"

I smiled a little. "I would appreciate that very much, Lily."

****

**Lillian's POV**

I smiled as I sat up that morning and ran my fingers through my hair—week 32. As of yesterday, Leonard had put me on bed rest, and though upset about it, I understood. I pulled my hair back and watched as Spock pulled his uniform shirt on over his head, and sat down on his side of the bed to stroke my hair. It was kind of upsetting that he was now back on active duty, what with me on bed rest, but I knew that he loved it. Spock's scientific mind needed to have some kind of stimulation by learning about other planets and other species.

"McCoy has implored me to let you rest—since you are stubborn and you will not stay in bed the entire day, I would appreciate it if you tried to not exhaust yourself too much." Spock told me.

I smiled and kissed him softly. "I promise to be careful."

Spock nodded and allowed me to kiss him again before he headed for the door and I laughed a little. I knew that he knew what it was that I was feeling, and he shook his head a little bit and then turned to look at me. I smiled at him and he smiled a little back and would have rolled his eyes had it been a Vulcan thing to do—or had it been something that he could do and not feel guilty as a Vulcan for doing. Rolling eyes showed way too much emotion, even if the motion seemed really small.

_Your ass looks fantastic in those pants._ I told him inside his head.

_Please refrain from saying such as that while I am on the bridge._ Spock replied in mine.

I winked. _I can't make any promises._

_Noted._ Spock said with a sigh, and then hurried out of our quarters.

I sat there and sighed a little, deciding to go and talk to Leonard. I sat on the side of the bed and rested my hand on my stomach, smiling at it a little and then putting my hands on the mattress. I got up to go and get dressed out of the clothes that I had slept in, and then I went down to Sick Bay and Leonard shook his head. He was a little upset that I was up and about when he wanted me to stay put, but I just couldn't deal with sitting there in bed all day not doing anything. If being up and about kept me less bored and I wasn't stressing my body out too much, then it sounded good to me.

"What are you doing up?" Leonard asked me.

I shrugged a little bit. "I got up and wanted to come and see my brother—you have any work you can make me do?"

Leonard smiled and rolled his eyes, pointing to the hospital bed. "You can help me to catalog my findings on Pallitosis."

I smiled at him and took the datapad he handed me as I sat down. "I can definitely do that."

I was actually highly intrigued by Leonard's findings of the disease—he had connected it to hormones as well as to the X chromosome. Even though the disease was carried on the X chromosome, it seemed to not be triggered the way that most diseases were carried. It had a lot to do with hormones and blood, as well as the way that the immune system worked, which was why in me it wasn't the same as it was in my mother. That also meant that in my daughter, it would be even better for her—it wouldn't affect her as much. With the tests that Leonard had done on my blood, he was actually rather happy to report that he was that much closer to finding a cure.

_She's moving._ I told Spock in his mind as I put my hand on my stomach and felt the movement.

Spock smiled internally. _That is a very good sign._

I nodded as I thumbed through the datapad some more. _That it is…I wish that you could be here to feel her—she's active today._

_It will not be the last time…tonight I will spend enough time to let you put my hand somewhere that I can feel her kicking._

I smiled and decided to focus on the datapad, wishing that I could help Leonard out more than I could. As much as I had always been interested in biology and genes, I was definitely not where I needed to be to help him out anymore. I smiled at Leonard though as he started run a few more tests on some blood samples of mine, his brow furrowed as he concentrated on his work. I looked at the datapad and at the information in front of me, and tried to put it all together for him, wishing I could pick something out of it as well. I rested my hand back on my stomach when the baby moved again, and I sighed a little and then looked up at Leonard.

"I'm feeling a little weird today, Leo." I told her.

Leonard smiled at me. "Why do you feel weird, Lily?"

I reached out for his hand and he handed it to me, so I put it on my stomach. "She's been really, really active for the last few days. It's one thing for me to feel great about a being in my belly but…she's really alive, you know? She's really…I'm almost a mother."

Leonard nodded and kissed my forehead, his thumb stroking my stomach. "You really are…and you're going to be amazing."

I smiled at him, wishing that I could believe him. I was stubborn, and I was selfish, and I still acted on instinct whether I thought with more logic or not since Spock came into my life. How was I supposed to be responsible for another life? A life that couldn't protect itself and was going to rely on me for absolutely everything? I was going to bring a baby into the world in about a month and I was going to need to take care of her in absolutely every way—she was my baby girl. She was going to need me…and I felt like I was going to need her.

_You are doubting your abilities to be a parent and you should not be._ Spock told me.

I smiled a little bit. _What are we going to do when this baby comes into the world? I mean I love the thought of raising our daughter on the Enterprise, but I don't know how we're going to do this. What about Away Missions? Attacks on the ship? I'm stubborn and selfish, and I don't have any idea as to why on this Earth I was careless enough to procreate in the first place._

_You are going to be a wonderful mother, Lily—if I was going to be a father, though I had never thought about it as a feasible option, I could not have picked a more suitable mate. You are very aware of the feelings and needs of those around you, and I feel confident that together, we can raise a child._ Spock replied.

_Thanks, Baby. _I told him, wiping away a happy tear at the kind words. _I'm going to continue to help Leonard, and then I'm going to go back to the quarters and send dirty thoughts your way in thanks._

_It is not very professional to distract me while I am working._ Spock told me.

I smiled. _Perhaps not professional…but I assure you that you will enjoy every moment of it—just be sure not to crack while you are on the bridge—what would your peers say?_

****

Spock was highly amused and I knew that he was shaking his head a little bit, and I laughed a little and shook my head at Leonard when his eyebrows raised at me. I continued to catalog some of the data that Leonard had been collecting, and then I went back to my quarters. I sat down on the bed after changing back into the comfort of my pajamas, and laid down, resting my hand on my stomach and then reading for a little while since Spock was busy. The second there was a lull that had him working but not too hard, I was going to strike. I knew it wasn't the most logical thing to do, but it was going to be pretty darned fun.

_So I was thinking about this stimulation of yours…_ I told him, running my fingers along the bed. _I was thinking about how you Vulcans use your fingers to elicit stimulation in the sexual sense…and it kind of feels like electricity._

_It is a technique that we have perfected to help to ease the sensations brought about by Pon Farr. We also feel that it is a suitable way to show affection without betraying emotions._ Spock explained.

I nodded. _You know, I was actually thinking about this affection of yours when you were trying to stimulate me the other day in the more human sense…_

_Lily…_Spock warned. _I am currently working._

I smiled a little and couldn't help but giggle—I knew that I was going to either embarrass him or cause him to come and see me in my quarters, and maybe try out a stimulation of a sort. It was kind of nice to feel his emotions swirling around even though he was on the bridge, and I couldn't help but sit up a little bit. I loved my husband very much, and I hated to bring him discomfort, but I knew that when I did it he really didn't mind it. So I took a deep breath and I smiled and ran my fingers along the covers a little bit more.

_You know there are other ways that I could stimulate you too, actually…using my fingers and my hand…if you'd like me to show you…_ I told him.

_Lily…_ Spock told me and I was fairly certain that he had swallowed. _I do not believe that this is an appropriate conversation for such a time. Besides…I do not believe that Vulcans should indulge in such human practices…_

I nodded with a smile. _You are very, very curious, Spock…_

_Yes, but having my curiosity under control is what sets me apart._ Spock replied. _No matter how curious I am about this…practice of yours…I am not sure how I would be able to contain my urges._

I smiled at him and then I nodded a little bit and sighed loudly, deciding to take a shower and letting him work a little bit more. The warm water helped to soothe my nerves, and when I got out, I dried off my hair and smiled at Spock as he looked up from the bed. He scooted himself back on the bed a little bit more and offered me his lap, making me smile a bit more and shaking my head—I felt much to fat to be forcing my weight _and_ the weight of the baby on him. He raised his eyebrow and was about to lecture me on how I was being too hard on myself and was in fact carrying a child and was not fat, when I sat down next to him, took his hand, and kissed it softly.

"I know, I'm not exactly fat, Spock—thank you." I told him with and stroked his hair with the hand I wasn't holding his hand with. "Shouldn't you be on the bridge?"

Spock kissed me softly. "The Captain knew that I was distracted."

I laughed a little. "I'm sorry about that, Spock."

Spock nodded. "I am aware that you are Lily...is she moving?"

I smiled at him and rested his hand on my stomach, smiling as the pride swelled up in him as she moved a little for him. She did kick sometimes, but she was much more of a mover than a kicker. My mother had told me stories about how I used to kick her bladder while I was inside of her, and I smiled because though I had to pee quite a lot these days, I had not been 'brutally' kicked there yet. There was still plenty of time though, and since the baby was pretty much just growing in there now, I was looking forward to new experiences. There were times I was upset and really wanted her out, but I was also not looking forward to the pain of pushing her out of me.

"What are we going to name her?" I asked Spock, tip-toeing my fingers down his tunic and to the waist-band of his pants.

"Are there any names that you have…what is it that you are trying to accomplish?" Spock asked me.

I shrugged and little and ran my fingers along the inside of the waist-band, not dipping any lower than that just to see what kind of reaction I could get out of him. Spock closed his eyes so they wouldn't betray his lust and curiosity, and I smiled a little and dipped just a smidge lower. He rested his hand on mine and ran his fingers along my hand, making me stop—I certainly wasn't going to force it on him if he didn't want it. I simply wanted to thank him for everything he'd been doing to me lately for me, and I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it again.

"Your verbal thank yous are enough." He told me, stroking my hair and kissing me softly.

I laid back on the bed and he laid on his side next to me, kissing me and stroking my hair, before running his hand down my torso to the waist-band of my pajama pants. I laughed a little as he was willing to do for me what I had been willing to do for him, but he felt as if his move to do it was more logically sound than mine. I ran my nose along his and looked him in the eye, knowing that though he was making it seem like it came easy to him, it didn't. As rewarded as he felt by the sounds and his ability to master something Vulcans never indulged in, he still had to get used to the idea of it.

"You don't have to—it is not a necessity at the moment." I whispered, kissing him swiftly.

He was going to respond when the console on our wall beeped, and he got up to answer it. "Yes, Captain?"

"There is a distress call, Spock—I would like you to analyze it." Jim told him.

Spock nodded when I nodded at him to go. "On my way to the bridge, Captain."

**Note: Today was my fourth and last time seeing Star Trek in theaters. I actually feel like I'm going to go through withdrawals when it leaves the theaters near me on Friday. I would see it on my day off Thursday, but I'm seeing Transformers with my sister. Oh New Spock, Kirk, McCoy, Chekov, Sulu and Scotty—I'll see you again in a few months when you're on DVD! *big dramatic sigh…blames drama club***


	48. It's Time

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Sorry it has been a bit.**

**Okay, so the next three chapters after this one are something that Dani aka Danger and I came up with.**

**We hope that you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed brainstorming it.**

**=P**

****

**Spock's POV**

"Someone is second thinking going to the bridge." Lily told me, giving me a goodbye kiss as I got prepared to leave our quarters.

I kissed her again. "I am needed on the bridge, but I feel needed here as well."

Lily smiled. "Yeah, but…the bridge needs you more than I do. When you're done up there, just hurry on back."

I was beginning to realize over the weeks that my bond with Lily was making me feel less and less like I used to. Since performing the mind link, the two of us had been able to enter each others minds, and in turn had been feeling each others emotions more and more. It wasn't a bad thing, I was just becoming more and more aware of it as the days continued to turn into more days. I could feel her love for me constantly, and I knew that in return she could feel mine, as well as all the other emotions that I felt when I felt them.

I headed to the bridge and nodded at the captain, going to my post and looking at Lieutenant Uhura. Ever since my marriage to Lily and the news spreading about our child, I had found myself not speaking to Lieutenant Uhura as often. It was not because either of us were avoiding each other purposefully, it was simply because with everything I was dealing with and with us only really seeing each other on the bridge for work, there was no time to update each other on our lives. I had missed her, I could not deny that I hadn't, and though I knew those thoughts made Lily pause a moment to take them in, I couldn't deny that the feelings were there. It was not love…it was simply the feeling of the loss of a friendship.

_Well that is understandable._ Lily told me in my mind. _You two used to be incredibly close. Maybe…you should take some time out of your days to spend time with her. I don't __**have**__ to have you around 24/7, you know? At the end of the day, I know I've got you._

I smiled for a brief moment. _You are very understanding._

_I have no reasons to be jealous…I can pretty much read your mind._ Lily replied. _I know that when it comes down to terms of love, I am in your heart and on your mind. I have absolutely nothing to worry about._

_I find your logic an endearing and attractive trait._ I told her, interjecting some more when she started to protest. _Even without me your logic is intact, Lily…you just choose to make some decisions based more on feelings and urges—and that it part of what makes you, you._

_And part of why you love me so much._ Lily added, and I knew she was smiling. _You better get back to work or I'm going to start thinking dirty thoughts to you._

I nodded. _Noted._

I turned to Uhura and she showed me the distress call that she had gotten, and I looked it over. It came from an unknown area of space so we would want to explore that anyway, and it seemed authentic. It had been sent from a planet—that's what the signature suggested—and it seemed to me that Jim was a little lonely because Chekov could have figured that out all on his own. Still, it was my duty as first officer to double-check—especially since I was Vulcan and skilled with signatures and authenticity. When I was finished and a course was set for the origin of the call, I was informed that we would not reach it there for two weeks.

I simply nodded and Jim relieved me, letting me head back to the quarters with Lily if I so pleased. I very much wanted to, but I was also curious as to what Devon had been up to. She and I had grown very close, and I was not certain exactly how she had been doing lately. I knew that she and Jim were starting to try and see what a potential relationship between them would be like, and since I was quite fond of both of them I hoped they could both find happiness. It was strange for me to find myself thinking like that, but in all honesty, Lily and I had grown quite close with this bond of ours, and as she thought a little more like me, I thought a little more like her.

_Have fun with Devon—Janet just showed up with another present. I'm not opening it or you will know what it is._ Lily said. _Tell Devon I say 'hello'._

I smiled once the lift doors closed. _Is it anything like her __**last**__ gift?_

_I won't know until I open it—I've just been informed that __**you**__ have to open it. So I guess you're going to have to wait until you get back here. First—go see Devon. She probably would love to have you talk to her about things. _Lily told me. _I know how much she cares about and respects you._

_Thank you, Lily. I will be back to the quarters later._ I informed her and composed myself before getting off of the lift.

I headed down the corridors to Devon's quarters, hoping that I would catch her there instead of with security near the brig, or in the labs running errands. When I got to her door I pressed the button on the console and she smiled at me when she answered and the doors slid open. She ushered me in and offered for me to take a seat, so I sat on her couch and politely refused the offer of a drink. She nodded and straightened up her area around her console on her desk, and then she focused her full attention on me. Her ocean blue eyes stared into mine, and she folded her hands into her lap, most likely wondering if this was a personal or business call.

"I came to see how you were." I told her truthfully. "We have not conversed in a few weeks and I wanted to be assured that you were still operating efficiently—Lily says 'hello'."

Devon laughed a little. "I missed you too, Spock. How _is_ your wife?"

I nodded. "Lily is doing exceptionally well considering we have a month left until our daughter arrives."

"Have you given any thought at all as to how you're going to raise your daughter on the Enterprise?" Devon asked me.

I actually _had_ given it quite a lot of thought, and it was one of the subjects that Lily and I had found ourselves arguing about. At first I had thought that Lily should wait for me either on New Vulcan with Spock Prime or on Earth until I came for her, but she had argued that she wasn't raising our daughter without me. When I argued that the ship was attacked quite often and it wasn't logical for us both to be constantly putting ourselves in danger on Away Missions and simply both being on the ship while there was a threat, she argued that we always got out of our battle situations and that if push came to shove there always escape pods and she would go with our daughter to save her. I appreciated her need to be with me, and her willingness to acknowledge that the ship was not always the ideal place to have a baby, so I had allowed her to make the decision to stay—especially when we both agreed that our daughter could learn quite a lot from this ship and the people on the ship—our close, dear friends.

"We're going to teach her everything we know, and raise her up with her family and friends." I replied.

****

**Kirk's POV**

I left Scotty in charge to go and see Devon since I hadn't seen her in a while. I was quite frankly in the mood to see the woman I was kind of sort of wooing—even if the only sexual interaction was dry sex—as long as it got the job done, I wasn't complaining. I actually quite respected Devon's decisions for everything that she did…I just wished I had more of her background to go on. She made all her decisions for a reason, and I knew she'd been scorned in the past, but I just wasn't certain what it was that I could do to _not_ turn into her ex-boyfriend. I wanted more than anything to _not_ become someone she wouldn't want to spend any time with.

It was amazing to me actually that I spent so much time on other planets talking about love and about efficiency, and I never really let myself experience it. I had been in love once before—before the academy—but it had ended painfully, and I didn't want this to end painfully. I was pretty certain that I loved Devon—whether it had been very long or not—because that was simply the way that I seemed to function. I had fallen for Devon easily, be it because she was so my opposite or not, and I wanted to make sure that everything I did made her comfortable. I had never bothered to care before how I acted around women, and so for a moment I double-thought my actions.

"Afternoon, Captain." Nurse Chapel greeted as she joined me in the lift headed to Sick Bay.

I smiled at her. "Afternoon, Christine."

She smiled back at me. "Well you seem quite cheerful today. Anything in particular putting you in such a good mood?"

I shrugged. "Just a girl."

"Ah—Devon." Nurse Chapel replied and laughed a little when I looked at her. "Lily gossips during her check-ups on the baby."

"Of course she does." I told her smiling. "That girl has nothing better to do since her husband is certainly not one to jump right into bed with her—wife or no."

Nurse Chapel blushed and I felt a little bad for blurting things out the way that I had when I knew she'd had a crush on Spock. In fact it seemed like everyone on this ship seemed to pick Spock over me. I hadn't actually dwelled on it, but I was still a little hurt that Lily had picked Spock over me while I was dating her. I wasn't in love with her, and never had been, and I was happy that she and Spock were in love, but it sucks to have one of your best friends steal your girlfriend. I had wished the situation had gone down differently than it had, but the outcome should have remained the same. Lily and I had known each other since Bones had gone into the academy with me, and even with the kissing and sharing a bed like a couple, the love feelings just weren't there—I wanted her to feel love and now she did…and she and her husband were happy.

"Have a good day, Christine." I told her as she exited the lift on her deck and she smiled at me and nodded.

I rode the lift up one more deck and then got off and headed to Devon's quarters. She smiled when the doors opened and though I smiled back, it faded ever so slightly. Spock was there…in her quarters with her…the two of them. I knew that I shouldn't have been jealous because Spock was in love with and married to Lily, and Devon was my pseudo girlfriend, but to be fair everyone who had come in contact with her had thought she had liked Spock when she came onto the ship. Marriage on Vulcan was sacred, so even if Spock developed feelings for Devon he would never act on them—he was Lily's forever and she was his.

"Spock came by to catch up." Devon informed me. "Would you like your usual drink, Jim?"

I nodded at her. "Yeah, thanks."

I kissed her, and though she gave me a look when I pulled away, I could tell that she knew I was a little jealous. Since she and Spock were both logical, she wasn't going to get into it with me with Spock in the room, and I noticed he was squirming just a little bit. He could undoubtedly feel the tension in the room and with Lily sort of in his mind, I was certain that she could somehow feel it too. The two of them though not exactly the same person, were starting to come to a balance of thinking between the two of them. I wasn't actually anywhere near an expert on Vulcan bonds, but I did know that I was curious about them.

I had noticed that being bonded had made them both much more agreeable to be around, which was interesting. Lily seemed to be thinking a little more before simply leaping into things and Spock seemed to be internally feeling more even though he wasn't letting it outwardly show. The emotion he didn't seem to be able to hide was love and adoration—that look was obvious in his eyes and on his face whenever he looked at his wife. Lily had always looked at Spock with love and adoration, but lately she acted a lot more professionally around him as their bond strengthened. They were going to be permanently bonded together and I knew they wouldn't have it any other way. I hoped that even without the bond…I'd find _my_ leading lady someday…maybe it was Devon.

"Janet has left our quarters, so I should go to massage my wife's aching back." Spock announced, standing up. "We will catch up again, Devon."

"It was a pleasure to see you, Spock." Devon told him genuinely and Spock nodded at me as he left and then Devon sighed and I looked at her again. "He saw your smile dim, Jim."

I smiled. "That rhymed."

"This isn't a joke, Jim—I think you made him feel uncomfortable. What is up with the jealousy?" Devon asked.

I sighed. "I just seem to always feel like everyone likes Spock more than me and I know it's childish, but I can't help feelings jealous of him."

"You're right it _is_ childish…but you can't help how you feel." Devon replied and put her hands on my tunic. "He's married you know? In love, about to be a father—I'm not into him romantically."

I smiled at her and kissed her. "Promise?"

She rolled her eyes as she nodded and kissed me again, sitting on my lap as I sat on the couch and pulled her to me. I ran my fingers through her hair and held her to me securely, glad to know that my jealousy was completely unnecessary. I knew that it was, but still…Spock was a very desirable half Vulcan and I couldn't deny that. He was logical, he was attractive, he spoke with authority, and his emotions were intact—just running _deep_ within him. I wished I knew exactly how Lily had stolen his heart so that I could figure out how to steal Devon's, but I had a feeling that it was just something that I would need to figure out on my own…and I had all the time in the world for that.

"What would you like replicated for dinner?" Devon asked me, looking me in the eye from her perch on my lap.

I shrugged. "Whatever you want it fine."

She rolled her eyes and got up my watching her ass as she walked away. "Men…they never make decisions on their own."

****

**Lillian's POV**

When Spock had come back to the quarters he'd opened up his gift from Janet and beamed—a brand new chess set. She thought that a new chess set would motivate me to finally learn the rules of the game to break the chessboard in, and she was right. Spock had left the board untouched for the next two weeks while I figured out how to play so that we could christen his new chessboard with a game that was actually _worth_ playing. Problem was that when I had finally decided I was ready to give him a run for his money at chess, we got to the planet and Jim had called Spock straight to the bridge after going to red alert.

The planet had some how latched onto us—put the Enterprise in a tractor beam—and Spock had been called directly to the bridge. I wanted to know what was going on, whether I was allowed to or not, so I headed to the bridge to find out since Spock might have to go down to the planet. I got into the lift and could feel the pressure on the bridge, knowing that Spock was there in the hectic atmosphere already. I knew that he was probably going to end up going down to the planet if that was what Jim decided, but I really didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay here where it was safe, and not run around trying to fix everything, but it was his job and he loved it as I did.

_I will tell you everything that is going on—you should be in bed._ Spock told me. _There are only two weeks left until out daughter is due, and you have not fully been on bed rest._

I smiled as the lift doors closed. _I am going to be fine taking it all in on my own. Besides, you know Jim—he'll issue the party and have you all leave right away._

_You certainly know the captain very well._ Spock agreed.

_Of course I do—as do you._ I replied, and when the lift opened on the bridge and I stepped out, Jim was asking Spock and Chekov what was going on.

"It appear that ve are being scanned, Captain." Chekov replied. "I do not belieff that they vill simply let us go down to the planet's surface."

"Mr. Chekov is right, Captain—all of our weapons are offline, as is the transporter." Spock informed him.

Jim nodded and asked Sulu if he could get us free from the tractor beam. Sulu announced that it was out of his capacity to do so when Leonard came onto the bridge to find out what was going on with the red alert. We weren't actually under attack and the distress call was playing over and over again, so Jim was issuing a shuttle party. I knew right then and there that the circumstances were getting more and more dire, so I hoped that Jim would not pick Spock…even though Spock really wanted to go—he was incredibly more interested about the planet now.

"Commander Spock, Lieutenant Goldman and Ensign Jones will be heading down to the planet with me via shuttle—Mr. Scott? You have the bridge." Jim commanded over ship wide broadcast.

I sighed and smiled as best I could at Jim. "Don't worry I'll let you borrow my husband."

Jim smiled. "I knew you would."

I rolled my eyes at him but watched as he and Leonard went into the lift, Spock right behind them after discretely squeezing my hand. I went in with them for fear that something bad was going to happen yet _again_, and Spock raised an eyebrow. It was just him, Leonard, me and Jim, and for once he didn't feel so awkward about it, so I kissed him. Jim just smiled to himself as Spock kissed me back and then I pulled away and took hold of his tunic. He had better come back to me—if he didn't I would find him and kill him.

"I'm coming back, Lily—stop stressing yourself out." Spock told me.

Leonard nodded. "Listen to him, Lil."

I kissed the tips of Spock's fingers because I knew Vulcan fingers were easily the most arousable part of them, showing him what he was going to miss if he died down there. Spock quickly stroked my hair so that Jim and Leonard wouldn't see the look in his eyes, and I smiled and nodded as Spock and Jim headed out of the lift, Leonard staying back with me. I gave them a small wave and wished them luck, but I was starting to feel really stressed. This whole situation was kind of not at all looking up, and I really wanted to be one hundred percent sure that Spock was going to be all right. Would I still be able to feel how he was feeling down on the planet? He and T'Pring could feel each other planets away…but she was fully Vulcan.

_Our bond is stronger now than before, Lily—you'll be able to feel me, and I will be able to feel you._ He replied.

I smiled a little as I stepped out of the lift with Leonard. _I am very thankful for that, Spock. Keep yourself out of danger, but protect Jim if you have to—which you most likely will._

I knew that he knew I was right when he changed the subject and said, _Keep the shields up unto you are further notified. If we cannot contact Scotty, I will contact you._

I bit my lip. _It's our first test…do you really think it will work?_

_Yes._ He replied.

I had absolutely no reason _not_ to trust him, so I simply followed Leonard into Sick Bay and sat down on a hospital bed. Leonard was pretty certain he'd found a way to cure me, so he was going to get a blood sample and see if he could cure it using that. My blood had traces of the disease in it and since I was pregnant, Leonard refused to simply give me a shot. We would test out all of his theories further once my daughter was born. I was very happy to see Leonard so happy that he was so close to a cure, and I couldn't be more proud of my brother—he always seemed to find the cure to everything dangerous we came in contact with.

"I can't focus." I admitted to Leonard, cringing a little at an abdomen pain. "Too much negative thinking."

"You're stressing yourself out…you need to get a better handle on your emotions—not easy for a pregnant woman, I know." Leonard told me as I shot him a look.

I sighed and extended my arm so he could draw some blood. "I'm going to take some deep, soothing breaths."

"Good idea." Leonard replied.

I set to doing that, the red alert now a yellow alert, and closed my eyes to focus. I could still feel Spock, and he was thinking about controls so they were in the shuttle. I couldn't see through his eyes or anything cool like that, but we were linked, and I was grateful. I was however _not_ grateful when Spock started to think about systems failure as they neared the atmosphere and with one _I love you_, they had crashed. He was alive and as far as I was aware everyone else was too, but then when Scotty informed Leonard and I of the crash via the Sick Bay wall console, I started to hyperventilate and had to stand up as another abdominal pain came.

"This can't be happening! Why does this _always_ happen?!" I asked Leonard who gave me a look.

"You have to calm down, Lily!" He demanded.

I nodded. "I just…we can't get them back! We have no transporters! Their shuttle crashed, so they can't shuttle back up and even if we could get our transporters up, our shields are up in case we're attacked so we can't beam them back up anyway! Our top three officers in command are down on the planet right now in God knows what kind of danger, and to top it off the baby is coming…right now."

Leonard looked at me. "What?"

"Leo…my water just broke." I told him looking down as he did. "The baby's coming now."


	49. Birth, Death and New Attractions

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**CLIFFHANGER!**

**lol**

**And what a cliffhanger too, because now Lily's in labor and Spock's stranded down on the planet with his daughter coming along rather fast, eh?**

**As you all may have predicted by now…the baby is coming right now.**

**There will be three different POVs in every chapter for the next three chapters over mine and Dani's FABULOUS story arc.**

**Bear with this arc because it's going to be confusing at first and may actually end up being four chapters if I can't put it all into three.**

**Everything will be explained and relevant to Star Trek I PROMISE.**

**=P**

****

**Spock's POV**

I was quite aware when it happened that Lily had gone into labor. However as terrible as it would seem to most humans, I was too busy focusing on what Devon, Jim, Ensign Jones and I had crashed down into. We were no longer in uniform which was highly improbable, but it was happening regardless of how preposterous it had seemed. Devon was in a blue dress with white tights and black dress shoes, a ribbon in her hair as it was down and she was wearing a white apron while Ensign Jones had on a hat with a propeller on top and suspenders. Jim was currently dressed with a top hat that had a large sign on it and a green suit with brown shoes, and I was in orange—I believe I was supposed to represent an animal because Jim pointed out that I had whiskers drawn on my face.

"I do not understand what is going on here." I said out loud. "My tricorder is not picking up substantial readings."

"Well at least your leg isn't wounded!" Jim exclaimed and I nodded, still rummaging the remains of the shuttle for the medical kit.

Devon gasped. "Please tell me that I'm not the only seeing that!"

"Oh my God! Is that some giant white rabbit?!" Ensign Jones asked us.

I could not deny that there was in fact a white rabbit in a jacket with a pocket watch in front of us right that very moment. I also could not deny the fact that I found myself feeling the need to follow it to figure out what was going on. Everything about this planet seemed highly improbable, but since I knew all about Earth's literature, I figured that the illusion was there for a reason. The white rabbit suggested our curiosity, and so when it disappeared down the rabbit hole and Devon turned to me, I knew she was asking herself the same question: should we follow him?

"All right, let's go." Jim said, hobbling over to the rabbit hole and going down it.

I sighed and hurried after him—my first priority was Jim at the moment…and getting off of this planet to go back up to the Enterprise to see the birth of my daughter. I knew that Lily was freaking out and trying to calm herself down, but she wanted me there and I wanted to be there, but right now I was down a rabbit hole…and now on a yellow road. When Jim cried out, 'yellow brick road' I nodded and looked at the get-ups that we _now_ dressed in, wondering for a moment if whomever or whatever was behind this knew a little bit about how the four of us acted. Jim was representing the Scarecrow, while I was the Tin Man, and when Devon came down she was Dorothy with the ruby red shoes and Ensign Jones was now one with the whiskers.

"Anyone wanna tell me what the Hell is going on?" Ensign Jones asked.

Devon sighed. "It looks like we're having to sort of recreate famous pieces of literature and movies from Earth's history."

I nodded slowly. "It appears that whomever tried to contact us may be stuck in one of these universes."

"Then we should head for the Emerald City…God, that sounds weird." Jim told me with a small laugh. "And I can't skip don't even try to link arms with me."

"I was not intending to." I informed him.

Devon laughed and then complained about how she keep getting put in ridiculous outfits, but was strangely loving her ruby red shoes. I tried to get more readings on my tricorder but to no avail and decided instead to focus trying to soothe my wife in her mind as Devon and Ensign Jones talked about this particular scenario. Ensign Jones was worried about the appearance of flying monkeys, and Devon wondered if they'd get to see the Wicked Witch or the Wizard. I wanted to know who or what was behind this and how they were pulling it off, but I also felt needed on the Enterprise and Jim was certain that we'd learn what we needed to learn when we got to the Emerald City to see the Wizard—that's how it had played out in the movie, after all.

_Lily? How are you holding up?_ I asked her.

_I'm fine, but I wish you were here._ She replied. _It only really, __**really**__ hurts when a contraction comes, and I have a few more centimeters to dilate before I can push, but she's on her way…what's going on down there?_

I nodded a little as we walked down the brick road. _We seem to be caught in a series of random plots generated from parts of Earth's history of major literature and movies._

_That sounds exciting!_ Lily told me, and then I felt the pain she was feeling as a contraction hit. _Maybe I can just get Leonard to cut her out…_

I knew her last thought was directed at me exactly, but I still protested. I knew that she was in pain and she didn't want to push our daughter out—especially without me there—but if there was a chance that our daughter could wait to come until I found a way back up onto the ship, then I liked that scenario better. I knew that the Enterprise was having some trouble and their shields needed to stay up just in case things down here turned hostile, but I was certain we'd get out of this and I could see my daughter being born. Though not as emotional about the births of offspring as humans were, Vulcans also celebrated the beginning of new life, and I would like to celebrate my daughter.

"We're almost there!" Jim exclaimed and Devon went over to him to help him walk as he stumbled and he smiled fondly at her. "Well Dorothy, I didn't know you were into men made of straw."

Devon rolled her eyes. "You think you're _so_ funny Mr. I-Need-A-Brain."

Jim winked at her. "I don't need a brain up here to make the other one function."

Devon rolled her eyes again but laughed that time, and Ensign Jones hurried into the Emerald City when we got to the gate. Unfortunately, the Emerald City was nothing like it had been in the book or the movie—it was a battlefield. I placed it at World War III, noting that there were Romulans involved as well. Devon cried out to Ensign Jones as he stepped on a land mine, but it was too late—there was nothing left of him. Jim pointed us over to a bunker, all of us dressed in military gear and he looked at me.

"You have to get up to the ship and be with your wife—you're going to have a daughter." Jim told me.

"Captain, I appreciate that you're worried about that, but my place is with you right now—it is my job as first officer to stand by my captain whether my wife is in labor or not." I responded.

Jim's eyes widened. "She's in labor?!" Jim opened up his communicator as I nodded. "Scotty? Please tell me you have that transporter working!"

****

**Scotty's POV**

"I am trying to get it up and running, Captain." I told him as I tried to work on crossing a few wires.

Jim sighed. "That's not good enough, Scotty—we just lost Ensign Jones."

I sighed and got out from under the transporter controls and switched places with Amanda. I knew that we needed the transporter controls but I could only work so fast and didn't need the Captain trying to breathe down my neck. I knew that things were going wrong down on the planet and that up here things were pretty good despite the loss of transporters and weapons control. If I could have beamed them up right then and there I would have, and though the Captain knew that, I also understood his freaking out.

"Amanda and I working as fast as we can, Captain." I assured him.

"Perhaps we should focus on getting out of this bunker, Captain." I heard Spock tell Jim.

Devon sighed. "Yeah, Captain—our current safety depends on us and not on the transporters."

I could hear the conversation down on the planet even over the explosions and weapons fire. I was worried about the Away Team, but I was also rather worried about the transporters. I had been trying to get them working and I was close, but it was going to take me a good ten more minutes to get the wires crossed the right way as it were. Amanda was helping me out, and so it was going a lot better than I had anticipated—Amanda was quite the little helper.

"Try something simple now." Amanda told me, flashing me a smile.

I smiled back and looked over the controls. "It needs a little more power to beam them all back up, Amanda. Let me take a look at the power couplings."

She nodded and then I heard Jim over the comm. "Is it enough to just beam up Spock?"

I raised an eyebrow and then remembered that Lily had gone into labor. I had asked McCoy if he was able to send me Lily so that she could try and negotiate on open channels with the inhabitants on the planet, but had heard her give out a cry in the background. McCoy had explained that Lily's water had broke and he was trying to deliver a baby so I had left Sulu the bridge and come to help Megan and Amanda fix the transporter. Then Megan had gone to Engineering to try and help to get Sulu the power he could use to get out of the tractor beam, and it was simply me and Amanda trying to fixe the transporter from the Transporter Bay.

"You're endangering your own ship, Jim!" Devon protested.

Jim sighed. "Spock needs to be with his wife—do you want him to end up like Ensign Jones?! I know what it's like to grow up without a father and I will not let Spock's daughter know that kind of pain!"

"Jim, I appreciate that but—" Spock tried.

"—that's a direct order, Spock! Scotty? Beam up Commander Spock and then put the shields back up. Now, Scotty!" Jim told me.

I sighed and nodded, going over to the controls and beaming Spock up onto the transporter pad after letting the shields down. He looked a little dismayed that he had been order to leave his post, but he nodded in my direction and headed straight for Sick Bay. Amanda offered to take the controls over and I caught her blushing when I told her I appreciated her help, and I went to relieve Sulu. I hadn't actually noticed it before, but Amanda was a very attractive woman—when this situation had been resolved, I was certainly going to get to know her a little better…maybe over dinner.

"Have you figured out anything new, Mr. Chekov?" I asked Chekov when I got onto the bridge.

Chekov nodded. "Yes, Captain. Ven the tractor beam latched onto us, the planet itself scanned our systems."

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you know which systems, Mr. Chekov?"

"Yes, Captain." Chekov replied.

I walked over to the science station that Spock normally inhabited during missions and Chekov showed me the files that the planet had scanned. We were still trying to figure out why our scanners couldn't pick up any life forms except for the Away Team, and when I saw the files the planet had scanned I was still just as confused. It seemed that the planet had scanned Earth's history files and not just Earth's history—but literary works and famous movies and plays. I didn't quite understand why the planet would need to use such information, and when Chekov noticed the look on my face he nodded.

"On top of that, Captain, it seems that ewry once in a vhile, there are anomaly discrepancies." He told me. "Our scan of the planet picked up strange energy frequencies."

"Is there a pattern to it at all?" I asked him.

Chekov shook his head. "No. The energy surges happen sporadically, Captain. I am trying to figure out a pattern but so far there is none."

"Keep me posted, Mr. Chekov." I told him, leaving him to his work as I sat back down in the Captain's chair for a moment.

I knew that is was in my best interest to be working on getting the transporters more power since we'd used some to beam Spock up. Then I remembered that there were systems that we could route power from, and I got up and headed for the lift. I knew I should have thought about that before, but I had been too busy trying to figure out what was going on while I had the bridge. If I could direct enough power to the transporters, then I could beam up everyone, and then we could figure out together how to get out of the tractor beam and the Away Team could explain to me what was happening to them.

"We've got a problem, Scotty." Amanda informed me when I entered the Transporter Bay.

I nodded. "What is it?"

Amanda made a face. "They're still alive but…I can't lock onto their signals—it's like their signals don't even exist, Scotty."

I went to check her controls and realized that she was right—Devon and Jim no longer registered on the equipment. "What in God's name is going on down there?!"

****

**Lillian's POV**

I squeezed Leonard's hand as a contraction hit and Janet handed me a cup of ice chips. Christine was checking to see how dilated I was as I put some ice chips in my mouth and let them melt on my tongue. Leonard reached over to wipe some sweat off of my brow as the pain became duller as the contraction passed, and I smiled when Spock came through the Sick Bay doors. He came over and switched places with Leonard, applying a kiss to my lips and then giving me a small smile.

"It's nice to see you didn't get Leonard to cut her out." Spock told me.

I smiled. "Yes, but not for lack of trying."

Leonard laughed. "It's true—she's been opting for a c-section but I knew she could tough it out."

"Are you ready to push, Lily?" Christine asked me.

I bit my lip and nodded as Spock told me endearing things inside my head to reassure me and Janet mentioned how glad she was that she switched when she did. I laughed just a little through the exhaustion as Janet started to talk about how much she didn't want to be the one helping to receive the baby coming out of me. She was perfectly willing to film it or something and she didn't mind watching it come out because it was the miracle of life, but she didn't want to touch the baby until it had been washed off.

"Wanna cut the umbilical if Spock doesn't want to, Aunt Janet?" I asked her. "And speaking of aunts…where is Megan?"

"Megan came with me." Leona replied, and Megan hurried over and came to hold my other hand—_she_ was the one who didn't want to see the baby come out at all.

Christine smiled as Leonard took her spot and I joked about how I didn't want him to see me down there because he was my brother. He laughed and rolled his eyes and then told me to push. I held onto Megan's and Spock's hands as I gave a push and Janet peeked over to see what was happening. I took deep breaths as I finished the first push and Leonard told me how good I was doing, Janet making a face.

"Is the head supposed to look like that?" Janet asked.

Leonard nodded. "Trust me she'll look more normal once she comes out. This is just the temporary elongation of the overlap of bones as she comes out of—"

"—I get it, Leonard. Now help her push again so we can get past the crowning." Janet told him.

"Don't rush me." I said with a laugh, but pushed again when Leonard told me too.

After two more pushes I found myself crying as Megan and Leonard did, the baby crying once she was all the way out. Leonard joked that she was a boy and then took it back when Janet smacked his arm lightly, and he offered to let Spock cut the cord but he was trying hard not to make a large emotional response to the baby so Janet cut it instead. Then Leonard swaddled her lightly and let me hold her, Janet refusing to touch her until Leonard cleaned her off, but me wanting to see my newborn baby girl. She was beautiful, and had her father's pointed ears and my eyebrows and eyes, but her father's nose.

"Hello, Baby Girl." I told her, and she looked at me with her wide eyes and smiled ever so slightly.

"She recognizes your voice." Leonard said, tears on his cheeks. "She's incredibly attractive for a flushed little newborn girl."

I smiled and nodded at her dark, wet hair—not a lot but some. "Spock? Do you want to hold her?"

"She looks content with you." Spock told me.

I looked over to Leonard and he nodded and ushered everyone out to let Spock, me and our daughter have some privacy, Spock sitting on the hospital bed with me and holding out his hands when Leonard disappeared into the office. He looked like was going to cry and I knew it was because we were linked and he felt what I felt. I loved him so much for dealing with that, and watched as his eyes lit up when he held her in his arms and smiled down at her. He was already in love with the little girl he was now in charge of, and I already knew exactly what I wanted to name her.

"How do you like, 'Serena'?" I asked him.

He looked at me. "What made you decide on that name?"

I smiled because he genuinely wanted to know my reasoning. "Your family's names all began with 'S' except for your mother. Since our daughter is one quarter Vulcan, I figured her name should began with 'S' as well and for some reason when I looked at her, 'Serena' stood out more than the others I'd thought of."

Spock nodded and looked fondly at his daughter. "Then her name is Serena."

I smiled a little more and decided to talk to him about the rest of her name later—for now she had a first name. Vulcans did not have last names, and I did not know if she should have my last name or not, or if she should simply be Serena as her father was simply Spock. I was too exhausted to talk it out, and wanted to just watch my husband look at his daughter. When Leonard was heading out of the office though, Spock handed Serena back to me and Leonard smiled at us and checked me over as Christine—who had been watching and Spock hadn't noticed—took Serena and went to clean her off.

"Looks like you came out with a couple scratches I can heal up." Leonard told me. "Luckily though, your little one didn't make you actually tear."

I smiled. "That's lucky."

Leonard nodded. "Yes it is."

He healed up the tear but the exhaustion and the pain remained, however I held Serena when Christine brought her back all clean and re-swaddled, and then I handed her over to Leonard when he protested about wanting to hold his niece. Spock kissed me in front of Leonard and Christine before he went to go and save Jim and Devon, and I told him to be careful as he raised an eyebrow and stopped to watch Leonard interact with Serena. I laughed a little myself, beaming at my big brother as he rocked Serena and smiled at her. He was so good with babies and children—someday I hoped he'd get to have the pleasure of being a parent himself.

"Hootchie-Cootchie-Wootchie-Woo." Leonard told Serena excitedly, who seemed entertained.

Spock took a step towards Leonard. "Hootchie-Cootchie-Wootchie-Woo?"

Leonard nodded. "Oh it's common baby talk—you should look it up in the ship's logs when you get back from your rescue mission, Spock."


	50. It's Not a Planet?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**The baby's born!**

**Yay!**

**And now you get to see more about the FABULOUS planet!**

**So enjoy the next three POVs and be aware that they 'back track' just a little bit.**

**=P**

****

**Devon's POV**

"You're endangering your own ship, Jim!" I protested.

Jim sighed. "Spock needs to be with his wife—do you want him to end up like Ensign Jones?! I know what it's like to grow up without a father and I will not let Spock's daughter know that kind of pain!"

"Jim, I appreciate that but—" Spock tried.

"—that's a direct order, Spock! Scotty? Beam up Commander Spock and then put the shields back up. Now, Scotty!" Jim told Scotty.

I couldn't believe that Jim would do something like that. I understood that he wished he'd had a father and that he cared deeply about Spock's family—but he was endangering his _entire_ ship. More than just his best friend's family was up there and I knew that Spock was thinking the same thing—Jim's behavior was completely illogical. It didn't matter that the gesture had been selfless and kind—because by lowering the shields more than 400 people had been put into what could have been unnecessary danger. Lily and the baby would still be there if we got through this and they kept their shields raised for protection.

"Are you seriously angry with me?" Jim asked me angrily.

I looked him in the eye. "I'm not _angry_ with you—I just don't agree with your decision."

Jim nodded. "Of course you don't—why would you want Spock to see his baby being born when you like him so much? You'd rather he stay down here and have to tough it out with the two of us—mostly with you."

I scoffed. "Oh my God, you're _jealous_ of him! What an emotion to base a life or death decision on! I cannot believe that I'm attracted to you!"

"So you're attracted to me and not him?" Jim asked me.

I really had no idea why he was dwelling on this when there were much more pressing matters to deal with—like maybe the explosions going off around us. Ensign Jones had just died and Jim had sent up an officer trained in combat to a ship to see the birth of his daughter. I understood that Spock deserved to see the birth of his daughter and I believed that it was very sweet what Jim did for Spock, but I was starting to feel conflicted. I felt pulled back into this whole love and duty thing, and I wasn't sure which side to be on, and Jim had a strange look on his face that I wasn't enjoying with the explosions going on around us all.

"Wipe that stupid look off of your face!" I told him after a moment.

"You love me." He said.

I gave him a look as he said that—_I_ didn't even know if I loved him or not. I was not the kind of person that even said 'I love you' to my parents most times. I was the kind of person that kept the words to myself until I was certain of it, let it be known once and then that was it—it was out there and unless I absolutely had to, I didn't have to ever say it again. It wasn't that I didn't _want_ people to know how I felt about them…it was that I thought the words were rather sacred and shouldn't be said unless you truly meant it—the words just shouldn't be thrown around all over the place…even if I had always been good friends with people who said the words all the time—that was their choice and I wouldn't judge them on it.

"I do not—stop being ridiculous." I told him, knowing I was a little flustered and flushed.

"You completely love me." He repeated.

I shot him a look. "You say that one more time and I'm leaving you here to blow up."

"By my sword, thou lovest me." He replied.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him hard when the words came out of his mouth—surely a wounded leg wouldn't cause brain damage. I noticed also that the explosions had stopped, and looked around at my surroundings. Jim and I were standing on a bridge-like stone path with trees around it. The breeze and heat suggested that it was summertime, and I had to swallow at how attractive Jim looked in his white jacket and tight pants, golden buttons on his jacket with tall black boots—it was a better uniform than his Star Fleet one. Recognizing that he had changed costume, I looked down at my simple yet attractive flowing dress and sighed—yet another dress for Devon.

"By my sword, thou lovest me." Jim told me again, a grin on his face.

"What the Hell are you saying?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm running with it! By my sword, thou lovest me!"

"What is this, Shakespeare? Oh God—this is 'Much Ado About Nothing'." I realized and shook my head. "I am _not_ going to continue with this scene."

Jim sighed and told me it was what the planet obviously wanted and I was _not_ okay with that. I did not need Jim and some random planet telling me how I felt—or how I was supposedly _supposed_ to feel. If I wasn't sure about my feelings for Jim than how in the world was he and _a planet_ supposed to know? I mean I knew that in my mind I was calling him 'Jim' instead of 'Kirk' or 'Captain', but that was just because I was kind of dating him and having dry sex with him in either his or my quarters. That didn't mean that I _loved_ Captain James T. Kirk…it just meant that I cared about him.

"Devon…do not make me order you to say your lines." Jim told me and I knew I had shot a glare his way when he said the word 'order'.

I sighed loudly. "Do not swear by it, and eat it…what the Hell does that even mean?"

****

**Spock's POV**

I was left to wonder exactly what kind of language that McCoy had been speaking to my daughter as I wandered down the corridor. I couldn't help but feel a swelling of pride knowing that I had just witnessed the birth of my daughter, and I knew that Lily was taking the time to sleep off her exhaustion—she deserved every ounce of sleep that she could get. I did not realize how many emotions would be going through me while Lily was trying to push a baby out of her, and though I knew part of it had to do with our mind link, I also knew that part of it was because I was a father. I was officially not just a husband…I had a baby to look after, teach and protect.

A common misconception about Vulcans was the way they viewed their offspring. To the outside world Vulcan children were simply products of reproduction, but like every race we found ourselves proud and protective of our young. It was not that Vulcans did not have emotions…it was simply that we were mindful of them—we did not let them control us. As a child I had always struggled with that concept, being of Vulcan _and_ of Earth, and my mother supported everything I did—and respected how my father chose to raise me. Thinking on it, I was unaware of why someone as emotional and loving as my mother would pick my father, not matter the amount of love and affection he had for her—and why did Lily pick me?

_There was no one else to pick._ She replied, and I knew how tired she was.

I got into the lift and smiled. _You should be sleeping._

_I couldn't help but want very much to listen to your thoughts before you head back down into chaos._ She said, everything about her thoughts even showing love. _Your mother and I both found ourselves in love—that is why we chose you and your father._

_Surely there is a more logical reason than love._ I teased, curious as to what she'd say next.

_Your respect, control, compassion, obnoxious behavior, strong demeanor—everything about you is desirable and magnetic._ She responded and I knew she was smiling too. _There is no one else out there as attractive as you, and if my feelings for you are even __**half**__ of what your mother felt for you father—_

—_then we are both incredibly lucky._ I cut her off.

_Luck is illogical._ She replied.

I knew right then and there as I composed myself and got off of the lift that I could not ask for a better bond mate than Lillian McCoy. She understood and respected me, and though sometimes we both found ourselves putting our own needs first, I was certain we would be able to raise Serena. The minute I thought about Serena, Lily began to think to me about how much she loved that Serena was blessed with pointed ears, and I found myself conversing with her pleasantly about the newest member of our family until I made it into the Transporter Bay. Mr. Scott chuckled a little when he saw me approach and nodded as I stepped onto the transporter pad—the captain hadn't said anything about me not being able to beam back down.

"Just don't tell him." Mr. Scott told me like he could read my mind. "What the captain doesn't know isn't going to harm him."

I decided not to reply since I didn't want to interfere with the looks that Lieutenant Steeples and Mr. Scott were giving each other, finding myself beaming down into some outdoor scene. I found myself dressed in a white military outfit with black shiny boots, Devon and Jim in some sort of argument it seemed like. Until I could get closer and hear the dialogue, I knew that there was no way that I was going to know exactly what I had been beamed down into. So I took a couple steps towards them and heard Devon let out the noise that she made whenever she was upset.

"Will you stop laughing at me?" Devon asked Jim with a scowl on her face.

Jim nodded. "I'm sorry; I'm sorry—say the line again."

Devon shook her head. "Oh, no—I've said it five times."

"I _promise_ I'll say my next line back to you." Jim told her.

Devon sent him a look. "Do not swear by it, and eat it."

"I will swear by it, that you love me; and I will make him eat it, that says I love not you." Jim replied to her and she seemed to soften a little even though it was obvious by the look on her face that she did not want to confess her love for him in such a setting where she was forced to express how she felt.

Devon sighed. "Will you not eat your word?"

"With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest that I love thee!" Jim told her exuberantly.

It had been quite obvious to me in their looks back and forth to each other on the ship that Jim was madly in love and Devon was very fond. It was not that she was incapable of love or anything like that—it was that she had been scorned and was afraid. She was afraid of what admitting love would mean…and I couldn't say that I did not understand exactly how she felt. Before I told Lily when I had felt that she was slipping away from me, I had been scared as well as to what the words would mean coming from a half-Vulcan. In the end I had felt that I had done what was needed, and when she said it back we found ourselves in a much better place until she tried to bring logic back into the picture suddenly with no grounds.

"I don't want to be forced to tell you that I love you!" Devon exclaimed. "Don't you understand that I want to tell you that I love you in my own time of my own choosing?"

Jim pulled her to him and kissed her softly. "I know that, Dev, I do—you don't have to say the next lines if you feel like you can't…if you don't really want to."

"Thank you." She replied, kissing him swiftly and pulling out of his arms. "Because I really am fond of you, you know? I just…it won't mean anything if I'm just forced to say it to you."

"I know." He replied, and then looked at me. "Spock! Nice of you to join us—hey! Who said you could come back down? Who lowered the shields?"

I held my hand up and he stopped talking to me. "I came to fulfill my duty. My daughter is born, she is with her mother and her uncle, and we came here for a reason."

Jim nodded and then we all looked around as the scenery changed and I found myself understanding what had to happen next: duty…or love?

****

**Scotty's POV**

"I think its sweet he went back down to help." Amanda told me.

I nodded. "He is a man of duty."

Amanda looked at me. "He strikes me as a man of love as well."

"I don't think that you're allowed to be of both—it's one or the other." I replied.

Amanda and I had been spending all of our time trying to get the ship to respond to us. We had just enough power to send Spock down, but the moment that we had, we'd lost his signal. The planet did not want us to try and cheat it again by beaming the Away Team up, and that unnerved me a bit. I couldn't understand why on Earth anyone on the planet would want to keep our Away Team, but I was certain that when we got Communications back up and running we'd understand. At that moment I was working away with Amanda on fixing our transporter efficiency, and I couldn't help but check her out while I was doing so—I was a man after all.

I smiled at her as she smiled at me, and then she blushed and went back to working on the wire crossing that seemed to be failing us. It seemed that she was attracted to me too, and I didn't mind her light brown hair and dazzling eyes—nor did I mind her touchable curves. I had always thought quite highly of her work, and I wanted badly to find out more about her pastimes, but it wasn't the time. We were in the middle of a crisis and as much as I found myself more a man of love than duty, I had an Away Team to bring back up to the Enterprise in one piece—at least the three that were left.

"Which one are you?" Amanda asked me.

I winked at her. "Definitely a man of love."

She smiled and nodded and then I heard Chekov over the comm saying, "Captain Scott?"

"Yes, Chekov?" I replied.

"You'd better come up here." He told me.

I nodded and informed him that I was on my way, smiling brightly as I found myself thinking about Amanda in the lift. Once upon a time when Megan had began her work with me in Engineering, I found myself hitting on her, but it was quite obvious that Chekov was her man of choice and that didn't bother me. I'd never really found myself tied down to any one woman before, and I knew that Chekov could give her what she'd needed and wanted. After her I'd never really found myself attracted to any of my lieutenants until Amanda Steeples—I was definitely attracted to her.

"Well good afternoon, Scotty." Megan told me as she joined me in the lift.

I smiled at her. "Good afternoon, Meggy. What is it that has you traveling from Engineering?"

Megan sighed. "Hikaru and I can't seem to figure out how to get out of the tractor beam. Every time we think we have enough power to get free, something unseen drains it. I am officially going to research it more while letting Bonesy have a rest looking after Serena."

"So they named her Serena? I like it." I told her, and then as she got off at Sick Bay, I made my way straight to the bridge and looked towards Chekov as Sulu sighed loudly at the helm. "What is it, Chekov? Tell me you have good news."

By the look on his face I knew that my question was going to be met by bad news and I couldn't help but sigh. I nodded at Chekov and walked over to where he was trying to figure out what it was that he was showing me. These readings couldn't be accurate! There was absolutely no way at all that the readings we were looking at could have been taken of the planet. Maybe he was mistaken? Maybe?

"You're sure these are accurate?" I asked Chekov.

Chekov nodded. "Yes, sir. I have double checked them."

I nodded too. "Well this makes things a lot more complicated."

"Yes it does, sir. Ve should beam the Avay Team up." Chekov replied. "Ewen if ve haff to do it one by one."

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Chekov—after beaming Spock down we lost their signatures." I told Chekov dismally. "This changes everything."

I wanted to tell myself that everything was going to be just fine, but I wasn't quite sure of that anymore. The Away Team was down in untold danger with no way back up, and Jim had a hurt leg he was limping around on. Every time we got enough power for something the power would drain unexplainably, and now we were faced with something a lot worse. Whatever this was, it was highly intelligent and it wanted our people to go through things in Earth's history. Maybe it was trying to learn more about how we reacted in situations through our history and literature…that seemed legit enough.

"So you really mean to tell me that this isn't a planet? It's an entity?" I asked Chekov, still in disbelief.

"Yes, Captain—I sent the readings to Doctor McCoy to double-check." Chekov replied. "Ve are in fact looking at an entity…not a planet."

I nodded. "An entity with tractor beams and scanning technology? Is it robotic at all?"

"I am not really the expert, Captain—I just knew that you needed to know." Chekov replied.

"Thank you, Chekov." I told him, and headed to Sick Bay after leaving Sulu the bridge again.

I was trying desperately to figure out how I was going to get the Away Team back up in one piece—or really three solid pieces as it were. There were only three out of four left and I really wanted all three of them to come back up in one piece. Jim was our captain and morale would certainly suffer would he die. Spock was first in command and newly a father—his wife would be devastated if he died down there. Devon—she was new to the crew but certainly adored, and she had the kind of humor that it would be sad to have leave the ship if she died. Ensign Jones would be missed, but there was no way I could save him—I could save the others though.

"It's an entity?" I asked Doctor McCoy as I went through the Sick Bay doors, trying not to look at the adorable little girl that Lily was cradling in her arms.

McCoy nodded at me. "It _is_ an entity—you know you can ask Lily to hold Serena. We just got done with the first feeding and she's in a good mood."

**Note: I have just started Summer classes! YAY! However, due to my current work schedule (I'm a nanny for triplets) and the annoying summer schedule of classes, I am only able to take online classes this quarter. *insert sad face here* lol. That means that I am going to be busy, and may only be posting once a week and/or when I have the time to post. I wish I could post more, but I have a lot of work to do this quarter! I love you all for your support! ~Kyla**


	51. A Day of Firsts

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well I dunno if you guys never got the update or if you really didn't like the last chapter, lol.**

**You could be too busy to review and I'm overreacting because you've all spoiled me.**

**_**

**HaHa.**

**But, so this is the last chapter about mine and Dani's precious 'planet'!**

**But of course it's not really a planet.**

**=P**

**After this I will be "bringing fluffy back" just because I think that each other families need to have their own little time spent on them.**

**So next chapter will be fluffy and a little smutty for couples I have been neglecting.**

**Then there will be one or two more missions and then an epilogue that will end the story completely.**

**Amazing that it has lasted WAY longer than 20 chapters, huh?**

**Okay…on with the story.**

**=D**

****

**Kirk's POV**

Even though Devon hadn't finished the scene out with me, I felt a lot more assured about how she felt about me. I knew I must have been quite annoying with my constant nagging her about Spock…but I'd been incredibly jealous lately. Just the fact that Devon was willing to humor me and didn't reject my love was more than enough for me at the moment. She at least wanted to be with me, so it was only a matter of time before I realized that she really wasn't going anymore—I had to trust her more.

"So what exactly is going on?" Devon asked as she looked down at her jeans and T-shirt.

I smiled. "Just pick me and everything will be fine."

Spock shook his head. "It is probably best that she pick me, Jim."

"One of you needs to tell me what's going on before I do anything." Devon replied, but she did take a step towards me and I beamed—that's right, pick 'Love', Devon.

I knew that Spock was aware of what book we were in too, and I knew that if Devon had her way if Spock explained it, she would pick Spock. Devon stopped walking towards me when she heard Spock tell her she needed to be aware of what exactly was going on. I had a feeling that it would happen because Spock was the logical one out of the bunch and after him came Devon. It was actually really strange that I even loved Devon when she was so logical and I so…well wasn't. Then again I realized that I was completely and utterly in love with her because we had things in common, but our differences were so vast that we fit together perfectly.

"I believe that your refusal to tell the captain that you loved him has made the planet want to know where you stand on one simple question: duty or love?" Spock explained to her. "I believe that the planet is trying to figure out the complexity and vastness of human emotions."

"Oh! White rabbit was curiosity; yellow brick road was friendship; Shakespeare was love; the war was…violence? Anger?" Devon contemplated. "Um…I've never read this book."

I laughed. "You've never read, _Doctoring Love By: Sandis Cajher_?"

"No—it sounded like some silly love story, and I'm not really the kind of person that sits around reading romance." Devon explained. "I also don't conform to what everyone else is reading. How the Hell do _you_ know what it's about, Spock?"

"I have read all of the literature in the ship's libraries." Spock replied.

It really didn't surprise me at all that Spock had read all of the literature in the ship's libraries. Spock found himself needing to know as much about everything as he could, and I found myself appreciative of that. It's what made him such an amazing science officer, and I knew that for the sake of trying to figure out what the planet truly had in store for us so we could go back to the ship, Devon had to make this choice on her own. I agreed with Spock—the planet was trying rather hard to figure us out and literature seemed the best way to do that—all humans seemed to write about was their emotions.

"Spock? I find it odd that the planet is more interested in humans than in Vulcans…so why are you stuck here as well?" I asked him.

Devon shot me a look. "That's kind of a little insensitive to ask, don't you think, Jim?"

I held my hands up. "I didn't mean it all racist-like; I was just trying to figure out exactly what's going on here. I mean I guess Spock _is_ half human…"

"I believe that for now I am serving my purpose to the storylines that the planet wishes to play out. At this particular moment, I am a physical manifestation of Jaeda's duty to her sick family, and you are a physical manifestation of Jaeda's desire to have love and a life of her own. It is now up to Devon to pick between us." Spock explained. "Devon knows a little of what she should do."

Devon looked like she was in a rather uncomfortable position and I knew then and there that the two of us were going to be engaging in some dialogue from the book she didn't really know. What I didn't understand was how she was going to be able to pull that off. Then again she could have somehow seen the movie—or we'd just have some kind of conversation like what had happened between Jaeda and her love interest in the book. Maybe she'd be speaking from her own heart…I was suddenly feeling rather nervous.

"I don't want to complicate your life." Devon told me.

I smiled at her genuinely. "I want all the complications you've got."

Devon shook her head. "Maybe you should go."

"Maybe you should stay." I countered.

Spock looked at us and he seemed to be deep in thought as he watched the interaction between Devon and I. He had already been through this love versus duty scenario, and he looked almost like he was reliving some things. Devon noticed my look shot in Spock's direction and she looked at him too, realization on both of their faces and I wasn't sure I was liking this anymore. Scene change…please? I didn't want Devon to break-up with me when I knew that I needed her—I didn't want her to push love away for duty when Spock was making it work just fine.

"You're thinking hard about something, Spock—maybe we should trigger a scene change." I tried.

"What are you thinking about?" Devon asked him.

Spock looked at her. "I'm thinking about when I was faced with this decision…this is a decision that you have to make on your own."

"You don't deserve this." Devon told me after a long pause.

This is exactly what I had been dreading—Devon backing out. She seemed to frown at the thought because she realized that she was reminding herself of someone we knew. Devon didn't want to go through these scenes anymore…she really didn't want to be forced to say things that had to do with feelings. Feelings were not something that Devon liked to discuss—she and I discussed dinner plans and Away Mission teams and about our days, but we never sat around talking about how we felt. Devon was a very professional kind of woman and I respected that…but I didn't think I could deal with it if she pulled away from me.

I smiled at her. "How can you say that, Dev? You're the most ama—"

"—stop, Jim." Devon told me and it surprised the three of us when she came and wrapped her arms around me. "I may not know if I love you yet, but I do know that I don't want you to simply leave."

****

**Devon's POV**

I didn't know why I was holding onto Jim like I was, but it was reassuring when he wrapped his arms back around me. I wanted to verbally express again that I hadn't actually chosen love, but I had simply left myself open to the idea of it. Jim was first and foremost my friend before my…sort of boyfriend…and I didn't want to push him out of my life. He understood me, and that was rare—finding a man that would understand your needs for logic and yet still be willing to stick around and give you some strange sort of romance.

"I love you." Jim told me.

I nodded into him. "I know."

He stroked my hair. "I hope you don't feel pressured to say it back—I really don't want you to feel like you have to tell me how you feel, all right?"

I'd actually never thought of myself as a woman that needed love in any form—except maybe that of friendship. I was never really antisocial—I just focused on my work and all of my friends had understood that. I liked my work; I was good at it and I never found myself bored and then was Colin and then came…Jim. Jim had somehow found a way to weasel his way into my life when I hadn't been receptive, and he'd made me actually enjoy having his company—I really did adore him…I just didn't know if I could voice an 'I love you' yet, and I didn't actually feel pressured by Kirk—I felt pressured by this stupid fucking planet.

I pulled off of Jim. "So when are we going to get this scene change?"

Jim chuckled and let go of me when he saw the embarrassed look on my face as we held onto each other in front of Spock. I knew I shouldn't feel too embarrassed in front of Spock because he was probably all over his wife in their quarters, but that was in his _quarters_. I really didn't want to have this illogical lapse of judgment with Jim all the time—Jim Kirk or not. I knew that he was the kind of man that liked public displays of affection, but I wasn't really into that—I had just felt like I had to hug him at that particular moment because he was being so understanding…that was really not like me.

"I have no idea how to change the scene." Jim told me with a chuckle. "Maybe you should tell me that you don't love me and you choose duty."

I smiled at him and then turned to Spock. "So…did Jaeda pick love or duty in the book, Spock? Or did it come down to something like, 'you cannot have one without the other' just so that someone could go ahead and make someone read a whole book for some lame but probably incredibly well described ending."

Spock looked me in the eye. "I believe it would be best if you read the book yourself."

I nodded at him and turned to see if Jim wanted to continue the scene, when I realized that everything had changed. I immediately looked down to my clothes and smiled a little: I knew _exactly _where we were—_exactly_ what movie we were in and I was pleased. I reached up to touch the braided up-do that my hair should not be able to make, and checked for my gun that hung out around the middle of my waist, flowing pant suit. It felt _so_ good to be wearing pants instead of a dress, and I turned to look at Spock and laughed a little.

"What is so humorous?" Spock asked me.

I laughed a little more. "Oh, nothing…you're just a little gold is all."

I knew that we were supposed to be worried about Jim and I was, but the fact that we had somehow crossed into the insanity of Star Wars amused me. I wasn't quite sure what emotion this was supposed to portray for us to show, but I began to understand this planet. It seemed to me that before the entities on the planet would show themselves to us, they wanted to know how we thought—how we'd react to them. Spock was already ahead of me in his beliefs on the matter, but I knew for a fact that we were both on the same page when he looked a little pleased with himself without actually looking pleased.

"What is it that has you a little happy?" I asked him. "And don't tell me that Vulcans don't get happy, because I'm sure you were beyond proud when your daughter was born."

Spock nodded. "I am being portrayed as a computer…I take that as a high compliment."

I laughed. "Well yes, I guess—though C3PO was more of a bumbling android…"

I trailed off and lowered my voice so that I didn't have to explain it to him and tried to figure out what part of the movie we were in. Jim was gone, and I was in the pant suit, so it pretty much had to be around the time that Han Solo was placed in carbonite. That meant that we were going to have to find out where Jim was because apparently he was Han Solo—he _was_ the one missing from our current party. That actually made me crack a smile considering I had grown up with my mother who watched all the ancient things, and I had been in love with Han Solo for most of my life. So I was Leia and Jim was Han? This planet really thought it knew me.

"I have a feeling that Jim is currently incased in carbonite." I told Spock excitedly.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that amusement in your voice?"

I shrugged a little. "I know that I should be worried since this planet has already killed off one of us…but if he's in carbonite than he's fine for now—we just have to find him and get him…out…that's R2D2."

The little robot beeped at me and I smiled, it leading us to a chamber. I thought we'd all be in a lot more danger, but the planet seemed to be goading us—seemed to genuinely right now be more interested in figuring out if we would play this out or not. I knew it had been in fact _my_ fault that the planet had to compensate, and I was all right with that—I didn't think the planet would be as amused with a girl who followed along. Besides, what human being actually wanted to follow the rules? Actually did what they were being forced to do when they had the power to do something they actually wanted to do? This planet was starting to thrill me a little like it had Jim before.

"I am only versed in the literature." Spock informed me as I began to get Jim out of the chamber of carbonite. "I am not entirely familiar with the movies."

I smiled. "Then how do you know you're fashioned after a computer kind of right now?"

Spock shrugged ever so subtly. "Lily has informed me of your love for Star Wars so I know of it—I am just not as versed with it as the novels and plays."

"Well here is a lesson for you then, Spock." I replied, and smiled as Jim fell in a crumpled heap.

I really had expected getting to Jim would be a lot more difficult, but the planet was about to get what it wanted. I wasn't about to not finish out this scene, and looking at Jim all vulnerable and confused had my insides playing tricks on me. He looked up at me so softly, his eyes searching mine to figure out what I was going to say next, and I couldn't help but smile at him a little. He actually kind of _was_ like Han Solo, so I liked that the planet had put us in such roles along the way. I mean I hadn't been too fond of being Beatrice in _Much Ado_, but her relationship with Benedict and Leia's relationship with Han made me think of Jim and me.

No matter how good things got between us, Jim and I were still constantly bickering—even if we didn't really have anything to bicker about. Jim liked to joke that it was all part of our growing attachment to each other and I had to agree…it really kind of was. We bickered because we could sometimes and not just because we were annoyed with each other…even though we still sometimes annoyed each other. Jim sat up a little and looked me in the eye after glancing at Spock a little and raising his eyebrow at the fact that Spock was a little goldish and in military stance.

"Who are you?" Jim asked me.

I smiled at him. "Someone who loves you."

****

**Spock's POV**

Since Lily was aware of what was going and was filling me in on everything that Scotty and McCoy told her, I had become aware that the planet was in fact an entity. It seemed that the entity actually did not have any sort of problems that we would need to fix. The distress call had merely been a lure to bring a ship to study to the entity, and the Enterprise had come and fallen prey to it. Lily did not believe the entity was violent or hostile and though I wanted to believe her on that, the entity had in fact blown up Ensign Jones. She agreed that blowing up Ensign Jones was not entirely befitting her hypothesis, and decided to focus on how cute Devon and Jim were acting together.

"So you _do_ love me!" Jim exclaimed, kissing Devon tenderly.

Devon rolled her eyes and pushed him off lovingly. "Stop with the public displays of affection, Captain."

Jim smiled and stood up as she got up. "I love it when you try to push me away a little by switching to formalities."

"Welcome back, Captain." I told him.

"Good to be back, Spock…I think the android is doing something." Jim pointed out.

We all turned to R2D2 as I noticed the happiness in Devon's eyes that Jim actually knew about Star Wars. Lily was right—Devon was a big Star Wars fan and now she knew that Jim was a fan himself which seemed to make her happy. The three of us stood there and watched as a hologram was projected in front of us. The image looked rather human and I was pretty sure the entity had done that to make us feel a lot more comfortable about our current situation, and Devon seemed beyond excited and little let down.

"Greetings." The hologram welcomed. "I am pleased to meet a species as complicated and intriguing as you—you as well Mr. Vulcan."

"Why are you keeping us here?" Jim asked the hologram woman.

The hologram smiled. "You are free to go. My name is Kressla, and I am a Vargan. I was sent out to scout and learn about other species, and I have now done my duty. You will notice that I am not equipped with actual weapons, and as a sign of good faith, I am offering you back your crew man."

The three of us turned to see Ensign Jones standing there with them, and Jim smiled at the entity as I raised an eyebrow. I was not completely confused—in fact I was _amused_. This entity went through a lot of trouble just to simply study other species. She had officially completed her job and was letting us go, pleased that she could gather the information that she did to take back to her superiors. There was so much that I wanted to learn about her, and I was pulled out of my thoughts as Devon smacked Jim's hand when he tried to poke the hologram.

"I believe that the humans on your vessel have more information about me and my species. I have upload the information to your computers and I leave you now to return to your people." Kressla told us with a smile on her face. "It was a pleasure to meet you."

She sent a smile in my direction too, and I watched as the illusion faded and we stood on our transporter pad. Mr. Scott had taken the time to beam us up to the ship and I found myself heading straight to Sick Bay where McCoy smiled, laughed and then shook his head a little at me. He knew that I was there to learn about the entity, and then I looked around and wondered where my wife and my daughter were. She was no longer on the Sick Bay cot, and I looked back to McCoy who nodded, Janet coming out of his office fixing her shirt and smiling brightly at me.

"Where are Lily and Serena?" I asked her.

Janet shrugged. "Lily, Megan and Chekov wanted to try some freaky threesome thing so they headed to your quarters."

I raised an eyebrow. "A joke, I suppose?"

Janet laughed and rolled her eyes. "Lily, Megan and Chekov went to your quarters because a certain half-Vulcan man whose name I won't disclose has not yet assembled the baby crib."

I nodded and headed out of Sick Bay—I _had_ actually forgotten to assemble the crib. Lily and I had been waiting to put it together because we had other things to do and we had planned to do it after this Away Mission but Serena had come two weeks early. I smiled at Nurse Chapel as I went past her down the corridor, getting into the lift and then getting out on the deck mine and Lily's quarters were on and went in to see Lily and Megan trying to read the directions out loud to Chekov. Chekov looked up to see me standing there, Lily sitting up in the bed under the covers and Megan cradling a sleeping Serena in her arms.

"I think you should let Spock put the crib together, Pav." Megan told Chekov with a small laugh. "You're doing fantastic, but it's his daughter."

Chekov nodded. "It is all yours, Spock."

I nodded to him and started to put the crib together as Megan handed Serena back over to Lily. After Megan kissed Lily and Serena both on the forehead, she grasped Chekov's hand and headed out of the quarters. Lily hummed a little to our sleeping daughter and then I finished putting the crib together and went to go and sit next to Lily and Serena. Lily looked up at me as Serena slept and I opened up my arms for her, Lily laughing a little and then sighing loudly as she handed her over. Everyone had wanted to hold Serena all day, so Lily hadn't spent the time with her that she had wanted to because she had napped off the exhaustion earlier while Jim, Devon and I were going through experiments on an entity that was pretending to be a planet.

"It was an organic robotic entity." Lily explained to me as she leaned herself against me and placed a kiss on my jaw line. "I thought that it was kind of really cool, actually. Later Leo is going to talk to me and Megan and Janet about it so you should be there."

"I would like that." I replied, looking Lily in the eye.

The two of us hadn't actually spent as much time together as we had wanted to with Serena being born in the _middle_ of an Away Mission, and it was nice to just look in her eyes and she looked in mine. We were now parents and though it didn't feel entirely different, it felt kind of weird at the same time. There was now a life that we were responsible for, and it was surreal. Lily kissed me softly, and though I could feel the dull pain and exhaustion coming from her, she wanted to be close to me. I pulled away and placed Serena in her crib after placing a quick kiss to her forehead, and then watched as she moved a little and then laid there peacefully, pulling off my tunic and crawling into bed with my wife.

"I'm glad you got to meet new life today." Lily told me, running her cool fingers along my chest and tracing shapes, my arms around her.

I kissed the top of her head and smiled at how well she knew me. "I love you."

She held up her two fingers and I pressed mine to hers as she nodded. "I love you too."

**Note: Next chapter will be fluffy! Also, there will be a couple flashbacks and lots of couple interactions with ALL of the couples. It should go up in the next couple days! I finished this week's homework except for my self evaluation due on Sunday which will easily be whipped up Sunday morning since it's due at 11:59.**


	52. To Love or Not to Love

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**OMG a FLUFFY chapter!!**

**lol**

**So there are five POVs in this chapter…yeah I said five.**

**The chapter is still as long as the others, but the POVs are shorter than normal.**

**Thought you'd all like a look into the girls' minds.**

**=P**

****

**Amanda's POV**

"Is this the kind of outfit you wear on the sixth date?" I asked Lily, pacing her quarters as she bounced a rather disgruntled Serena up and down a little.

Lily smiled at me. "I think it's perfect."

Dinner with Scotty—sixth time in the last two weeks. I had gotten used to seeing Scotty everyday naturally, but I meant that I had gotten used to eating dinner with him. I was actually really excited too—we were pretty much dating. I had wanted to date Scotty since I came on board the Enterprise and met him in Engineering with Megan. I had actually been a little jealous of Megan when Scotty hit on her once, but the second I saw her look at Pavel I knew I had nothing to worry about—she wasn't interested in Scotty in the slightest.

"Thank you—I hope Serena calms down for you." I told her.

Lily smiled at me. "Thank you. I would make Spock play the harp for her but he's on the bridge at the moment."

I left Lily's quarters as Serena started to cry, and I smiled a little—no matter what was going on, Lily was always there to counsel me. She had been counseling me for a long while now, and she was more than happy to help me with my Scotty situation. Not that it was actually a 'situation'—I mean Scotty and I were now finally dating. It was a dream come true, and tonight Scotty was replicating us some food of his choosing—and I trusted him to make me something I would enjoy.

I straightened my shirt and headed into the lift, taking a deep breath or two, smiling at Ensign Jones when he joined me in the lift and then got off on the next deck up. I headed down the corridor and then paused outside the door of his quarters. I didn't know why I was so nervous when this was the sixth time we'd had dinner together. For some reason I was always nervous right before, but the minute I stepped in and we started talking and eating, I was always so much more at ease. Maybe I had some kind of internal fear of him suddenly backing out—but that was a normal feeling in the beginning, right?

"Amanda!" Scotty greeted as the doors to his quarters opened.

I smiled back at him. "Hey!"

He ushered for me to come in. "You're right on time."

I beamed at the set table. "So what's for dinner?"

"It's a surprise—and Scott's never give away their surprises." Scotty told me with a wink.

When I heard him say, 'Scott's never give away their surprises' I found myself swooning on the inside. It wasn't just his scrumptious Scottish accent either—it was the way he winked at me when he was done. In my mind…we skipped dinner and went straight to bed right then and there. Stop it! Stop thinking dirty thoughts! Focus on the hot, smart, sexy, Scottish man, with the hot ass—no, no! Focus on the table! THE TABLE!!

"Are you all right, Amanda?" Scotty asked me with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

I waved it off. "Oh, I'm fine."

I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but ran into the table—that's what I get for not being able to take my eyes off his ass. I felt my cheeks burn as my face flushed, and I laughed awkwardly and looked directly at the table so he couldn't see my rosy cheeks. Scotty let out a chuckle, and I had to hold back the swoon harder this time—this man was so sexy I couldn't stand it. You know, Amanda…you're starting to think like a man…you should prolly get the night rolling.

"I hope you don't mind, but I got us a little scotch for the evening." Scotty told me. "Would you like to start off with a glass, or wait for appetizers?"

I raised an eyebrow and smirked myself. "What year is the scotch?"

****

**Megan's POV**

I ran my fingers along Pavel's bare arms and smiled at him as he held my hand. I knew that we were incredibly young and now married, but the two of us were perfectly content. We didn't actually do anything much different than we had done when we were dating—except for the sex and the living in the same quarters. The two of us always got up early, went to our posts, saw each other on breaks, and then congregated back in our quarters for dinner. We were on route to a Federation Colony, and right now everyone kind of had their time to themselves and they were using it up.

"What do you think about inviting Bonesy and Janet over for dinner tonight?" I asked Pavel softly, looking up at him.

Pavel smiled. "I vould wery much like to have dinner vith your brother. It has been a long vile since ve spent time with Leonard and Janet one on one."

I nodded. "It is very true. Lily and Spock have been kind of hold up in their quarters lately with Serena—we're all starting to think that the three don't exist anymore."

Pavel chuckled. "I think it is refreshing actually—Spock has emotions and a sense of familiar duty."

I nodded with a large grin on my face at the thought because I agreed. If Spock had proved anything to anyone, it was that Vulcans had emotions and they had the ability to show their love without actually betraying their emotions to anyone around them. There were a few times when he almost lost himself to fear when Lily got hurt, but mostly Spock was very professional and 'Vulcan' when it came to interaction and doing his work. Pavel was getting this look in his eyes as we both thought about everything that had happened in the last little while and I felt the need to have us both talk about the important issues in the back of our minds.

"We're much too young to be parents right now, Pav." I told him.

Pavel smiled and nodded. "I wery much agree with you, Megan."

I smiled too. "Someday I want to have children with you, Pav—I truly do—but I think that we should focus on the life we've made for the two of us. I mean we have Serena as a niece, so our 'baby quota' as it were for now has been reached as I see it. She's the only baby that I think the two of us should be involved with for the next few years."

"Vhat about _after_ the five year mission?" Pavel asked me timidly.

I smiled at the prospect of Pavel and I have children, and I looked him in the eye as he ran his fingers along my bra strap. He smiled at me a little as I beamed and I found myself thinking hard about it because I hadn't actually thought about it. I knew that I loved Pavel and I wanted to be his wife, but I was only 23, and I didn't want to be a mother yet. Still, I was open to the idea of being a mother when this five year mission was over and Pavel and I could return to Earth.

"After the five year mission I think that we should discuss the possibility." I told him. "I'd really like to be a mother someday as long as you're the father."

"Vell as long as ve vill discuss it eventually." Pavel replied.

I kissed him softly. "Of course we will. So I should probably talk to Leonard about dinner."

"Soon." Pavel told me, kissing me lovingly and holding me tightly.

****

**Janet's POV**

"You are so horny when you're figuring out cures and things." I told Leonard with a laugh as I ran my fingers through my messy hair and fixed my uniform in his office.

Leonard chuckled. "You know you wouldn't have me any other way, Janet."

He winked at me and I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but just nod and grin at the same time. I had absolutely _no_ problems with Leonard wanting to have sex on a med table or in his office—none. He had been working so hard lately on trying to find the cure to Lily's and Leona's disease, Leona getting sicker and sicker everyday, and he needed pick-me-ups and rewards—which I was more than willing to administer. In fact, I was starting to depend on it as much as Leonard was these days.

"You can't just walk out into Sick Bay in your boxers!" I protested, but Leonard had that look on his face.

"I think I might have figured it out!" Leonard exclaimed. "The cure! I think I got it!"

I laughed a little and leaned on the frame of his office door. "Well glad I could help to get the blood running enough to go through your brain for you to think straight."

Leonard smiled at me and nodded, looking over his molds as I went over and gave his shoulders a soft massage. Leonard always seemed to work better when he was relaxed, and we all wanted to cure Lily. Also, Leonard had found small traces of the disease in Serena's blood sample he'd taken, so he had been feeling more stressed than normal. He had been working on pretty much only trying to find the cure before Leona died, and on whatever he needed to do for the Away Missions that came up while he was trying to find the cure.

"I'm going to go and administer this hypospray to Leona, and I'll be right back." Leonard told me, and kissed me swiftly.

I smiled and nodded calling after him, "Good luck! I'm going to visit Megan!"

Leonard nodded as he hurried out of Sick Bay, and after he left I headed straight for Megan's and Chekov's quarters to see them. I was actually quite fond of Megan and Chekov—both apart _and_ as a couple. I kind of envied them actually. The closer that Leonard and I got, the more I was starting to want what Megan and Chekov had. They were married, vowed to be together forever, and there was absolutely no pressure to start a family—they were _already_ a family. I wanted that…I wanted to have the McCoy last name…I just didn't know how to bring something like that up with Leonard.

"Janet!" Megan exclaimed as the doors to her quarters opened.

I hugged her tightly and pretended not to notice that Chekov was pulling his tunic back on. They had obviously been otherwise engaged—even though the bed was made I could tell. I actually blamed Leonard quite a lot for my new knowledge about sex and my ability to tell when people were getting some and when they weren't. The horny bastard had rubbed off on me quite a lot since we'd started dating—and of course against me—and though glad we were together, I could know quite a lot less about the lives of the other people on the Enterprise, and I'd be fine, thank you.

"How about some dinner tonight? Just you, me, Bonesy and Pav?" Megan asked me.

I smiled at her. "It sounds good to me. We're going to have to wait for Leonard though—he thinks he got a break through on the Pallitosis."

Megan beamed. "That's fantastic! Lily really needs that cure!"

I nodded and wanted to add that Serena did too, but that knowledge _I_ wasn't even supposed to know, so I just nodded and sat down to catch up with Megan and Chekov. The four of us really did need a dinner to get back into the swing of things. I'd let Leonard know later when he came looking for me—for now his focus was in the right place.

****

**Devon's POV**

"That's not right." I told myself out loud.

I sighed loudly and looked back at my console and then at my datapad and wished desperately that there was something else that I could do. I had been trying to keep myself busy for the last two weeks, and every time I started to get something done—whether it actually needed to be done or not—something would distract me. Ever since the planet I had been thinking more and more about Jim and Colin. It wasn't so much how alike they were—it was more of what made me attracted to them in the first place. Love was a new feeling for me, and I wasn't sure exactly how to express it without the fear creeping in.

Actually it was worse than that—with Jim I _didn't_ have any fear at all about saying 'I love you' anymore. I'd look at him and just know, but if I said it…if I said it then it made it real. I knew I shouldn't be making Jim jump through all these hoops—and technically I wasn't—but I just didn't know where to go from the 'I love you'. I knew that Jim was different, and I knew that I felt good when I was around him, and I knew that he deserved to know how I felt, but since Colin I'd shut my feelings off. It wasn't easy for me to express myself anymore, and that was why I had been trying to immerse myself in my work.

"Oh, that's what it is—obvious." I muttered out loud, shaking my head and thumbing in the information. "Come in."

I glanced up for a second and grinned when Jim walked through the doors—that was another thing: I was always happy to see him. To be honest, I really hadn't ever thought I'd fall for a straight man. Back home we'd all joked about how my liking a man would make them gay, and when Colin ditched me for other girls and then became a girl himself, we joked about it having to do with my love for him. So, needless to say I wasn't ready to tell Jim 'I love you' when maybe his sometimes effeminate moments would make him think that maybe _he_ wanted to become a woman too. If that happened then I'd just have to be gay myself since I would plague all of the men in this world.

"No, no work." Jim told me, coming over and holding his hand out for the datapad. "Come on, Dev—you don't even have anything to actually work on right now. You've gone above and beyond already."

I sighed—he was right. In trying to keep myself busy I'd been kind of ignoring him a little to do my job _and_ the jobs of a couple people around me. I knew that I should have been focusing more on my own hobbies, but when I have a bunch of things on my mind, I never seem to be able to focus on my sketches. Jim was actually really excited about my sketches when I got one done that I liked, and a little frustrated I never let him in on the process, really. If I didn't like it then no one got to see it—except Spock. He'd been lucky a couple times to catch me drawing something crappy. Normally I tried to keep the sketching to myself in my quarters, but you never know when inspiration is going to strike you on the bridge during a night shift in the captain's chair.

"How about dinner in the Mess Hall?" Jim asked me.

I looked at him. "I really don't like eating in front of people, Jim. You're really the only exception to that."

Jim smiled at me. "I'm the only one on this ship that has seen you eat?"

I nodded. "Yeah, actually. You're lucky."

I set my datapad next my console because I knew that I would be working on it late into the night, and I returned the kiss that Jim gave me as I stood up. He was really starting to get impatient about sex, but he wasn't pushing and I thanked him for that. Jim was sweet enough not to talk about how badly he wanted it—I could just tell from the look in his eyes. It was awkward and flattering all at once that he lusted after me, and I knew that I was close to giving in because I wanted to as well, but it just wasn't the right moment for us. If I believed in anything, it was in timing—Jim and I had yet to reach timing for sex, but I knew it would happen eventually.

"What would you like to eat tonight?" Jim asked me as he stroked my hair. "Do you want to choose, or can I?"

I looked him in the eye. "Jim, if you want to choose what to eat tonight then I'm not going to stop you. You know what I like, and you haven't let me down with a food choice yet, so I trust you.

Jim beamed. "Well in that case, I'm picking."

****

**Lillian's POV**

"Will seeing Uncle Leo make you feel better, Serena?" I asked her with a big goofy grin on my face, but she didn't seem to share my enthusiasm.

I took my fussy Serena into Sick Bay and sat down on the medical cot. I had been truly exhausted these last two weeks, and Spock was starting to physically feel it as well as mentally. Since he was Vulcan, he was able to hide his exhaustion better than I was, and I envied that about him because I wish I didn't _look_ like I was so exhausted. Leonard smiled at me and took Serena from me, Serena still fussy. Spock had spoiled her already with his harp, and since I couldn't play it, I had to figure out other ways to keep her soothed.

"She wants her father to play his Vulcan harp—I play it badly." I told Leonard as he tried to rock her. "I mean she calms down a bit when I hum or sing to her, but only for so long."

Leonard laughed a little. "I guess Spock _is_ the kind of father that will spoil his daughter. I owe Janet $50."

I smiled. "He certainly is. I'm beginning to think that she has already picked favorites. She only seems to want me these days when she's falling asleep and wants to be held instead of stuck in her crib and when she wants to be fed…like now."

Leonard handed Serena to me. "You know her cries well—and don't take it too hard, Lily. I'm sure she can sense your exhaustion and simply wants to force your husband to help out more."

"Spock helps out plenty." I told Leonard, glad for the kind words as I unfastened the nursing tunic and Serena latched on as I cradled her. "Mom says she's demanding like I was, and that she'll mellow out in a little while."

I knew that Serena and I were bonded—not just from our telepathic bond, but from our natural mother/daughter bond. She stared into my eyes with her bright brown eyes as she fed, and I smiled at her and stroked her hair a little. Leonard handing me a privacy blanket as a patient walked in. Since it had just been Leonard I didn't mind breast-feeding in front of him—he'd been down between my legs helping to get Serena out for Heaven's sake. It was just that Sick Bay was a lot less private than my quarters, and since Spock and I had really been spending most of our time in just our quarters, I had gotten used to doing whatever it was that I pleased.

"Let me check on Ensign Jones, and then I'll be back to give you the hypospray I came up with—your mother has responded quite nicely to it." Leonard told me.

I smiled at him as he headed over to Ensign Jones—leave it up to Leonard to find cures. It was actually kind of incredible because no matter what happened or how 'impossible' it was, Leonard always seemed to be able to fix or cure it. He spent so much time trying to figure out things and it helped that he was just naturally brilliant. Ever since we were little he had always found himself needing to figure things out until they were figured out, and it had helped him so much on this mission. From the minute I found out Leonard was looking for a cure, I felt myself at ease because I knew that eventually he would find the cure…he always did.

"He's got himself some tendonitis in his wrist." Leonard told me with a laugh as Ensign Jones headed out and I fixed my shirt and set to trying to burp Serena. "The man needs to take it easy and stick to the wrist exercises that I gave him."

I smiled. "Well if he's not listening to you, Leo, then it's his own fault."

Leonard nodded and then pulled out the hypospray that he needed, giving me an injection. I smiled at him, completely sure that this was going to work, congratulating Serena on her burp as Leonard's office console beeped. Serena smiled at my enthusiasm for her, and reached out to touch my nose, causing me to erupt into baby talk until I felt the distress coming from Leonard. I got off of the medical cot as Serena looked distressed herself, and held her close as Leonard ran his hand down his face—not a good Leonard body signal, I assure you.

"Leo…what happened?" I asked him softly almost afraid to ask because I didn't think I wanted to know.

Leonard looked at me. "You, Megan and I need to head to Earth. It's going to take us a little while by shuttle, but it has to be done."

I didn't like the sound of that. "Leonard…be straight-forward with me, please."

Leonard took a deep breath. "Dad's dying, Lily."


	53. Bonding Lovingly

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I hope you liked that fluffiness and the little sad cliffhanger.**

**There is still fluffiness in this chapter actually, but the little side plot too.**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

**=D**

**5 more POVs and it's the boys—and my very first attempt at Chekov.**

**If it goes well I might go into his POV again…maybe, maybe not.**

**I write them how they talk and I think they think, so Chekov's POV?**

**Hella effing hard, lol.**

**=P**

****

**Chekov's POV**

"Meg?" I asked her as I pulled on my tunic, Janet taking a seat on the couch.

Megan turned to me. "Yes, Pav?"

I smiled at her. "Vhat vould you like for dinner? Any preferences Janet?"

"I have absolutely no preferences at all—just no pig, please. Makes my skin crawly." Janet replied.

I laughed at Janet—she alvays had a tendency of making me laugh. Ewer since I had met Janet, Megan and Lily, I had found myself completely and utterly enthralled by all three of them. Not only was their bond vith each other something to enwy, but there vas no one more important to the three of them but each other. Ewen as my vife, Megan put her family first and I deeply admired that about her and Lily. Janet put her pseudo sisters first as vell, and I felt blessed to be part of something as special as the bond betveen the three.

"If I vent vith a traditional Russian—" I tried.

"—okay I lied…I have preferences." Janet replied.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh now you do, do you?"

"I'd like something really simple—like pizza. You can replicate a pizza, can't you, Cheky?" Janet asked me.

I couldn't help but laugh at the nickname she had giwen me, but I rolled my eyes as vell. Janet had a tendency of joking about ewrything, and sometimes ewen vhen she thought she vas satisfied and had made the right choice, she vould change her mind at the drop of a hat. Megan luffed Janet's spontaneity, and I vas quite fond of it myself, but at the same time, sometimes it seemed to be an inconwenience—one that Megan and I vere glad to share in. Janet Ferris vas one of a kind, as vas my beautiful vife, and if they vanted pizza, then pizza I vould replicate.

"Pizza actually sounds _really_ good." Megan agreed as she looked at me. "I bet Bonesy would be more than happy to have himself some pizza when he finally gets here."

I smiled. "Then pizza it is."

Janet beamed. "Good! Hey, while you're at it, Cheky, do you have any fun Russian stories to share? I don't really have any gossip."

"Good." Megan agreed as she looked at me. "I bet Bonesy would be more than happy to have himself some pizza when he finally gets here."

I smiled. "Then pizza it is."

Janet beamed. "Good! Hey, while you're at it, Cheky, do you have any fun Russian stories to share? I don't really have any gossip."

"_You_ don't have _any_ gossip? None at all?" Megan asked Janet, completely amazed.

If there vas one thing that Megan and I vere used to, it vas Janet coming to talk to us about the latest things that she had heard. I vas amazed a lot at just how much gossip there vas to pick up in Engineering. It seemed to me that ewryone in Engineering knew more about vhat vas going on around the ship than anyone anyvhere else on the ship. Janet vas Megan's faworite person to go to, to find out vhat vas going on in warious peoples' liwes. I had to be honest: I wery much enjoyed the gossip that Janet brought vith her as vell.

"There hasn't been _anything_ of consequence going on at all?" I asked Janet.

She shrugged. "I mean Amanda and Scotty are going out now, but I think everyone knows that now. See, Megan? He _did_ get over you."

I looked ower as Megan rolled her eyes. "You doubted he vould, Meg?"

Megan shook her head. "I never doubted that he'd get over me—Janet is over exaggerating and twisting my words around. I want nothing but happiness for Scotty and Amanda."

"Besides, Cheky—she has you and your gleaming body of beauty." Janet replied.

I laughed a little again and then set to replicating the pizza as Janet and Megan began to chat some more. As soon as Leonard got here there vould be a man for me to talk to, ewen if I enjoyed the company that Janet and Megan prowided for me. I couldn't help but eawesdrop either—the things these vomen heard in Engineering.

****

**Scotty's POV**

From the minute that Amanda had waltzed into my quarters, I found myself thinking thoughts that I knew I shouldn't be thinking about my second in command. It was bad enough that everyone on the ship seemed to be hooking up without me having to fraternize with the woman that worked with me every single day in tight quarters. Still, if everyone else got to be happy then I deserved the same kind of happiness, didn't I? After all I kept this ship up and running and I was always accommodating and good acting captain when I needed to be. I deserved some romance and Hell—Amanda deserved some good romance herself. And besides: the woman apparently knew her scotch.

"You're a woman who knows her scotch, then?" I asked her.

She smiled. "I actually pride myself on knowing which types and years are the best."

I smirked a little and then couldn't help but chuckle—this woman knew the way to my heart. Alcohol was actually a rather large part of my life, and yet I was still able to manage it and the rest of my life quite well. As a Scotsman, I was rather used to drinking and such, and to meet a woman who would be able to consume the quality stuff with me, was quite the turn-on. Each moment Amanda and I spent together had me closer and closer to not ever wanting to let the adorable lass go.

"So tell me Mandy…you got any family back home?" I asked her as I decided on dinner.

Amanda smiled at me. "Yeah, actually—I have an older brother. He's the mayor of our town actually on Earth."

I smiled at her. "A mayor? Really? He's a really important man then, your brother."

Amanda nodded. "He really is. What about you? You have any siblings?"

Even though Amanda and I had been dating for the last two weeks, we'd talked mostly about the ship and about some of our favorite things. Our family hadn't quite come up yet but that was all right—our relationship was still new. Amanda and I had been quite enjoying each other's company, and I was rather glad that I had such a beautiful woman to call my own finally. I was beyond thrilled to be seeing as much of her as I did, and I was glad that she could stand me long enough to be with me. Heavens knows that when I got to talking about space, time and ships and how they worked, I couldn't shut my yap.

Amanda seemed to love that about me though, and I couldn't figure out how I'd gotten so lucky and yet been so blind before. She had always been right there in Engineering with me, right there helping me and Megan with everything, and I hadn't noticed until I was faced with a crisis. Maybe it was normal for men to not notice something right under their nose until they thought there was a possibility that they wouldn't get to see whatever of whomever it was again, but I knew that from this point on Amanda was one of my top priorities. From this point on, Amanda was my girlfriend, and part of my free-time was going to be occupied with spending time with her and trying to make her happy.

"I do not have any siblings, no." I admitted to her. "It must have been nice to have someone else to play with as a child."

Amanda shrugged. "Yes and no. It's nice having an older brother—don't get me wrong—but there are times that you just simply want to kill each other and hope no one will find the body and pin anything on you."

I let out a hearty laugh and smiled as she laughed as well, glad that I could make her laugh. She had such a beautiful laugh, and I knew that no matter what happened tonight, I was asking her out on another date in the future. It felt nice to be able to have someone and know that no matter what happened, there was someone out there that I could make feel better. She smiled up at me with those beautiful lips as I set the plates down in front of her and grabbed the scotch, and just when I thought the night couldn't get any better, she went and made the whole evening perfect.

"I love haggis." She told me.

I smiled at her. "You, Amanda Steeples, are the perfect woman."

She blushed a brilliant shade of crimson. "That is quite the compliment, Scotty."

I nodded and sat down after pouring her a glass. "I couldn't have given it to anyone more deserving than you, Mandy."

I knew that I had already come up with a nickname for her and I really couldn't help it—I adored her.

****

**Kirk's POV**

"Help yourself to the replicator." Devon told me, getting up from her workstation reluctantly and going over to sit on her couch.

I smiled. "I think I will thank you."

Devon nodded and then smiled. "Just don't burn the ship down."

I truly loved it when Devon let me pick what we were going to eat. It showed me that not only did she trust me enough to let me pick our dinner, but it showed me that our relationship was based on partially what I wanted. To be fair I really couldn't doubt _that_ part—I'd gotten a lot of things that I had wanted out of this relationship…in fact I'd _gotten_ this relationship. Sometimes I was still amazed that Devon had decided to let me in, because for a long while I thought I was just going after something I would never have—and it wouldn't be the first time I'd done that.

"After dinner I was thinking that maybe…you could stay over here tonight if you wanted to." Devon told me with a shrug.

I looked over at her as I made my way to the replicator. "Wait…what?"

Devon nodded. "I figured the next step would be you sleeping over here."

I smiled. "But I thought that would be completely unprofessional."

At first I had found it completely strange that I was so attracted to such a logical woman—many times I _still_ found it strange—but Devon was one of a kind. Our relationship had started off with her deep loathing of me, and now she tolerated me in the absolute best way. I really don't know what I would have done had Devon _not_ finally let me in and given me a chance with her. This frustratingly rational, highly intelligent, adorably abrasive woman was mine—and all mine.

To be fair, I was still jealous of Spock from time to time—and not just of what he had that I wanted so badly. Spock had a family: he had a loving wife that he somehow managed to fall for in the first place—not that falling for Lily was actually hard for him—and now he had a daughter to look after and teach…and he had Devon's undivided attention. I knew that the two of them were the best of friends really, and romantically I had nothing to worry about between them, but sometimes I still felt a little threatened by how much Spock and Devon had in common. Lily kept trying to tell me over and over again that I was just overreacting, and that Devon was my girlfriend and Spock and Devon simply shared an intellectual bond, but I was only human, and sometimes I got jealous.

"We can get up early, and it's not like no one knows that we're seeing each other. Besides, we hump like rabbits—not like we can't simply sleep in the same room overnight." Devon said with a laugh.

I smiled. "I'd like to stay overnight, actually. Steak sound good to you."

Devon shrugged. "I guess I'll eat it."

I laughed. "Steak it is then."

She smiled at me and I found myself suddenly feeling very, very happy. I couldn't help but grin back and then replicate our food, delighted that Devon and I were doing so well with our relationship. Even though we never actually sat down and talked about feelings, and I didn't know too much about her past, the two of us were moving forward brilliantly. So I set the food down in front of her and she gave me a look as I stared at her, waiting for her to take a bite. I hadn't realized how much she really hated eating in front of people, but it was funny that it worked her up so much.

"I'm taking a bite while you're staring at me, Jim." Devon told me firmly.

I smiled and stuck a piece of steak in my mouth still looking at her. "Oh no?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Want me to take back the invitation to sleep here?"

I laughed and looked at my plate. "I adore you Dev."

"I adore you too." She replied.

****

**Spock's POV**

I was rather worried when Lily began to think about funerals and death. There were no specifics that I could read right then and there, but it had me heading to Sick Bay. I knew that she had a check-up with McCoy this particular day, and I was worried beyond belief about my wife and daughter. It had quickly come to my attention in the last two weeks, that a large part of being a father was worrying all the time about almost every little thing—mentally it was exhausting.

_You are still in Sick Bay aren't you, __**Adun'a**__?_ I asked her lovingly in our minds.

_Yes I am, __**Adun**__._ She responded. _I feel flattered you've begun to call me that—it's so very Vulcan of you._

I nodded and then I got into the lift and tried desperately not to physically look so jittery, but as she thought more and more about funerals, I got more and more desperate to know what was going on. I got out of the lift and nodded to Nurse Chapel, Janet coming to greet me, McCoy nowhere to be seen and Lily by herself on a medical cot looking rather dismal. Janet looked in my eyes and I had a sneaking suspicion that she could see the panic in my eyes, and tried to compose myself. I took a deep internal breath and looked Janet in the eye—she was the closest to me and so my questions would have to be directed to her.

"Where is Serena?" I asked her as calmly as I could.

Janet shrugged. "I drop kicked her out of the airlock."

I raised an eyebrow. "You drop kicked my daughter out of an airlock?"

"I just felt so bad for her because over these last couple weeks she has started to look more and more like you so…I put the poor girl out of her misery." Janet told me with a shrug and then rolled her eyes. "Your daughter is fine. I'm only here to nudge Leonard along, who is in the office with Serena. Do you really think I'd drop-kick your daughter out of an airlock?"

I wanted to be upset with her for putting me through that when something traumatic was going on, but from the look on Lily's face and McCoy's, I knew that Janet hadn't been informed of whatever was going on. So I took Serena from McCoy, which I normally wouldn't do in public, but I was her father, and Lily seemed tired. However, Serena was in discomfort and wanted her mother, so I handed her over and watched Lily as she tried to calm the baby girl down. Since I had to wait until we got to the confines of our quarters to inquire as to who was dying, I kept my mouth shut and watch her.

Lily smiled at me. "All in due time, _T'hy'la_…I promise."

I nodded, wishing that I could smile at her to let her know how much I appreciated that she had looked up Vulcan things on her own. I had never thought that I would ever marry a human—let alone a half Betazoid—and yet she tried desperately to fit into my Vulcan world. Even with her absolute embrace of her emotions, Lily had been trying more and more to put Serena and me first, and I appreciated it more than she knew. And as I looked at her holding our now quiet daughter in her arms, I found myself wishing we were alone so I could express my gratitude for my family.

_Again, all in due time __**T'hy'la**__._ She told me in my head as she smiled up at me after kissing Serena's forehead. _Leo has a tricorder scan to do and then he'll let us go back to our quarters with Serena._

I nodded. _I would very much like to be informed as to our current situation._

_I will explain everything when we get into the confines of our own space and Serena goes down for some sleep so I can truly express my own feelings on the subject._ She said.

_I can feel your pain and I wish to ease it._ I replied.

She smiled at me and then she started to engage McCoy in conversation as he scanned her for the results of the injection he had given her. Then she thanked him and the three of us headed to our quarters and Lily started to feed Serena. I smiled a little as Serena seemed to calm down, and then when Lily was down breastfeeding, she burped Serena, and then kissed her forehead, let me do the same, and set Serena into her crib. I looked at her and took her hand, shivering pleasantly when she kissed my fingertips softly.

"What is happening?" I asked her.

"Well _T'hy'la_…my father is dying." Lily replied.

****

**Bones' POV**

I laughed ever so softly at the fact that Lily had called Spock '_T'hy'la_', even though I found it to be adorable in almost every way. She was so madly in love with him that she had taken to trying to learn Vulcan to please him and remind him why he fell in love with her in the first place. I knew that I was biased because she was one of my precious little sisters, but Spock was lucky to have her—just as Chekov was lucky to have Megan. My sisters had given up so much to merge their lives with the men that they loved so much, and I really wanted them to have their happy families.

"Hey…what's up, Leonard?" Janet asked me.

I gave her a reassuring smile. "Let's just go eat dinner with Megan and Chekov, shall we?"

She nodded at me. "Of course…but will you tell me soon?"

I tried to smile a little more. "You'll know soon, I promise Janet."

Janet seemed reassured enough by that and grasped my hand, both of us heading into the lift. I had half the mind to just push the 'stop' button right then and there, but I decided to go ahead and put my horniness on the back burner for now. I would only be asking for it because I was upset anyway, and that was in no way at all fair to my Janet. Janet would recognize right away that I wasn't really into it for her in the first place, and then she'd feel like she really did have to make me feel better, which would in turn make me even more guilty.

I was more upset about my father than I even knew how to begin to explain. Megan, Lily and I had been avoiding him like the plague practically, and then all of a sudden Mom calls and explains that Dad is dying. How could my father be dying? And what was he dying of? I had just completely practically cured a Betazoid cancer, so I could cure this too, couldn't I? All I had to do was get my ass to Earth and then get myself into a lab that would have the tools that I needed to figure out whatever disease it was that my father had…I owed him that much.

Then there was the fact that I still had yet to tell Megan about it all and she deserved to know since Lily and I did. Our father—our flesh and blood—was currently on Earth with his wife, mine and Megan's mother, and wasting away. And what were we doing? We were playing house and having dinners, and being carefree while the man that helped create us was probably lying in pain and wondering where we were. What kind of doctor was I anyway that I would put my personal life before my father? I had to get to Earth as soon as possible—and my sisters had to come with me.

"Leonard? You look really upset." Janet told me.

"I am a little upset, Janet, but I need to tell Megan." I replied.

She nodded slowly. "I can respect that."

"I know you can, and I appreciate that more than you know." I told her with a swift kiss.

Janet returned the kiss lovingly and then the two of us got out of the lift and headed down the corridor. I really had no idea how I was going to break it to Megan, but I knew that as the more fragile one of the three of us McCoy children, it was going to take some gentle breaking of the news. As soon as Megan found out about it, it was only going to be a matter of time before the poor girl broke down and then started to freak about plans to get to Earth. Megan was always the last to know, which made Lily and I feel bad every time, but we always had to figure out how in the world to break the news to her when she took everything so personally and had to help everyone no matter what—Megan was a such a beautiful human being.

"There you are, Bonesy!" Megan exclaimed, coming over and kissing my cheek swiftly. "Guess what? Pav replicated pizza."

"Have you tried it yet?" I asked her with a laugh.

Megan shook her head as she grinned. "Of course not—we were waiting for you two."

"Well then I suppose we should eat." I replied.

I knew that I had to break the news sometime, but I just didn't think now was the best time. After dinner…I'd break the news to her after dinner. That way she was fed and she was more ready to take on the news in a way that wouldn't put her completely and utterly over the edge of emotion. I love her…and she deserved to know that our father had very little time to live.

**Note: Okay so next chapter is very much the main plot of going to Earth to see what's up with Daddy McCoy and will have its normal three parts, and not necessarily three POVs, but if you all want Bones, Megan and Lily to have one of each of those POVs next chapter, let me know. =D Oh, and the Vulcan words I used in here are real Vulcan words. Adun means husband, Adun'a means wife and T'hy'la means lover/soulmate/companion. Just so you know. =P**


	54. Earth Bound

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**OMG how long has it been?**

**I am soooooo sorry!**

**You will see a lot more updates of this from me soon.**

**And finally back to not that many POVs.**

**I just wanted to test things out and give everyone their own little thing.**

**Now it's mostly about the McCoy's and their father's condition.**

**Leona's around a little too, and there are only two POVs.**

**=P**

****

**Lillian's POV**

Spock seemed a little more into the whole cuddling thing than he normally was when I explained to him that my father was dying. It seemed to me that if Leonard's cure didn't work, then I would be without _both_ of my biological parents shortly. The thought of my parents passing onto the next life was starting to make me incredibly sad, and through our link Spock understood and had me lay down on the bed. I complied and he removed his tunic and went to hover over me, kissing me softly and stroking my hair.

Honestly neither of us had gotten a chance to be this loving without a fuss from Serena in a while—Serena hadn't been on a regular sleep pattern, and when she actually _was_ sleeping, I was trying to pass out from my thorough exhaustion. Spock was practically perfect these days when it came to knowing what I needed, and though I was still sore below the belt, he knew how to make my body hum regardless. His lips moved along mine softly and he rested himself against me and I smiled.

"Taluhk nash-veh." Spock whispered, and he nuzzled my nose and rested his forehead against mine. _It means, 'I cherish thee' in Vulcan…like 'I love you'._

I smiled. _For some reason talking in our minds is so much more entertaining in the same room…though not entirely logical I don't think._

_It certainly is—this way, we do not wake Serena._ Spock replied.

_You're happy. Every time you talk about Serena I feel a swell of pride._ I told him happily.

I couldn't help but feel like I had picked perfectly whenever Spock and I had moments like this. We tried our hardest not to fight these days because we had Serena to look after—Serena whom Spock was already bonded to. He was protective, proud and nurturing—everything a father should be. I stroked his hair and kissed him again, pushing on him ever so slightly as I was already warm, and his added Vulcan body heat was making me a little hotter in the _not_ sexual way. Sometimes his slightly elevated body temperature had its downsides, and right now was one of them even though he was now hovering over me with his hands planted on the bed perfectly.

_I apologize, T'hy'la._ Spock told me reverently in my mind.

I smiled and shook my head. _You have nothing to apologize for—you cannot control the temperature of your body._

I silenced him when he started to protest about how it was his fault he wasn't aware of my needs and wants, and I adjusted the temperature in the room and had him spoon me so that both of us would get the warmth or somewhat lack thereof that we needed without making Serena uncomfortable. It was a lot easier for Spock and I to cope than it was for our tiny daughter, and just the cuddling made the night that much more perfect. Serena slept, I slept—Spock even slept. In the morning, however, it wasn't so perfect when I realized in the middle of feeding Serena that I would have to separate Spock from his new pride and joy when Leonard, Megan and I left that morning.

"What is this about leaving with Serena?" Spock asked me, coming out of the bathroom straightening his tunic.

"Serena has to come with me while you remain here on the ship with Jim who needs you for the graveyard shifts this week." I replied, handing Serena over to him to be burped while I gathered the rest of my things and fixed my clothes. "It's only a couple weeks, Spock."

Spock actually looked disappointed. "I believe that the Enterprise will serve as a much safer environment than the shuttle you will be traveling to Earth in, _Adun'a_."

"I know that you're going to miss her, but the most logical place for her to be is with me." I responded, reaching out to take Serena back after she burped, but Spock wouldn't hand her over.

I knew that Spock was incredibly attached to his daughter and the way that she responded to the Vulcan he spoke to her sometimes at night while trying to put her to sleep in her crib, but she had to come with me. I wasn't trying to stake my claim on her or separate her from her father on purpose—Spock had simply promised Jim to stay behind, and Serena needed me. She was only two weeks old and I was the only one who could do certain things for her, no matter how sweet it was for Spock to want to look after her while I was visiting my dying father.

I stepped up closer to Spock, who was still holding Serena to him. "I love you, _Adun_, I do, and I'd leave her here with you if I could, but I cannot."

"I am more than capable of protecting her while you are gone." Spock told me.

"I never said that you weren't!" I exclaimed and rested my hands on his hips. "Baby, that's not what I meant."

"I am simply trying to understand why I must be separated from my offspring for a duration of two weeks." Spock inquired.

I smiled. "Well if you have it all under control then I suppose that there's nothing more to discuss. You can change her and play with her and breastfeed her, so there's really no need for me, I suppose."

Spock swallowed and nodded, aware that he was going to have to hand Serena over so that I could take her on the shuttle with me. If he could breastfeed her I was certain by the look in his eyes that he would, just so he wouldn't have to part with her. He'd only been able to hold her and see her for two weeks, and for him it just wasn't enough time. I reached out to try and take her from him again, but he was still unrelenting—this wasn't going to be easy. It reminded me of those movies where one of the characters was going to let someone borrow money, but the minute the other person's fingers were on that bill, the first person didn't want to let it go.

"Spock, I have to get to Sick Bay so you're going to have to hand her over." I told him as he looked down at Serena fondly. "She loves you too."

Spock nodded and handed her to me. "I will see you both off on the shuttle."

"Honestly I expect nothing less." I told him, looking at Serena as she looked up at both of us with wide and anticipating eyes. "She probably thinks we're both rather insane."

"Possibly." Spock replied with a slight smile, and then he wiped it off of his face as we began to make our way out of our quarters.

****

**Megan's POV**

I knew that they had only been trying to ease me into the whole thing about Dad dying, but I really did think that by now I would be considered a big girl. Pavel had been helping me work through the news the night before and I was thankful for that—especially thankful that he was so understanding about the 'McCoy Kids Family Vacation'. Lily had already decided we could dub it that after I said it and Leonard found it strange, but let me call it that anyway. It was rather miraculous actually that suddenly none of us were mad about what he'd done to Lily anymore—not when she'd forgiven him and told us to do the same.

Honestly I was not in the least bit surprised that Spock came with Lily and Serena down into the Shuttle Bay. Pavel had escorted me and Janet had come with Leonard, and Spock was more attached to his little girl than either Janet or Pavel were attached to me and Leonard. Normally the half-Vulcan was a little more in control of the emotions that his eyes were showing, but he was being separated from the two things he had grown the most accustomed to. On the bridge of the Enterprise I knew he'd be completely and utterly on top of things and in control, but here amongst family, he was about to show a moment of love.

"Stay safe." Spock told Lily, stroking Serena's head softly.

Lily nodded and held her two fingers up for him. "You too, _Adun_…I love you. I'd try and be all Vulcan but I can't pronounce that phrase you used earlier—not yet."

Spock smiled ever so slightly and then pressed his two fingers to hers and Leonard sighed loudly, making me smack him in the stomach a little. Janet kissed him and told him to be nice but not _too_ nice, and Pavel kissed me as well, Leonard and I heading for the shuttle as Spock stealthily snuck a kiss to Serena's forehead—well he tried to be stealthy at least, I caught him. Leonard made a noise again which made me smack him in the stomach again but this time he spoke up.

"Will you kiss my sister already you constipated, Hobgoblin?" Leonard called out.

"Leonard McCoy!" I chastised.

He shot me a look as Lily shot him one. "Well thank you very much for the full name calling…mother."

"You deserved it for giving the poor guy such a rough time." I replied and went to sit in the pilot's chair.

Originally Amanda was going to pilot the shuttle, but since I was already leaving, Scotty rather desperately wanted Janet _and_ Amanda to stay behind…just in case. I turned around as Lily boarded with Serena _and_ Leona, and Leonard looked uneasy. In fact I was a little uneasy about Leona joining us on this trip as well, and though Serena seemed pleased and like she knew her grandmother, Lily was unsettled as well but accommodating.

"I know it's odd, everyone." Leona explained as she settled herself into one of the chairs. "I just figure that if David is planning on leaving and I may be dying still too, we might as well have one last chat face to face before the end."

I nodded. "I don't doubt that you may feel that need—I don't even doubt that you may have that right—but what about _my_ mother? How is she going to feel having you there when you're the reason hers and Dad's marriage never _entirely_ got back on track?"

"Megan!" Leonard scolded. "You know that Leona isn't wholly to blame for that!"

"It's quite all right, Leonard—I'm quite aware that my presence might be disrupting and I'm sorry that it's that way. I just hope that the three of you can understand that David and I need to discuss some things before heading off into the afterlife. He and I had a past—whether we should have had one or not—and I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to know exactly why Lilybean was always told I didn't care." Leona said, and she knew she'd caught Leonard's and Lily's attention.

I was just trying to stay calm and not blurt anything out again because I was supposed to be the sweet one that was kind of a pushover. It had always been that way and I had accepted that as the role I was supposed to play, but for some reason I just couldn't get behind Leona's reasons for going. She and Dad had a fling once and it resulted in a baby before I was even _thought_ of being conceived, but I worried about Mom. As close as Mom was to Lily, having Leona there to vie for Lily's _and_ Dad's attention was going to probably be more than she could take.

Thinking about Mom like that though as I started the shuttle and began to fly it out of the Shuttle Bay, I realized that I was giving Mom way too _little_ credit. My mother was the bravest and most respectful woman that I knew, and was too madly in love with her husband and too pregnant with their third child to leave him—even for such a large indiscretion. She was one of the most forgiving people that I knew, and if Leona wanted to say her 'goodbyes' and wanted to get to know her biological daughter, than Mom would oblige with a smile on her face. I wouldn't call her 'passive aggressive' exactly, but she was better than some petty woman who would pick a fight with the hussy that slept with her husband.

"I practically had to pry Serena out of Spock's hands today." Lily told us all with a laugh. "I'm actually rather grateful that he's so attached to her."

"You glad you had a daughter then, Lily? I know how much you were banking on a boy just in case Spock up and decided to push you away again." Leonard explained as he got out his tricorder to scan Leona, Lily and Serena while he was here on the shuttle stuck with them and nothing to do.

Lily smiled. "To be fair, _I_ pushed _him_ away the most, so you can't really blame him for any of it. Also…I wouldn't trade in my baby girl for anything in the world."

"Good—because I love the little tyke." Leonard replied and made a face at Serena who smiled at his silliness. "Hootchie-Cootchie-Wootchie-Woo."

I laughed and smiled at the four of them as I put the shuttle on autopilot and turned my chair completely to face them. Glances here and there worked all well and good, but I wanted to be a little bit more part of this small family reunion. In fact as I thought about it, everyone that was coming together was related by blood—except for Leona to Leonard and me and Mom, and then Mom to Lily and Serena. Amazingly enough, the one person who had wedged the wedge between us was the one person who was bringing us all together now…Dad.

"You look contemplative, Meg." Lily told me as she looked up at me and smiled.

I shrugged a little, putting on my 'happy' face. "I was just wondering how we were all going to get through this. I mean he's our father, Lil…our flesh and blood. If he dies, then that's just part of our heritage dropping away from us and never coming back. I know he's done some crappy things and we all need answers…but shouldn't we be celebrating all the good times?"

"Of course we should." Lily replied. "I say we simply focus on how much we love him, and help Leonard find the cure as soon as possible."

"Agreed." Leona and Leonard said at once, both of them smiling at each other—this reunion was really going to be something else.

****

**Lillian's POV**

Megan honestly was one of the best pilots that I ever could have asked to have on such an occasion as this. Actually, I would have really rather there not be a reason to go to Earth on an occasion like this, but there had been absolutely no choice this time. Our father was dying and it was our duty as his children to see him and besides—I had brought along the granddaughter that Mommy and Dad had known would come, but hadn't seen at all yet…at least Dad hadn't seen her. Even with our lack of communication with Dad these days, Mommy always seemed to know what was going on and why, when, where and how…she was certainly _not_ going to be punished for what Dad had done.

Mommy had always made it a point to be honest with us and close to us, and so we had all decided that it was only fair that we show her the same kind of love and respect. She had seen Serena through a transmission I'd sent her, and though I'm sure she'd done the sweet thing and showed Dad, he would have known it wasn't the same thing. We all felt bad for shutting him out but at least he knew that he deserved it…that made it even more painful for us to keep feuding with him. Mommy kept him in line better than absolutely anyone could, and for that reason, I knew that he was in good hands and since she loved him and he loved her…she was in good hands these days too.

It took us a good four and a half days to _get_ to Earth, and the moment we got into orbit, the calmness in the shuttle had raged back up to a nervous hum. Leonard had begun pacing, Megan was starting to spout things off randomly, Leona was talking out loud in long, low strings of random phrases, I was biting my nails a little and even Serena seemed to be nervous and fussy. I could handle the fussiness just fine, but it was the fact that all of our stomachs were churning with the thoughts of what awaited us when we stepped into that house, that we all had to focus on something other than Dad and his illness that we still knew nothing about except for it's deadly intentions.

"How do you think that Spock has handled all of this?" Leonard asked me as we headed down the street towards our house.

I glanced at him as Serena slept in the pouch on my front. "He has been rather restless, but he is handling it like any pure, respectful Vulcan."

"So he's hiding his emotions under logic and annoying professionalism?" Leonard asked me with a chuckle.

"I find his logic and professionalism quite attractive, thank you very much." I told my brother as I laughed. "But yes…that's how he's dealing with it all."

Leonard nodded. "Well I expect nothing else from a father…even if he _is_ a half-Vulcan, Hobgoblin."

I elbowed Leonard softly in the ribs but laughed with him, stopping with Megan and Leona as we reached the door of our house. We'd waved at our neighbors and reveled in how fabulous Mrs. Hughes' garden looked these days, and now it was time to finally face the music. Right behind the doors laid our father, dying, and our mother was probably waiting on him hand and foot. That or it had gotten so bad since we'd been gone that the house-call medic wasn't enough—that would mean that Dad was in the hospital instead of in his own bed where he'd rather die. Dad was actually quite particular about several things, and where he died was definitely one of them—he'd been talking to Megan, Leonard and I about where to bury him since we were old enough to understand.

Come to think of it, our father had actually _never_ been in completely perfect health for years and years out of his life. He got sick often but it never lasted for very long, so as children we'd simply come to accept it and never questioned him when he wasn't feeling very well. I had never once thought that maybe _that_ was why Mommy had stayed with him after his indiscretion with my mother, but I learned later on that love makes you do some really stupid things sometimes. If Spock ever cheated on me he'd be on hi own with no visitation rights to his daughter until I calmed down and saw fit, and I was so glad I didn't have to ever worry about that.

It wasn't that Spock wasn't attractive enough or intelligent enough to draw the attention of suitable women who would gladly take him from me, nor was it because I was just too amazing for him to stray—it was because he was loyal and marriage was sacred to him. He hadn't simply married me because I was having his child—he tried to make that very clear to me several, several times—he had married me because he loved me and he wanted to officially make me his _Adun'a._ Not shaming our child was part of it, I was always going to be aware of and thankful for his want to have Serena welcomed into the Vulcan society with minimal fuss. My point was: Mommy was stronger in that moment with me on her doorstep than I would _ever_ be…that much I was fairly certain of right then.

"Well…this is it you three, are you ready?" Leonard asked us. "Or are you _four_ ready?"

I laughed a little at the addition of Serena. "We're as ready as we're ever going to be."

Leonard nodded and knocked on the door, all of us smiling and greeting Mommy as she answered the door and smiled at us all warmly—even Leona. I knew that she would be a rather generous person about it whether that was how she was feeling inside or not, and it was just one more thing that I admired her for. She had taught us to be a certain way and to follow certain ideals and have certain morals, and she had all of those ideals and morals as well—she wasn't simply teaching us things to be polite. With hugs and quick usher inside, she headed into the kitchen to make us all some tea as she sat down in the living room, watching her head over to us with the tray.

"That baby of yours is getting big, Lily!" She exclaimed, setting the tray down on the coffee table and coming over to sit next to me on the couch as Megan and Leona both went for some tea.

I smiled. "She certainly is. Would you like to hold her?"

"Of course I'd like to hold my grandbaby." She replied, and I got Serena out of her snuggly and handed her over to her grandmother.

"Mom? Not to ruin the moment but…where is Dad?" Leonard asked her.

It was just like Leonard not to beat around the bush and though thankful that he could get that ball rolling, we all had a feeling the glitter of happiness in her eyes was something that hadn't happened in a while. She kissed Serena's forehead as Serena came to and looked at the woman she'd only seen once, assessing whether or not she should cry for her mother before Mommy looked at Leonard. Serena seemed content enough until the eye contact was gone for too long, and Mommy handed her over as Megan began to show how much she too wanted to know where Dad was. As happy as we were to see the woman who spent part of her life raising us, we wanted to see our father before he passed on…and Leonard was still holding out to find a cure.

"He's upstairs. He refuses to be moved to a hospital, the stubborn old goat." She told us.

Leonard nodded. "Well then I think it's about time you told me a bit about the disease so that I can cure it."

Mommy smiled at him sadly. "Sweetheart, I don't think this is one of the times where one of your miracles will work…he's in a lot of pain and he only has a couple of days left."

Leonard swallowed. "They are my _miracles_, Mom."

"Well…let's go up and see your father, shall we?" She asked us and motioned for all of us, even Leona, to follow her as she headed for the stairs with sadness in her eyes.

**Note: Sorry that took so long for me to get out! But it's out! And the next chapter will show some McCoys, as well as what's happening on the Enterprise! And did Bones' magic cure for Pallitosis work?**


	55. Ends and Beginnings

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I AM SO SORRY!**

**So here is an update and if I get at least 5 reviews another update will be close to follow: gotta make sure you guys are even still reading.**

**I apologize for the mistakes in this chapter too—I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday morning (I started writing this chapter yesterday) and I'm a little…out of it so sorry.**

**But I had ideas and decided to write them down.**

**So here you go!**

****

**Spock's POV**

I found myself missing my wife and my daughter very much, but I wasn't letting it get to me while I was on duty. Lily's and my bond was enough for now, and I could feel her so I was certain she and Serena were safe. On my end, there wasn't much to do, and so I was feeling rather bored, and was thinking about times that Lily and I had spent together before Serena. We both felt that our lives were much more enriched now that Serena was here, but there were still times when I remembered rather amusing memories of how erratic Lily's behavior had been when Serena was still in her stomach—it made me feel even more lucky to have my wife mostly back to normal.

"_Spock?" Lily asked me, and it was rather pained._

_I grunted slightly and turned over, stroking her hair and holding onto her. All through her pregnancy, Lily had been having some rather uncomfortable nights, and I tried to help her, by holding her and letting her know that everything was all right. She smiled a little, cold, and I snuggled up against her and kissed her head, both of us falling back asleep. This time however, I woke up to my body hitting the floor of our quarters hard, and I was instantly awake, Lily letting out a strangled groan._

"_You're too hot." She murmured._

_I looked at her from my perch on the ground. "Beg your pardon?"_

"_You're too hot." She repeated, waving her hands and pushing the top blanket off of her. "It's a heat flash and I cannot sleep next to you right now, I'm sorry. Your elevated body temperature is making me uncomfortable. Sleep on the couch."_

"_Lily, I apologize." I told her._

_She opened her eyes and looked up at me, a sad smile on her face. "It's not entirely your fault so you don't have to apologize…you just have to sleep on the couch."_

_I nodded and grabbed the top blanket and my pillow, setting myself up on the couch and wishing I could do something other than this to ease her discomfort. I was willing to do whatever it took to make her feel more comfortable, but at the same time I wished there was __**more**__ I could do. She was the one carrying our child, and since I couldn't do __**that**__ for her, I wished there was something other than the occasional massage I could ease her pain with._

"_Hey, Spock?" She asked me, and I turned my head to look at her from the couch and she smiled at me. "I love you."_

_I smiled back. "I love you too."_

I looked up as the door to my quarters beeped and nodded at Jim when the doors slid open to reveal him. He didn't look like he was looking for me for work purposes, and though I didn't want to turn him away, I was sure I should be giving him advice. If the advice was about his relationship with Devon then it was Lily's department and not mine, but he was my best friend…I really didn't know what to do. So, I let him sit down on the couch, and he glanced over at the crib, let out a sigh, and I had to cock my eyebrow because his behavior was rather erratic—even for Jim.

"I came here looking for advice, but you have to be missing your girls." Jim told me, putting his head in his hands. "I just don't know what to do. I feel like my persistence is messing a whole bunch of things up, Spock."

I nodded slowly. "Missing them does not interfere with my capability to function. What is it in particular that you are in need of counsel for?"

Jim looked up at me and took a deep breath. "I am horny beyond belief, Spock—yes, I know that isn't your area of expertise, it's Bones', but you and Devon are very similar, and I wanna get a sense of what she's feeling from you."

I put my hands behind my back. "Jim, I am afraid that I have no idea what Devon is feeling right now…but I am fairly certain that she is very attracted and attached to you."

Jim sighed again and buried his face in his hands once more, which made me take a breath myself. There were probably more straight forward questions that he wanted to ask me, but he was holding back, and part of me felt flattered. It was kind of calming knowing that Jim thought so highly of my opinion on the Devon matter—even if it was only because Devon and I had logic in common. Devon was not seeking advice because she didn't find it fitting to discuss her relationship with the _captain_ with anyone…but Jim needed the advice because he desperately wanted to please her.

"I just…what if she will never love me, Spock?" Jim asked me suddenly. "I know that she adores me, and I adore her, but I _love_ her, and she can't say it back. I don't want to force her into it, but I feel like I'm being selfish to hold onto her if I can't be what she wants…I'm not good enough for her, am I?"

I sat down next to Jim and looked at him. "I do not get this involved in other people's ordeals, but since you asked as a friend…"

Jim nodded and then smiled. "Thank you, Spock."

I took a breath and continued. "I think that you have to show Devon in a more straightforward way that she means more to you than you're letting on. Let her know it isn't an entirely physical relationship, but don't upset her by being over emotional. You need to give her a taste of logic…the desire will come on its own."

"It seems to me that Lily obtained you a lot easier…but in that situation you were simply a man." Jim told me, and though at first I took offense, I nodded in agreement.

Lily really didn't understand just how much I _was_ hers, and just how much she'd pushed all the right buttons. I hadn't been aware it was happening until it had happened—it all just started out as intrigue, and then my lust shamefully overpowered me. Now, though, I was quite aware that love was one of the strongest things there was, even though I had never really understood that. I knew my mother would be very proud that I had found a woman like Lily…that I now believed in love…and I knew that my father understood it, so it no longer shamed me.

"Just talk to her, Jim." I told him.

Jim nodded and stood up. "I will—without being overly emotional and giving a speech about love, right?"

I smiled a little. "Precisely."

****

**Lillian's POV**

My father was definitely dying, and it hurt to see him lying there with his eyes closed, hooked up to a life support machine. Every single child he had fathered had been blessed with his stubbornness, and I was feeling a little upset with Mom for not taking him to the goddamn hospital anyway. Her look over at me as Leona gazed at Dad lovingly made me realize that she was rather onto how I was feeling, and rather uncomfortable that Dad's mistress was there and upset Dad was dying too. My family was completely and utterly messed up beyond repair…I was glad Leonard, Megan and I had such a tight relationship because this I couldn't handle.

"The doctors have no idea how to cure this disease, and so he wanted to finish out his time at home." Mom explained. "I have some of your stuff in your home laboratory set up downstairs, Leonard."

"Thanks, Mom—I'm going to need a blood sample." Leonard told her, and as Mom nodded and the two of them set to talking about what it was that needed to be done, Megan broke down and I wrapped my free arm around my baby sister as she cried, wishing there was something more I could do for her then just stand there and hold her—there was nothing I could say to make it better and we both knew it.

Megan took a deep breath. "This is one of the worst things that could happen to us."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah it is."

"And to think, Lilybean—if Leonard's cure for you doesn't work, then you're losing _both_ of your biological parents. I'm so sorry." Megan told me.

I nodded again and held her tightly to me, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head as I felt Spock's love for me through our bond. He could still feel me even though I was all the way on Earth, and though there was nothing verbal between us, I could feel that he was trying to ease my emotional pain. Spock and Serena were honestly the best things that had ever happened to me, and I wished suddenly that Serena had the kind of sibling bond that I had—but I didn't want another baby anytime soon…maybe when Spock went through Pon Farr again.

"Do you remember the last time we were with Dad as a family?" Megan asked me.

I smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, I remember…it's when Janet actually had to interact with Joanna for longer than 20 minutes."

_I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had been to an amusement park, but I was certainly looking forward to this trip. The entire family was together, and Dad wanted to wish Leonard off on a happy voyage, and he was beyond ecstatic that Megan and I were that much closer to being graduated from the academy. He really couldn't have wished for three better children—his words not ours—and to celebrate we were all going to pig out and go on rides. It was also Leonard's turn with Joanna, seeing as how his ex-wife had things to do this weekend and Joanna loved to see her father since she very rarely got to due to the custody arrangements._

"_Can we go on a roller coaster, Daddy?" Joanna asked Leonard as she looked up at him and squeezed his hand._

_She had just turned seven and was interested in practically everything that Megan and I were interested in, and just barely reached the height requirement for the roller coaster. Ever since her birthday last week she'd been excited to get to finally ride on the 'big kid' rides, and Megan and I were more than happy to indulge her—Janet too. Leonard was not a fan of roller coasters in the slightest, so his mental and physical struggle itself had Janet, Megan and I in fits of giggles as Joanna pulled her 'puppy-dog-eyes' card and Leonard found himself looking at me._

"_Aunt Lily and Aunt Megan will take you on a rollercoaster." Leonard finally replied. "They look like they want to go on it."_

_Joanna frowned. "But I wanted __**you**__ to take me, Daddy."_

_Leonard nodded and shrugged. "Life is full of little disappointments, Joanna. Daddy doesn't __**like**__ roller coasters, but he wants you to get to go on one if you want to."_

"_All right, fine." Joanna told him with a soft sigh, turning to Megan and me. "Can you take me on the rollercoaster Aunt Megan?"_

"_We're actually going to meet up with Mom and Dad at the concession stand, but Janet will take you on it." Megan replied as I nodded._

_Janet beamed at her. "Come on, Joanna—lets go and ride till we puke."_

"_Sounds like fun!" Joanna exclaimed, grasping Janet's hand and dragging her towards the ride._

_Leonard let out a puff of relief and Megan and I giggled some more and dragged our brother towards the concession stand to where Mom and Dad were buying massive amounts of food. Megan hurried to them first, but Leonard and I took our sweet time, both of us trying to enjoy the little amount of time that we had left together before he was off to serve. I was proud of him, but he was my big brother and I was going to miss him more than he was even aware of…even if he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in to kiss my head. Leonard McCoy knew a lot of things about me, but he would never understand how much he meant to me._

Megan let out a chuckle. "It's another reason why Janet and Bonesy are so perfect for each other—she accepts his daughter."

"And Joanna accepts her—accepts her a lot more than she accepts me and I am after all related to her by blood." I said with a laugh. "But you? You're her favorite."

"I'm old enough to be her older sister." Megan said with a laugh, and then she wiped her eyes and looked back at Dad. "I really do think that we're too late, Lilybean."

I took a deep breath. "Me too, Meglet…me too."

I squeezed Megan's hand as the two of us stood there, and then kissed the top of Serena's head. Dad was suffering, and a few days on Earth Leonard was finally ready to make the hardest decision that any of us had ever made—take Dad off of life support. Leonard had hit a dead end and it was better to let Dad go than it was to prolong his suffering, and so with tearful goodbyes, we all held onto each other, and said 'goodbye' to David McCoy.

****

**Devon's POV**

I was starting to feel a little like Jim was starting to pull away from me and I didn't know why I felt so bad about it. I was pretty certain beforehand that I would be able to get along just fine if James T. Kirk moved on with his life, but I actually missed his company. The man was persistent, yes, but he was commanding, funny, sweet, intelligent, and he infuriated me in a way that I liked. At first, yes, I could say that I loathed everything about him, but now I didn't…now I felt quite the opposite but didn't know how to tell him.

I knew that Jim was nothing like Colin, and nothing like my other crushes from school, but at the same time I was afraid to lose him. I would never admit that to anyone because my pride wouldn't let me, but it was becoming more and more clear to me that Jim was very dear to me, and I needed to let him know before I lost him. For now, I was focusing on my work, and Jim seemed happy enough, but if I didn't get my act together, soon he wouldn't even be mine anymore, and I'd be upset…but still able to do my job.

I got up to go to my door as it signaled that someone wanted to come in, and I smiled a little at Jim until I noticed his panic and determination. Right then Scotty had the bridge while Amanda and Janet ran engineering, all of us rather surprised that there was nothing going on—that we hadn't been attacked yet. From what I had been hearing from the crew, I had actually expected us to be under attack by now as well, but so far we were being left alone. As much as part of me was glad for the silence, the other part of me was rather itching for some action.

"Come on in, Jim." I told him, shutting the doors behind him as he came in and started pacing. "Are you all right?"

"Give me a moment, Devon—I'm trying to come up with the right words." He explained, and then he went back to pacing.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, all right…just let me turn off my work console, all right?"

Jim simply nodded at me and suddenly I was reminded of the earlier times…reminded of my persistent captain and how mean I used to be to him.

"_Don't even think about ordering me…Captain." I added as he raised an eyebrow at me._

"_Why would you want to stay down here?" Kirk asked me._

"_Because I am determined to figure out what is going around here—this was my home, Captain…and I want to help." I replied._

_Kirk smirked a little and nodded, and I rolled my eyes—smirking was so not going to get him anywhere with me. I turned to look over the beast's body again and sighed, heading out of the cabin. There were small traces of blood around I noticed as I checked my tricorder, and I pointed them out to Kirk when he came to stand next to me. Come to think of it…he was __**way**__ too close to me right that second._

"_Get down!" Kirk yelled as firing started._

_He pulled me down on the ground, his body landing against mine. I let out an 'oof', and then looked at him as he looked down at me. What the Hell was wrong with him? Why the Hell did he think it was __**his**__ job to save __**me**__? __**HE**__ WAS THE FUCKING CAPTAIN! It was __**my**__ job to protect __**him**__._

_Then I saw it as the firing ceased—Kirk was leaning down. Was he going to __**kiss**__ me?! Hell no! Hell no! I shook my head vigorously as his lips came closer to my face, turning my head to the side and closing my eyes, praying to God he didn't touch me with his mouth. I let out a soft sigh of relief as I felt his body getting off of mine, and when he held out his hand I refused it and stood up on my own. I was a big girl…I didn't need his chivalry._

"_What the Hell did you think you were doing?" I asked him._

_Kirk cleared his throat. "I didn't actually mean to try and ki—"_

"—_I meant what the Hell did you think you were doing trying to save me?! I can take care of myself!" I told him, adding, "Captain."_

"_I just saved your life." Kirk protested._

"_But you're the captain! __**I'm**__ the expendable one!" I protested. "Let's just find this thing—and kindly do not touch me again."_

_I stalked off ahead of him with the tricorder, trying desperately to focus on finding the being—and not of Kirk and his attraction to me. Oh shit…what if he was checking out my ass right now?_

"Jim? Can I say something before you get it all out there?" I asked him suddenly, almost wishing I hadn't when he looked up at me startled.

He nodded though. "Yeah, of course."

I took a deep breath and walked over to him, looking him in the eye. "You don't know how glad I am that you didn't for one second give up on getting me. I know I wasn't very enthusiastic when it was happening…but I'm glad I'm with you."

Jim smiled at me brightly and pulled me in for a kiss, and I felt the need and the want pour through it and surprisingly I wanted to match his need and his want with my own. I hadn't actually said the words yet that I knew he wanted to hear, but I could give him the next best thing—actual sex. The poor guy was so incredibly horny and for me he had put it off for so long, and I appreciated that he was so willing to do that for me. Now that I was pretty much completely emotionally attached to him, knew it was time to give the former skirt chaser what he was so used to getting out of 'relationships'.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked me as I tugged up on the bottom of his tunic.

I smiled at him and our eyes met. "I'm giving you what you deserve…unless you'd rather not…"

Jim grinned and cupped my face with his hands. "You're positive that _you_ want to, Dev?"

I nodded and pulled his tunic off over his head. "I'm sure, Jim."

Jim kissed me one more time and we backed up towards the bed, all terror that was once on his face now erased. Surprisingly there was no better feeling in the world, than Jim's hands running along my body…and I knew I was that much more attached to him.

**Note: Next chapter is a time jump and I warn you now, it's fluffy/smutty—I wanted to make up for the whole it's been a long time and this chapter is sad thing. Also you may have noticed that Bones' father's name changed…that's because I've been looking him up cause I've seen his name three different ways. Most common and the one on the site? David. So I said his name four times, and changed it in those three chapters, lol. And yes, I brought in Bones' daughter cause he has one from his divorce, and yes, Bones' mother is alive in my story even though in the show it says she died when he was young. I DID see the show, I just have my own spin and by now you guys are aware of that. Anyway…review and fluff comes that much faster. =P**


	56. VERY IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE****:**

_**Hey guys.**_

_**I have some bad news…**_

_**So last night my laptop died…and I haven't backed it up for two months.**_

_**What does that mean?**_

_**That means I have lost a whole lot.**_

_**That means I have no new updates and probably won't for a while.**_

_**I'm on my mother's computer right now and I don't know when I'm gonna get my laptop fixed or when I'm gonna get my documents back.**_

_**They think that since it's a driver/hardware problem they can fix it and recover my stuff.**_

_**We'll see.**_

_**Mom and I have fixing it on the highest priority—we're trying to get it done by Tuesday, but I don't know.**_

_**For those of you that don't know, I am going to Pennsylvania bright and early on the 22**__**nd**__**, and won't be back until the 28**__**th**__**.**_

_**However we also just got a new place and will be moving in there when I get back and I won't have Internet access until a week after that…or longer depending on how severe this laptop problem is.**_

_***makes a not happy face***_

_**I just wanted to let you guys know that it could be a while before I get anything updated at all and I'm kind of really messed up over it.**_

_**I seriously HATE losing documents.**_

_**I apologize that you guys have to wait forever again.**_

_**I love you all for your support of me.**_

**Kyla aka Pyro**


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